You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. 30 BÀI VIẾT LUẬN MẪU B1B2 – VSTEP.pdf – Chỉ đọc KERXH Studying abroad may be one of the most beneficial experiences for a student. When studying abroad, students have the opportunity to study in a foreign nation and obtain an international degree which is an advantage for their future personal devel at and better job opportunities. However, students also have a number of difficulties such as language barrier and homesickness. Write an essay to an educated reader to discuss the advantages and disadvantages of studying overseas. Include reasons and any relevant examples to support your answer. You should write at least 250 words. Your response will be evaluated in terms of Task fulfillment, Organization, Vocabulary and Grammar.

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

30 BÀI VIẾT LUẬN MẪU B1B2 – VSTEP.pdf – Chỉ đọc

KERXH

Studying abroad may be one of the most beneficial experiences for a student. When studying abroad, students have the opportunity to study in a foreign nation and obtain an international degree which is an advantage for their future personal devel at and better job opportunities. However, students also have a number of difficulties such as language barrier and homesickness.

Write an essay to an educated reader to discuss the advantages and disadvantages of studying overseas. Include reasons and any relevant examples to support your answer. You should write at least 250 words. Your response will be evaluated in terms of Task fulfillment, Organization, Vocabulary and Grammar.

In recent years, more and more students are becoming interested in studying abroad. It is apparent that studying overseas offers students a life-changing opportunity; however, some people argue that they have to cope with a variety of obstacles when taking overseas courses. This essay will shed light on both the advantages and disadvantages of this tendency because of the following reasons.
On the one hand, studying abroad has benefits in several ways. First and foremost, foreign educational institutions provide students with better courses compared to those in their homeland. Obviously, students are taught by prestigious teachers from well-known universities in the world, which allows them to acquire the best skills. Furthermore, when obtaining an international qualification, students may seek better job opportunities which contribute to higher standard of living in the future. Another merit is that when studying a foreign country students are able to develop independence. Living in another country helps students commence learning how to do things on their own such as do household chores, cooking, manage time and money. Another point to make is that they must become more mature and gain more valuable skills. Last but not least, students have more chances to widen their knowledge and relationships. For example, meeting a great deal of people not only builds more new friendships, but also explores new destinations in a new country which assists them more easily adapt to their new life.
On the other hand, overseas students have to encounter plenty of challenges. One of the most obvious drawbacks is that living alone in a strange country results in homesickness and culture shock. Living far away from home influences students to feel so lonely and depressed that they cannot concentrate on study. Another point essential to consider is that they find it difficult to adapt to a new culture, which leaves negative effects on mental and physical health. A further point to discuss is that language barrier is another detrimental side of overseas life. Mastering a foreign language is a challenging task, therefore, numerous students face difficulty in communication with foreigners. The final demerit is that studying abroad cost a lot of money because of the high cost of living and expensive tuitions fees in a foreign country, many student must to get a part-time job after school to earn more money, which lead to their academic performance negatively.
To sum up, it is believed that studying abroad has its own benefits and shortcomings. Although there are downsides of learning, students should be considered learning abroad to build a brighter future.

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Errors and Improvements:

1. "more and more students" -> "an increasing number of students"
   Explanation: "More and more" is somewhat informal and repetitive. "An increasing number of students" maintains formality and clarity.

2. "It is apparent that" -> "It is evident that"
   Explanation: "It is apparent that" and "It is evident that" are both common in formal writing, but "evident" is slightly more precise and formal.

3. "they have to cope with a variety of obstacles" -> "they encounter various challenges"
   Explanation: "Cope with" is less formal than "encounter," and "obstacles" can be replaced with "challenges" for a more precise and academic term.

4. "because of the following reasons" -> "for the following reasons"
   Explanation: "Because of" is slightly informal in this context. "For the following reasons" is a more formal alternative.

5. "First and foremost" -> "Primarily"
   Explanation: "First and foremost" is a common phrase but can be replaced with "Primarily" for a more concise and formal expression.

6. "Obviously" -> "Clearly"
   Explanation: "Obviously" may come across as slightly informal. "Clearly" is a suitable replacement that maintains the intended meaning.

7. "merit" -> "advantage"
   Explanation: While "merit" is not incorrect, "advantage" is a more common and precise term in academic writing.

8. "commence learning" -> "begin learning"
   Explanation: "Commence" is a bit formal and stiff. "Begin" is a simpler and more widely understood term.

9. "more valuable skills" -> "valuable skills"
   Explanation: The word "more" is unnecessary here. "Valuable skills" conveys the intended meaning concisely.

10. "Last but not least" -> "Finally"
    Explanation: "Last but not least" is a bit informal. "Finally" serves the same purpose in a more formal manner.

11. "have more chances to widen" -> "have greater opportunities to broaden"
    Explanation: "More chances to widen" is somewhat awkward. "Greater opportunities to broaden" is clearer and more formal.

12. "a great deal of people" -> "a multitude of people"
    Explanation: "A great deal of" is less formal. "A multitude of" is a more sophisticated alternative.

