1. More government’s money should be invested in teaching science than other subjects in order for a country to develop and progress. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

As government’s spending has been increasingly prevalent in recent years, teaching science has been a topic of interest. While there are admittedly several benefits for students, I believe that negative influences of this growing development are more glaring.

On the one hand, allocating to science subjects has been advantageous to a certain extent. First, school infrastructure and facilities are enhanced by the government which is likely to be more conducive to highly teaching and productive methods for students. This gives rise to opportunities for them to practice science lessons or have many reactions in laboratories. As a result, people have comprehended and practical knowledge about their lectures, leading to excel academically and gain crucial experiences for their future careers. This contributes to the number of students can become professional careers, such as doctors, nurses, or engineers which have positive influences for the community and facilitate a thriving economy and a civilised society.

On the other hand, I am convinced that the aforementioned advantageous pale in comparison with the significant disadvantages of the government’s investigation. If the government spends most financial support on science, other subjects will not be paid much attention to. This is a primary driving force behind a few lessons and less practice about these, so students are not inclined to study and apply themselves to good grade at those subjects. As a result, narrow chances for them to discover their abilities, which is result in the lack of useful skills such as cooking, gardening, or housekeeping are disadvantegeous for independent life. Additionally, more science lessons are included, leading to an imbalance between subjects. Students have immense school schedules so they are hardly attainable effective experiences, which are attributed to real life.

