Write an essay about 250 words to express your own idea on the following topic: In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this. Give reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

Write an essay about 250 words to express your own idea on the following topic:
In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this. Give reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

Contemporarily, accomplishing high school ascertains that the youngsters have been equipped and enhanced their traits and abilities properly. Notwithstanding, amongst hypothetical attainments, it’s remarking a significant question of how well those young adults can get into swing of life things. On account of that, that blank can be filled by practical experiences…
Initially, young people and those who are eighteen-year-old, and considered to have insufficient involvement in social activities and, with likelihood, disorientation, and vulnerability. This prospect can account for the drastically increasing number of those who are asserting their erroneous decisions on their occupations, when they make arrangements depending preferentially on their scholastic knowledge. To partially repel and cope with the contingency, the proposal of stimulating young adults to definite their proficiencies has been initiated and referred to as a rewarding option for ones being in the gap between high school and university. On a side, engaging in a job or setting up trips can effortlessly be called time-consuming, extravagance, or even things for irresponsible people. They can intervene in the progress of preparation for the leap forward and then lay foundation to a melancholic and pessimistic vision of Society and life. Nonetheless, it seems that the drawbacks are being overwhelmed by the outcomes and benefits. Attending and being in workplaces with customaries and regulations, youngsters may find out whether their Strengths can make them capable of the jobs, the covered value of money, and simultaneously learn soft skills and strike up acquaintanceship. Travelling to different aspects of the country or the world, youngsters should acquire knowledge about divergent cultures. There were studies and surveys conducted to figure out what significance travelling carries and differences it makes to the youngsters. Surprisingly, it's far from what we predict. In most cases, young people who tend to hit the road frequently claim that travelling helps them think outside the box, build confidence, and adapt to globalization. Therefore, working and travelling are instruments to the youngsters’ well-being, independence of lifestyle and a comprehensive view of their surroundings…
In general, young people may be unaware of the enormous gap between high school and university on their approaching and hardships, but they can bridge the gap by applying themselves to social activities and fulfill their lacking with practical experiences and hands-on acquisitions.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Contemporarily" -> "Currently"
   Explanation: "Contemporarily" is an archaic and less commonly used term. "Currently" is more straightforward and appropriate for modern academic writing.

2. "ascertains that the youngsters have been equipped and enhanced their traits and abilities properly" -> "ensures that young people have developed their skills and abilities effectively"
   Explanation: "Ascertain" is somewhat formal but less precise in this context. "Ensure" is more direct and appropriate for academic writing. Also, "youngsters" is informal; "young people" is more formal and inclusive.

3. "remarkable a significant question" -> "raises a significant question"
   Explanation: "Remarkable" is incorrectly used here; "raises" is the correct verb to indicate the introduction of a question or issue.

4. "get into swing of life things" -> "adjust to life’s challenges"
   Explanation: "Get into swing of life things" is an informal and unclear phrase. "Adjust to life’s challenges" is more precise and formal.

5. "blank can be filled" -> "gap can be addressed"
   Explanation: "Blank" is vague and informal; "gap" is the correct term for a deficiency or lack. "Addressed" is more formal than "filled."

6. "young people and those who are eighteen-year-old" -> "young adults aged 18"
   Explanation: "Eighteen-year-old" is redundant and informal. "Young adults aged 18" is concise and formal.

7. "asserting their erroneous decisions" -> "making misguided decisions"
   Explanation: "Asserting" is incorrect in this context; "making" is the correct verb for the action of decision-making. "Erroneous" is also somewhat informal; "misguided" is more appropriate in academic writing.

8. "definite their proficiencies" -> "determine their strengths"
   Explanation: "Definite" is not the correct term here; "determine" is the correct verb for identifying or deciding on something. "Proficiencies" is also less common and slightly awkward; "strengths" is more straightforward and commonly used.

9. "engage in a job or setting up trips" -> "take up employment or embark on trips"
   Explanation: "Setting up trips" is unclear and informal. "Take up employment" and "embark on trips" are more precise and formal.

10. "effortlessly be called time-consuming, extravagance, or even things for irresponsible people" -> "could be considered time-consuming, extravagant, or even irresponsible"
    Explanation: "Effortlessly be called" is awkward and informal. "Could be considered" is more appropriate and formal.

11. "lay foundation to a melancholic and pessimistic vision of Society and life" -> "lay the foundation for a melancholic and pessimistic view of society and life"
    Explanation: "Lay foundation to" is grammatically incorrect; "lay the foundation for" is the correct phrase. Also, "Society" should be lowercase as it is a general term.

