Write an essay of about 350 words on the following topic. Some people believe that developments in the field of artificial intelligence will have a positive impact on our lives in the near future. Others, by contrast, are worried that we are not prepared for a world in which computers are more intelligent than humans. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reasons and relevant examples to support your answer.

Write an essay of about 350 words on the following topic.
Some people believe that developments in the field of artificial intelligence will have a positive impact on our lives in the near future. Others, by contrast, are worried that we are not prepared for a world in which computers are more intelligent than humans.
Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Give reasons and relevant examples to support your answer.

The technological advancement of AI has yielded significant advantages for productivity of numerous aspects. However, some concern that the massive presence of robots could replicate human labors. In this essay, I will explore both perspectives, and introduce a balancing approach for a promising development.

Admittedly, there are some compelling reasons why some individuals concern about the world where AI is more intelligent than humans. Firstly, there has been a growing phenomenon of relying AI labours rather human thanks to its productivity and efficiency. To exemplify, computers have made significant contribution to manufacture vehicles, which assists businesses without much inaccuracy and levies in huge lot to raise their revenues. Consequently, it may lead to little demand for human labours. Secondly, the excessive reliance on AI could hinder people from operating their creativity. For example, there is an increasing presence that translates or ideas creates abide AI to generate texts and content, which results in homogenization of perspectives.

Conversely, opponents of AI claim that the utilization of AI could bring about horrendous impacts on various aspects of our life. First and foremost, the governments may harness robots to replace human in extreme environment to seek predication for future’s world. It not only contributes to ensure the safety of human but also helps lead to accelerate results. In addition, it is apparent that robots have played such a crucial role in supporting women to finish domestic chores. The innovation of intelligent appliances such as vacuum, ‘dish washer’ and household robots have alleviated ‘rival’ pressure on doing housework. Thanks to it, they may put emphasis on imposing personal development, ultimately lead to holistic development for the world.

In conclusion, each perspective has its own valuable sights. While AI may pose threats to human labors, it also yields positive benefits to our life. It is advisable for human to strike a balance between utilizing AI and operating human labors to avoid a world dominated by robots.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "The technological advancement of AI" -> "The technological advancements of artificial intelligence"
   Explanation: "Advancements" is a plural noun that should be used with "of" to correctly refer to multiple advancements, and "artificial intelligence" is the more precise term in academic contexts.

2. "yielded significant advantages for productivity of numerous aspects" -> "has yielded significant advantages in various aspects of productivity"
   Explanation: "Has yielded" corrects the verb tense to match the present perfect tense used in the sentence. "In various aspects of productivity" clarifies the scope of the benefits, making the phrase more specific and formal.

3. "some concern that the massive presence of robots could replicate human labors" -> "some argue that the widespread presence of robots could replicate human labor"
   Explanation: "Argue" is more specific and appropriate than "concern," which is vague and informal. "Widespread" is more precise than "massive," and "labor" should be singular to match the singular subject "robots."

4. "there has been a growing phenomenon of relying AI labours" -> "there has been a growing phenomenon of relying on AI labor"
   Explanation: "On" is the correct preposition for indicating reliance, and "labor" should be singular to match the singular subject "AI."

5. "computers have made significant contribution to manufacture vehicles" -> "computers have made significant contributions to manufacturing vehicles"
   Explanation: "Contributions" should be plural to match the plural subject "computers," and "manufacturing" is the correct gerund form.

6. "assists businesses without much inaccuracy and levies in huge lot to raise their revenues" -> "assists businesses with minimal inaccuracy and reduces costs significantly to increase their revenues"
   Explanation: "With minimal inaccuracy" corrects the phrase to indicate the absence of errors, and "reduces costs significantly" is more precise and formal than "levies in huge lot."

7. "little demand for human labours" -> "limited demand for human labor"
   Explanation: "Limited" is more formal and precise than "little," and "labor" should be singular to match the singular subject "human."

8. "the governments may harness robots to replace human in extreme environment" -> "governments may deploy robots in extreme environments to replace humans"
   Explanation: "Deploy" is more specific and formal than "harness," and "environments" should be plural to match the plural subject "robots."

9. "to seek predication for future’s world" -> "to predict the future"
   Explanation: "To predict the future" is more direct and academically appropriate than "to seek predication for future’s world," which is awkward and unclear.

10. "it not only contributes to ensure the safety of human but also helps lead to accelerate results" -> "it not only contributes to ensuring human safety but also helps accelerate results"
    Explanation: "Ensuring human safety" corrects the grammatical error and enhances clarity, and "accelerate" should not be modified by "to" in this context.

