You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Many people use written language in a less formal way and in a relaxed way than in the past. Why is that so? Does this development have more advantages or disadvantages?
It is unarguable that written language has been developing into an informal and intimate way of communication than it was in the past. This essay will give opinions on the root of the evolution of writing forms and why this is a beneficial development.
Initially, factors driving said evolution can be summed down to the nature of language and the demands in daily life. To begin with, written languages are merely one form of expression, therefore it is meant to be changed and adapted based on the environment and the period. To demonstrate, a contemporary poem is utterly worded differently from an ancient one. Additionally, it is an undebatable fact that there is no need for such formal language in daily life. Therefore, it has been developing into a much more straightforward and, on some occasions, casual one.
This is proclaimed to be a useful transformation because it enriches the linguistic pools and makes language accessible to everyone. Firstly, it can be seen as an eradication of existing linguistics achievements in order to create new forms of writing; nevertheless, most people tend to preserve past accomplishments, as well as base on them to evolve, rather than erase history. Thus, the evolution not only solves the problem of losing ancient literature feats but also enriches the pool. At the same time, by simplifying written language, they can make it accessible to all groups of people. To illustrate, a child cannot comprehend a classic novel but can read educating comic books.
In conclusion, the evolution of written language can be linked to the nature of language and daily life demands, and it is proven to be a beneficial development. Hence, people should accept the change with an open mind and preserve the past’s accomplishments.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
"It is unarguable that" -> "It is indisputable that"
Explanation: Replacing "unarguable" with "indisputable" maintains formality and introduces a more sophisticated synonym, aligning with academic language.
"summed down to" -> "attributed to" or "traced back to"
Explanation: "Summed down to" is colloquial; using "attributed to" or "traced back to" conveys a more formal and precise connection between factors and the evolution of written language.
"utterly worded differently" -> "differently articulated"
Explanation: "Utterly worded differently" is somewhat informal. The substitution with "differently articulated" enhances formality without sacrificing clarity.
"an undebatable fact" -> "an indisputable fact" or "a fact beyond dispute"
Explanation: "Undebatable" can be replaced with "indisputable" or "a fact beyond dispute" for a more formal expression in an academic context.
"Therefore" (at the beginning of a sentence) -> "Hence" or "Consequently"
Explanation: Using "Hence" or "Consequently" enhances the transition between ideas, adhering to academic style.
"proclaimed to be" -> "considered"
Explanation: "Proclaimed to be" is somewhat informal. Replacing it with "considered" maintains the tone while introducing a more formal expression.
"linguistics achievements" -> "linguistic achievements"
Explanation: The correction involves removing the plural "s" from "linguistics" as "linguistic achievements" is the correct form.
"eradication of existing" -> "elimination of current"
Explanation: "Eradication" is a bit strong; using "elimination" provides a more measured and formal tone.
"as well as" -> "and"
Explanation: In formal writing, it’s preferable to use "and" instead of "as well as" for conciseness and clarity.
"To illustrate" -> "For example"
Explanation: "For example" is a more straightforward and commonly used transition in academic writing.
"cannot comprehend" -> "may struggle to comprehend"
Explanation: Softening the statement by using "may struggle to comprehend" adds nuance and avoids sounding overly definitive.
"change with an open mind" -> "embrace change with an open mind"
Explanation: Adding "embrace" provides a more positive and proactive tone.
Note: While the original text had few errors, the suggested improvements aim to elevate the formality and precision of the language to align better with academic writing standards.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Quoted text: "It is unarguable that written language has been developing into an informal and intimate way of communication than it was in the past. This essay will give opinions on the root of the evolution of writing forms and why this is a beneficial development."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: While your introduction attempts to establish the context, it lacks a clear thesis statement that explicitly outlines your position on the topic. It’s crucial to clearly state whether you believe the shift towards informal written language is advantageous or disadvantageous. Provide a concise roadmap of the main points you’ll discuss in the essay to improve clarity.
- Improved example: "The evolution of written language towards informality is undeniable. This essay contends that this transformation is beneficial, exploring the root causes and advantages of this shift. I will discuss how changes in language nature and daily life demands contribute to this evolution and why it is advantageous."
