You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. In recent years, farming practice has changed to include methods such as genetic modification and the use of technology to improve crops. Some people believe these developments are necessary, while others regard them as dangerous and advocate a return to traditional farming methods. Discuss both points of view and give your own opinion. Write at least 250 words

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
In recent years, farming practice has changed to include methods such as
genetic modification and the use of technology to improve crops. Some
people believe these developments are necessary, while others regard them
as dangerous and advocate a return to traditional farming methods.
Discuss both points of view and give your own opinion.
Write at least 250 words

Nowadays, with the ever-increasing use of technology, agriculture is also change to keep up with the development of the world. Many people argued that these developments are essential while others believed that this brings lots of drawbacks. Although innovative methods bring some negative impacts, I believe that changing farming practice give more benefits for farming process.
On the one hand, innovative in agriculture brings a great number of advantages. First and foremost, it’s help farmer reduce overload working. For example, people can save time by using modern equipment such as plows, irrigation systems…whereas if they work by hand, they will waste a lot of time. Furthermore, use of technology help people create new kind of plants with more effectively and higher quality. Therefore, it’s enable them contribute to higher standard of living, this lead to agriculture in our country more and more develop.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Nowadays" -> "Currently"
   Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "Nowadays."

2. "is also change to keep up" -> "is also adapting to keep pace with"
   Explanation: "Adapting to keep pace with" is a more precise and formal way to express the idea of matching the pace of change in agriculture with technological advancements.

3. "Many people argued" -> "Many individuals contend"
   Explanation: "Contend" is a more formal verb that is appropriate for academic writing, replacing the less formal "argued."

4. "this brings lots of drawbacks" -> "this yields numerous drawbacks"
   Explanation: "Yields" is a more formal verb than "brings," and "numerous" is a more precise adjective than "lots of," which is too informal for academic writing.

5. "changing farming practice give more benefits" -> "the adoption of new farming practices offers more benefits"
   Explanation: "The adoption of new farming practices" is a more precise and formal way to describe the introduction of innovative methods, and "offers" is more formal than "give."

6. "it’s help farmer reduce overload working" -> "it helps farmers reduce their workload"
   Explanation: "It helps farmers reduce their workload" corrects the grammatical error and uses more formal language. "Workload" is also a more precise term than "overload working."

7. "people can save time by using modern equipment such as plows, irrigation systems…" -> "farmers can save time by utilizing modern equipment such as plows and irrigation systems"
   Explanation: "Farmers" is more specific than "people," and "utilizing" is more formal than "using." Also, the ellipsis should be replaced with a comma to maintain grammatical correctness.

8. "use of technology help people create new kind of plants" -> "the use of technology helps farmers develop new types of crops"
   Explanation: "The use of technology helps farmers develop new types of crops" is more specific and formal, replacing the vague "new kind of plants."

9. "with more effectively and higher quality" -> "with greater effectiveness and higher quality"
   Explanation: "Greater effectiveness" is a more formal and precise expression than "more effectively," which is grammatically incorrect in this context.

10. "it’s enable them contribute to higher standard of living" -> "it enables them to contribute to a higher standard of living"
    Explanation: "It enables them to contribute to a higher standard of living" corrects the grammatical error and uses "to" instead of "it’s" for clarity and formality.

11. "this lead to agriculture in our country more and more develop" -> "this leads to the continued development of agriculture in our country"
    Explanation: "This leads to the continued development of agriculture in our country" corrects the grammatical errors and uses more formal language, enhancing clarity and precision.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding modern farming practices. However, it primarily focuses on the advantages of technological advancements in agriculture while only briefly mentioning the drawbacks. The lack of a balanced discussion means that the essay does not fully answer the prompt, which requires a more equal consideration of both perspectives.
  • How to improve: To better address all parts of the question, the writer should include a more detailed exploration of the opposing view, discussing specific concerns about genetic modification and technology in farming. This could involve mentioning potential health risks, environmental impacts, or the loss of traditional farming knowledge. Additionally, ensuring that both sides are given equal weight will strengthen the overall response.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a personal opinion that favors modern farming practices, stating that they provide more benefits. However, the position is not consistently reinforced throughout the essay. The transition from discussing the advantages to the drawbacks is abrupt, and the position could be clearer if the writer explicitly stated their stance in the introduction and conclusion, linking back to it throughout the essay.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should clearly state their opinion in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. Using phrases like "In my opinion" or "I firmly believe" can help signal the writer’s stance. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph ties back to this central position will provide coherence and clarity.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas about the benefits of modern farming, such as time-saving and improved crop quality. However, these ideas are not sufficiently developed or supported with concrete examples or evidence. For instance, while the essay mentions the use of modern equipment, it does not elaborate on how this specifically benefits farmers or the agricultural industry as a whole.
  • How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples. This could include statistics on crop yields with modern methods versus traditional ones, or case studies of successful farms that have adopted technology. Expanding on each point with relevant details will make the argument more persuasive.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the discussion of modern versus traditional farming methods. However, the lack of depth in addressing both sides of the argument leads to a somewhat superficial treatment of the topic. The essay also contains some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that detract from the clarity of the argument.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that each paragraph clearly relates to the prompt and supports the overall argument. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical accuracy and clarity will help improve the essay’s coherence. Using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can also guide the reader and reinforce the main ideas being discussed.

