You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The graph below gives information about international tourist arrivals in different parts of the world. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

The graph below gives information about international tourist arrivals in different parts of the world.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Write at least 150 words.

The line graph illustrates the data about international tourist arrivals in five different nations from 1990 to 2005.Overall, the percentage of international tourist arrivals to North America is the highest throughout the stages. In contrast, the proportion of people from other countries come to South America and Sub-Saharan America is the lowest over the years.
The figure for North America started at around 70% in 1990, then it rose gradually to 90 % in 2000, before decreased slightly to approximately 88% in the next 5 years. The percentage of tourists from different countries come to South-East Asia began at around 20% , followed by a moderate grow to about 30% in the next decade, after that it consistently went up to around 47% in 2005. Similar pattern, but to greater extents could be seen the number of international tourist arrivals to Central and Eastern Europe, was 20% in 1990, then it witnessed a noticeable rise to 60% in 2005 and it continuously increase to about 88% in 2005.
The percentage of international visitors reaching Sub-Saharan Africa and South America accounted for about 8% for the 5th place and 9 % for the 4th place in 1990, then it jumped slowly to about 20% and 15% in 2005, at this time Sub-Saharan Africa has surpassed South America to have the four position in five different countries.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The line graph illustrates the data about international tourist arrivals" -> "The line graph depicts the data on international tourist arrivals"
Explanation: "Depicts" is a more precise and formal verb than "illustrates" in this context, and "on" is preferred over "about" for referring to specific data categories in academic writing.
"the percentage of international tourist arrivals to North America" -> "the proportion of international tourist arrivals in North America"
Explanation: "Proportion" is more specific and academically appropriate than "percentage" when discussing relative quantities, and "in" is the correct preposition for indicating location within a region.
"the proportion of people from other countries come to" -> "the proportion of visitors from other countries arriving in"
Explanation: "Visitors" is more specific and formal than "people," and "arriving in" is a more precise phrase than "come to" for describing movement into a region.
"South America and Sub-Saharan America" -> "South America and Sub-Saharan Africa"
Explanation: "Sub-Saharan Africa" is the correct term, not "Sub-Saharan America," which is a geographical inaccuracy.
"then it rose gradually to 90 % in 2000, before decreased slightly to approximately 88% in the next 5 years." -> "then it rose gradually to 90% in 2000, before decreasing slightly to approximately 88% over the next five years."
Explanation: "Decreasing" is the correct form of the verb to match the past tense, and "over the next five years" is more precise than "in the next 5 years."
"The percentage of tourists from different countries come to" -> "The proportion of tourists from various countries arriving in"
Explanation: "Proportion" is preferred over "percentage" for relative quantities, and "arriving in" is more formal than "come to."
"then it consistently went up to around 47% in 2005." -> "it consistently increased to around 47% by 2005."
Explanation: "Increased" is more formal and precise than "went up," and "by 2005" is more specific than "in 2005."
"Similar pattern, but to greater extents could be seen the number of international tourist arrivals to Central and Eastern Europe" -> "A similar pattern, albeit to a greater extent, is observed in the number of international tourist arrivals to Central and Eastern Europe"
Explanation: "Albeit to a greater extent" is a more formal and precise way to indicate comparison, and the addition of "is observed" clarifies that the pattern is being noted.
"it continuously increase to about 88% in 2005." -> "it continuously increased to approximately 88% by 2005."
Explanation: "Increased" agrees in tense with the past context, and "approximately" is more formal than "about."
"The percentage of international visitors reaching Sub-Saharan Africa and South America accounted for about 8% for the 5th place and 9 % for the 4th place in 1990" -> "In 1990, the percentages of international visitors to Sub-Saharan Africa and South America ranked 8th and 9th, respectively"
Explanation: "Ranked" is more precise and formal than "accounted for," and specifying the rankings as 8th and 9th clarifies the position in the list.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main trends in the data, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. The essay also does not adequately highlight key features/bullet points. For example, the essay states that the percentage of international tourist arrivals to North America is the highest throughout the stages, but it does not provide any specific data to support this claim. The essay also does not make any comparisons between the different regions.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends, differences or stages. The essay could also be improved by highlighting key features/bullet points and making comparisons between the different regions. For example, the essay could state that the percentage of international tourist arrivals to North America increased from around 70% in 1990 to approximately 88% in 2005. The essay could also state that the percentage of international tourist arrivals to South-East Asia increased from around 20% in 1990 to around 47% in 2005. The essay could then compare these two trends, stating that the percentage of international tourist arrivals to North America increased at a slower rate than the percentage of international tourist arrivals to South-East Asia.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to describe trends in international tourist arrivals, the ideas are not always clearly connected, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate, with some phrases feeling mechanical or repetitive. Paragraphing is present but not effectively structured, which detracts from the overall clarity of the essay. The central topics within paragraphs are not always clear, and referencing is inconsistent.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on clearly organizing ideas with logical progression. This can be achieved by using a variety of cohesive devices more effectively and avoiding repetition. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that ideas flow logically from one to the next will improve clarity. Lastly, refining paragraph structure to group related ideas together will help the reader follow the argument more easily.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, allowing for some flexibility and precision in conveying the information from the graph. The use of terms like "illustrates," "percentage," and "arrivals" shows an understanding of the topic. However, there are noticeable inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "the proportion of people from other countries come to South America," which should be phrased more clearly. Additionally, there are errors in spelling and punctuation, such as "90 %" instead of "90%," and "the four position" instead of "the fourth position." These issues do not severely impede communication but do detract from the overall quality of the lexical resource.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with greater precision. This includes avoiding repetitive phrases and ensuring that word choices are appropriate for the context. Additionally, improving spelling and punctuation accuracy will help to convey ideas more clearly. Incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary and phrases, as well as ensuring correct collocations, will also contribute to a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While some sentences are clear and convey the intended meaning, there are noticeable grammatical errors and issues with punctuation that occasionally hinder communication. The use of structures is somewhat varied, but the accuracy of these structures is inconsistent, leading to confusion in some parts of the essay.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Sentence Structure: Aim to use a wider variety of complex sentences and ensure that they are constructed correctly. This includes proper use of conjunctions and clauses.
Error Reduction: Proofread the essay to catch and correct grammatical errors, particularly with subject-verb agreement and verb tenses.
Punctuation: Pay attention to punctuation, especially with commas and spacing, to improve the clarity of the writing.
Clarity and Cohesion: Ensure that comparisons and data points are clearly articulated, which may involve rephrasing certain sentences for better flow and understanding.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graph illustrates data about international tourist arrivals in five different regions from 1990 to 2005. Overall, the percentage of international tourist arrivals in North America was the highest throughout the period. In contrast, the proportion of visitors to South America and Sub-Saharan Africa was the lowest over the years.

The figure for North America started at around 70% in 1990, then rose gradually to 90% in 2000, before decreasing slightly to approximately 88% in the following five years. The percentage of tourists visiting South-East Asia began at around 20%, followed by moderate growth to about 30% in the next decade, and then consistently increased to around 47% in 2005. A similar pattern, but to a greater extent, can be seen in the number of international tourist arrivals to Central and Eastern Europe, which was 20% in 1990. This region then witnessed a noticeable rise to 60% in 2005, continuing to increase to about 88% in the same year.

The percentage of international visitors to Sub-Saharan Africa and South America accounted for about 8% and 9%, respectively, in 1990, placing them in fifth and fourth positions. By 2005, these figures had risen slowly to about 20% for Sub-Saharan Africa and 15% for South America, with Sub-Saharan Africa surpassing South America to take the fourth position among the five regions.