13. "assist them more easily adapt" -> "facilitate their adaptation"
    Explanation: "Assist them more easily adapt" is grammatically incorrect. "Facilitate their adaptation" is clearer and more formal.

14. "have to encounter plenty of challenges" -> "encounter numerous challenges"
    Explanation: "Plenty of" is slightly informal. "Numerous" is a more formal and precise term.

15. "One of the most obvious drawbacks is that" -> "Among the most evident drawbacks is"
    Explanation: "One of the most obvious drawbacks" is a bit verbose. "Among the most evident drawbacks" is more concise and formal.

16. "living alone in a strange country" -> "residing independently in a foreign country"
    Explanation: "Living alone" can be replaced with "residing independently" for a more formal expression.

17. "results in homesickness and culture shock" -> "leads to feelings of homesickness and culture shock"
    Explanation: "Results in" is less formal. "Leads to" is more appropriate in academic writing.

18. "so lonely and depressed that they cannot concentrate" -> "so lonely and despondent that they struggle to concentrate"
    Explanation: "So lonely and depressed" is slightly informal. "So lonely and despondent" maintains formality, and "struggle to concentrate" is a more precise expression.

19. "point essential to consider is" -> "essential point to consider is"
    Explanation: "Point essential to consider is" is grammatically incorrect. "Essential point to consider is" is the correct word order.

20. "leaves negative effects on mental and physical health" -> "has adverse effects on mental and physical health"
    Explanation: "Leaves negative effects on" is awkward. "Has adverse effects on" is a more concise and formal phrase.

21. "a further point to discuss is" -> "another aspect to consider is"
    Explanation: "A further point to discuss is" is slightly informal. "Another aspect to consider is" is a more formal alternative.

22. "language barrier is another detrimental side of overseas life" -> "language barrier presents another challenge of living abroad"
    Explanation: "Detrimental side of overseas life" is somewhat informal and redundant. "Presents another challenge of living abroad" is more formal and precise.

23. "a challenging task, therefore" -> "a challenging task; therefore"
    Explanation: "Therefore" is a conjunction that usually follows a semicolon for formal writing.

24. "numerous students face difficulty in communication" -> "many students encounter difficulty in communication"
    Explanation: "Numerous" is less formal than "many," and "face" can be replaced with "encounter" for a more formal tone.

25. "lead to their academic performance negatively" -> "negatively impact their academic performance"
    Explanation: "Lead to their academic performance negatively" is awkwardly phrased. "Negatively impact their academic performance" is clearer and more formal.

26. "it is believed that" -> "it is argued that"
    Explanation: "It is believed that" is somewhat informal. "It is argued that" maintains formality and clarity.

