Some people think that keeping pets is good for children while others think it is dangerous and unhealthy. Which opinion do you agree with? Discuss both options and give examples.

Opinions are divided on whether having dogs, cats,… is a positive or a negative trend for the well-being of children. In this essay, I will discuss both views before going on to state why I side with the former viewpoint.

Proponents of pets claim that dogs, cats,… can be either perilous or unsanitary. Admittedly, after milenia of living next to humans, some wild animals have completely lost their hunting and violent instincts, however, there are still a small number of recently domesticated species such as certain types of dogs, cats, or even lions, tigers….which can become aggressive and attack their owner anytime unexpectedly. Given the fact that children often have no skills in self-defense and they are slow in identifying potential dangers, it would be perilous to leave them with such animals. For instance, In Vietnam, there was a tragedy in which a seven-year-old boy was bitten vigorously by a dog in the neighborhood while he was playing outside, and similar cases are not rare throughout the country. Moreover, once pets are not bathed and inoculated properly, there will be a high chance that children can be more prone to infection caused by the bacteria living on the fur or inside cats, dogs, mice… than adults can due to the children’s incomplete and weak immune system. Hence, only when parents choose the right types of pets and disinfect them on a regular basis can youngsters be safe when living besides these special friends.

However, those in favor of keeping pests often stress that they are beneficial for our offsprings. They reason that children will be more loving and caring should they have opportunities to live alongside a puppy or a kitten from an early age. In other words, pets usually show preference towards infants and in some cases, they will do anything to protect their master’s babies as if such babies were their own children, therefore, when living in such loving condition, youngsters will imitate the affectionate attitudes of their pets and grow into benevolent individuals. Furthermore, in some nuclear families, sons and daughters might need to grow and take care of themselves in the regular absence of their parents since adults have to leave for their professions, which makes children feel lonely and even become isolated as well as slightly autistic. In such cases, keeping a pet in the house will not only reduce the solitary negative feelings but also help these kids feel safer while staying home alone as the loudly angry barks of dogs can intimidate thieves and send out a distress signal to the neighborhoods sometimes.

