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1. Some people say that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones for communication has had a negative effect on young people’s reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

1. Some people say that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones for communication has had a negative effect on young people's reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is a belief that because of using computers and mobile phones for communication with higher frequency affects negatively on young people’s reading and writing skills. In my opinion, I personally disagree with this point of view and I will elucidate my stance on the following essays.
First, young people can learn how to read and write from the people who they communicate with on computers and mobile phones. To explain this stance, it can be seen that if people communicate with more types of people, they can learn from them their languages, cultures and skills which are the most important to improve reading and writing skills. Moreover, computers and mobile phones help people communicate more easy and often, so they can improve not only their advance knowledge but also social understanding. Therefore, they can have more knowledge which can help them not only read and understand better but also improve their writing skills.
On the other hand, contacting too much with computers and mobile phones is not good for people’s health, so they should not spend too much time on screens. Sitting in front of screens is bad for their healt, because they can get a variety of physical and mental health. Therefore, people should control their screen time and go out for a walk more often.
In conclusion, increasing computers and mobile phones using time is not bad for people’s reading and writing skills, but people should limit their screen time to live a better life.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "There is a belief" -> "It is believed"
    Explanation: "It is believed" is a more formal and precise way to introduce a general opinion or belief in academic writing, enhancing the formality of the statement.

  2. "using computers and mobile phones for communication with higher frequency" -> "the increased use of computers and mobile phones for communication"
    Explanation: The phrase "the increased use of" is more precise and formal, clearly indicating the frequency aspect in a more academic tone.

  3. "affects negatively" -> "negatively affects"
    Explanation: In English, the word order "negatively affects" is more grammatically correct and commonly used in formal writing, improving the sentence structure.

  4. "I personally disagree" -> "I disagree"
    Explanation: Removing "personally" simplifies the statement without losing meaning, aligning better with academic style, which tends to avoid unnecessary adverbs like "personally" in formal arguments.

  5. "elucidate my stance on the following essays" -> "elucidate my position in the following paragraphs"
    Explanation: "Position" is more specific and appropriate in academic contexts than "stance," and "paragraphs" is more accurate than "essays," which can be misleading as it implies a complete essay rather than a discussion within an essay.

  6. "people communicate with more types of people" -> "individuals interact with a broader range of individuals"
    Explanation: "Individuals interact with a broader range of individuals" is more formal and precise, avoiding the awkward phrasing of "people communicate with more types of people."

  7. "communicate more easy" -> "communicate more easily"
    Explanation: "Easily" is the correct adverb form to use after "communicate," enhancing grammatical correctness and formality.

  8. "advance knowledge" -> "advanced knowledge"
    Explanation: "Advanced knowledge" is the correct phrase, as "advance" is an adjective modifying "knowledge," not a verb.

  9. "social understanding" -> "social skills"
    Explanation: "Social skills" is a more specific and appropriate term in this context, referring to the abilities developed through communication, rather than the more general "social understanding."

  10. "not good for people’s health" -> "adverse to people’s health"
    Explanation: "Adverse to" is a more formal and precise way to express negative effects on health, fitting better in an academic context.

  11. "sitting in front of screens is bad for their healt" -> "sitting in front of screens is detrimental to their health"
    Explanation: "Detrimental" is a more formal and precise adjective than "bad," and "health" should be capitalized as it is a noun proper in this context.

  12. "a variety of physical and mental health" -> "a range of physical and mental health issues"
    Explanation: "A range of physical and mental health issues" is more specific and academically appropriate, clarifying the types of health problems that can occur.

  13. "increasing computers and mobile phones using time" -> "increased use of computers and mobile phones"
    Explanation: "Increased use of" is grammatically correct and clearer than "increasing computers and mobile phones using time," which is awkward and incorrect.

  14. "not bad for people’s reading and writing skills" -> "not detrimental to people’s reading and writing skills"
    Explanation: "Detrimental" is a more precise and formal term than "bad," aligning better with academic language standards.