12. "Attending and being in workplaces" -> "working in workplaces"
    Explanation: "Attending and being in" is redundant; "working in" is more concise and appropriate for formal writing.

13. "covered value of money" -> "financial value"
    Explanation: "Covered value of money" is unclear and awkward. "Financial value" is a standard term in academic and formal contexts.

14. "strike up acquaintanceship" -> "form acquaintanceships"
    Explanation: "Strike up acquaintanceship" is informal and incorrect. "Form acquaintanceships" is the correct phrase.

15. "Surprisingly, it’s far from what we predict" -> "Surprisingly, it diverges significantly from our predictions"
    Explanation: "It’s" is too informal for academic writing; "it diverges significantly from our predictions" is more formal and precise.

16. "hit the road frequently claim" -> "frequently claim to travel"
    Explanation: "Hit the road" is informal and colloquial; "travel" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.

17. "fulfill their lacking with practical experiences and hands-on acquisitions" -> "address their deficiencies through practical experiences and hands-on learning"
    Explanation: "Fulfill their lacking" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Address their deficiencies through practical experiences and hands-on learning" is grammatically correct and more formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of young people working or traveling after high school. The author discusses the potential for gaining practical experience and developing soft skills as advantages, while also mentioning the drawbacks of time consumption and potential irresponsibility. However, the exploration of disadvantages is less developed compared to the advantages, which could leave the reader wanting more depth in that area. For instance, the mention of "time-consuming" and "extravagance" is vague and lacks specific examples or elaboration.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should provide more concrete examples of disadvantages, such as specific scenarios where young people might struggle due to a lack of academic preparation. Additionally, balancing the discussion by providing equal depth for both sides would strengthen the overall argument.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that the advantages of working or traveling outweigh the disadvantages. This is evident in the concluding remarks that emphasize the benefits of practical experiences. However, the initial paragraphs introduce a somewhat convoluted discussion that may confuse readers about the author’s stance. Phrases like "the drawbacks are being overwhelmed by the outcomes" could be clearer.
  • How to improve: The author should aim for a more straightforward thesis statement early in the essay, clearly stating their position. Consistently reinforcing this position throughout the essay with clear transitions and summarizing points would help maintain clarity.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the development of soft skills and cultural awareness through travel. However, some ideas are not fully extended or supported. For example, the mention of studies on the benefits of traveling is intriguing but lacks specific details or references that would lend credibility to the argument.
  • How to improve: To improve, the author should provide specific examples or data to support their claims. For instance, citing a particular study or providing a personal anecdote about the impact of travel or work experiences would make the arguments more compelling.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the implications of working or traveling for young people. However, there are moments where the language becomes overly complex or abstract, which can detract from the main focus. Phrases like "the covered value of money" and "melancholic and pessimistic vision of Society" may confuse readers and stray from the central argument.
  • How to improve: Simplifying language and ensuring that each sentence directly relates to the main topic will help maintain focus. The author should also avoid overly complex constructions that could obscure the main points being made.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a clear position, it would benefit from more balanced exploration of both advantages and disadvantages, clearer supporting details, and a more straightforward writing style.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and followed by body paragraphs discussing both advantages and disadvantages. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition between discussing the disadvantages and advantages is somewhat abrupt, which may confuse the reader. The introduction mentions "practical experiences," but the connection to the advantages of working or traveling is not explicitly made until later in the essay.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to signal what the paragraph will discuss. Additionally, ensure that transitions between paragraphs are smooth; phrases like "On the other hand" or "Conversely" can help guide the reader through contrasting points.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the discussion. However, some paragraphs are overly long and contain multiple ideas that could be better separated. For example, the paragraph discussing the disadvantages combines several points about time consumption and irresponsibility, which could be clearer if split into two distinct paragraphs.
  • How to improve: Aim for one main idea per paragraph. This can be achieved by identifying the key point of each paragraph and ensuring that all sentences within that paragraph support that point. Consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller ones to enhance readability and clarity.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "notwithstanding" and "on account of that," which help connect ideas. However, there is a tendency to rely on a limited range of cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel repetitive. For instance, phrases like "on a side" and "nonetheless" are used, but there are opportunities to incorporate more varied connectors.
  • How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, practice using synonyms and alternative phrases for common connectors. For example, instead of repeatedly using "nonetheless," consider alternatives like "however," "despite this," or "in contrast." Additionally, incorporating more pronouns and referencing previous ideas can help create smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve greater clarity and coherence, potentially raising its band score in the Coherence and Cohesion criteria.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with terms like "contemporarily," "accomplishing," "disorientation," and "extravagance." These choices reflect an attempt to employ sophisticated language. However, some phrases appear forced or awkward, such as "the youngsters have been equipped and enhanced their traits," which could be simplified for clarity.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary usage, aim for natural expressions. For instance, instead of "accomplishing high school," consider "completing high school." Additionally, incorporating synonyms or varied phrases for common terms (like "young people") can further diversify the vocabulary.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay includes some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, "the drastically increasing number of those who are asserting their erroneous decisions" could be more clearly stated as "the increasing number of young people making poor career choices." The phrase "time-consuming, extravagance, or even things for irresponsible people" lacks clarity and specificity.
  • How to improve: Focus on clarity by choosing words that convey the intended meaning more directly. For example, instead of "intervene in the progress of preparation," use "hinder preparation." Regularly reviewing vocabulary in context can help ensure that word choices align with their meanings.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with only a few minor errors. However, words like "customaries" (which should be "customs") and "acquaintanceship" (a less common term) may confuse readers.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After writing, take a break before reviewing your work to catch errors more effectively. Additionally, using spell-check tools or apps can help identify mistakes before submission.

