WRITING TASK 1. You should spend about 20 minutes on this task The chart below shows the results of a survey about people’s coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities. Write a paragraph of at least 150 words reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

WRITING
TASK 1. You should spend about 20 minutes on this task

The chart below shows the results of a survey about people’s coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities.

Write a paragraph of at least 150 words reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The given bar graph demonstrates the percentage of people using coffee and tea with three main purposes in different parts of Australia, namely, Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, Adelaide, and Hobart.

Overall, it is transparent that the highest number of people consuming coffee and tea are spent going to a cafe for coffee or tea in the last 4 weeks while this lowest figure has purposed for buy fresh coffee in the last 4 weeks. Additionally, it was noticed that the proportion of people buying instant coffee in the last 4 weeks was higher than those which had people going to café for coffee or tea in the last 4 weeks.

Firstly, regarding the largest number of people using this product for need which went to a cafe for coffee or tea in last 4 weeks. In Melbourne, about 64% of city residents use it which was the biggest of five Australian cities. By contrast, this figure's lowest belonged to Adelaide, making up roughly a half. Also, the figure follows that in Hobart, Sydney, and Brisbane, accounting for about 63%, 61%, and 55% respectively. In contrast, the lowest percentage of people using this product is for bought fresh coffee in the last 4 weeks, and in Brisbane, with the figure smallest at about 35%. Besides the highest percentage number of citizens using it in Sydney, with roughly 45%. Finally, three cities are Melbourne, Adelaide, and Hobart which made up about 44%, 35%, and 39% respectively.

About the purpose people used this product for bought instant coffee in last 4 weeks, there is the highest percentage number of people consumption belonged to Hobart, with about 55%. By contrast, this figure lowest made up about 45%. Finally, three cities are Brisbane, Adelaide, and Melbourne which accounted for about 53%, 50%, and 46% respectively.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "the given bar graph demonstrates" -> "the provided bar graph illustrates"
   Explanation: "Provided" is a more formal alternative to "given," and "illustrates" is a more precise term than "demonstrates" in this context.

2. "it is transparent that" -> "it is evident that"
   Explanation: "Evident" is a more academically appropriate term than "transparent," which can be vague and informal.

3. "the highest number of people consuming coffee and tea are spent going to a cafe" -> "the highest percentage of individuals consuming coffee and tea is attributed to visits to a café"
   Explanation: "Percentage" is more precise than "number," and "is attributed to" clarifies the relationship. "Café" is the correct spelling in formal contexts.

4. "while this lowest figure has purposed for buy fresh coffee" -> "while the lowest figure is associated with purchasing fresh coffee"
   Explanation: "Associated with" is more formal and precise than "purposed for," and "purchasing" is more appropriate than "buy" in academic writing.

5. "the proportion of people buying instant coffee in the last 4 weeks was higher than those which had people going to café" -> "the proportion of individuals purchasing instant coffee in the last four weeks was higher than that of those visiting cafés"
   Explanation: "Individuals" is more formal than "people," and "purchasing" is more precise than "buying." "That of those visiting cafés" clarifies the comparison.

6. "regarding the largest number of people using this product for need which went to a cafe" -> "regarding the largest proportion of individuals utilizing this product for the purpose of visiting a café"
   Explanation: "Proportion" is more precise than "number," and "utilizing" is a more formal alternative to "using." "For the purpose of" clarifies intent.

7. "this figure’s lowest belonged to Adelaide" -> "the lowest figure was recorded in Adelaide"
   Explanation: "Recorded in" is clearer and more formal than "belonged to."

8. "making up roughly a half" -> "constituting approximately half"
   Explanation: "Constituting" is more formal than "making up," and "approximately" is more precise than "roughly."

9. "the lowest percentage of people using this product is for bought fresh coffee" -> "the lowest percentage of individuals utilizing this product is associated with purchasing fresh coffee"
   Explanation: "Utilizing" is more formal than "using," and "associated with" clarifies the relationship.

10. "with the figure smallest at about 35%" -> "with the smallest figure at approximately 35%"
    Explanation: "Smallest figure" is a clearer phrase than "figure smallest," and "approximately" is more formal than "about."

11. "the highest percentage number of citizens using it in Sydney" -> "the highest percentage of individuals utilizing it in Sydney"
    Explanation: "Percentage of individuals" is more precise than "percentage number of citizens," and "utilizing" is more formal.

12. "three cities are Melbourne, Adelaide, and Hobart which made up about 44%, 35%, and 39% respectively" -> "the three cities, Melbourne, Adelaide, and Hobart, accounted for approximately 44%, 35%, and 39%, respectively"
    Explanation: "Accounted for" is more formal than "made up," and the structure is clearer.

13. "the purpose people used this product for bought instant coffee" -> "the purpose for which individuals utilized this product was to purchase instant coffee"
    Explanation: This rephrasing clarifies the intent and maintains a formal tone.

14. "there is the highest percentage number of people consumption belonged to Hobart" -> "the highest percentage of individuals consuming this product was recorded in Hobart"
    Explanation: "Recorded in" is clearer and more formal than "belonged to," and "consuming this product" is more precise.

