You should spend no more than 20 minutes on this task. Below is a chart showing how many hours per week the average person spent on various kinds of media, including watching TV, surfing on the Internet, listening to the radio, and reading printed material. The years covered are from 1990 to 2005. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information. You should write at least 150 words.
You should spend no more than 20 minutes on this task.
Below is a chart showing how many hours per week the average person spent on various kinds of media, including watching TV, surfing on the Internet, listening to the radio, and reading printed material. The years covered are from 1990 to 2005.
Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information.
You should write at least 150 words.
The line graph illustrated the number of hours a week each person used on four different types of media from 1990 to 2005.
Overall, the television consumed the most time of each person a week through the time examined. Moreover, the number of hours used for internet and radio witnessed an upward trend from the latter half of the period while the television and printed material dropped strikingly.
As can be seen, an individual consumed the most time watching television, it was approximately 25 hours during 5 years then started its dramatic decrease from 1995, ending up with about 17 hours in 2005. Meanwhile, the number of hours spent on using the Internet was nearly 0 and from 1995 it recorded considerable development, finally peaked at 14 hours in 2005.
Furthermore, people spent around a range of time from 4 to 7 hours a week on radio and printed material in the years before 2000. Then that figure for radio rose slightly by 1 hour and that statistic of the printed material saw a dramatic decline by 5 hours, around 5 and 3 hours respectively in 2005.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
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"consumed the most time of each person" -> "accounted for the most time per person"
Explanation: "Consumed the most time of each person" is awkward and less precise. "Accounted for the most time per person" conveys the same meaning more elegantly and accurately. -
"witnessed an upward trend" -> "experienced an upward trajectory"
Explanation: "Witnessed an upward trend" is a common phrase, but "experienced an upward trajectory" adds sophistication and specificity to the language, emphasizing the directional movement over time. -
"from the latter half of the period" -> "from the latter half of the timeframe"
Explanation: "Period" can be vague in this context. "Timeframe" is more specific and clearer in referring to the range from 1990 to 2005. -
"started its dramatic decrease" -> "commenced its dramatic decline"
Explanation: "Started its dramatic decrease" is somewhat redundant and lacks precision. "Commenced its dramatic decline" is a more formal and precise alternative. -
"spent on using the Internet" -> "allocated to Internet usage"
Explanation: "Spent on using the Internet" is colloquial. "Allocated to Internet usage" is more formal and accurately reflects the distribution of time. -
"considerable development" -> "significant growth"
Explanation: "Considerable development" is vague. "Significant growth" provides a clearer and more impactful description of the increase in Internet usage. -
"that figure for radio rose slightly by 1 hour" -> "the radio figure increased marginally by 1 hour"
Explanation: "That figure for radio rose slightly by 1 hour" is somewhat awkward. "The radio figure increased marginally by 1 hour" is more concise and clear. -
"that statistic of the printed material saw a dramatic decline" -> "the statistic for printed material witnessed a dramatic decline"
Explanation: "That statistic of the printed material saw a dramatic decline" is awkward. "The statistic for printed material witnessed a dramatic decline" is more formal and clearer in meaning.
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7
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Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing a clear overview of the main trends in media consumption from 1990 to 2005. The key features of the graph are presented, with attention given to the changes in time spent on television, internet, radio, and printed material over the specified period. The trends are appropriately highlighted, and the information is mostly accurate.
How to improve: To enhance the score, consider extending the analysis by providing more detailed descriptions of the trends, such as specific years where significant changes occurred or potential reasons for the observed shifts in media consumption patterns. Additionally, ensure that all details provided are relevant to the main trends and avoid any inaccuracies in the data interpretation.
]
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7
Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a clear organization of information and ideas with a logical progression evident throughout the description of the data. The student manages to present a distinct central topic within each paragraph, which contributes to a cohesive flow. Cohesive devices are utilized, such as "Overall," "Moreover," and "Furthermore," to connect ideas smoothly across the essay. However, there is some evidence of over-use, as seen with the repetitive structure in explaining the data for each media type. While the paragraphing is clear, the transitions between ideas could be enhanced to achieve a more seamless narrative flow, aligning more closely with Band 8 criteria.
How to improve:
To enhance the score towards a Band 8, focus on varying sentence structures and cohesive devices to avoid mechanical repetition. Introduce a wider range of linkers and synonyms to enrich connections between ideas. Improve the clarity of referencing by explicitly linking data points with the corresponding years and media types without overusing certain phrases. Additionally, ensure paragraph transitions are not just clear but also enrich the logical flow, making each paragraph not only standalone in clarity but also interconnected with the overall progression of the report. Consider integrating a concluding sentence that encapsulates the trends or shifts highlighted, adding a reflective angle to the analysis.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, such as "consumed," "witnessed an upward trend," "recorded considerable development," and "dramatic decline." The writer attempts to use less common vocabulary, as seen in "witnessed an upward trend," but there are some inaccuracies and awkward phrasings, such as "the television consumed the most time of each person a week." There are also some errors in word formation, such as "consumed the most time," which should be "consumed the most time of each person." Overall, the vocabulary is somewhat varied, but there are areas for improvement in accuracy and fluency.
How to improve:
To improve, focus on using less common vocabulary more accurately and naturally. Pay attention to word choice and phrasing to ensure clarity and precision. Additionally, work on word formation to avoid awkward constructions.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, contributing to a somewhat varied grammatical range. There are attempts at complex structures, such as the use of subordinate clauses and phrasing that requires a more sophisticated understanding of grammar. However, there are noticeable errors in grammar and punctuation throughout the essay. For instance, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("the television consumed") and sentence structure ("Meanwhile, the number of hours spent on using the Internet was nearly 0 and from 1995 it recorded considerable development"). These errors occasionally reduce the clarity of communication, but the overall message is still understandable.
How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on refining sentence structures and ensuring consistency in grammar and punctuation usage. Practice constructing complex sentences accurately, paying attention to subject-verb agreement and proper punctuation. Additionally, proofread carefully to catch and correct errors before finalizing the essay.
Bài sửa mẫu
The provided line graph depicts the average weekly hours spent by individuals on four distinct types of media from 1990 to 2005.
Primarily, television usage exhibited the highest consumption throughout the period under review. Notably, internet and radio consumption demonstrated an upward trajectory during the latter half of the period, while television and printed material experienced significant declines.
It is evident that television viewing accounted for the largest portion of individuals’ time, peaking at approximately 25 hours per week in the initial years and experiencing a pronounced decline from 1995 onwards, reaching around 17 hours by 2005. Conversely, internet usage showed negligible presence initially, but experienced substantial growth from 1995 onwards, culminating in approximately 14 hours per week by 2005.
Moreover, individuals allocated roughly 4 to 7 hours per week to radio and printed material prior to 2000. Subsequently, radio consumption witnessed a slight increase of one hour, while printed material experienced a sharp decline of around five hours, with usage dropping to approximately 3 hours weekly by 2005.
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