Some people think Companies should pay sales staff with a fixed salary while others think that they should be paid according to their number of sales. What is your opinion?

Some people argue that there should be a stable income for sales staff, while others believe that their pay should be based on their sales performance. From my point of view, I completely agree with the second viewpoint.

To begin with, paying for performance can provide a strong incentive for them to work hard and achieve their goals. This motivates them and drives them to succeed. When employees are aware that their earnings are directly linked to the number of products or services that they sell, it instills a sense of encouragement, compelling them to work diligently, perform exceptionally, and achieve higher sales figures. As a result, this not only benefits individuals by increasing their income but also contributes significantly to the growth of companies through increased revenues and profits.

In addition, paying sales staff based on the number of sales gives them a sense of fairness among employees. This is because when they increase effectiveness and contribute to higher sales, they deserve higher financial rewards. Otherwise, when a company pays the same for all employees, the most skilled workers, who make significant contributions to their companies, feel undervalued and unappreciated. This can lead to decreased motivation in their jobs and even their being ready to leave and work for another company with a better salary, which poses a serious challenge and causes great damage to this company. The absence of a skilled executive, for example, might cause a company a loss of thousands of dollars, and it would take quite a long time to hire another one.

In conclusion, despite the arguments for a certain salary, I believe that companies should pay sales staff based on their number of sales as it would have beneficial impacts on business growth.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"paying for performance" -> "compensating based on performance"
Explanation: The phrase "paying for performance" is somewhat colloquial. Using "compensating based on performance" maintains formality while expressing the same idea more academically.
"it instills a sense of encouragement" -> "it fosters a sense of motivation"
Explanation: "Instills a sense of encouragement" is slightly informal. "Fosters a sense of motivation" conveys the idea in a more sophisticated manner while preserving the intended meaning.
"perform exceptionally" -> "excel"
Explanation: "Perform exceptionally" can be simplified to "excel" without losing precision. This change aligns with a more formal and concise academic style.
"contributes significantly to the growth" -> "significantly contributes to the expansion"
Explanation: Rearranging the phrase to "significantly contributes to the expansion of companies" provides a more formal structure without altering the intended meaning.
"gives them a sense of fairness" -> "creates a perception of equity"
Explanation: Replacing "gives them a sense of fairness" with "creates a perception of equity" introduces a more academic and nuanced term.
"most skilled workers, who make significant contributions" -> "highly skilled employees making substantial contributions"
Explanation: The revised phrase provides a more precise and formal description of skilled workers and their contributions.
"undervalued and unappreciated" -> "underestimated and underacknowledged"
Explanation: The alternatives "underestimated and underacknowledged" maintain formality while conveying a similar meaning to "undervalued and unappreciated."
"being ready to leave" -> "contemplating departure"
Explanation: "Being ready to leave" is a bit informal. "Contemplating departure" maintains formality and adds a more thoughtful tone.
"poses a serious challenge and causes great damage" -> "poses a substantial challenge and results in considerable harm"
Explanation: Substituting "causes great damage" with "results in considerable harm" enhances the formality of the expression.
"might cause a company a loss of thousands of dollars" -> "could result in significant financial losses for a company"
Explanation: The revised phrase provides a more formal and precise expression of potential financial impact.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Quoted text: "From my point of view, I completely agree with the second viewpoint."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The introduction is clear in expressing the writer’s opinion, but it lacks a concise overview of the main points that will be discussed in the essay. Providing a brief roadmap of the key arguments would enhance the clarity of the essay’s structure.
- Improved example: "From my perspective, I firmly support the idea that sales staff should be paid based on their sales performance. In the following paragraphs, I will delve into the motivational benefits of performance-based pay and the impact it can have on employee satisfaction and company growth."
Quoted text: "As a result, this not only benefits individuals by increasing their income but also contributes significantly to the growth of companies through increased revenues and profits."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The point about increased revenues and profits is well-made, but it could be strengthened by providing a specific example or anecdote from personal knowledge or experience. This would add depth to the argument and make it more persuasive.
- Improved example: "This not only benefits individuals by directly linking their efforts to income but also contributes significantly to the growth of companies. For instance, in my previous role, implementing a performance-based pay structure led to a 20% increase in sales within six months, resulting in substantial revenue growth."
Quoted text: "Otherwise, when a company pays the same for all employees, the most skilled workers, who make significant contributions to their companies, feel undervalued and unappreciated."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The point about skilled workers feeling undervalued is valid, but it could be further strengthened by providing a concrete example or personal experience illustrating the impact on employee morale and retention.
- Improved example: "For instance, in my previous workplace, a uniform salary structure led to a talented sales executive leaving for a competitor, causing a noticeable decline in team morale. This underscores the importance of recognizing and rewarding exceptional contributions."
Quoted text: "The absence of a skilled executive, for example, might cause a company a loss of thousands of dollars, and it would take quite a long time to hire another one."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: While the point is relevant, it lacks specific details or examples to make it more compelling. Providing a brief scenario or a specific consequence would add weight to the argument.
- Improved example: "The absence of a skilled executive, as evidenced in a scenario from my previous workplace, resulted in a loss of thousands of dollars in potential deals. Moreover, the recruitment process to find a suitable replacement took several months, further emphasizing the tangible costs associated with undervaluing skilled employees."

