You have approximately 40 minutes to complete this task. You need to write an essay addressing the topic below: In the past, people stored knowledge in books. Nowadays, people store knowledge on the internet. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

You have approximately 40 minutes to complete this task.
You need to write an essay addressing the topic below:
In the past, people stored knowledge in books. Nowadays, people store knowledge on the internet.
Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Storing knowledge onto the internet instead of writing down into books is a common practice nowaday. While disadvantages do present, i believe the advantages is far more superior.
It is easy to see why some people see this as a concern to model knowledge. Throughout the span of humanity civilization, we have too used to the method of archiving knowledge into books and pass them down through multiple generation. Even until now, there are still multiple massive libraries spread accross the Earth storing books containining the ultimate knowledge of the humanity. Book is also used in many country’s educating facility for both students and teachers. Books were trusted on with such responsibilities is because of its ability to comprise all the necessary information into one books, making the reader be able to concentrate on its content which is clearly a big advantage compared to the fractured information on the internet. When you look into a website, most of the information up there is mostly just a fragment of a bigger picture which require you to look through many other sources to collect and combine them all into one. This proccess is very time consuming compared to the all-in-one books. Not only that, most people mostly only perceive information from only one main sources and it can possibly lead to a decline in attention span and the ability to conduct critical thinking into the matter. Other issue is the possiblity of individuals’s private information being exposed to the public through malicious attack. The continuously increasing of access toward online information site could attract some shady businesses to try stealing private information from people who look up to these site for information. This poses a serious threat of online privacy and risk many people’s personal information to fall in the hand of wrongdoing.
However, most of these problems could be easily negated with a bit of researches into the world of the internet. With the accessibility to almost every accessible information, a person could easily look up for many different methods to protect themself on the the internet. This could be applied the same to almost all other circumstances. A student could easily search for knowledge they are in need of to conduct researches for their own project. A single mother of five could easily search up on the internet for information on how to take care of multiple children at once or to look for help from other people online in order to ask for help. The internet made it so easy for people to look up and find out information for their own daily problems which is obviously much more convenient than running to your local bookstore and buy a book for your studying – it is not even free! Which is also another reason to rely on the internet. Beside the monthly fee that you need to pay for the access to the internet, 90% of information sources up there is literally for you to use. You can search whatever you like from how to teach yourself a new language to literally information for you to conduct researches to find a cure for a new disease. The cosr efficiency of the internet is incredible, it is literally magic for people who used to pay a hefty amount of money for rare books when all you need to do is search for its own copy on the internet and enjoy it without spending a penny.
Overall, the internet is like a magic library, no need to travel between countries to look for the book you are in need of, just search it up on the internet! It is always there to serve you when you are in need of it. Obviously, nothing is perfect, even with the internet, but the power of being able to access to such library is just far too superior.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "nowaday" -> "currently"
   Explanation: "Nowaday" is a nonstandard term. "Currently" is the correct and formal term to use in academic writing, indicating the present time.

2. "i believe" -> "I believe"
   Explanation: "i" should be capitalized as "I" to maintain proper grammatical structure and formality in academic writing.

3. "the advantages is" -> "the advantages are"
   Explanation: "Advantages" is a plural noun and requires the plural form "are" to agree grammatically.

4. "model knowledge" -> "record knowledge"
   Explanation: "Model" is incorrectly used here. "Record" is the appropriate term for storing or documenting information, which is the intended meaning in this context.

5. "humanity civilization" -> "human civilization"
   Explanation: "Humanity" is not typically used as an adjective to describe civilization. "Human" is the correct adjective to use in this context.

6. "spread accross" -> "spread across"
   Explanation: "Accross" is a misspelling. The correct spelling is "across," which is used to describe something that covers or extends over a wide area.

7. "containining" -> "containing"
   Explanation: "Containining" is a misspelling. The correct spelling is "containing," which is used to describe something that holds or encloses something else.

8. "trusted on with such responsibilities" -> "trusted with such responsibilities"
   Explanation: "Trusted on" is an incorrect phrase. "Trusted with" is the correct prepositional phrase used to describe being entrusted with a responsibility.

9. "comprise all the necessary information into one books" -> "comprise all the necessary information in one book"
   Explanation: "Comprise" is used incorrectly in this context. "Comprise" means to consist of, whereas "contain" or "include" would be more appropriate. Also, "one books" should be "one book" for grammatical correctness and clarity.

10. "the all-in-one books" -> "the all-in-one book"
    Explanation: "Books" should be singular "book" to match the singular context of "one book" mentioned earlier.

11. "proccess" -> "process"
    Explanation: "Proccess" is a misspelling. The correct spelling is "process," referring to a series of actions or steps.

12. "the continuously increasing of access toward online information site" -> "the increasing access to online information sites"
    Explanation: "The continuously increasing of access toward online information site" is awkward and grammatically incorrect. "The increasing access to online information sites" is clearer and more grammatically correct.

13. "look up to these site" -> "look up to these sites"
    Explanation: "Site" should be plural "sites" to agree with the plural context of "look up to these sites."

