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You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Some people believe teenagers should focus on all subjects equally, whereas other people think that they should concentrate on only those subjects that they find interesting and they are best at. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic:
Some people believe teenagers should focus on all subjects equally, whereas other people think that they should concentrate on only those subjects that they find interesting and they are best at.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Divergent views have persisted when it comes to interdisciplinary or specialized educational approaches. Although each option presents specific benefits for students, which would be examined in the following essay, I lean towards the all-rounded curriculum for youngsters.

On the one hand, subject specialization has certain understandable merits for students’ academic and career paths. For the former, allocating all resources, including time, money and effort, into particular subjects of students' interest enables them to stand more opportunities in achieving the fulfilling results. For the latter, education specialization deepens students' competencies in a chosen field, thus granting them with upper-hand advantages in their career preparation. To exemplify, English-majored students win more chances in such professions as pedagogy, while those specializing in math or informatics potentially excel in the field of computer science. Therefore, an increasing number of parents and students choose this pathway to be well-prepared for the more and more competitive labor market.

On the other hand, I content that a well-rounded education would be more beneficial for youngsters. In terms of profession paths, it is undeniable that today’s fiercely competitive labor market requires more life skills beyond expertise to succeed. For this reason, multidisciplinary curriculum is of great essence in nurturing versatile individuals, who are capable of navigating various work-related aspects. Regarding life quality, an education complying its holistic principles can well prepare students for a more satisfactory life. For example, along with students’ chosen subjects to serve their career, biology can provide them with healthcare guidelines, history can foster their patriotism or the motives for their nonstop striving, or physical education can bring them the immediate balance between physical and mental health.

In conclusion, I fully acknowledge the career path’s benefits of educational specialization, yet I advocate the opportunities for students to access all subjects. While both bring preparation for their future professions, the latter could bring more advantages regarding students’ living standards.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "I lean towards the all-rounded curriculum" -> "I advocate for a comprehensive curriculum"
    Explanation: "All-rounded" is colloquial and less formal. "Comprehensive" is a more sophisticated term suitable for academic writing, conveying the idea of a well-rounded education encompassing various subjects and skills.

  2. "allocating all resources, including time, money and effort, into particular subjects" -> "devoting resources, including time, finances, and effort, to specific subjects"
    Explanation: "Allocating" is appropriate, but specifying "all resources" is redundant. "Devoting resources" maintains the meaning while improving conciseness. Additionally, "money" is replaced with "finances" for a more formal tone, and the parallel structure is maintained by listing all resources.

  3. "enables them to stand more opportunities" -> "provides them with greater opportunities"
    Explanation: "Stand more opportunities" is awkward and lacks clarity. "Provides them with greater opportunities" conveys the intended meaning more clearly and formally.

  4. "granting them with upper-hand advantages" -> "providing them with competitive advantages"
    Explanation: "Granting them with upper-hand advantages" is redundant and overly colloquial. "Providing them with competitive advantages" is more concise and academically appropriate.

  5. "I content that a well-rounded education" -> "I contend that a well-rounded education"
    Explanation: "Content" should be "contend" for correct verb usage. "Contend" means to argue or assert, which fits the context of the sentence.

  6. "In terms of profession paths" -> "In terms of career paths"
    Explanation: "Profession paths" is awkward and less precise. "Career paths" is a more appropriate term for discussing professional trajectories.

  7. "it is undeniable that today’s fiercely competitive labor market requires more life skills beyond expertise" -> "it is indisputable that today’s fiercely competitive labor market demands a broader range of skills beyond technical expertise"
    Explanation: "Undeniable" is informal; "indisputable" is a more formal synonym. "Requires more life skills beyond expertise" is vague and lacks specificity; "demands a broader range of skills beyond technical expertise" clarifies the requirement for a wider skill set in the competitive job market.

  8. "multidisciplinary curriculum is of great essence" -> "a multidisciplinary curriculum is of great importance"
    Explanation: "Of great essence" is an awkward phrase; "of great importance" is a more suitable alternative, maintaining formality and clarity.

