You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The graphs show the changes in the UK industry steel between 1970 and 2000. (million tonnes vs thousand). Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Value changes in UK steel industry 1970-2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

The graphs show the changes in the UK industry steel between 1970 and 2000. (million tonnes vs thousand). Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Value changes in UK steel industry 1970-2000.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The given graphs provide information about the value changes in the UK steel industry between 1970 and 2000, as well as the employment status in this industry during the same period.
Overall, except for steel imports, total demand, production and the figure of employees in the UK all underwent a drastic downturn over the 30-year period.
At the beginning, the amount of steel produced in the UK was reaching a peak of about 170,000 tonnes. However, this steel output was still not enough to meet the total demand of 200,000. Also during this time, the figure of steel imported was nearly zero, or in other words, the UK didn’t almost import steel. Following 30 years, both total steel demand and production halved year-on-year and reached the bottom by 2000 with total demand of 100,000 and manufacture of approximately 80,000 tonnes. On the contrary, until the year 2000, the value of imported steel recorded a steady growth, reaching 75,000, although still slightly lower than the steel manufactured.
Turning to the workforce, there were 50,000 labors in the UK steel industry in 1970. However, along with a downward trend in steel production each year, the number of workers working in this industry also had a corresponding decrease. With a constant steep dip from 40,000 tonnes in 1980 to 20,000 tonnes in 1990, this number hit its trough when there were only about 18,000 by 2000.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "value changes" -> "fluctuations in value"
   Explanation: "Fluctuations in value" conveys a more precise meaning, indicating variations over time, while "value changes" is vague and less formal.

2. "the figure of employees" -> "the number of employees"
   Explanation: "The number of employees" is a more standard and formal expression in academic writing, improving clarity and precision.

3. "underwent a drastic downturn" -> "experienced a significant decline"
   Explanation: "Experienced a significant decline" is more formal and precise than "underwent a drastic downturn," which can sound overly emotional and informal.

4. "was reaching a peak of about" -> "peaked at approximately"
   Explanation: "Peaked at approximately" is more concise and formal than "was reaching a peak of about," enhancing clarity and academic tone.

5. "the figure of steel imported was nearly zero" -> "the volume of steel imports was nearly zero"
   Explanation: "The volume of steel imports" is a more precise and formal expression than "the figure of steel imported," which can be vague.

6. "the UK didn’t almost import steel" -> "the UK almost did not import steel"
   Explanation: "The UK almost did not import steel" is a clearer and more formal construction, avoiding the informal contraction "didn’t."

7. "halved year-on-year" -> "decreased by half annually"
   Explanation: "Decreased by half annually" is a more formal and precise way to express the same idea, improving clarity.

8. "reached the bottom" -> "reached a low point"
   Explanation: "Reached a low point" is a more formal and precise expression than "reached the bottom," which can sound colloquial.

9. "the value of imported steel recorded a steady growth" -> "the volume of imported steel exhibited steady growth"
   Explanation: "The volume of imported steel exhibited steady growth" uses more precise terminology and a formal tone, improving academic style.

10. "the workforce" -> "the labor force"
    Explanation: "The labor force" is a more formal and precise term than "the workforce," aligning better with academic language.

11. "50,000 labors" -> "50,000 workers"
    Explanation: "50,000 workers" is the correct term, as "labors" is not typically used to refer to individuals in this context.

12. "along with a downward trend in steel production each year" -> "in conjunction with a downward trend in steel production"
    Explanation: "In conjunction with" is a more formal phrase than "along with," enhancing the academic tone.

13. "this number hit its trough" -> "this number reached its lowest point"
    Explanation: "Reached its lowest point" is clearer and more formal than "hit its trough," which can sound informal.

