Young people today are richer, safer, healthier, but less happy. Why and solution?

Personal happiness has become a topic of considerable debate in recent years. Some experts argue that despite being wealthier, safer, and healthier, young individuals are becoming less content. This essay aims to explore several reasons for this trend before suggesting potential solutions.

One aspect that captures significant attention is the dissatisfaction among young people. It's undeniable that the fast-paced urban lifestyle plays a major role in reducing the happiness of today's youth. Specifically, with the population steadily increasing, teenagers often face intense competition in the workplace. Consequently, this pressure to meet deadlines and complete tasks on time burdens them significantly, leading to heightened stress levels. Additionally, the widespread use of technology contributes to the decline in young people's happiness. Social media platforms like Facebook, Messenger, and Instagram encourage individuals to showcase their positive aspects. Consequently, many youngsters feel pressured by their parents' expectations and succumb to peer pressure, resulting in increased workloads and, ultimately, stress and sadness.

On the contrary, several solutions can address this issue. Primarily, investing in sports facilities proves to be an effective measure. By allocating larger government spending to such constructions, authorities can encourage young individuals to engage in more physical activities. Outdoor pursuits offer a chance to escape from the pressures of work, aiding not only in improving physical health but also in alleviating stress. The Netherlands serves as a prime example, having invested significantly in sports facilities and now boasting one of the highest happiness indexes globally.

In conclusion, the unhappiness experienced by young citizens stems from various factors. It is imperative for governments to implement viable solutions to tackle this issue effectively.

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Errors and Improvements:

"considerable debate" -> "considerable discourse"
Explanation: Replacing "debate" with "discourse" elevates the language to a more formal level, aligning with academic style.
"Some experts argue that" -> "Some scholars posit that"
Explanation: Substituting "argue" with "posit" adds a more scholarly tone, conveying a sense of careful consideration and expertise.
"young individuals" -> "young populace"
Explanation: Using "populace" instead of "individuals" enhances formality and precision, better suited for an academic context.
"It’s undeniable that" -> "It is indisputable that"
Explanation: Changing "It’s undeniable that" to "It is indisputable that" introduces a more formal and unequivocal expression.
"captures significant attention" -> "draws considerable focus"
Explanation: Replacing "captures significant attention" with "draws considerable focus" maintains formality and introduces a more precise expression.
"Consequently, this pressure" -> "Consequently, the pressure"
Explanation: Removing the redundant "this" before "pressure" improves the sentence’s clarity and conciseness.
"Facebook, Messenger, and Instagram" -> "Social media platforms such as Facebook, Messenger, and Instagram"
Explanation: Expanding the reference to social media platforms provides a more comprehensive and formal description.
"encourage individuals" -> "prompt individuals"
Explanation: Substituting "encourage" with "prompt" introduces a more active and precise verb, enhancing the sentence’s academic tone.
"Consequently, many youngsters" -> "As a result, many young individuals"
Explanation: Shifting from "Consequently" to "As a result" and using "young individuals" instead of "youngsters" contributes to a more formal tone.
"Primarily, investing in sports facilities" -> "Primarily, allocating resources to sports infrastructure"
Explanation: Changing "investing in sports facilities" to "allocating resources to sports infrastructure" offers a more formal and specific expression.
"chance to escape" -> "opportunity to alleviate"
Explanation: Substituting "chance to escape" with "opportunity to alleviate" introduces a more formal and precise phrase, aligning with academic style.
"boasting one of the highest happiness indexes globally" -> "ranking among the highest globally in happiness indexes"
Explanation: Rearranging the sentence structure provides a more formal and academically appropriate presentation of the information.
"In conclusion," -> "To conclude,"
Explanation: Transitioning from "In conclusion" to "To conclude" is a more formal and widely accepted phrase for concluding an academic essay.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Quoted text: "It’s undeniable that the fast-paced urban lifestyle plays a major role in reducing the happiness of today’s youth. Specifically, with the population steadily increasing, teenagers often face intense competition in the workplace. Consequently, this pressure to meet deadlines and complete tasks on time burdens them significantly, leading to heightened stress levels."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The essay addresses the impact of a fast-paced urban lifestyle on youth happiness, but the explanation lacks depth and specificity. To enhance this, provide concrete examples or scenarios illustrating the intense competition and stress faced by young individuals. Elaborate on how this competition affects their well-being, possibly drawing from personal experiences or observations. For instance, you could narrate a story of a friend struggling with job pressures to make the argument more relatable.
- Improved example: "The relentless pace of urban life exerts immense pressure on today’s youth, especially in the professional realm. For instance, a close friend of mine, fresh out of college, found herself in a corporate environment where meeting tight deadlines and excelling in tasks became a daily struggle. The competitive nature of the workplace not only affected her mental well-being but also hindered her overall happiness."
Quoted text: "Additionally, the widespread use of technology contributes to the decline in young people’s happiness. Social media platforms like Facebook, Messenger, and Instagram encourage individuals to showcase their positive aspects. Consequently, many youngsters feel pressured by their parents’ expectations and succumb to peer pressure, resulting in increased workloads and, ultimately, stress and sadness."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The explanation of the impact of technology on youth happiness is reasonable, but it lacks a deeper exploration of the emotional and psychological toll. To strengthen this point, provide specific examples of how social media influences individuals’ self-esteem and contributes to the fear of missing out (FOMO). Share personal anecdotes or observations to make the argument more compelling.
- Improved example: "Moreover, the pervasive influence of technology, particularly through social media platforms like Facebook and Instagram, creates an environment where young individuals feel compelled to showcase only their positive aspects. This constant comparison and fear of missing out not only affect their self-esteem but also intensify the pressure to conform to societal expectations. For instance, a study conducted among my peers revealed that a significant percentage experienced increased stress and sadness due to the incessant need to portray an idealized version of their lives on social media."
Overall, the essay adequately addresses the task by identifying key reasons for the decline in young people’s happiness and proposing potential solutions. However, to achieve a higher band score, consider incorporating more detailed and vivid examples that draw from personal experiences or observations. Additionally, ensure a smoother transition between ideas to enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information and ideas, presenting a clear progression throughout. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs follow a coherent structure, discussing reasons and solutions. There is a range of cohesive devices used appropriately, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. The writer skillfully manages paragraphing, with clear central topics within each paragraph. The use of examples, such as the mention of the Netherlands, adds depth to the argument.