14. "the continuously increasing of access" -> "increasing access"
    Explanation: "The continuously increasing of access" is redundant. "Increasing access" is more concise and maintains the intended meaning.

15. "look up for" -> "look up"
    Explanation: "Look up for" is redundant. "Look up" is sufficient and more natural in this context.

16. "the the internet" -> "the internet"
    Explanation: The double "the" is unnecessary and incorrect. "The internet" is sufficient.

17. "cosr efficiency" -> "cost efficiency"
    Explanation: "Cosr" is a typographical error. The correct term is "cost efficiency," referring to the efficiency of something in terms of cost.

18. "it is literally magic" -> "it is truly remarkable"
    Explanation: "Literally magic" is an exaggeration and informal. "Truly remarkable" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase.

19. "no need to travel between countries to look for the book you are in need of" -> "no need to travel between countries to find the book you need"
    Explanation: "In need of" is slightly formal but can be simplified to "need" for clarity and conciseness in academic writing.

20. "Obviously, nothing is perfect, even with the internet, but the power of being able to access to such library is just far too superior" -> "Clearly, nothing is perfect, even with the internet, but the power of accessing such a library is significantly superior"
    Explanation: "Obviously" is somewhat informal and can be replaced with "Clearly" for a more formal tone. "Access to such library" should be "accessing such a library" for grammatical correctness and clarity. "Far too superior" is an exaggeration; "significantly superior" is more precise and formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of storing knowledge on the internet compared to books. The author acknowledges the traditional method of storing knowledge in books and presents concerns regarding the reliability and depth of information found online. However, the essay could benefit from a more balanced exploration of both sides. While the advantages are elaborated upon, the disadvantages, particularly regarding the reliability of information and the potential for misinformation, could be more thoroughly examined.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that both advantages and disadvantages are discussed in a more equal measure. This could involve providing specific examples of misinformation or unreliable sources on the internet, as well as discussing how these issues can impact knowledge retention and critical thinking.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that the advantages of storing knowledge on the internet outweigh the disadvantages. However, the transition between discussing disadvantages and advantages could be smoother. The initial stance is somewhat undermined by the lengthy discussion of the disadvantages without a clear rebuttal or transition back to the advantages.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should use transitional phrases that reinforce their stance. After discussing the disadvantages, they could explicitly state how the advantages counter these concerns, thereby reinforcing their position throughout the essay.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas supporting the advantages of the internet, such as accessibility, cost efficiency, and convenience. However, some points lack depth and could be better supported with examples or data. For instance, while the essay mentions that the internet is free, it could elaborate on how this accessibility has transformed learning for different demographics, such as students or professionals.
  • How to improve: The writer should aim to extend their ideas by providing more detailed examples and evidence. For instance, citing statistics on internet usage for educational purposes or discussing specific platforms that facilitate learning could strengthen the argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the comparison between storing knowledge in books and on the internet. However, there are moments where the discussion strays slightly, such as when the author mentions the potential for private information exposure, which, while relevant, could be more directly tied back to the main argument regarding knowledge storage.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central question of advantages versus disadvantages. They could achieve this by explicitly linking each point back to how it affects the overall argument regarding knowledge storage.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear position, improvements can be made in balancing the discussion of advantages and disadvantages, providing more detailed support for ideas, and ensuring that all points remain closely tied to the central argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the advantages and disadvantages of storing knowledge on the internet versus in books. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs generally follow a logical progression. However, the organization could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the disadvantages of internet knowledge storage to the advantages is somewhat abrupt. The essay lists several disadvantages before moving to the advantages, but the connection between these points could be more explicitly stated to enhance the overall flow.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that summarize the main idea. Additionally, transitional phrases such as "On the other hand" or "Conversely" can help to signal shifts between contrasting ideas, making the argument easier to follow.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but their structure could be more effective. Some paragraphs are overly long and contain multiple ideas that could be separated for clarity. For example, the paragraph discussing the disadvantages of the internet combines various points about attention span, critical thinking, and privacy concerns without clear separation, which may confuse the reader.
  • How to improve: Aim to keep each paragraph focused on a single main idea. Start with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on that idea. This will help the reader to follow your argument more easily. Consider breaking longer paragraphs into smaller ones to improve readability and coherence.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "not only… but also" and "however," which help to connect ideas. However, there is a tendency to rely on a limited range of cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel repetitive. For instance, the phrase "the internet" is used frequently without variation, which could detract from the overall cohesiveness of the essay.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "consequently," and "therefore." Additionally, using synonyms or paraphrasing can help to avoid repetition and maintain reader interest. For example, instead of repeatedly saying "the internet," you might use "online resources" or "digital platforms" to create variety.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance clarity and coherence, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "archive," "civilization," "convenient," and "accessibility" being used effectively. However, there are instances of repetition and limited variation, such as the frequent use of "information" and "knowledge." The phrase "big advantage" is somewhat informal and could be replaced with a more sophisticated term.
  • How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "information," alternatives like "data," "content," or "resources" could be employed. Additionally, varying sentence structures and using more complex vocabulary would elevate the overall quality of the essay.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, "far more superior" is incorrect, as "superior" already implies a comparative degree; the correct phrase would be "far superior." The term "shady businesses" may also lack the necessary formality for an academic essay. Furthermore, phrases like "the ultimate knowledge of the humanity" are awkward and could be more clearly articulated.
  • How to improve: The writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. Reviewing phrases for grammatical correctness and clarity is essential. For instance, instead of "the ultimate knowledge of the humanity," a more precise phrase could be "the comprehensive knowledge available to humanity." Regular practice with academic writing and seeking feedback on word choice can help improve precision.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "nowaday" (should be "nowadays"), "accross" (should be "across"), "containining" (should be "containing"), "proccess" (should be "process"), "possiblity" (should be "possibility"), and "cosr" (should be "cost"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the essay.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice, utilize spell-check tools, and proofread their work carefully before submission. Keeping a list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them can also be beneficial. Reading more academic texts can help reinforce correct spelling through exposure.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a competent use of vocabulary, there are significant areas for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, with few complex sentences that showcase a variety of grammatical forms. For instance, phrases like "Storing knowledge onto the internet instead of writing down into books is a common practice nowaday" and "Book is also used in many country’s educating facility" reflect basic sentence constructions. While there are attempts at more complex ideas, they often fall short due to grammatical errors or awkward phrasing, such as "the advantages is far more superior," which should be "the advantages are far superior."
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses, relative clauses, and varied conjunctions. For example, instead of saying "Books were trusted on with such responsibilities," the writer could use a complex structure: "Because books have been trusted with such responsibilities, they continue to play a vital role in education." Engaging with varied sentence beginnings and using transitional phrases can also help diversify the writing style.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors that hinder clarity and coherence. For example, "the advantages is far more superior" contains subject-verb agreement errors, and "the ultimate knowledge of the humanity" is awkwardly phrased. Additionally, punctuation issues are evident, such as the lack of commas in compound sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences. For instance, "This proccess is very time consuming compared to the all-in-one books" should include a comma after "consuming" for clarity.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, pluralization, and proper article usage. Regular practice with grammar exercises can help solidify these concepts. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly for compound and complex sentences, will enhance clarity. Reading more academic essays can also provide insights into correct grammar and punctuation usage, helping the writer to internalize these rules.