  9. "nurturing versatile individuals, who are capable of navigating various work-related aspects" -> "fostering versatile individuals capable of navigating diverse work-related challenges"
    Explanation: "Nurturing versatile individuals" is correct but can be enhanced for clarity and formality. "Challenges" is a more precise term than "aspects" in the context of work-related issues.

  10. "Regarding life quality" -> "In terms of quality of life"
    Explanation: "Regarding life quality" is informal; "In terms of quality of life" is a more appropriate and formal phrase for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views presented in the prompt—specializing in subjects of interest versus pursuing a well-rounded education. The writer discusses the benefits of both approaches and concludes with a personal opinion.
    • How to improve: While the essay touches on both perspectives, a more balanced discussion with deeper exploration of the opposing view could strengthen the analysis. Offering specific examples related to each perspective would enhance the depth of the argument.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The writer’s position supporting a well-rounded education is clear and consistent throughout the essay. The stance is presented in the introduction and elaborated upon in the body paragraphs.
    • How to improve: To further strengthen clarity, reiterate the chosen stance in the conclusion for emphasis, summarizing why this perspective is favored over the opposing view.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas with examples to support both perspectives effectively. For instance, examples of career advantages from specialization and life skills gained from a well-rounded education are provided.
    • How to improve: To extend ideas further, include more detailed examples and consider connecting them explicitly back to the central argument. This can deepen the impact of the examples on the overall analysis.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the contrasting views on educational focus and supporting the writer’s position with relevant examples.
    • How to improve: To enhance focus, ensure that every paragraph directly relates back to the prompt and the essay’s main argument. Avoid introducing tangential points that do not contribute directly to the discussion.

