You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The graph shows the number of marriages and divorces in the UK between 1975 and 2000. Write at least 150 words.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

The graph shows the number of marriages and divorces in the UK between 1975 and 2000.

Write at least 150 words.

The provided line graph illustrates the number of marriages and divorces in the UK over the 25-year period from 1975.
As can be seen from the chart, it is evident that patterns of marriages greatly differed over the time frame. The number of total marriages and second marriages also witnessed an upward trend, while first marriages tended to decrease. Besides, the number of divorces saw a consistent increase as well.
Upon closer examination graph, the number of total marriages registered the highest number of all four, standing at close to 500000. This figure rose significantly to reach a peak of approximately 650000 in 1985 before declining to below 600000 at the end of the period in this question. During the period between 1975 and 2000, the first marriages witnessed a decrease slightly by about 20000 over the period.
The number of second marriages experienced rose consistently with about 150000 at begin of the period and reached the mark of 250000 in 2000. A similar pattern could be seen in divorces with close to 100000 in 1975 and soaring to 250000 equal to the number of second marriages at the end of the period in this question.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

1. "patterns of marriages greatly differed" -> "marital trends varied significantly"
   Explanation: Replacing "patterns of marriages greatly differed" with "marital trends varied significantly" improves clarity and uses more sophisticated language.

2. "while first marriages tended to decrease" -> "while the incidence of first marriages tended to decline"
   Explanation: "the incidence of first marriages" is a more precise and formal phrase than "first marriages" alone.

3. "Upon closer examination graph" -> "Upon closer examination of the graph"
   Explanation: Adding "of the graph" clarifies the sentence structure.

4. "This figure rose significantly to reach a peak of approximately 650000 in 1985" -> "This figure experienced a significant rise, peaking at approximately 650,000 in 1985."
   Explanation: Restructuring the sentence improves flow and clarity.

5. "before declining to below 600000 at the end of the period in this question" -> "before declining to below 600,000 by the end of the period under consideration"
   Explanation: The phrase "by the end of the period under consideration" is more formal and precise than "at the end of the period in this question."

6. "During the period between 1975 and 2000, the first marriages witnessed a decrease slightly by about 20000 over the period." -> "Between 1975 and 2000, the number of first marriages decreased slightly by about 20,000."
   Explanation: Simplifying the sentence and using "number of first marriages" instead of "first marriages" enhances clarity and precision.

7. "The number of second marriages experienced rose consistently with about 150000 at begin of the period and reached the mark of 250000 in 2000." -> "The number of second marriages rose consistently, starting at about 150,000 at the beginning of the period and reaching 250,000 in 2000."
   Explanation: Clarifying the sentence structure and using "starting at" instead of "with about" improves readability.

8. "A similar pattern could be seen in divorces with close to 100000 in 1975 and soaring to 250000 equal to the number of second marriages at the end of the period in this question." -> "A similar pattern was observed in divorces, with numbers rising from close to 100,000 in 1975 to 250,000, equal to the number of second marriages, by the end of the period."
   Explanation: Restructuring the sentence and adding "was observed" improves clarity and formal tone.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

[
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay adequately addresses the task by providing an overview of the trends in marriages and divorces over the given period. It presents key features such as the increase in second marriages and divorces, as well as the decrease in first marriages. However, some details are inaccurate, such as stating that divorces reached the same level as second marriages by the end of the period.
How to improve: Ensure accuracy in reporting details and avoid making assumptions or presenting inaccurate information. Additionally, provide more detail and extend the analysis of the trends observed in the graph.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

[
Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a lack of overall progression. Cohesive devices are used, but there is overuse and inconsistency. There are also grammatical errors that impact coherence. The paragraphing could be improved, with some sections lacking clear central topics. While there is an attempt to summarize the key points, transitions between ideas could be smoother, and some information appears redundant or unclear.

How to improve:

1. Clear Transitions: Improve transitions between different sections of the essay. Use a variety of cohesive devices to create a smooth flow of information without overuse or repetition.
2. Logical Organization: Arrange the content in a way that shows a logical progression of ideas. Consider outlining the essay to ensure that it follows a clear structure.
3. Paragraphing: Ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic. If there are multiple ideas within a paragraph, consider breaking them into separate sections to maintain coherence.
4. Use of Cohesive Devices: Focus on using a wider range of cohesive devices. Avoid overuse of simple transitions like "besides," and utilize referencing and substitution to avoid repetition.
5. Grammatical Accuracy: Address grammatical issues to avoid confusing the reader and impacting overall coherence. This includes correcting errors in sentence structure and verb tense. Consider reviewing the essay for these errors and making corrections.
   ]

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, with some attempts to use less common vocabulary. It effectively describes the trends in the graph using varied vocabulary related to numbers, trends, and time frames. However, there are instances of inaccuracies in word choice and word formation, which slightly impede communication. For example, "witnessed an upward trend" could be replaced with "experienced an upward trend" for smoother expression. Additionally, there are some awkward phrases and grammatical errors, such as "Upon closer examination graph" which should be revised for clarity.

How to improve: To improve lexical resource, focus on using a wider variety of vocabulary, including more precise and sophisticated terms where appropriate. Additionally, pay close attention to word choice and collocation to ensure accuracy and fluency. Reviewing grammar and sentence structure can also help in conveying ideas more effectively.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, covering the key information about the graph’s trends. There are attempts at using a variety of structures, although there are noticeable errors in grammar and punctuation throughout the essay. However, these errors do not significantly hinder communication.
How to improve: To improve to a higher band score, work on using a wider range of sentence structures more consistently and pay closer attention to grammar and punctuation to reduce errors. Consider incorporating more complex sentence structures with accuracy to enhance the overall fluency of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided line graph illustrates the number of marriages and divorces in the UK over the 25-year period from 1975. As can be seen from the chart, it is evident that patterns of marriages greatly differed over the time frame. The number of total marriages and second marriages also witnessed an upward trend, while first marriages tended to decrease. Besides, the number of divorces saw a consistent increase as well.

Upon closer examination of the graph, the number of total marriages registered the highest number of all four, standing at close to 500,000. This figure rose significantly to reach a peak of approximately 650,000 in 1985 before declining to below 600,000 at the end of the period in question. During the period between 1975 and 2000, first marriages witnessed a slight decrease by about 20,000 over the period.

The number of second marriages experienced a consistent rise, starting at about 150,000 at the beginning of the period and reaching the mark of 250,000 in 2000. A similar pattern could be seen in divorces, with close to 100,000 in 1975 and soaring to 250,000, equal to the number of second marriages, at the end of the period in question.