Quoted text: "Additionally, it is an undebatable fact that there is no need for such formal language in daily life. Therefore, it has been developing into a much more straightforward and, on some occasions, casual one."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: Your point about the lack of necessity for formal language in daily life is well-made, but it would be stronger if you provided concrete examples or scenarios where informal language is more suitable. This would add depth to your argument and make it more convincing.
- Improved example: "Furthermore, the absence of a requirement for formal language in daily interactions is evident in various situations. For instance, casual conversations with friends or quick exchanges in a digital environment seldom demand the formality associated with traditional written language."
Quoted text: "Firstly, it can be seen as an eradication of existing linguistics achievements in order to create new forms of writing; nevertheless, most people tend to preserve past accomplishments, as well as base on them to evolve, rather than erase history."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: While your argument acknowledges the importance of preserving linguistic achievements, it becomes somewhat unclear in its expression. Provide specific examples of how new forms of writing do not necessarily erase history but build upon existing accomplishments, reinforcing your point.
- Improved example: "The evolution of written language is akin to building upon the foundations of linguistic achievements rather than eradicating them. For instance, contemporary writers often draw inspiration from classical literature, maintaining a connection with the past while forging new linguistic paths."
Overall, your essay addresses the task, presents a clear position, and supports ideas with relevant examples. However, refining your thesis statement and providing more concrete examples in your arguments can enhance the overall clarity and persuasiveness of your essay.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information and ideas, providing a clear progression throughout the essay. The introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion are well-structured. The use of cohesive devices is evident, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. There is a variety of linking words and phrases used appropriately, although there is a minor instance of overuse. The central topic within each paragraph is clear, contributing to the essay’s overall coherence.
How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion further, the writer should be cautious about the slightly overused cohesive device in the essay. Additionally, more diverse and sophisticated cohesive devices can be incorporated to elevate the overall quality of the writing. It would be beneficial to ensure that the evolution of language is consistently tied to the central theme in each paragraph, avoiding any potential tangential discussions. Overall, maintaining this level of organization while refining the use of cohesive devices will contribute to a higher band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task. It attempts to use less common vocabulary and showcases some awareness of style and collocation, although with occasional inaccuracies. There are a few errors in word choice and some lapses in word formation, but these do not severely impede communication.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, strive for greater precision in word choice and collocation. Expand on less common vocabulary use with increased accuracy. Focus on refining word formation and spelling to minimize errors, thereby strengthening overall communication effectiveness.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation, utilizing a variety of complex sentence structures. The majority of sentences are error-free, with occasional minor errors that do not significantly impede communication. The writer exhibits control over grammar and punctuation, contributing to a coherent and effective expression of ideas.
How to improve: To elevate the score to Band 8, the writer should strive for even greater accuracy and flexibility in sentence structures. While the essay already incorporates a variety of complex sentences, ensuring that these structures are consistently error-free will further enhance the overall grammatical range and accuracy. Additionally, attention to minor errors and fine-tuning of language use can contribute to a more polished and sophisticated presentation.
Bài sửa mẫu
It is indisputable that the written language has evolved into a more informal and intimate mode of communication compared to the past. This essay aims to provide insights into the reasons behind this evolution and why it is a beneficial development.
The transformation in writing styles can be attributed to the nature of language and the requirements of daily life. Written language, being a form of expression, naturally undergoes changes to adapt to the environment and the era. For example, a modern poem is differently articulated compared to an ancient one. Moreover, the elimination of excessively formal language from everyday life is considered a positive shift. There is no denying that formal language is not a necessity in daily interactions, leading to the development of a more straightforward and occasionally casual written form.
This change is considered beneficial as it not only broadens the linguistic achievements but also makes language accessible to a wider audience. While some argue that it involves the eradication of existing linguistic accomplishments to create new writing forms, most people tend to preserve past achievements as a foundation for evolution, rather than completely eliminating them. Therefore, this evolution not only prevents the loss of ancient literary feats but also enriches the linguistic pool. Simultaneously, simplifying written language makes it comprehensible to diverse groups of people. For instance, a child may struggle to comprehend a classic novel but can easily engage with educational comic books.
In conclusion, the evolution of written language is closely linked to the nature of language and the demands of daily life. This transformation is proven to be advantageous, as it enriches linguistic diversity and ensures language accessibility for all. It is essential for people to embrace this change with an open mind, appreciating both the past accomplishments and the ongoing evolution of written language.