  15. "limit their screen time to live a better life" -> "regulate their screen time to promote a healthier lifestyle"
    Explanation: "Regulate their screen time to promote a healthier lifestyle" is more formal and specific, using "promote" and "healthier lifestyle" to convey a more precise and positive outcome.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear opinion that disagrees with the notion that increased use of computers and mobile phones negatively affects young people’s reading and writing skills. The author provides arguments supporting this stance, particularly emphasizing the benefits of diverse communication and knowledge acquisition. However, the essay also introduces a counterpoint regarding health concerns, which, while relevant, does not directly address the core of the question about reading and writing skills. This could lead to some ambiguity in how fully the essay answers all parts of the prompt.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should ensure that all arguments directly relate to the impact on reading and writing skills. While acknowledging health concerns is valid, it should be tied back to the main argument or omitted to maintain focus. Additionally, providing specific examples of how communication via technology enhances reading and writing skills would strengthen the response.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position against the negative impact of technology on reading and writing skills. The author explicitly states their disagreement in the introduction and reiterates this stance in the conclusion. However, the introduction contains a slightly awkward phrasing ("I personally disagree with this point of view"), which could be more confidently stated. The transition to discussing health impacts may confuse readers about the primary argument.
    • How to improve: To improve clarity, the author should use more assertive language in the introduction. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph clearly ties back to the main argument will help maintain a consistent position throughout the essay. Using phrases like "This supports my argument that…" can help reinforce the main point.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the benefits of learning from diverse communication and the potential for improved social understanding. However, these ideas could be more fully developed. For instance, the claim that communication enhances reading and writing skills is made but not sufficiently supported with examples or evidence. The argument about health impacts, while valid, detracts from the main focus and lacks depth.
    • How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the author should provide specific examples or studies that illustrate how technology can enhance reading and writing skills. Expanding on the benefits mentioned and providing concrete instances of how young people have improved their skills through technology would make the argument more compelling.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the effects of technology on reading and writing skills. However, the introduction of health concerns in the second paragraph diverts attention from the main topic. While it is important to acknowledge potential downsides, the discussion should remain focused on the primary question.
    • How to improve: To maintain topic focus, the author should avoid introducing unrelated points unless they can be directly linked back to the main argument. If health impacts are to be mentioned, they should be framed in the context of how they might indirectly affect reading and writing skills, or the author could choose to omit this discussion entirely to keep the essay streamlined.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, it would benefit from more focused development of ideas, clearer connections between points, and stronger supporting evidence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear opinion on the topic, stating disagreement with the notion that technology negatively affects young people’s reading and writing skills. The argument is structured with an introduction, body paragraphs that present supporting points, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from the first body paragraph, which discusses the benefits of communication via technology, to the second body paragraph, which addresses health concerns, feels abrupt. The connection between these ideas could be more explicitly stated to enhance coherence.
    • How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that link ideas between paragraphs more effectively. For example, after discussing the benefits of technology, a sentence could be added to introduce the contrasting viewpoint, such as, "While these benefits are significant, it is also important to consider the potential downsides of excessive screen time."
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with a clear separation between the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific idea, which is a strength. However, the second body paragraph could be better integrated into the overall argument. The shift from discussing reading and writing skills to health concerns feels somewhat disjointed, as it does not directly relate to the main thesis.
    • How to improve: To enhance paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph not only presents a distinct idea but also ties back to the central argument. For the second body paragraph, consider framing the health concerns in relation to how they might indirectly affect reading and writing skills, perhaps by stating that excessive screen time could lead to decreased engagement with reading materials.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first" and "on the other hand," which help signal the structure of the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices used is limited, and some sentences lack clarity due to awkward phrasing. For example, phrases like "computers and mobile phones help people communicate more easy and often" could be more effectively expressed as "computers and mobile phones facilitate more frequent and easier communication."
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "conversely," and "however." Additionally, ensure that sentences are clearly articulated to enhance readability. Revising sentences for grammatical accuracy and clarity will also strengthen the overall cohesion of the essay.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially leading to a higher band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it lacks the variety and sophistication expected at higher band levels. For instance, phrases like "communicate with more types of people" and "improve reading and writing skills" are somewhat repetitive and basic. The use of "higher frequency" is awkward and could be expressed more naturally as "more frequently." Additionally, terms like "advance knowledge" are imprecise and should be replaced with "advanced knowledge" to convey the intended meaning more effectively.
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more complex expressions. For example, instead of repeating "improve," alternatives such as "enhance," "develop," or "refine" could be used. Expanding the vocabulary related to technology and communication will also help, such as using "digital literacy" or "online interaction."
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "affects negatively" could be more effectively stated as "has a negative effect on." The term "healt" is a misspelling of "health," which detracts from the precision of the writing. Additionally, the phrase "a variety of physical and mental health" is unclear; it would be more precise to say "a variety of physical and mental health issues."
    • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. This can be achieved by revising sentences for clarity and correctness. For instance, instead of saying "contacting too much with computers and mobile phones," a more precise phrase would be "excessive use of computers and mobile phones." Regularly consulting a thesaurus or vocabulary lists can also help in selecting the most appropriate words.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "healt" instead of "health" and "advance" instead of "advanced." These errors indicate a lack of attention to detail and can distract the reader from the overall message of the essay. While the majority of the vocabulary is spelled correctly, these mistakes undermine the writer’s credibility.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy after completing their essay. This could involve reading the essay aloud to catch errors or using spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or flashcards can help reinforce correct spelling of commonly used words.

