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You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The table below shows the production of milk annually in four countries in 1990. 2000 and 2010. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

The table below shows the production of milk annually in four countries in 1990. 2000 and 2010. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

You should write at least 150 words.

The given table illustrates the amount of milk produced in four distinct nations in the years 1990, 2000, and 2010.
Overall, it can be seen that there was a tremendous rise in milk production for Tanzania and Guatemala over the period surveyed. Netherlands had the highest milk production, while Guatemala had the lowest amount.
In the 1990s, the Netherlands held the top position among others, with 11,262,000 liters produced, slightly higher than Australia. Tanzania remained in the third position at 87,000 liters, four times higher than Guatemala. After a decade, there was a minimal reduction in the amount of milk produced in both the Netherlands and Australia, 11,550,000 liters and 11,105,000 liters in the order given. In contrast, Tanzania and Guatemala witnessed sharp increases in milk production, with the figures of about 142,000 and 55,000, respectively.
In 2010, the Netherlands secured its place at the top rank, while Australia showed a negative correlation, with the figure staying at 84,000. There was a minimal gain in the production of milk in both Tanzania and Guatemala, with figures of 155,000 liters and 84,000 litres, respectively. Australia is negatively correlated, with an amount of milk approximately 9.2 million liters being produced.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Overall, it can be seen that there was a tremendous rise in milk production for Tanzania and Guatemala over the period surveyed." -> "Overall, a substantial increase in milk production is evident for Tanzania and Guatemala over the surveyed period."
    Explanation: Replacing "it can be seen that there was a tremendous rise" with "a substantial increase is evident" enhances clarity and uses a more direct and formal expression.

  2. "Netherlands had the highest milk production, while Guatemala had the lowest amount." -> "The Netherlands boasted the highest milk production, whereas Guatemala recorded the lowest quantity."
    Explanation: Substituting "Netherlands had" with "The Netherlands boasted" and "while" with "whereas" adds sophistication to the sentence by using a more assertive verb and a contrastive conjunction.

  3. "Tanzania remained in the third position at 87,000 liters, four times higher than Guatemala." -> "Tanzania maintained its third position, producing 87,000 liters, which was fourfold higher than Guatemala’s output."
    Explanation: Replacing "remained in the third position" with "maintained its third position" and "four times higher" with "fourfold higher" contributes to a more precise and formal expression.

  4. "After a decade, there was a minimal reduction in the amount of milk produced in both the Netherlands and Australia, 11,550,000 liters and 11,105,000 liters in the order given." -> "A decade later, there was a marginal reduction in milk production in both the Netherlands and Australia, amounting to 11,550,000 liters and 11,105,000 liters, respectively."
    Explanation: The phrase "in the order given" is removed for conciseness, and "minimal" is replaced with "marginal" for a more nuanced description.

  5. "In contrast, Tanzania and Guatemala witnessed sharp increases in milk production, with the figures of about 142,000 and 55,000, respectively." -> "Conversely, Tanzania and Guatemala experienced significant upswings in milk production, with figures reaching approximately 142,000 and 55,000, respectively."
    Explanation: Substituting "witnessed sharp increases" with "experienced significant upswings" provides a more sophisticated and varied expression.

  6. "Australia showed a negative correlation, with the figure staying at 84,000." -> "Australia exhibited a negative correlation, with the production figure remaining at 84,000."
    Explanation: The term "showed" is replaced with "exhibited" for a more formal tone, and the phrase "the figure staying at" is used for clarity and precision.

  7. "There was a minimal gain in the production of milk in both Tanzania and Guatemala, with figures of 155,000 liters and 84,000 litres, respectively." -> "There was a modest increase in milk production in both Tanzania and Guatemala, with figures reaching 155,000 liters and 84,000 litres, respectively."
    Explanation: Replacing "minimal gain" with "modest increase" provides a more nuanced and descriptive term for the growth in milk production.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing a clear overview of the main trends in milk production for the specified countries and years. The key features and comparisons are presented, and there is a logical progression of information.