14. "when there were only about 18,000 by 2000" -> "when it decreased to approximately 18,000 by 2000"
    Explanation: "When it decreased to approximately 18,000 by 2000" provides a clearer and more formal expression of the data point.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main trends in the UK steel industry between 1970 and 2000. The essay identifies the key features of the data, such as the decline in production and employment, and the increase in imports. However, the essay does not fully extend the key features and some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that "the figure of steel imported was nearly zero" in 1970, but the graph shows that imports were actually around 10,000 tonnes.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific details about the trends in the data. For example, the essay could state that production declined by 50% between 1970 and 2000, or that employment fell by 70% over the same period. The essay could also be improved by providing more accurate information about the data. For example, the essay could state that imports were around 10,000 tonnes in 1970, rather than "nearly zero".

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, presenting a clear overall progression from the introduction to the conclusion. It effectively summarizes the main features of the graphs, highlighting key trends in steel production, demand, imports, and employment. However, while cohesive devices are used, there are instances of mechanical cohesion, such as repetitive phrases and a lack of variety in linking words. The paragraphing is present but could be improved for better logical flow, particularly in distinguishing between different aspects of the data.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on varying the use of cohesive devices and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic. Additionally, improving the logical progression between ideas and using more sophisticated linking phrases would strengthen the overall organization of the essay. Finally, ensuring that paragraphs are clearly defined and focused on distinct points would help in achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, such as "drastic downturn," "steel output," and "workforce." However, there are instances of inaccuracy in word choice and collocation, such as "the figure of employees" which could be more naturally expressed as "the number of employees." Additionally, the use of terms like "labors" is incorrect; the correct term is "workers." There are also some errors in spelling and word formation, such as "manufacture" instead of "manufactured." While these errors do not severely impede communication, they do indicate a lack of precision and control over lexical features.

How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary with more precision and fewer inaccuracies. Focusing on correct word forms and collocations would improve clarity. Additionally, incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary and expressions could elevate the overall quality of the essay. Regular practice with varied vocabulary in context, along with seeking feedback on word choice, can help in achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 score. While the writer attempts to convey the main features of the graphs, there are noticeable grammatical errors and awkward phrases that occasionally hinder clarity. For example, phrases like "the figure of employees in the UK all underwent a drastic downturn" could be more clearly articulated. Additionally, there are instances of incorrect word choices and punctuation errors, such as "the amount of steel produced in the UK was reaching a peak of about 170,000 tonnes," which should be "reached a peak." Overall, while the communication is generally effective, the presence of errors and some lack of precision in language use limits the score.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

1. Sentence Structure: Practice using a wider variety of complex sentence structures while ensuring they are grammatically correct.
2. Error Checking: Review the essay for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Reading aloud can help identify issues that may not be obvious when reading silently.
3. Punctuation: Pay attention to punctuation rules to avoid errors that can obscure meaning.
4. Clarity and Precision: Aim for clearer expression of ideas. For instance, instead of "the figure of employees in the UK all underwent a drastic downturn," consider rephrasing to "the number of employees in the UK steel industry experienced a significant decline."

Bài sửa mẫu

The given graphs provide information about the value changes in the UK steel industry between 1970 and 2000, as well as the employment status in this industry during the same period. Overall, with the exception of steel imports, total demand, production, and the number of employees in the UK all experienced a significant decline over the 30-year period.

At the beginning of the period, the amount of steel produced in the UK peaked at approximately 170,000 tonnes. However, this output was insufficient to meet the total demand of 200,000 tonnes. During this time, steel imports were nearly nonexistent, indicating that the UK did not import steel at all. By the end of the 30 years, both total steel demand and production had halved, reaching their lowest points by 2000, with total demand at 100,000 tonnes and production at around 80,000 tonnes. In contrast, by 2000, the value of imported steel had shown steady growth, reaching 75,000 tonnes, although this figure remained slightly lower than that of domestically produced steel.

Turning to the workforce, there were 50,000 workers in the UK steel industry in 1970. However, in line with the downward trend in steel production each year, the number of workers in this industry also saw a corresponding decrease. With a consistent decline from 40,000 workers in 1980 to 20,000 in 1990, this number reached its lowest point at approximately 18,000 by 2000.