Overall, to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range, ensuring precise word choice, and improving spelling accuracy through diligent practice and revision.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, with few complex structures present. For example, phrases like "because of using computers and mobile phones for communication with higher frequency affects negatively" are awkwardly constructed and lack clarity. The sentence structure tends to be repetitive, often following a similar pattern without variation. Additionally, the use of phrases such as "to explain this stance" and "in my opinion, I personally disagree" indicates a reliance on formulaic expressions rather than a more diverse range of structures.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "young people can learn how to read and write from the people who they communicate with," the writer could say, "By communicating with a diverse range of individuals, young people can enhance their reading and writing skills through exposure to different languages and cultural contexts." This not only adds complexity but also improves clarity and engagement.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For instance, the phrase "because of using computers and mobile phones for communication with higher frequency affects negatively" lacks proper grammatical structure and should be rephrased for clarity. Additionally, there are instances of incorrect verb forms, such as "help people communicate more easy" instead of "help people communicate more easily." Punctuation errors, such as the lack of commas in compound sentences, also affect readability. For example, "Sitting in front of screens is bad for their healt, because they can get a variety of physical and mental health" should have a clearer structure and correct spelling.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on reviewing basic grammar rules, particularly verb forms and adverb usage. Regular practice with grammar exercises can help solidify these concepts. Additionally, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors and ensuring that each sentence is complete and correctly punctuated will enhance clarity. Reading more academic texts can also help the writer internalize correct grammatical structures and punctuation usage.

Overall, while the essay presents a coherent argument, significant improvements in grammatical range and accuracy are necessary to achieve a higher band score. Focusing on diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical correctness will lead to a more polished and effective essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is a belief that the increased use of computers and mobile phones for communication negatively affects young people’s reading and writing skills. In my opinion, I personally disagree with this point of view, and I will elucidate my stance in the following paragraphs.

First, young people can learn how to read and write from the individuals they communicate with on computers and mobile phones. To explain this stance, it can be seen that if people communicate with a broader range of individuals, they can learn from them their languages, cultures, and skills, which are essential for improving reading and writing skills. Moreover, computers and mobile phones help people communicate more easily and often, so they can enhance not only their advanced knowledge but also their social skills. Therefore, they can gain more knowledge, which can help them not only read and understand better but also improve their writing skills.

On the other hand, excessive contact with computers and mobile phones is not good for people’s health, so they should not spend too much time in front of screens. Sitting in front of screens is detrimental to their health because it can lead to a range of physical and mental health issues. Therefore, people should regulate their screen time and go out for a walk more often.

In conclusion, the increased use of computers and mobile phones is not detrimental to people’s reading and writing skills, but individuals should limit their screen time to promote a healthier lifestyle.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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