You have seen this notice in your school. SPORTS CLUB We want to start a sports club after school. What’s your favourite sport? Why do you like it? How well can you play it? Write to: Sudesh, Class 3 You want to join the sports club. Write an email to Sudesh and answer the questions.

You have seen this notice in your school.

SPORTS CLUB

We want to start a sports club after school.

What’s your favourite sport?

Why do you like it?

How well can you play it?

Write to: Sudesh, Class 3

You want to join the sports club.

Write an email to Sudesh and answer the questions.

Hi Sudesh, I am interested in joining the sports club after school. My favorite sport is badminton because it helps me relax and improve health. I play it very well because I used to play when I am a student. I hope I can join the sports club.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Hi Sudesh, I am interested in joining the sports club after school." -> "Dear Sudesh, I am interested in joining the school sports club."
   Explanation: The phrase "Dear Sudesh" is more formal and appropriate for an academic or official context. Additionally, specifying "school sports club" clarifies the context and avoids ambiguity.

2. "My favorite sport is badminton because it helps me relax and improve health." -> "My preferred sport is badminton, as it facilitates relaxation and enhances physical health."
   Explanation: "Preferred" is more formal than "favorite," and "facilitates" and "enhances" are more precise and academically appropriate than "helps" and "improve."

3. "I play it very well because I used to play when I am a student." -> "I excel at it, having played it during my student years."
   Explanation: "Excel at" is more formal and precise than "play very well." The phrase "having played it during my student years" is more formal and avoids the awkward construction "when I am a student."

4. "I hope I can join the sports club." -> "I hope to join the sports club."
   Explanation: "To join" is grammatically correct and more formal than "can join," which is less definitive and less formal.

These changes enhance the formality and precision of the language, aligning it more closely with academic standards and improving readability.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay partially addresses the prompt. It identifies the favorite sport (badminton) and briefly mentions why the writer likes it (relaxation and health benefits). However, it does not fully address how well the writer can play the sport.
  • How to improve: To improve, the writer should explicitly answer all parts of the prompt. They could expand on their skills in badminton, such as achievements or specific abilities, which would better fulfill the task requirements.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the writer wants to join the sports club and expresses interest in badminton. However, the reasoning behind liking badminton (relaxation and health benefits) could be further developed to strengthen the clarity of the position.
  • How to improve: Strengthening the explanation of why badminton is favored would enhance the essay’s clarity. This could involve providing more specific examples of how badminton has contributed to relaxation or health.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay briefly presents the idea of liking badminton and provides minimal support with general statements about relaxation and health improvement. There is minimal extension or elaboration on these ideas.
  • How to improve: To improve, the writer should elaborate on why badminton helps them relax and improve health. They could include personal anecdotes, specific benefits experienced, or details about how playing badminton has directly impacted their well-being.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by addressing the intention to join the sports club and discussing badminton. However, the response lacks depth in addressing how well the writer can play badminton.
  • How to improve: To improve, the writer should ensure every aspect of the prompt is covered in sufficient detail. This includes elaborating on their proficiency in badminton, which is crucial for a comprehensive response.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a clear intention to join the sports club and identifies the favorite sport, it falls short of fully addressing all aspects of the prompt, particularly regarding the writer’s proficiency in badminton. To enhance the response, the writer should focus on expanding their explanation of why badminton is favored and providing more specific details about their skills and experience with the sport.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic organizational structure with a clear introduction, including a greeting and purpose statement ("I am interested in joining…"). The body paragraph addresses each question in sequence (favorite sport, reasons for liking it, skill level), albeit briefly and in a somewhat repetitive manner.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider expanding each section with more details and specific examples. For instance, elaborate on why badminton helps you relax and improve health. Ensure a smoother transition between ideas to improve coherence.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay lacks clear paragraph breaks, presenting a single, continuous block of text. This affects readability and organization.
  • How to improve: Incorporate clear paragraphing to separate different ideas. Start a new paragraph for each main point (e.g., reasons for liking badminton, skills acquired from previous experience). This will improve clarity and structure, making the essay easier to follow.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay lacks variety in cohesive devices. It primarily relies on basic connectives like "because" and "and". While these devices are used correctly, their repetition limits the essay’s coherence and cohesion.
  • How to improve: Introduce a wider range of cohesive devices such as linking words (e.g., moreover, therefore), referencing (e.g., this, that), and transition phrases (e.g., in addition to, as a result). Use these devices strategically to connect ideas more effectively and create a smoother flow between sentences and paragraphs.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a clear intent and addresses the prompt, improvements in logical organization, paragraphing, and cohesive device usage would significantly enhance coherence and cohesion. These enhancements would not only clarify the content but also elevate the overall structure and readability of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary related to the topic. Key words such as "interested," "favorite sport," "relax," "improve health," and "join" are used appropriately. However, the vocabulary lacks variety and depth, relying heavily on common words and phrases without exploring more nuanced or specific terms related to sports or personal experiences.
  • How to improve: To improve lexical resource, consider incorporating a wider variety of vocabulary related to sports and personal experiences. For example, instead of "helps me relax," consider using more descriptive terms like "rejuvenates" or "reinvigorates." Expand on "improve health" with specific benefits like "enhances cardiovascular fitness" or "boosts endurance." This adds depth and precision to your writing, enhancing lexical resource.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: Vocabulary usage in the essay is generally clear but lacks precision. For instance, "play it very well" could be more precise by describing specific skills or achievements related to badminton. This imprecision limits the clarity and impact of the essay.
  • How to improve: Aim for more precise vocabulary choices that clearly convey your ideas. Instead of "very well," you might say "proficiently," "adeptly," or provide context such as "I have been playing competitively for five years." This specificity enhances the clarity and effectiveness of your communication.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: Spelling is generally accurate in the essay, with no glaring errors observed in the provided text.
  • How to improve: Maintain focus on spelling accuracy by proofreading carefully before submitting your writing. Consider using spell-check tools or asking someone else to review your work to catch any overlooked errors.