In summary, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the writer should aim for a more balanced discussion of both viewpoints, maintain a clear position throughout, provide more detailed support for their ideas, and ensure clarity and coherence in their writing.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, introducing the topic and outlining the two opposing views regarding modern farming practices. The writer effectively states their opinion in the introduction, which is a strong point. However, the logical flow could be improved as the transition between ideas is sometimes abrupt. For instance, the shift from discussing the advantages of technology to the negative impacts is not clearly delineated, which can confuse the reader about the progression of thought.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should ensure that each paragraph has a clear focus and that transitions between ideas are smooth. Using phrases like "On the other hand" or "Conversely" can help signal shifts in perspective. Additionally, outlining the main points before writing could help in structuring the essay more coherently.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but they lack clear separation of ideas. The first paragraph combines the introduction and the writer’s opinion, while the second paragraph mixes advantages and implications without a clear topic sentence. This can lead to a lack of clarity in the argument being presented.
  • How to improve: Each paragraph should ideally focus on a single main idea. The writer could benefit from starting a new paragraph for each distinct point, such as one for the advantages of technology in farming and another for the drawbacks. Additionally, including topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph would help clarify the main idea being discussed.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "for example" and "therefore," which help connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some sentences feel disjointed due to a lack of appropriate linking words. For instance, the phrase "this lead to agriculture in our country more and more develop" lacks clarity and proper connection to the previous sentence.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. Examples include "in addition," "furthermore," and "as a result." Additionally, ensuring grammatical accuracy in sentences will enhance cohesion; for example, correcting "this lead to" to "this leads to" would improve clarity and flow.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear opinion, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some effective use of terms related to agriculture and technology. Phrases like "ever-increasing use of technology," "innovative methods," and "modern equipment" indicate an understanding of the topic. However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly with the use of "developments" and "agriculture," which could have been varied to enhance the essay’s richness.
  • How to improve: To improve lexical variety, consider incorporating synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeating "developments," you could use "advancements," "progress," or "innovations." Additionally, expanding the vocabulary related to farming practices, such as "sustainable," "traditional techniques," or "crop yield," would provide more depth to your arguments.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "this brings lots of drawbacks" is vague; it would be more effective to specify what "this" refers to and what the drawbacks are. Additionally, the term "overload working" is awkward and unclear; a more precise term would be "overwork" or "excessive labor."
  • How to improve: Focus on using more precise language to convey your ideas clearly. For instance, instead of saying "this brings lots of drawbacks," you might say, "this can lead to significant environmental concerns." Always ensure that the vocabulary used accurately reflects the intended meaning and context.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that detract from its overall quality. For example, "change" should be "changed," "argued" should be "argues," and "it’s" should be "it helps." These errors indicate a lack of attention to detail and can affect the reader’s understanding.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, it is advisable to proofread your essay carefully before submission. Consider using spell-check tools or writing practice exercises that focus on commonly misspelled words. Additionally, familiarize yourself with the correct forms of verbs and other parts of speech to avoid basic grammatical errors.

In summary, while the essay shows a foundational understanding of the topic and employs some relevant vocabulary, there is significant room for improvement in terms of lexical variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, you can enhance the overall quality of your writing and potentially achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, but it primarily relies on simple and compound sentences. For instance, phrases like "Many people argued that these developments are essential while others believed that this brings lots of drawbacks" show an attempt to contrast viewpoints, but the structure remains basic. Additionally, the use of phrases such as "First and foremost" and "On the one hand" indicates an effort to organize thoughts, yet the overall complexity of the sentences is limited.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences, such as those using subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "it’s help farmer reduce overload working," a more complex structure could be "it helps farmers to reduce their workload significantly, which allows them to focus on other important tasks." Practicing the use of relative clauses, conditional sentences, and varied conjunctions will also contribute to a richer grammatical range.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, "agriculture is also change" should be "agriculture is also changing," indicating a tense error. The phrase "it’s help farmer reduce overload working" contains subject-verb agreement issues and awkward phrasing; it should be "it helps farmers reduce their workload." Additionally, the use of ellipses in "such as plows, irrigation systems…" is incorrect; it should be followed by a complete thought or omitted.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, and sentence structure. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on common errors, will be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading the essay for punctuation and grammatical errors before submission can help catch mistakes. For instance, ensuring that commas are used correctly to separate clauses will enhance clarity, as seen in the sentence "this lead to agriculture in our country more and more develop," which should be revised to "this leads to the development of agriculture in our country."

In summary, while the essay presents some valid points and attempts to engage with the topic, significant improvements in grammatical range and accuracy are necessary to achieve a higher band score. Focusing on diversifying sentence structures and correcting grammatical errors will greatly enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Currently, with the ever-increasing use of technology, agriculture is also adapting to keep pace with the development of the world. Many individuals contend that these advancements are necessary, while others regard them as dangerous and advocate a return to traditional farming methods. Although innovative practices yield numerous drawbacks, I believe that the adoption of new farming practices offers more benefits for the farming process.

On the one hand, innovations in agriculture bring a great number of advantages. First and foremost, they help farmers reduce their workload. For example, individuals can save time by utilizing modern equipment such as plows and irrigation systems. In contrast, if they were to work by hand, they would waste a significant amount of time. Furthermore, the use of technology helps farmers develop new types of crops with greater effectiveness and higher quality. Therefore, it enables them to contribute to a higher standard of living, which leads to the continued development of agriculture in our country.

In conclusion, while there are concerns regarding the safety and implications of modern farming methods, I firmly believe that the benefits they provide far outweigh the drawbacks. Embracing technology and innovative practices is essential for the advancement of agriculture and the improvement of farmers’ lives.