Overall, while the essay presents relevant ideas and arguments, significant improvements in grammatical range and accuracy are necessary to achieve a higher band score. Engaging in targeted practice and seeking feedback on writing can facilitate this development.

Bài sửa mẫu

Storing knowledge on the internet instead of writing it down in books is a common practice nowadays. While disadvantages do exist, I believe the advantages are far superior.

It is easy to see why some people view this as a concern regarding knowledge management. Throughout the span of human civilization, we have become accustomed to the method of archiving knowledge in books and passing them down through multiple generations. Even now, there are still many massive libraries spread across the Earth storing books containing the ultimate knowledge of humanity. Books are also used in many countries’ educational facilities for both students and teachers. Books were trusted with such responsibilities because of their ability to comprise all the necessary information in one book, allowing the reader to concentrate on the content, which is clearly a big advantage compared to the fragmented information on the internet. When you look at a website, most of the information there is just a fragment of a bigger picture, which requires you to look through many other sources to collect and combine them all into one. This process is very time-consuming compared to the all-in-one books. Not only that, most people tend to perceive information from only one main source, which can possibly lead to a decline in attention span and the ability to conduct critical thinking on the matter. Another issue is the possibility of individuals’ private information being exposed to the public through malicious attacks. The continuously increasing access to online information sites could attract some shady businesses trying to steal private information from people who look up to these sites for information. This poses a serious threat to online privacy and risks many people’s personal information falling into the hands of wrongdoers.

However, most of these problems could be easily mitigated with a bit of research into the world of the internet. With the accessibility to almost every piece of information, a person could easily look up many different methods to protect themselves online. This could be applied to almost all other circumstances. A student could easily search for the knowledge they need to conduct research for their own project. A single mother of five could easily search the internet for information on how to take care of multiple children at once or look for help from others online. The internet has made it so easy for people to look up and find information for their daily problems, which is obviously much more convenient than running to your local bookstore to buy a book for studying—it is not even free! This is also another reason to rely on the internet. Besides the monthly fee that you need to pay for access to the internet, 90% of information sources available are literally free for you to use. You can search for whatever you like, from how to teach yourself a new language to information for conducting research to find a cure for a new disease. The cost efficiency of the internet is incredible; it is truly remarkable for people who used to pay a hefty amount of money for rare books when all you need to do is search for its own copy on the internet and enjoy it without spending a penny.

Overall, the internet is like a magical library; there is no need to travel between countries to find the book you need—just search it up online! It is always there to serve you when you need it. Clearly, nothing is perfect, even with the internet, but the power of accessing such a library is significantly superior.