In conclusion, investigation in science is not without the benefits, I would contend that the disadvantages do not make it a worthwhile path.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"government’s spending has been increasingly prevalent" -> "government spending has become increasingly prevalent"
Explanation: Removing the possessive form "government’s" corrects the grammatical error and aligns with the formal academic style by using the singular noun "spending" without the possessive form.
"teaching science has been a topic of interest" -> "the teaching of science has become a topic of interest"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "teaching of science" clarifies the subject and makes the phrase more formal and specific, enhancing the academic tone.
"negative influences of this growing development are more glaring" -> "the negative impacts of this growing trend are more pronounced"
Explanation: Replacing "influences" with "impacts" and "glaring" with "pronounced" uses more precise vocabulary that is commonly found in academic writing, improving the formality and specificity of the statement.
"allocating to science subjects" -> "allocating funds to science subjects"
Explanation: Adding "funds" clarifies what is being allocated, making the phrase more specific and contextually accurate in an academic discussion about budgeting.
"highly teaching and productive methods" -> "advanced teaching and productive methods"
Explanation: Replacing "highly" with "advanced" provides a more precise adjective that is commonly used in academic contexts to describe educational methods.
"have many reactions in laboratories" -> "conduct experiments in laboratories"
Explanation: "Have many reactions" is vague and informal; "conduct experiments" is a more precise and academically appropriate term that accurately describes scientific activities in laboratories.
"people have comprehended and practical knowledge" -> "students gain comprehensive and practical knowledge"
Explanation: Replacing "people" with "students" specifies the subject, and "comprehensive" is a more precise adjective than "comprehended," which is not typically used in this context.
"excel academically" -> "achieve academic excellence"
Explanation: "Achieve academic excellence" is a more formal and precise phrase that enhances the academic tone of the sentence.
"can become professional careers" -> "can pursue professional careers"
Explanation: "Become professional careers" is grammatically incorrect; "pursue professional careers" is the correct phrase, which is also more formal and appropriate for academic writing.
"have positive influences for the community" -> "have a positive impact on the community"
Explanation: "Influences" is not the correct term here; "impact" is the appropriate verb to describe the effect on the community, and "a" is added before "positive impact" for grammatical correctness.
"investigation in science" -> "investment in science"
Explanation: "Investigation" is incorrectly used; "investment" is the correct term for referring to the allocation of resources, such as money or time, to a particular field or activity, which is more appropriate in this context.
"not without the benefits, I would contend that the disadvantages do not make it a worthwhile path" -> "although there are benefits, I contend that the disadvantages outweigh the benefits, making it an unwise investment"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the argument by specifying that the disadvantages outweigh the benefits, which is a stronger and more precise academic assertion than the original vague statement.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of investing more in science education. The writer acknowledges the benefits of enhanced infrastructure and opportunities for practical learning in science. However, the argument could be more balanced, as the disadvantages are emphasized more heavily, which may lead to a lack of clarity in the overall stance regarding the extent of agreement or disagreement with the prompt.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly state their position on the extent of agreement or disagreement at the beginning and ensure that both sides are explored with equal depth. Including a clear thesis statement that reflects the writer’s stance would help guide the reader through the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that leans towards disagreement with the idea of prioritizing science education. However, the clarity of this position fluctuates throughout the essay. Phrases like "I believe that negative influences of this growing development are more glaring" suggest a strong disagreement, but the lack of a definitive statement about the extent of this disagreement can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: The writer should maintain a consistent stance throughout the essay. This can be achieved by reiterating the main argument in each paragraph and summarizing it clearly in the conclusion. Using phrases such as "I strongly disagree" or "I partially agree" can help clarify the writer’s position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the benefits of science education and the drawbacks of neglecting other subjects. However, some points lack depth and sufficient support. For instance, the claim that neglecting other subjects leads to a lack of useful skills is made but not thoroughly explored or backed with examples.
- How to improve: To strengthen the argument, the writer should provide more detailed examples and explanations for each point made. For instance, when discussing the disadvantages of focusing on science, the writer could include specific examples of skills that are neglected and how this impacts students’ future opportunities. Additionally, using data or studies to support claims would enhance the credibility of the arguments.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the implications of government spending on science education. However, some sentences, particularly in the second body paragraph, become convoluted and could lead the reader away from the main argument. For example, the phrase "narrow chances for them to discover their abilities" could be more directly tied back to the main argument regarding the balance of subject investment.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each sentence directly supports the main argument. This can be achieved by consistently linking back to the prompt and ensuring that all points made are relevant to the central question of whether more investment in science is beneficial or detrimental overall. Additionally, clearer transitions between ideas can help keep the reader engaged with the main topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction outlines the topic and the writer’s stance, while each body paragraph addresses a distinct perspective (advantages and disadvantages) of investing in science education. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the benefits of science to the disadvantages is somewhat abrupt. The phrase "On the other hand" is used, but the connection between the two paragraphs could be more explicitly stated to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer could include transitional phrases that summarize the previous point before introducing the next. For example, after discussing the advantages of investing in science, a sentence like "Despite these benefits, there are significant drawbacks that must be considered" would provide a smoother transition.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument. However, the second body paragraph could be better structured. It contains multiple ideas that could be more clearly delineated. For example, the discussion about the lack of attention to other subjects and the imbalance in school schedules could be split into two separate points for clarity.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, the writer should aim to have a clear topic sentence for each paragraph followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on that main idea. Additionally, ensuring that each point is distinct and well-developed will enhance clarity. For instance, the second body paragraph could start with a topic sentence that clearly states the disadvantages of focusing on science, followed by separate sentences that discuss the implications for other subjects and the overall educational balance.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which help to signal contrasting ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between ideas could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "as a result" is used, but it could be supplemented with additional linking words to clarify relationships between sentences and ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "In addition," "Consequently," and "However." This will not only enhance the flow of the essay but also clarify the relationships between different points. Additionally, using referencing (e.g., "this," "these") to refer back to previously mentioned ideas can help maintain coherence throughout the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a balanced argument, enhancing the logical flow, paragraph structure, and use of cohesive devices will help elevate the coherence and cohesion to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some effective use of terms related to education and government spending. Phrases such as "school infrastructure," "productive methods," and "thriving economy" show an attempt to use topic-specific vocabulary. However, there are instances of repetition and limited variety, particularly in phrases like "students are not inclined to study" and "positive influences for the community."
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and alternative expressions. For example, instead of repeating "students," terms like "learners," "pupils," or "scholars" could be used. Additionally, expanding the vocabulary related to the benefits and drawbacks of government spending on education would strengthen the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay includes some precise vocabulary, such as "advantageous" and "infrastructure." However, there are several instances of imprecise or awkward phrasing. For example, "the aforementioned advantageous pale in comparison" is grammatically incorrect and should be "the aforementioned advantages pale in comparison." Similarly, "leading to excel academically" should be "leading to academic excellence."
- How to improve: Writers should focus on ensuring that phrases are grammatically correct and contextually appropriate. It would be beneficial to review common collocations and phrases in academic writing. For example, instead of "leading to excel academically," the writer could say "leading to improved academic performance."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "disadvantegeous" (should be "disadvantageous") and "investigation" (should be "investment"). These errors detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as using spelling apps or tools, and proofreading their work carefully before submission. Reading more academic texts can also help reinforce correct spelling and familiarization with commonly used terms in the context of education and government policy.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of the topic and attempts to use relevant vocabulary, improvements in lexical range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including complex sentences such as "If the government spends most financial support on science, other subjects will not be paid much attention to." However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the use of conditional phrases and simple declarative sentences. The essay also features some awkward phrasing, such as "leading to excel academically," which detracts from the overall effectiveness of the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more compound and complex sentences, as well as varying sentence beginnings. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "This" or "As a result," the writer could use introductory phrases or clauses to create more dynamic sentence openings. Additionally, integrating passive voice or different conjunctions could help diversify the writing style.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and issues with punctuation that affect clarity. For instance, "the number of students can become professional careers" is grammatically incorrect; it should be rephrased to "the number of students who can pursue professional careers." There are also punctuation errors, such as missing commas in compound sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences and confusion. The phrase "which have positive influences for the community" is awkward and should be restructured for clarity.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should review subject-verb agreement and sentence structure. Practicing the correct use of relative clauses and ensuring that modifiers are placed correctly can help clarify meaning. Additionally, the writer should pay attention to punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in complex sentences. Reading the essay aloud can help identify areas where punctuation is needed for clarity. Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on drafts can also aid in improving accuracy.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable grasp of grammatical range and accuracy, addressing the identified weaknesses will enhance the clarity and effectiveness of the argument presented.