Overall, this essay effectively addresses the prompt by presenting contrasting views on educational focus and advocating for a well-rounded approach. To enhance the score, deeper analysis of opposing viewpoints and stronger integration of examples could further enrich the discussion. Additionally, reinforcing the chosen stance in the conclusion would enhance the clarity and impact of the argument presented.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable level of logical organization. It follows a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. Each paragraph is dedicated to presenting a different perspective, effectively laying out the arguments for and against subject specialization before providing the author’s opinion. Transitions between paragraphs are smooth, guiding the reader through the essay seamlessly.
    • How to improve: While the overall organization is strong, there could be further clarity in signaling transitions between the opposing viewpoints. Consider using more explicit transitional phrases or sentences to indicate shifts from discussing one perspective to the other, enhancing coherence further.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay is appropriately divided into paragraphs, facilitating readability and aiding in the presentation of distinct ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic, such as the benefits of subject specialization or the advantages of a well-rounded education. However, the paragraph discussing the benefits of subject specialization could be more developed to provide a deeper analysis of the advantages mentioned.
    • How to improve: Strengthen the paragraph discussing subject specialization by providing additional examples or elaborating further on how specialization enhances career prospects. This would ensure consistency in the depth of discussion across all paragraphs and contribute to a more balanced argument.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas and maintain coherence throughout. Transition words and phrases such as "on the one hand," "on the other hand," "in conclusion," and "for example" effectively guide the reader through the different sections of the essay and highlight key points. Additionally, cohesive devices within sentences, such as pronouns and parallel structures, contribute to the overall coherence.
    • How to improve: While cohesive devices are used proficiently, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases to add nuance to the connections between ideas. This could include using synonyms for commonly used transitional phrases or integrating cohesive devices within sentences more creatively to enhance cohesion further.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable breadth of vocabulary, incorporating a variety of terms to convey nuanced ideas. For instance, phrases such as "interdisciplinary," "specialized educational approaches," "all-rounded curriculum," "allocating all resources," "deepens students’ competencies," "versatile individuals," and "holistic principles" enrich the discussion and exhibit lexical diversity.
    • How to improve: While the essay effectively utilizes a wide range of vocabulary, there is room for enhancement through the incorporation of more sophisticated or contextually precise terms. For instance, instead of using "versatile," consider employing alternatives like "adaptable," "multifaceted," or "versatile," depending on the intended emphasis or connotation. Additionally, varying the sentence structures and experimenting with more advanced vocabulary can further elevate the lexical richness of the essay.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a commendable level of precision in vocabulary usage, effectively conveying ideas with clarity and accuracy. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precisely employed to enhance the specificity of expression. For example, the phrase "well-rounded education" could be further elucidated with terms like "comprehensive education," "holistic learning," or "broad-based curriculum" to provide greater clarity regarding the concept being discussed.
    • How to improve: To enhance precision in vocabulary usage, consider carefully selecting terms that precisely encapsulate the intended meaning and context of the discussion. Avoid using generic or ambiguous terms that may obscure the clarity of the message. Additionally, consulting a thesaurus or exploring synonyms can help identify more precise alternatives to effectively communicate ideas.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy, with few noticeable errors detracting from overall readability. However, there are occasional instances of misspellings or typographical errors that warrant attention. For instance, "content" is used instead of "contend" in the phrase "I content that a well-rounded education would be more beneficial for youngsters."
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider employing strategies such as thorough proofreading, utilizing spell-check tools, and reviewing commonly misspelled words. Additionally, developing a habit of revising written work with a focus on identifying and correcting spelling errors can contribute to enhanced accuracy and professionalism in written communication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, ranging from complex compound sentences to simpler declarative ones. For instance, there is effective use of subordinate clauses ("Although each option presents specific benefits for students, which would be examined in the following essay") alongside more straightforward sentences ("On the one hand… On the other hand…"). The writer employs transitions effectively to connect ideas and maintain coherence.
    • How to improve: While the essay showcases a good variety of sentence structures, incorporating more complex structures such as inverted sentences or conditional clauses could further enhance the sophistication of the writing. Introducing rhetorical questions or parallelism can also add depth and nuance to the arguments presented.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and punctuation overall. Sentences are generally well-structured and grammatically sound, with only minor errors present. For example, there are occasional instances of missing articles ("a well-rounded education would be more beneficial for youngsters") and slight tense inconsistencies ("I content that a well-rounded education would be more beneficial for youngsters" – "I contend that…"). Punctuation is mostly accurate, though there are a few instances where it could be improved for clarity.
    • How to improve: To further improve grammatical accuracy, it’s essential to pay attention to article usage and ensure consistency in verb tense throughout the essay. Proofreading carefully for punctuation errors such as missing commas or misplaced apostrophes can also help enhance the overall clarity and coherence of the writing.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong grasp of grammatical structures and punctuation conventions, contributing to its effective communication of ideas. With some attention to refining sentence structures and ensuring consistent grammar and punctuation usage, the essay could potentially achieve an even higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

There are differing opinions regarding whether teenagers should have a broad education covering all subjects equally or focus solely on those they find interesting and excel at. While both approaches offer benefits, I advocate for a comprehensive curriculum that encompasses all subjects.

On one hand, there are clear advantages to specializing in certain subjects. Devoting resources, including time, finances, and effort, to specific subjects of interest can provide students with greater opportunities for success. Additionally, specializing in a particular field can give students a competitive edge in their chosen career paths. For instance, students who major in English may have more opportunities in teaching, while those with a background in math or informatics may excel in computer science. Consequently, many parents and students opt for this specialized pathway to better prepare for the increasingly competitive job market.

However, I contend that a well-rounded education is more beneficial for teenagers. In terms of career paths, it is indisputable that today’s fiercely competitive labor market demands a broader range of skills beyond technical expertise. Therefore, a multidisciplinary curriculum is of great importance in fostering versatile individuals capable of navigating diverse work-related challenges. Moreover, in terms of quality of life, a holistic education can prepare students for a more satisfying life. For example, while their chosen subjects may prepare them for their careers, subjects like biology can provide them with essential healthcare knowledge, history can foster patriotism and motivation, and physical education can promote a balance between physical and mental well-being.

In conclusion, while I acknowledge the benefits of educational specialization in preparing for specific careers, I advocate for a comprehensive curriculum that allows students to access all subjects. Both approaches offer preparation for future professions, but a well-rounded education can provide additional advantages in terms of students’ overall quality of life.

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