27. "should be considered learning abroad" -> "should consider studying abroad"
    Explanation: "Should be considered learning abroad" is awkward. "Should consider studying abroad" is a clearer and more concise expression.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of studying abroad as outlined in the prompt. It discusses benefits such as access to better courses, improved job opportunities, development of independence, and the chance to broaden knowledge and relationships. Additionally, it touches upon drawbacks including homesickness, culture shock, language barrier, and financial burden.
  • How to improve: While the essay does cover both aspects, some points lack depth and specificity. Providing more detailed examples and elaborating on each advantage and disadvantage would enhance the completeness of the response.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, presenting both the advantages and disadvantages of studying abroad without overt bias towards either perspective. It begins by acknowledging the benefits and drawbacks, then concludes by suggesting that despite the challenges, studying abroad can lead to a brighter future.
  • How to improve: To strengthen clarity, the essay could explicitly state the author’s position in the introduction or conclusion, clarifying whether they believe the benefits outweigh the drawbacks or vice versa.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas adequately, providing examples to support both advantages and disadvantages of studying abroad. However, some points lack elaboration, and the examples provided could be more varied and detailed.
  • How to improve: To extend and support ideas effectively, the essay could incorporate more diverse examples and delve deeper into the implications of each advantage and disadvantage. This would provide a richer understanding for the reader.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the advantages and disadvantages of studying abroad as instructed. However, there are instances of slight deviation, such as the brief mention of loneliness and depression without a direct link to the disadvantages listed in the prompt.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that all points made directly relate to the advantages and disadvantages outlined in the prompt. Avoid introducing tangential topics that do not contribute to the main discussion.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the benefits and drawbacks of studying abroad, there is room for improvement in terms of depth, clarity, and relevance. By providing more specific examples, maintaining a consistent position, elaborating on ideas, and staying closely aligned with the topic, the essay could achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of ideas. It begins with an introduction that outlines the intention to discuss both advantages and disadvantages of studying abroad. Each paragraph thereafter presents either a benefit or a drawback, offering reasons and examples to support the argument. However, there are instances where the progression of ideas could be smoother. For example, transitioning between paragraphs could be more seamless to enhance the overall coherence.
  • How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider using transitional phrases or sentences to connect ideas between paragraphs more effectively. Additionally, ensure that the order of points follows a clear progression, with each paragraph building upon the previous one logically.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs to separate different aspects of the discussion, which aids readability. Each paragraph focuses on either the advantages or disadvantages of studying abroad, providing detailed explanations and examples. However, some paragraphs contain multiple ideas without clear delineation, which can confuse the reader.
  • How to improve: Aim for clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to signal the main idea. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph discusses only one main point and provides sufficient elaboration before transitioning to the next idea.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases (e.g., "first and foremost," "on the other hand," "to sum up"). These cohesive devices help to connect ideas within sentences and between paragraphs, enhancing coherence. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the types of cohesive devices used and ensuring consistent usage throughout the essay.
  • How to improve: Expand the repertoire of cohesive devices beyond transitional phrases to include pronouns, demonstratives, and parallel structures. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently throughout the essay to maintain coherence and clarity.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary, incorporating a variety of terms related to the topic of studying abroad. There is evidence of attempts to use diverse vocabulary, such as "obstacles," "merit," "demerit," "drawbacks," and "detrimental side." However, there is some repetition and reliance on basic vocabulary that slightly limits the range, such as "students" and "country."
  • How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer could incorporate more sophisticated vocabulary throughout the essay. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "students," they could use synonyms like "scholars," "learners," or "academic individuals." Additionally, introducing more specialized terms related to education, culture, or personal development could enrich the vocabulary further.
• Use Vocabulary Precisely:
  • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally communicates ideas effectively, there are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the term "best skills" could be replaced with more specific skills relevant to education or career development. Furthermore, phrases like "negative effects on mental and physical health" could benefit from precise vocabulary to articulate the specific impacts.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should aim for clarity and specificity in their vocabulary choices. This can be achieved by using words that accurately convey the intended meaning. Consulting a thesaurus or vocabulary guides to find precise alternatives for common terms can assist in elevating the vocabulary usage.
• Use Correct Spelling:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a mix of accurate and inaccurate spelling. While many words are spelled correctly, there are notable errors throughout the text, such as "devel at," "commence," "tuitions fees," and "to get a part-time job after school to earn more money, which lead." These errors detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
  • How to improve: Improving spelling accuracy requires careful proofreading and attention to detail. Utilizing spelling and grammar checkers available in word processing software can help catch common errors. Additionally, dedicating time specifically for proofreading after completing the essay can minimize spelling mistakes. Developing a habit of reviewing spelling rules and practicing spelling through exercises can also contribute to improvement.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can enhance its lexical resource and overall quality, potentially leading to a higher band score in future assessments.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, it effectively employs complex sentences such as "Living far away from home influences students to feel so lonely and depressed that they cannot concentrate on study." This variety contributes to coherence and clarity in conveying ideas.
  • How to improve: To enhance the diversity and sophistication of sentence structures, consider incorporating more compound-complex sentences or employing rhetorical devices like parallelism or inversion. Additionally, varying the sentence beginnings and lengths can further enrich the essay’s expression and engagement.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates proficient control over grammar and punctuation. However, there are several instances of grammatical errors and punctuation inaccuracies throughout the essay. For example, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("Living far away from home influences students to feel so lonely and depressed that they cannot concentrate on study") and punctuation errors like missing commas or incorrect usage ("which lead to their academic performance negatively").
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it’s essential to review and practice key grammar rules, particularly regarding subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and proper comma usage. Consider proofreading the essay carefully, focusing specifically on identifying and correcting these errors. Additionally, seeking feedback from peers or tutors can provide valuable insights into areas of improvement in grammar and punctuation.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent years, an increasing number of students have shown interest in studying abroad. It is clear that studying overseas offers students a life-changing opportunity; however, some argue that they encounter various challenges when pursuing courses abroad. This essay will discuss both the advantages and disadvantages of this trend for the following reasons.

Primarily, studying abroad has several benefits. Firstly, foreign educational institutions offer students better courses compared to those in their homeland. Clearly, students are taught by prestigious teachers from well-known universities around the world, enabling them to acquire valuable skills. Additionally, obtaining an international qualification opens doors to better job opportunities, contributing to a higher standard of living in the future. Another advantage is that students develop independence when residing independently in a foreign country. They begin learning how to manage household chores, cooking, and effectively manage their time and money. Moreover, they become more mature and gain valuable skills. Finally, students have greater opportunities to broaden their knowledge and relationships. For instance, meeting a multitude of people not only fosters new friendships but also allows them to explore new destinations, facilitating their adaptation to their new life.

However, studying overseas presents numerous challenges. Among the most evident drawbacks is the experience of homesickness and culture shock when living alone in a foreign country. This can lead to feelings of loneliness and despondency, making it difficult for students to concentrate on their studies. Another aspect to consider is the difficulty in adapting to a new culture, which can have adverse effects on mental and physical health. Additionally, the language barrier presents another challenge of living abroad. Mastering a foreign language is a challenging task; therefore, many students encounter difficulty in communication with foreigners. Furthermore, the high cost of living and expensive tuition fees in a foreign country make studying abroad a financial burden for many students, leading them to seek part-time jobs that negatively impact their academic performance.

In conclusion, while studying abroad offers advantages and disadvantages, it is argued that students should consider studying abroad to build a brighter future.