The introduction effectively introduces the topic and the overall trends observed. The body paragraphs discuss the changes in milk production over the three specified years for each country, highlighting the significant increases and decreases. The use of data to support the descriptions is commendable.

The conclusion summarizes the main points but could be more fully extended to reinforce the overall trends observed in milk production.

How to improve:
To improve, consider expanding the conclusion to provide a more comprehensive summary of the trends observed in milk production across all countries and years. Additionally, ensure that the language used is consistently clear and precise. Some sentences are a bit convoluted and could benefit from simplification for enhanced clarity.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.5

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a relatively clear organization of information, presenting a structured overview of milk production across four countries over three different time frames. The introduction provides a concise overview, mentioning the nations and the years under consideration. The body paragraphs are segregated concerning time periods and countries, facilitating comprehension. However, there are instances where the relationships between sentences could be further developed for smoother transitions. The essay utilizes cohesive devices to some extent, aiding in connecting ideas and events across timeframes and countries. Paragraphing is somewhat logical, though it could be refined for better flow and coherence.

How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion, focus on improving the transitional phrases between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure a smoother flow of ideas by strengthening the relationships between them. Additionally, consider more diverse and precise cohesive devices to reinforce connections between information. Reassess paragraph structure to create a more systematic flow, aligning each paragraph more closely with a distinct central theme or idea. This would help in better organizing and presenting the information in a more cohesive manner.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary, covering the description of data related to milk production across four countries in different years. The essay employs terms such as "tremendous rise," "minimal reduction," "sharp increases," and "negative correlation" to present the changes in production quantities. There’s an attempt to use varied vocabulary beyond basic terms, but some inaccuracies and repetitions are evident. There are occasional errors in word choice and collocation that slightly impede precision and fluency.

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource and aim for a higher band score:

  • Aim for greater variety in vocabulary, utilizing synonyms and diverse expressions more consistently.
  • Work on using less common lexical items with greater accuracy.
  • Focus on improving word choice and collocation to convey ideas more precisely.
  • Proofread the text to rectify repetitive words and refine vocabulary usage to avoid occasional inaccuracies.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.5

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms throughout its structure. It effectively presents the main features and comparisons of milk production among four countries in 1990, 2000, and 2010. There is a good attempt at utilizing varied sentence structures, though some grammatical errors and awkward phrasings are noticeable. The essay generally communicates the information effectively but lacks consistency in accuracy and complexity.

How to improve:
To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, consider refining sentence structures further by incorporating a wider variety of complex sentence forms. Additionally, pay closer attention to grammar and punctuation errors, aiming for more precise and error-free expression to elevate the overall quality of the essay. Regular practice focusing on diverse sentence structures and meticulous proofreading can significantly improve the clarity and accuracy of your writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided table illustrates the annual milk production in four distinct countries during the years 1990, 2000, and 2010. Overall, a significant increase in milk production is evident for Tanzania and Guatemala over the surveyed period, while the Netherlands consistently maintained the highest production, with Guatemala consistently having the lowest output.

In the 1990s, the Netherlands claimed the leading position, producing 11,262,000 liters, slightly surpassing Australia. Tanzania retained the third position with 87,000 liters, four times higher than Guatemala. A decade later, both the Netherlands and Australia experienced marginal decreases, producing 11,550,000 and 11,105,000 liters, respectively. In contrast, Tanzania and Guatemala witnessed substantial increases, reaching approximately 142,000 and 55,000 liters, respectively.

By 2010, the Netherlands continued to dominate, while Australia’s production dwindled to 84,000 liters, showcasing a negative correlation. Tanzania and Guatemala saw modest gains, producing 155,000 and 84,000 liters, respectively. Australia’s production, on the other hand, displayed a significant negative correlation, with an output of approximately 9.2 million liters.

This improved essay maintains the original data points, ensuring grammatical accuracy, structural consistency, and appropriate vocabulary usage for the given proficiency level.

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