2. The map below shows the Happy Valley Shopping Center in 1982 and 2012

The map illustrates the Happy Valley Shopping Center in 1982 and after thirty years. The Happy Valley Shopping Center plan was significantly modernized due to the construction of many stores and more trees. In contrast, the lake, the road, coffee store and food store were removed.
In 1982, Happy Valley Shopping Center looked cramped, because of more stores. The shopping center was located on the eastern side, which was surrounded by trees, the lake was there towards the northwest, which is beside it there was a pathway leading to the entrance.the lobby area located between the coffee shop and toilets, above in the middle was food store, together with right side from top to bottom were sports store, electronics store and furniture store respectively. The entertainment area was located in the center.
Enormous changes have been seen after 30 years, this place looked airy and spacious. The trees were cut off, instead of the parking lot was the left corner, the lake by furniture retail, which is beside the cancel road and lobby area. The sports store and electronics store moved to above, while the food store was located at the bottom right corner. the entertainment and toilets were still fierce

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Errors and Improvements:

"Enormous changes have been seen after 30 years" -> "Significant transformations occurred over the span of 30 years."
Explanation: "Enormous changes" is a common phrase, but "significant transformations" provides a more precise and formal description, enhancing the vocabulary level of the essay.
"instead of the parking lot was the left corner" -> "In place of the parking lot, there was a space in the left corner."
Explanation: The original phrase lacks clarity and structure. Replacing it with a clearer and more grammatically correct sentence improves comprehension.
"the lake by furniture retail" -> "The lake adjacent to the furniture retail area"
Explanation: "By" is less precise than "adjacent to" when describing the relationship between two objects or places. This change clarifies the spatial arrangement.
"beside the cancel road" -> "next to the discontinued road"
Explanation: "Cancel road"

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

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Band Score: 5.0
Explanation:
The essay generally addresses the task by comparing the Happy Valley Shopping Center in 1982 and 2012. It provides some details about the changes that occurred over the thirty-year period, such as the construction of more stores and the removal of certain features like the lake, road, coffee store, and food store. However, the essay lacks a clear overview and tends to focus more on detailing the layout of the shopping center rather than presenting key features or trends. Additionally, there are some inaccuracies and inconsistencies in the descriptions.
How to improve:
To improve, focus on providing a clearer overview of the main changes and developments between 1982 and 2012. Highlight key features and trends, such as the expansion of the shopping center, changes in layout, and the impact on surrounding areas. Ensure accuracy and coherence in the descriptions, avoiding irrelevant details and maintaining a clear structure throughout the essay. Also, pay attention to language accuracy and coherence. Ensure that the essay is well-organized and effectively communicates the comparison between the two time periods. ]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0
Explanation: The essay presents some information about the changes in the Happy Valley Shopping Center but lacks coherence and cohesion. The progression of ideas is unclear, and there is no clear organization or logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. The use of cohesive devices is limited and sometimes inaccurate. Paragraphing is also confusing, with ideas not being clearly separated into logical units.
How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on organizing the information more logically. Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph and ensure that each paragraph develops a single main idea. Use cohesive devices such as pronouns, conjunctions, and transitional phrases to connect ideas and create a smoother flow of information. Additionally, pay attention to paragraphing to ensure that ideas are appropriately grouped and separated.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, which is minimally adequate for the task. The vocabulary used lacks sophistication and variety, with repetitive phrases and basic language. Some errors in word choice and word formation are noticeable, which may cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the message. The essay does convey the basic information about the changes in the Happy Valley Shopping Center over time, but the lack of lexical diversity and accuracy prevents it from reaching a higher band score.

How to improve: To improve the lexical resource, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary and using more varied and precise language. They can achieve this by incorporating synonyms, idiomatic expressions, and more descriptive terms. Additionally, paying attention to spelling and word formation accuracy will enhance the clarity and readability of the essay. Practicing with a variety of vocabulary exercises and reading materials can help develop a richer lexical repertoire.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of sentence structures, including both simple and complex forms. However, the execution is marred by frequent grammatical errors and inconsistencies in punctuation, which hinder clarity and coherence. The essay struggles with maintaining accurate sentence structures throughout, resulting in a lack of fluency and coherence.

How to improve:

Focus on sentence structure: Ensure consistency in sentence structures and strive for clarity in expression.
Grammar and punctuation: Pay close attention to grammar rules and punctuation conventions to reduce errors and improve readability.
Proofreading: Review the essay carefully to identify and correct errors in grammar and punctuation before submission. Additionally, seek feedback from peers or instructors to refine language skills.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided map delineates the Happy Valley Shopping Center in 1982 and after a span of thirty years. Notably, the Happy Valley Shopping Center underwent significant modernization characterized by the construction of numerous stores and the addition of more trees. Conversely, certain features such as the lake, a road, a coffee shop, and a food store were removed.

In 1982, the Happy Valley Shopping Center appeared congested due to the proliferation of stores. Situated on the eastern side, it was enveloped by trees, with a lake positioned towards the northwest. Adjacent to the lake, a pathway led to the entrance. The layout included a lobby area flanked by a coffee shop and toilets, with a food store situated centrally above, and sports, electronics, and furniture stores aligned from top to bottom on the right-hand side. Additionally, an entertainment area was situated in the center.

After a three-decade interval, substantial transformations were evident, rendering the space more open and expansive. Trees were cleared to accommodate a parking lot situated in the left corner. The lake was replaced by a furniture retail space, adjacent to a newly established road and lobby area. The sports and electronics stores were relocated above, while the food store found its place in the bottom right corner. Remarkably, the entertainment area and toilets remained steadfast in their positions.

Overall, the Happy Valley Shopping Center underwent remarkable alterations over the thirty-year period, transitioning from a congested layout to a more spacious and modernized configuration.