How to Improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion further, the essay could benefit from more explicit transitions between paragraphs. While the central topics within paragraphs are clear, strengthening the connection between ideas at the paragraph level can contribute to a smoother flow. Additionally, the conclusion could summarize key points more explicitly, reinforcing the essay’s overall coherence. Overall, maintaining this level of organization and refining transitions would elevate the essay’s coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for flexibility and precision. The use of vocabulary is generally appropriate, with some awareness of style and collocation. There are instances of less common lexical items, such as "urban lifestyle," "alleviating stress," and "happiness indexes." However, occasional errors in word choice and spelling slightly impact the overall lexical resource. For example, the phrase "captures significant attention" could be refined for more sophistication. Additionally, the word "succumb" might be considered less common, but its usage is accurate in the context.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource, strive for greater variety in sentence structures and vocabulary. Consider replacing common phrases with more sophisticated expressions. Proofread for accuracy and refine word choices to ensure precision and appropriateness. For instance, instead of "captures significant attention," opt for a more nuanced phrase like "garners substantial interest." Additionally, maintain consistency in the level of formality throughout the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation, with a variety of sentence structures used effectively throughout the text. There’s a successful attempt at complex structures, contributing to the coherence of the essay. However, a few minor errors are present, slightly affecting the overall accuracy, such as the usage of commas and some sentence structure choices.

How to improve:
To elevate the score to an 8 or 9, aim for a higher level of accuracy by refining complex sentence structures and paying closer attention to punctuation rules, especially regarding comma usage. Proofreading to eliminate minor errors would help achieve a more consistent error-free essay, pushing it towards the next band score level.

Bài sửa mẫu

The matter of personal happiness has sparked significant discussions recently. Some experts argue that despite the increased wealth, safety, and health among young individuals, their overall contentment is decreasing. This essay intends to explore the reasons behind this trend before proposing potential solutions.

One prominent aspect that draws considerable attention is the discontent among young people. It is undeniable that the fast-paced urban lifestyle plays a major role in reducing the happiness of today’s youth. Specifically, with the population steadily increasing, teenagers often face intense competition in the workplace. Consequently, this pressure to meet deadlines and complete tasks on time burdens them significantly, leading to heightened stress levels. Additionally, the widespread use of technology contributes to the decline in young people’s happiness. Social media platforms like Facebook, Messenger, and Instagram encourage individuals to showcase their positive aspects. Consequently, many youngsters feel pressured by their parents’ expectations and succumb to peer pressure, resulting in increased workloads and, ultimately, stress and sadness.

On the other hand, several solutions can address this issue. Primarily, investing in sports facilities proves to be an effective measure. By allocating larger government spending to such constructions, authorities can encourage young individuals to engage in more physical activities. Outdoor pursuits offer a chance to escape from the pressures of work, aiding not only in improving physical health but also in alleviating stress. The Netherlands serves as a prime example, having invested significantly in sports facilities and now boasting one of the highest happiness indexes globally.

In conclusion, the unhappiness experienced by young citizens stems from various factors. It is imperative for governments to implement viable solutions to tackle this issue effectively.