Bài sửa mẫu

As government spending has become increasingly prevalent in recent years, the teaching of science has become a topic of interest. While there are admittedly several benefits for students, I believe that the negative impacts of this growing trend are more pronounced.

On the one hand, allocating funds to science subjects has been advantageous to a certain extent. First, school infrastructure and facilities are enhanced by the government, which is likely to be more conducive to advanced teaching and productive methods for students. This gives rise to opportunities for them to conduct experiments in laboratories and engage in practical science lessons. As a result, students gain comprehensive and practical knowledge about their lectures, leading to academic excellence and crucial experiences for their future careers. This contributes to the number of students who can pursue professional careers, such as doctors, nurses, or engineers, which have a positive impact on the community and facilitate a thriving economy and a civilized society.

On the other hand, I am convinced that the aforementioned advantages pale in comparison with the significant disadvantages of the government’s investment. If the government spends most of its financial support on science, other subjects will not receive much attention. This is a primary driving force behind fewer lessons and less practice in these subjects, so students are not inclined to study and apply themselves to achieve good grades in those areas. As a result, there are narrow chances for them to discover their abilities, which results in a lack of useful skills such as cooking, gardening, or housekeeping, which are disadvantageous for independent living. Additionally, with more science lessons included, there is an imbalance between subjects. Students have immense school schedules, making it hardly attainable to gain effective experiences that are relevant to real life.

In conclusion, although there are benefits to investment in science, I contend that the disadvantages outweigh the benefits, making it an unwise investment.