In summary, while the essay achieves a Band 7 for Lexical Resource, focusing on natural expression, precise vocabulary, and careful proofreading can elevate the writing further.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as complex sentences ("Notwithstanding, amongst hypothetical attainments, it’s remarking a significant question of how well those young adults can get into swing of life things.") and compound sentences ("In general, young people may be unaware of the enormous gap between high school and university on their approaching and hardships, but they can bridge the gap by applying themselves to social activities…"). However, the overall range is limited, and many sentences are convoluted or awkwardly phrased, which detracts from clarity. For instance, phrases like "the youngsters have been equipped and enhanced their traits and abilities properly" could be simplified for better readability.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more simple and compound sentences alongside the complex ones. Practice using various sentence starters and transitions to create a smoother flow. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "young people," try varying the subject or using introductory phrases. Additionally, breaking down overly complex sentences into clearer, more straightforward statements can enhance understanding.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, "eighteen-year-old, and considered to have insufficient involvement" has a misplaced comma, and "the proposal of stimulating young adults to definite their proficiencies" uses "definite" incorrectly; it should be "define." Furthermore, the use of articles is inconsistent, as seen in "the youngsters" versus "young people." These errors can lead to confusion and disrupt the reader’s comprehension.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, focus on reviewing basic grammar rules, particularly concerning subject-verb agreement and article usage. Regular practice with grammar exercises can help solidify these concepts. Additionally, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors—such as misplaced commas and run-on sentences—can improve clarity. Reading the essay aloud can also help identify awkward phrasing and grammatical mistakes, allowing for revisions that enhance overall accuracy.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

**Improved Essay:**

Currently, completing high school ensures that young people have developed their skills and abilities effectively. However, amidst these theoretical achievements, it raises a significant question about how well these young adults can adjust to life’s challenges. In this context, practical experiences can fill that gap.

Initially, young adults aged 18 are often considered to have insufficient involvement in social activities, which can lead to disorientation and vulnerability. This situation may contribute to the increasing number of individuals making misguided decisions regarding their careers, as they often rely solely on their academic knowledge. To address this issue, the idea of encouraging young adults to determine their strengths through practical experiences has emerged as a rewarding option for those in the gap between high school and university.

On one hand, engaging in work or embarking on trips could be considered time-consuming, extravagant, or even irresponsible. These activities may interfere with their preparation for the next academic step and could lay the foundation for a melancholic and pessimistic view of society and life. Nonetheless, the benefits often outweigh these drawbacks. By working in workplaces with established customs and regulations, young people can discover whether their strengths align with potential job opportunities, gain financial value, and simultaneously learn soft skills and form acquaintanceships.

Traveling to various parts of the country or the world allows young people to acquire knowledge about diverse cultures. Studies have shown that traveling significantly impacts young adults. Surprisingly, it diverges significantly from our predictions; many who frequently claim to travel find that it helps them think outside the box, build confidence, and adapt to globalization.

In conclusion, while young people may initially be unaware of the substantial gap between high school and university, they can effectively bridge this gap by engaging in social activities and addressing their deficiencies through practical experiences and hands-on learning.