11. "household robots have alleviated ‘rival’ pressure on doing housework" -> "household robots have alleviated the pressure of doing household chores"
    Explanation: "The pressure of doing household chores" corrects the awkward and incorrect "rival pressure on doing housework."

12. "Thanks to it, they may put emphasis on imposing personal development, ultimately lead to holistic development for the world." -> "Thanks to this, they may focus on personal development, ultimately leading to holistic development globally"
    Explanation: "Focus on" is more precise than "put emphasis on," and "leading to" corrects the verb form. "Globally" is more appropriate than "for the world," which is too broad and informal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding the impact of artificial intelligence (AI) on our lives, which is a key requirement of the prompt. However, the exploration of the opposing viewpoints lacks depth. For instance, while the essay mentions concerns about job loss and creativity, it does not adequately elaborate on the potential benefits of AI, such as improved efficiency or innovation in various fields. The conclusion attempts to summarize both sides but does not clearly articulate the writer’s own opinion, which is also part of the task.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that both perspectives are explored in greater detail. Each view should be supported with specific examples and explanations. Additionally, the writer should clearly state their own opinion in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion to provide a more cohesive argument.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat unclear position. While it mentions a "balancing approach," it does not explicitly state the writer’s own opinion until the conclusion. This can confuse readers about the writer’s stance. The introduction hints at a balanced view but lacks a definitive position, making it difficult to follow the argument throughout the essay.
  • How to improve: The writer should clearly state their position in the introduction and maintain that stance throughout the essay. Using phrases like "In my opinion" or "I believe" can help clarify the writer’s viewpoint. Additionally, reinforcing this position with supporting arguments in each paragraph will enhance clarity.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but does not extend or support them sufficiently. For example, the mention of AI’s role in manufacturing is a good start, but it lacks further elaboration on how this impacts the workforce or economy. Similarly, the discussion on creativity is introduced but not fully developed with examples or implications. The arguments feel somewhat superficial and could benefit from deeper analysis.
  • How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point made. This can be achieved by providing more detailed examples, statistics, or real-world applications of AI. Each paragraph should ideally start with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting details that extend the argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the implications of AI. However, there are moments where the focus shifts, such as the mention of "holistic development for the world," which feels tangential and could confuse the reader about the main argument. The use of phrases like "rival pressure" is also unclear and detracts from the main topic.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every sentence contributes directly to the argument being made. Avoiding vague or unrelated statements will help keep the essay on track. It may also be beneficial to outline the main points before writing to ensure coherence and relevance throughout the essay.