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of vocabulary use and maintains correct spelling throughout, there is room for improvement in both breadth and precision of vocabulary. By incorporating a wider range of specific and descriptive terms related to sports and personal experiences, and ensuring precise vocabulary choices, you can enhance the lexical resource of your writing and achieve higher band scores in future assessments.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic range of sentence structures. It primarily utilizes simple sentences ("Hi Sudesh," "My favorite sport is badminton," "I play it very well") with occasional compound structures ("because it helps me relax and improve health"). There is minimal variation in sentence length and complexity, which limits the expression of ideas.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences (e.g., using subordinate clauses, varying sentence beginnings) to express ideas more precisely and fluently. For instance, instead of "My favorite sport is badminton," you could say "Among all sports, badminton stands out as my favorite due to its relaxing and health-improving benefits."

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay shows a moderate level of grammatical accuracy. There are some errors present, such as "because I used to play when I am a student." The use of verb tenses ("I play," "I used to play") is generally correct but lacks consistency in expression.
  • How to improve: Focus on improving tense consistency and accuracy. For example, revise "because I used to play when I am a student" to "because I used to play it when I was a student." Additionally, pay attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure that sentences are punctuated correctly to clarify meaning and improve readability.

Overall, while the essay communicates the main ideas effectively, enhancing grammatical accuracy and diversifying sentence structures would elevate the clarity and sophistication of the writing, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Dear Sudesh,

I hope this message finds you well. I recently saw the notice about starting a sports club after school and I am keen to join. My preferred sport is badminton because it allows me to relax and promotes physical health. I have a strong proficiency in this sport as I used to play it regularly during my student years. Therefore, I am enthusiastic about becoming a member of the sports club.

Looking forward to your response.

Best regards,

[Your Name]