You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000 Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

The charts below show the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment in four countries in 1970 and 2000

Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.

You should write at least 150 words.

The bar graphs illustrate the ammount of 60 to 64 years old employers, separated by genders, of 4 distinct countries in 1970 and 2000. Overall, the proportion of male workers in 1970 always outnumbered the corresponding figure in 2000, yet in case of women, the figures were almost equal, and always smaller than the men figure. Japan had the highest percentage in both 2 genders of employers, whereas Beigium, having the smallest figure of female workers, used to have the lowest ammount of male workers yet surpassed USA in 2000.

Specifically, the proportion of Australian female employers, covered 18% in 1970 and had a slightly increase 1% in 2000, was always dominated by men, 74% in 1970 yet rapidly slowed down to 47% in 2000. Likewise, the three other countries also had the same trend.

In the entire 4 locations, the proportion of male employers dramatically declined, at most 60% from 79% in 1970 to only 19% in 2000 in Beigium. On the other hand, just Japan and Beigium had the down trend in women proportion, slowing down only 3% from 43% in Japan and only 1% from 8% in Beigium, while the corresponding Australia figure increased 1% and USA once promoted 2%.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "ammount" -> "amount"
   Explanation: "Ammount" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "amount" for proper spelling and grammatical accuracy.

2. "employers" -> "employees"
   Explanation: The correct term is "employees," referring to individuals who work for an organization, not "employers," which refers to those who hire or employ others.

3. "distinct countries" -> "distinct countries"
   Explanation: No change needed as the phrase is grammatically correct and clear.

4. "the ammount of" -> "the number of"
   Explanation: "Ammount" is again a typographical error and should be corrected to "number" for clarity and correctness in academic writing.

5. "Beigium" -> "Belgium"
   Explanation: "Beigium" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "Belgium" for geographical accuracy and professionalism.

6. "lowest ammount" -> "lowest amount"
   Explanation: Another typographical error corrected to "amount" for grammatical correctness.

7. "slightly increase" -> "slightly increased"
   Explanation: "Slightly increase" is an incorrect verb form; "slightly increased" is the correct past participle form needed here for grammatical correctness.

8. "always dominated by men" -> "consistently dominated by men"
   Explanation: "Always" is too absolute and informal for academic writing; "consistently" provides a more precise and formal alternative.

9. "rapidly slowed down" -> "rapidly decreased"
   Explanation: "Slowed down" is a less formal expression; "decreased" is more precise and suitable for academic writing.

10. "dramatically declined" -> "markedly decreased"
    Explanation: "Dramatically" can be seen as too emotional for academic writing; "markedly" is a more neutral and precise term.

11. "at most 60% from 79% in 1970 to only 19% in 2000" -> "a decline of 60% from 79% in 1970 to 19% in 2000"
    Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly structured; the suggested revision clarifies the extent of the decline and improves readability.

12. "down trend" -> "decline"
    Explanation: "Down trend" is an informal and vague term; "decline" is more precise and appropriate for formal writing.

13. "slowing down only 3% from 43%" -> "a decrease of 3% from 43%"
    Explanation: Similar to point 11, this revision clarifies the extent of the change and enhances the formal tone.

14. "once promoted 2%" -> "increased by 2%"
    Explanation: "Once promoted" is an unclear and informal phrase; "increased by" is straightforward and academically appropriate.

These corrections and improvements enhance the precision, clarity, and formality of the text, aligning it with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main features of the data, including the overall trend of decreasing male employment and the relatively stable female employment. The essay also highlights some key features, such as the highest percentage of male workers in Japan and the lowest percentage of female workers in Belgium. However, the essay does not fully extend the key features and some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that the proportion of Australian female employers increased by 1% from 1970 to 2000, but the chart shows that it actually increased by 1%.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more detailed analysis of the key features. For example, the essay could discuss the reasons for the decline in male employment or the reasons for the relatively stable female employment. The essay could also be improved by providing more accurate information. For example, the essay should state that the proportion of Australian female employers increased by 1% from 1970 to 2000, not 1%.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 3

Band Score: 3.0

Explanation:
The essay struggles significantly with coherence and cohesion. There is little logical organization of ideas, making it difficult to follow the information presented. The use of cohesive devices is extremely limited and often incorrect, which further disrupts the flow of the essay. Paragraphing is almost absent, with ideas presented in a single block of text, adding to the overall lack of coherence. Sentences are often unclear or confusing, making it challenging to understand the intended meaning.