Overall, the essay presents a clear position and addresses all parts of the task. However, enhancing the depth of ideas with specific examples from personal experience would elevate the response and contribute to a more convincing argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of ideas with clear progression throughout. The introduction sets up the two opposing viewpoints effectively, and each subsequent paragraph presents a distinct argument in support of paying sales staff based on their number of sales. The cohesive devices used, such as linking words and phrases, contribute to a smooth flow of ideas. However, there is some overuse of certain cohesive devices, and the connection between sentences may be occasionally faulty or mechanical. The essay maintains a central topic within each paragraph, contributing to coherence.

How to improve:
To enhance cohesion, consider diversifying the use of cohesive devices to avoid over-reliance on specific terms. Additionally, ensure that the relationships between sentences are consistently clear and logical. Reviewing and refining the use of linking words could contribute to a more nuanced and refined expression of ideas. Overall, maintaining a balance in the use of cohesive devices while reinforcing logical connections between sentences will elevate the coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for flexibility and precision. The writer uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation. There are occasional errors in word choice and spelling, but they do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, consider incorporating a broader range of vocabulary, especially in expressing ideas related to motivation and job satisfaction. Additionally, proofread for minor errors in word choice and spelling to ensure a more polished presentation.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex structures, such as the use of subordinate clauses and compound sentences. There is a good control of grammar and punctuation throughout the essay, with frequent error-free sentences. However, there are a few instances of minor errors, such as missing articles ("a stable income") and awkward phrasing ("pay the same for all employees"). These errors do not significantly impede communication but are noticeable.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should pay attention to articles and ensure they are used appropriately. Additionally, some sentences could be rephrased for smoother expression, as in the case of "pay the same for all employees." Proofreading and revising for minor errors will contribute to achieving a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals contend that providing a fixed salary is the appropriate compensation for sales staff, while others advocate for payment based on their sales performance. In my perspective, I wholeheartedly support the latter viewpoint.

To commence, compensating employees according to their performance serves as a potent motivator, fostering a sense of determination and drive. When employees recognize that their earnings directly correlate with the quantity of products or services they sell, it generates an encouraging environment, compelling them to toil assiduously, achieve exceptional results, and attain higher sales figures. Consequently, this not only enhances individual income but also significantly contributes to the expansion of companies by augmenting revenues and profits.

Furthermore, remunerating sales staff based on sales achievements promotes a perception of equity among employees. This stems from the understanding that heightened effectiveness and contributions to increased sales merit higher financial rewards. Conversely, a uniform payment structure for all employees may lead to the undervaluation and underappreciation of highly skilled workers who make substantial contributions to their respective companies. This undervaluation poses a substantial challenge, as it may result in diminished motivation and even contemplation of departure for more lucrative opportunities, causing considerable harm to the company. The departure of a highly skilled executive, for instance, could lead to significant financial losses and a prolonged period to find a suitable replacement.

In conclusion, despite arguments favoring fixed salaries, I am of the opinion that companies should remunerate sales staff based on their sales performance, as it holds the potential for positive impacts on both individual earnings and overall business growth.