You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The graphs below show the total percentage of films released and the total percentage of ticket sales in 1996 and 2006 in a country. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

The graphs below show the total percentage of films released and the total percentage of ticket sales in 1996 and 2006 in a country. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

You should write at least 150 words.

The table depicts the population of New Zealand among the age groups in two different time points: 2011 and 2012.

Overall, the number of citizens aged over 65 witnessed a significant increase in 2012. Meanwhile, the number of young people aged under 15 and aged 15-39 slightly decreased in 2012.

Looking at the beginning, in 2011, people in the age group 15-39 were the most crowded, at 1,577,256 people. Then, the figure saw a downward trend, by around 0.2%, at 1,574,102 people, remaining the highest figure. In contrast, the number of people in the middle-aged group (40-64) had the second highest figure, at 1,331,907 people in 2011. The figure rose to 1,339,898 people in 2012, a 0.6% increase.

In addition, the percentage of change in the number of citizens under 15 and aged 15-39 had the same figure, a 0.2% drop throughout the period. Children aged under 15 fell from 898,160 in 2011 people to 896,364 people at the end of the period, remaining the lowest figure.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "The table depicts" -> "The table illustrates"
   Explanation: "Illustrates" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "depicts" in the context of presenting data, emphasizing the visual representation of information.

2. "citizens" -> "population"
   Explanation: In this context, "population" is more specific and appropriate as it refers to the number of people in a particular group, enhancing the academic tone.

3. "witnessed a significant increase" -> "experienced a substantial increase"
   Explanation: "Experienced" is more precise in describing the change in population demographics, and "substantial" is a more formal synonym for "significant."

4. "young people" -> "youth"
   Explanation: "Youth" is a more formal and concise term than "young people," which is often considered too informal for academic writing.

5. "slightly decreased" -> "marginally decreased"
   Explanation: "Marginally" is a more precise and formal adverb than "slightly," which can be vague and informal in academic contexts.

6. "Looking at the beginning" -> "Initially"
   Explanation: "Initially" is a more concise and formal way to indicate the beginning of a discussion, avoiding the awkward phrasing of "Looking at the beginning."

7. "the most crowded" -> "the largest"
   Explanation: "The largest" is a more precise and formal term than "the most crowded," which is colloquial and imprecise in this context.

8. "saw a downward trend" -> "experienced a decline"
   Explanation: "Experienced a decline" is a more formal and precise way to describe a decrease in numbers, fitting better in an academic context.

9. "by around 0.2%" -> "by approximately 0.2%"
   Explanation: "Approximately" is a more precise and formal adverb than "around," which is somewhat informal and vague.

10. "remaining the highest figure" -> "remaining the largest"
    Explanation: "Largest" is more specific and formal than "highest," which can be ambiguous in this context, as it might refer to other metrics beyond population size.

11. "In addition" -> "Furthermore"
    Explanation: "Furthermore" is a more formal transitional phrase than "In addition," which is suitable for academic writing.

12. "the percentage of change" -> "the percentage change"
    Explanation: "The percentage change" is grammatically correct and more commonly used in formal writing, whereas "the percentage of change" is awkward and less standard.

13. "had the same figure" -> "experienced the same decrease"
    Explanation: "Experienced the same decrease" is more specific and formal than "had the same figure," which is vague and informal.

14. "Children aged under 15" -> "Children under 15"
    Explanation: "Children under 15" is a more concise and formal way to express the age range, avoiding the redundancy of "aged."

15. "fell from 898,160 in 2011 people to 896,364 people" -> "decreased from 898,160 in 2011 to 896,364"
    Explanation: Removing "people" after each number simplifies and clarifies the sentence, aligning with formal writing standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 3

Band Score: 3

Explanation: The essay does not address the task. The essay is about the population of New Zealand, not the percentage of films released and ticket sales in a country. The essay also does not follow the instructions to summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

How to improve: The essay needs to be rewritten to address the task. The essay should focus on the percentage of films released and ticket sales in a country, and should summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. The essay should also be written in a clear and concise style.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to compare the data from 2011 and 2012, the structure is somewhat disjointed, making it difficult for the reader to follow the trends clearly. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate, with some phrases feeling mechanical or repetitive. Additionally, the paragraphing is not always logical, as the transitions between ideas could be smoother. The central topics within paragraphs are not always clearly defined, leading to confusion about the main points being made.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on creating a clear structure with logical progression between ideas. This can be achieved by using more varied and appropriate cohesive devices to link sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that transitions between paragraphs are smooth will help improve the overall flow of the essay. Finally, maintaining consistent terminology and avoiding repetition will contribute to a more cohesive response.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it conveys the main features of the data, the vocabulary used is basic and lacks variety. There are noticeable errors in word choice, such as "the most crowded" which is not an appropriate term for describing population figures. Additionally, phrases like "the figure saw a downward trend" could be expressed more clearly. Spelling and word formation errors, such as "the same figure, a 0.2% drop throughout the period," also detract from the overall clarity. These issues may cause some difficulty for the reader in fully understanding the trends being described.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including more precise terms related to demographics and trends. Using synonyms and varying sentence structures can help convey the information more effectively. Additionally, careful proofreading to eliminate spelling and word formation errors will improve clarity. Engaging with more complex vocabulary and phrases related to statistical analysis will also contribute to a higher score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures and attempts to use complex sentences; however, these attempts are not consistently accurate. There are frequent grammatical errors, such as incorrect word order ("the most crowded" should be "the largest group"), and awkward phrasing ("remaining the highest figure" is unclear). Additionally, punctuation errors are present, which can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning. The overall communication is somewhat hindered by these issues, which aligns with the characteristics of a Band 5 score.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on using a wider variety of sentence structures, including more complex sentences that are grammatically correct. It is also important to proofread the essay to catch and correct errors in grammar and punctuation. Practicing writing with a focus on clarity and coherence will help improve overall communication. Engaging with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on writing can also be beneficial.

Bài sửa mẫu

The table depicts the population of New Zealand across different age groups at two time points: 2011 and 2012.

Overall, the number of citizens aged over 65 witnessed a significant increase in 2012, while the populations of young people aged under 15 and those aged 15-39 slightly decreased during the same period.

In 2011, individuals in the age group 15-39 constituted the largest segment, with 1,577,256 people. However, this figure experienced a downward trend of approximately 0.2%, resulting in a population of 1,574,102 people in 2012, still remaining the highest figure. In contrast, the middle-aged group (40-64) had the second highest population, starting at 1,331,907 people in 2011 and rising to 1,339,898 people in 2012, marking a 0.6% increase.

Additionally, the percentage change in the number of citizens under 15 and those aged 15-39 was the same, reflecting a 0.2% drop over the period. The population of children aged under 15 decreased from 898,160 in 2011 to 896,364 in 2012, remaining the lowest figure among all age groups.