15. "this figure lowest made up about 45%" -> "the lowest figure was approximately 45%"
    Explanation: "The lowest figure was" is clearer and more formal than "this figure lowest made up."

16. "Finally, three cities are Brisbane, Adelaide, and Melbourne which accounted for about 53%, 50%, and 46% respectively" -> "Finally, the three cities, Brisbane, Adelaide, and Melbourne, accounted for approximately 53%, 50%, and 46%, respectively"
    Explanation: This revision clarifies the structure and maintains formality.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task, but it does not cover all key features/bullet points. The essay provides a general overview of the data, but it does not present a clear overview of the main trends or differences. The essay also presents some key features/bullet points, but it does not adequately cover them. For example, the essay states that the highest number of people consuming coffee and tea are spent going to a cafe for coffee or tea in the last 4 weeks, but it does not provide any specific data to support this claim.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends and differences in the data. The essay could also be improved by providing more specific data to support the claims made. For example, the essay could state that the highest percentage of people who went to a cafe for coffee or tea in the last 4 weeks was in Melbourne, at 64%. The essay could also provide more detailed information about the differences between the cities. For example, the essay could state that the percentage of people who bought fresh coffee in the last 4 weeks was significantly lower in Brisbane than in Sydney.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization; however, there are significant issues with overall progression and clarity. While it attempts to describe the data, the logical flow is often disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear comparisons. The use of cohesive devices is inconsistent, leading to confusion in the relationships between ideas. For example, phrases like "the lowest figure has purposed for buy fresh coffee" are unclear and hinder understanding. Additionally, paragraphing is present but not always logical, as the structure does not clearly delineate different aspects of the data being discussed.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on clearer topic sentences for each paragraph that directly relate to the data being presented. Improving the use of cohesive devices—ensuring they are used appropriately and effectively—will also help in creating smoother transitions between ideas. Furthermore, simplifying sentence structures and avoiding overly complex phrases will enhance clarity. Finally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear focus and logical progression will improve the overall organization of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey the main features of the data, the vocabulary used is often repetitive and lacks sophistication. There are noticeable errors in word choice and collocation, such as "the highest number of people consuming coffee and tea are spent going to a cafe," which creates confusion. Additionally, spelling and grammatical issues, such as "this lowest figure has purposed for buy fresh coffee," detract from the clarity of the message. Overall, while the essay communicates some information, the lexical resource is insufficient for a higher band score.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider variety of vocabulary, particularly less common lexical items relevant to the topic. Additionally, focusing on correct collocations and improving grammatical accuracy will help convey ideas more clearly. Reading more academic texts or sample essays can provide exposure to sophisticated vocabulary and phrasing that can be utilized in future writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily using simple sentences with some attempts at complex forms. However, there are frequent grammatical errors, particularly with verb forms and sentence construction, which can cause difficulty for the reader. For instance, phrases like "the highest number of people consuming coffee and tea are spent going to a cafe" and "the lowest figure has purposed for buy fresh coffee" indicate issues with verb tense and word choice. The punctuation is also inconsistent, leading to unclear sentences. Overall, while the essay attempts to convey information, the grammatical inaccuracies hinder effective communication.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

1. Sentence Variety: Incorporate a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences to demonstrate a wider range of structures.
2. Grammar Practice: Review and practice verb tenses and subject-verb agreement to reduce errors.
3. Punctuation: Pay attention to punctuation rules to improve clarity and coherence in writing.
4. Proofreading: Allocate time to revise the essay for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing before submission.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given bar graph demonstrates the percentage of people using coffee and tea for three main purposes in different parts of Australia, namely Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, Adelaide, and Hobart.

Overall, it is clear that the highest number of people consuming coffee and tea did so by visiting a café in the last four weeks, while the lowest figure was for purchasing fresh coffee during the same period. Additionally, it was observed that the proportion of people buying instant coffee in the last four weeks was higher than those who went to cafés for coffee or tea.

Firstly, regarding the largest number of people using this product for the purpose of visiting a café for coffee or tea in the last four weeks, Melbourne had about 64% of its residents participating, which was the highest among the five Australian cities. In contrast, the lowest figure belonged to Adelaide, making up roughly half. The figures for Hobart, Sydney, and Brisbane were approximately 63%, 61%, and 55%, respectively. Conversely, the lowest percentage of people using this product for purchasing fresh coffee in the last four weeks was in Brisbane, with the smallest figure at about 35%. Meanwhile, Sydney had the highest percentage of citizens using this product for this purpose, at roughly 45%. Finally, the percentages for Melbourne, Adelaide, and Hobart were about 44%, 35%, and 39%, respectively.

Regarding the purpose of purchasing instant coffee in the last four weeks, the highest percentage of consumers was in Hobart, at about 55%. In contrast, the lowest figure was approximately 45%. The percentages for Brisbane, Adelaide, and Melbourne were about 53%, 50%, and 46%, respectively.