In summary, to improve the essay’s band score, the writer should aim for a more balanced exploration of both perspectives, clearly state their position, provide deeper support for their ideas, and maintain a focused argument throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally organizes information in a logical manner, presenting both sides of the argument before concluding with a balanced viewpoint. The introduction sets the stage by mentioning the advantages of AI and the concerns associated with it. The body paragraphs are dedicated to discussing each perspective in detail, with the first paragraph focusing on the concerns and the second on the benefits. The conclusion effectively summarizes the discussion and offers a balanced opinion. However, there are instances where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For example, the transition between discussing the reliance on AI for labor and the potential loss of creativity could be more seamless.
  • How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, consider using clearer topic sentences and transition phrases that explicitly connect ideas. For instance, when moving from the discussion of AI’s impact on labor to its effect on creativity, a phrase like "Moreover, beyond the labor market, AI’s influence extends to human creativity" could help. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and develops it fully before moving on to the next can improve coherence.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate different points of discussion, which is a good practice. Each paragraph has a clear focus: the first body paragraph discusses the concerns about AI, while the second addresses the benefits. However, some paragraphs could be better structured. For instance, the first body paragraph introduces two distinct concerns (reliance on AI for labor and the impact on creativity) but does not fully develop each point before moving on to the next.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that all sentences within the paragraph support that main idea. If a paragraph introduces multiple points, consider breaking it into smaller paragraphs to allow for more detailed development of each point. For example, separate the discussion on AI’s impact on labor from its impact on creativity to provide more focused and thorough explanations.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a range of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "To exemplify," "Consequently," "Conversely," and "In conclusion," which help to guide the reader through the argument. These devices are generally used effectively to link ideas within and between paragraphs. However, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices could be more varied and precise. For example, the phrase "there is an increasing presence that translates or ideas creates abide AI" is awkward and could be clarified with better cohesion.
  • How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "Firstly" and "Secondly," try alternatives like "To begin with," "Moreover," or "In addition." Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used accurately to enhance clarity. For example, rephrase the awkward sentence to something like "AI is increasingly being used to translate texts and generate content, which can lead to a homogenization of perspectives." This not only improves cohesion but also clarity.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a good level of coherence and cohesion, but there is room for improvement in the logical organization of ideas, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices. By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "technological advancement," "productivity," and "homogenization." However, there are instances where the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive or lacks sophistication. For example, phrases like "massive presence of robots" and "human labors" could be expressed more variably.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or related phrases. Instead of "massive presence," you might say "ubiquitous presence" or "pervasive influence." Additionally, varying the term "human labors" with alternatives like "human workforce" or "human employment" can enrich the text.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "relying AI labours rather human" is unclear and grammatically incorrect; it should be "relying on AI labor rather than humans." Additionally, "levies in huge lot" is awkward and imprecise; it could be rephrased to "result in significant savings."
  • How to improve: Focus on ensuring that phrases are grammatically correct and convey the intended meaning clearly. Proofreading for clarity and correctness is essential. Consider using tools like thesauruses or vocabulary-building apps to find more precise terms that fit the context better.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "labors" (should be "labor" in American English), "predication" (should be "predictions"), and "dish washer" (should be "dishwasher"). These errors can detract from the overall quality of the writing.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, regular practice is recommended. Keeping a list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them can be beneficial. Additionally, utilizing spell-check tools when drafting essays can help catch errors before submission. Reading extensively can also enhance spelling skills by familiarizing oneself with correct forms.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents both sides of the argument, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of introductory phrases like "Admittedly" and "Conversely" helps to signal shifts in argument. However, the overall range is limited, with many sentences following a similar structure. For example, the sentence "Firstly, there has been a growing phenomenon of relying AI labours rather human thanks to its productivity and efficiency" is somewhat awkward and could be restructured for clarity.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences with subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "the excessive reliance on AI could hinder people from operating their creativity," you could say, "While the excessive reliance on AI may enhance efficiency, it could simultaneously hinder individuals from exercising their creativity." Additionally, varying the placement of clauses can add interest and complexity to the writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For example, "some concern that the massive presence of robots could replicate human labors" should be "some are concerned that the massive presence of robots could replicate human labor." Additionally, phrases like "thanks to its productivity and efficiency" lack clarity because it is unclear what "its" refers to. There are also issues with article usage, such as "the world where AI is more intelligent than humans," which could be improved to "a world where AI is more intelligent than humans."
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. Practicing sentence correction exercises can help identify common errors. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly for commas and conjunctions, will improve the overall flow of the essay. Reading aloud can also help identify awkward phrasing and grammatical mistakes.

Overall, while the essay presents relevant ideas and arguments, improving the variety of sentence structures and enhancing grammatical accuracy will contribute to a higher band score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria.

Bài sửa mẫu

The technological advancements of AI have yielded significant advantages for the productivity of numerous aspects. However, some are concerned that the massive presence of robots could replicate human labor. In this essay, I will explore both perspectives and introduce a balanced approach for promising development.

Admittedly, there are some compelling reasons why some individuals are concerned about a world where AI is more intelligent than humans. Firstly, there has been a growing phenomenon of relying on AI labor rather than human labor, thanks to its productivity and efficiency. To exemplify, computers have made significant contributions to manufacturing vehicles, which assists businesses with minimal inaccuracy and reduces costs significantly to increase their revenues. Consequently, it may lead to limited demand for human labor. Secondly, the excessive reliance on AI could hinder people from exercising their creativity. For example, there is an increasing trend of using AI to translate or generate ideas, which results in the homogenization of perspectives.

Conversely, opponents of AI claim that the utilization of AI could bring about horrendous impacts on various aspects of our lives. First and foremost, governments may deploy robots in extreme environments to replace humans to predict the future. It not only contributes to ensuring human safety but also helps accelerate results. In addition, it is apparent that robots have played a crucial role in supporting individuals to finish domestic chores. The innovation of intelligent appliances such as vacuum cleaners, dishwashers, and household robots has alleviated the pressure of doing housework. Thanks to this, people may focus on personal development, ultimately leading to holistic development globally.

In conclusion, each perspective has its own valuable insights. While AI may pose threats to human labor, it also yields positive benefits for our lives. It is advisable for humans to strike a balance between utilizing AI and maintaining human labor to avoid a world dominated by robots.