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The given chart below shows the amount of waste collection by a recycling centre from 2011 to 2015.
Overall,the amount of paper waste from 2011 to 2015 increased most tremendously. Meanwhile,the amount of garden waste is always lowest from 2011 to 2015.
Firstly,the amount of paper waste decreased slightly from 57 tons to 40 tons from 2011 to 2013,followed by a dramatic increase of 30 tons from 2013 to 2015.At the same time,the amount of glass waste stayed flat at 48 tons from 2011 to 2013,when glass waste was highest point.Next,the amount of glass waste went up marginally from 48 tons to 52 tons for over 2 years.
Secondly,the figure for tin waste has fluctuated from 35 to 39 from 2011 to 2015.However,the amount of garden waste hit the lowest point at 15 tons from 2011 to 2012..Therefore,that increased significantly from 15 tons to 35 tons from 2012 to 2015.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
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"Most tremendously" -> "Most significantly"
Explanation: "Most tremendously" is an awkward phrase. "Most significantly" is a more precise and formal expression to convey a large increase. -
"Always lowest" -> "Consistently the lowest"
Explanation: "Always lowest" is not grammatically correct. "Consistently the lowest" maintains clarity and grammatical correctness. -
"Firstly" -> "First and foremost"
Explanation: "Firstly" is overly informal in this context. "First and foremost" is a more formal transition phrase suitable for an academic essay. -
"Went up marginally" -> "Slightly increased"
Explanation: "Went up marginally" is imprecise. "Slightly increased" conveys a small but clear rise. -
"Fluctuated" -> "Varied"
Explanation: "Fluctuated" is a bit informal. "Varied" is a more formal and precise term for changes in quantity over time. -
"Hit the lowest point" -> "Reached its nadir"
Explanation: "Hit the lowest point" is informal. "Reached its nadir" is a more sophisticated way to express the lowest level. -
"That increased significantly" -> "It experienced a significant increase"
Explanation: "That increased significantly" lacks clarity. "It experienced a significant increase" provides a clearer and more formal expression.
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task by providing an overview of the waste collection data from 2011 to 2015. It outlines trends in paper, glass, tin, and garden waste. Key features such as changes in amounts over time are highlighted, albeit with some inaccuracies and inconsistencies.
How to improve: Provide more accurate and consistent data representation. Ensure clarity in expressing trends and avoid irrelevant details. Include a more structured approach to presenting the information, such as clear paragraphs for each waste type and year.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, as it discusses different types of waste and their quantities over time. There is an attempt at coherence with some logical progression, such as discussing each type of waste separately. However, there are issues with coherence and cohesion. The transitions between sentences and paragraphs are sometimes abrupt or lacking, making it difficult to follow the flow of ideas. Additionally, there are instances of repetitive language, such as the repeated use of "waste" and "tons."
How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on creating smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Use a variety of cohesive devices (such as conjunctions, pronouns, and transitional phrases) to link ideas more effectively. Avoid repetitive language by using synonyms or restructuring sentences. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and follows a logical progression of ideas.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, covering terms related to waste collection such as "paper waste," "glass waste," "tin waste," and "garden waste." The use of phrases like "dramatic increase," "slightly decreased," and "marginally went up" shows an attempt at varied vocabulary. However, there are instances of inaccurate word choices and awkward phrasing, such as "hit the lowest point" and "that increased significantly." Additionally, there are some errors in word formation and spelling, like "from 2012 to 2015." Overall, while the vocabulary range is sufficient, there are inaccuracies and errors that affect the clarity and precision of expression.
How to improve:
To improve, focus on using vocabulary more accurately and precisely. Double-check spellings and word formations to ensure clarity and correctness. Additionally, aim for smoother transitions between ideas to enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation:
The essay attempts to use a variety of sentence structures and demonstrates some complexity in sentence formation, such as using compound and complex sentences. There are some instances of varied structures, albeit inconsistently applied throughout the essay. However, there are noticeable grammatical errors and inaccuracies present, which hinder clarity and coherence. For instance, there are errors in subject-verb agreement ("the amount of garden waste is always lowest" should be "the amount of garden waste is consistently the lowest"), tense consistency ("when glass waste was highest point" should be "when glass waste was at its highest point"), and incorrect word usage ("hit the lowest point" could be improved to "reached its lowest point"). Additionally, punctuation errors, such as missing commas and periods, detract from the overall readability of the essay.
How to improve:
To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on using a wider range of grammatical structures consistently throughout the essay. Attention to subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and appropriate word usage is crucial. Additionally, ensuring proper punctuation usage will improve the overall coherence and clarity of the essay. Regular practice and review of grammar rules and sentence structures would be beneficial in achieving a higher band score.
Bài sửa mẫu
The provided chart illustrates the quantities of waste collected by a recycling center from 2011 to 2015. Overall, there was a notable increase in the amount of paper waste during this period, while garden waste consistently remained at the lowest level.
To begin with, the volume of paper waste experienced a slight decrease from 57 tons in 2011 to 40 tons in 2013, followed by a significant surge of 30 tons from 2013 to 2015. Conversely, the quantity of glass waste remained constant at 48 tons from 2011 to 2013, reaching its peak during this period. Subsequently, there was a marginal increase in glass waste from 48 tons to 52 tons over a span of two years.
Moving on, the amount of tin waste fluctuated between 35 and 39 tons from 2011 to 2015. However, garden waste reached its lowest point at 15 tons from 2011 to 2012, before witnessing a notable increase to 35 tons from 2012 to 2015.
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