How to improve:

1. Organize ideas logically: Ensure that information is structured in a coherent manner with clear progression from one point to the next. Use paragraphs to separate different ideas and topics.

2. Use cohesive devices: Incorporate a variety of cohesive devices (e.g., pronouns, conjunctions, lexical cohesion) appropriately to establish connections between sentences and ideas.

3. Improve sentence clarity: Focus on writing clear and concise sentences that communicate ideas effectively without unnecessary complexity or confusion.

4. Paragraph effectively: Divide the essay into paragraphs that each discuss a distinct aspect of the data, ensuring each paragraph has a clear central topic.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve better coherence and cohesion, leading to a more structured and understandable piece of writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a somewhat limited range of vocabulary, with some noticeable errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation. There are instances where word choices are imprecise or awkward ("ammount," "employers," "Beigium," "ammount," "down trend," "once promoted"), and spelling errors ("ammount," "Beigium," "Beigium," "ammount," "Japan," "Beigium," "ammount"). These errors and awkward phrasings could cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning.

While the essay attempts to convey information about the charts, the vocabulary used is repetitive and lacks sophistication ("male workers," "female workers," "had the down trend," "always dominated by men"). The errors in spelling and word formation also detract from the clarity of the message, which impacts the overall lexical resource score.

How to improve:
To improve the lexical resource score:

1. Expand Vocabulary: Use a wider range of vocabulary appropriate to the task, such as synonyms for "male" and "female," and more precise terms like "percentage," "proportion," "trend," "increase," "decrease," etc.
2. Accuracy: Pay attention to spelling and word formation. Review common errors and ensure accuracy in writing "amount," country names ("Belgium"), and verb forms ("promoted").
3. Avoid Repetition: Use varied expressions and avoid repetitive phrases like "always dominated by men."

By enhancing vocabulary diversity, improving accuracy in spelling and word choice, and striving for clarity and precision in expression, the essay could achieve a higher band score in lexical resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an attempt at using a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, though there are noticeable errors in grammar and punctuation throughout. The essay’s structure lacks coherence and clarity in conveying information from the provided charts. Sentences are often awkwardly constructed, impacting readability and coherence. Errors such as incorrect verb forms ("am" instead of "are"), misspellings ("ammount" instead of "amount"), and misuse of words ("employers" instead of "employees") are prevalent. Punctuation is inconsistent and often incorrect.

How to improve:

1. Sentence Structure: Focus on clearer sentence construction, ensuring subject-verb agreement and correct tense usage.
2. Grammar and Punctuation: Practice correct usage of grammar rules and punctuation marks to enhance clarity and coherence.
3. Vocabulary and Spelling: Improve word choice and spelling accuracy to convey ideas accurately.
4. Task Response: Ensure that the essay addresses the task prompt by summarizing and comparing the information presented in the charts clearly and accurately.

By addressing these areas, the essay could improve its score by achieving greater accuracy and clarity in language use, thereby enhancing overall communication of ideas.

Bài sửa mẫu

Certainly! Here’s the improved version of the IELTS Task 1 report:

The bar graphs illustrate the percentages of men and women aged 60-64 in employment across four countries in 1970 and 2000. Overall, male employment rates in 1970 consistently exceeded those in 2000, whereas female rates were generally lower and showed minimal change over the period.

Japan consistently had the highest employment rates for both genders. In contrast, Belgium, which had the lowest female employment rate initially, also had the lowest male employment rate in 1970 but surpassed the USA by 2000.

Specifically, female employment in Australia was 18% in 1970, with a slight increase to 19% by 2000. Male employment started at 74% in 1970 but decreased to 47% by 2000. Similar trends were observed in the other three countries.

In all four locations, there was a significant decrease in male employment rates, most notably in Belgium, where it dropped from 79% in 1970 to 19% in 2000. Japan and Belgium also saw declines in female employment, with slight decreases of 3% and 1%, respectively, while Australia saw a slight increase of 1% and the USA increased by 2%.

This revision aims to maintain the original structure and vocabulary while improving clarity, coherence, and accuracy according to IELTS standards.