In conclusion, while there are many valid arguments explaining why pets are disadvantageous to children, I strongly believe that by proper choosing-process and cleaning them hygienically, the problems will no longer be present. And with all the merits listed in my essay, I once again reaffirm my position that keeping pets is a brilliant way to benefit children.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"Opinions are divided on whether having dogs, cats, … is a positive or a negative trend for the well-being of children." -> "There is a divergence of opinions regarding whether the presence of dogs, cats, … positively or negatively impacts the well-being of children."
Explanation: The revised sentence employs more formal language and structure, providing a clearer expression of the divided viewpoints.
"In this essay, I will discuss both views before going on to state why I side with the former viewpoint." -> "This essay will examine both perspectives before articulating my support for the former stance."
Explanation: The suggested revision eliminates unnecessary wording and adopts a more direct and formal approach.
"Proponents of pets claim that dogs, cats, … can be either perilous or unsanitary." -> "Advocates of pet ownership argue that dogs, cats, … can pose hazards or hygiene concerns."
Explanation: The use of "proponents" is replaced with "advocates," and "perilous or unsanitary" is refined to "hazards or hygiene concerns" for a more precise and formal expression.
"Admittedly, after millennia of living next to humans, some wild animals have completely lost their hunting and violent instincts, however, there are still a small number of recently domesticated species such as certain types of dogs, cats, or even lions, tigers… which can become aggressive and attack their owner anytime unexpectedly." -> "Admittedly, after millennia of cohabitation with humans, certain wild animals have entirely relinquished their hunting and aggressive instincts. Nevertheless, a limited number of recently domesticated species, including specific breeds of dogs, cats, and even large cats like lions and tigers, retain the potential for unexpected aggression towards their owners."
Explanation: The revision enhances precision and clarity while maintaining a formal tone.
"For instance, In Vietnam, there was a tragedy in which a seven-year-old boy was bitten vigorously by a dog in the neighborhood while he was playing outside, and similar cases are not rare throughout the country." -> "For example, in Vietnam, a tragic incident occurred where a seven-year-old boy was severely bitten by a neighborhood dog while playing outside. Regrettably, such occurrences are not uncommon throughout the country."
Explanation: The revised sentence corrects capitalization, improves sentence structure, and maintains a formal tone.
"Moreover, once pets are not bathed and inoculated properly, there will be a high chance that children can be more prone to infection caused by the bacteria living on the fur or inside cats, dogs, mice… than adults can due to the children’s incomplete and weak immune system." -> "Furthermore, if pets are not adequately bathed and inoculated, there is a heightened risk that children may be more susceptible to infections caused by bacteria residing on the fur or inside cats, dogs, mice, than adults, owing to children’s incomplete and weak immune systems."
Explanation: The revision improves clarity, formalizes the language, and corrects the structure of the sentence.
"Hence, only when parents choose the right types of pets and disinfect them on a regular basis can youngsters be safe when living besides these special friends." -> "Therefore, youngsters can only be secure when living alongside these special friends if parents judiciously select the appropriate types of pets and consistently disinfect them."
Explanation: The revision enhances formality, clarifies the sentence, and improves the overall structure.
"However, those in favor of keeping pests often stress that they are beneficial for our offsprings." -> "Nevertheless, proponents of pet ownership frequently emphasize the benefits they bring to our offspring."
Explanation: The term "keeping pests" is corrected to "pet ownership," and the phrase is restructured for better clarity and formality.
"In other words, pets usually show preference towards infants and in some cases, they will do anything to protect their master’s babies as if such babies were their own children, therefore, when living in such loving condition, youngsters will imitate the affectionate attitudes of their pets and grow into benevolent individuals." -> "In essence, pets typically exhibit a preference for infants, and in certain instances, they go to great lengths to protect their master’s babies as if they were their own. Consequently, when raised in such affectionate environments, youngsters tend to emulate the benevolent attitudes of their pets, fostering their own development into compassionate individuals."
Explanation: The revision improves sentence structure, replaces the casual "In other words" with "In essence," and enhances overall formality.
"Furthermore, in some nuclear families, sons and daughters might need to grow and take care of themselves in the regular absence of their parents since adults have to leave for their professions, which makes children feel lonely and even become isolated as well as slightly autistic." -> "Moreover, in certain nuclear families, sons and daughters may find themselves needing to mature and care for themselves due to the routine absence of their parents, who are compelled to leave for professional commitments. This circumstance can induce feelings of loneliness and potential isolation, impacting children’s emotional well-being."
Explanation: The revision enhances formality, clarifies the sentence, and replaces colloquial language with more precise terms.
"And with all the merits listed in my essay, I once again reaffirm my position that keeping pets is a brilliant way to benefit children." -> "In light of the merits outlined in this essay, I reiterate my position that maintaining pets is a commendable means of enhancing the well-being of children."
Explanation: The revision maintains formality and clarity, replacing casual language with more formal expressions.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay does address both sides of the argument, discussing the potential dangers and benefits of keeping pets for children. The examples provided are relevant to each viewpoint.
- How to improve: To enhance comprehensiveness, consider delving deeper into the potential drawbacks of keeping pets and providing more nuanced examples to strengthen the analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer’s stance is clear and consistent throughout the essay, particularly in the conclusion where they express a strong belief in the benefits of keeping pets for children.
- How to improve: Maintain this clarity by avoiding ambiguity in language and reinforcing the main position throughout the body paragraphs.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas effectively, with examples supporting both sides of the argument. However, some ideas could be extended further to provide a more in-depth analysis.
- How to improve: Elaborate on each point with more detailed examples and explanations. This will contribute to a more comprehensive and well-developed discussion.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the advantages and disadvantages of keeping pets for children. However, there are moments where the focus becomes slightly vague, and the connection to the main argument could be strengthened.
- How to improve: Maintain a more direct connection to the main topic by avoiding tangential points. Ensure that every example and argument directly contributes to the central theme of the essay.

In summary, while the essay successfully addresses the prompt, there is room for improvement in terms of comprehensiveness, clarity, depth of analysis, and maintaining a consistent focus. By refining these aspects, the essay could achieve an even higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay follows a coherent structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing opposing views, and a clear conclusion. Each paragraph is dedicated to a particular viewpoint, offering reasoning and examples to support the argument. However, the logical flow within paragraphs could be improved. There are instances where ideas could be better connected within sentences, leading to clearer transitions between arguments.
- How to improve: Consider refining the flow within paragraphs by using transitional phrases or words to connect ideas more seamlessly. Ensure that each sentence builds upon the previous one, creating a smooth progression of thought within each argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively utilizes paragraphs to address distinct points of view. However, some paragraphs contain multiple ideas without clear separation, affecting the clarity and focus of the arguments. For instance, the paragraph discussing the potential dangers of pets combines ideas about aggressive animals and hygiene-related risks without a clear division.
- How to improve: Enhance paragraph structure by focusing each paragraph on a single aspect or idea. Separate discussions about aggressive behavior and hygiene risks into distinct paragraphs, allowing for clearer development of each point.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as transitions (‘however’, ‘furthermore’, ‘in conclusion’) and pronouns (‘they’, ‘these’, ‘such’). These help connect ideas and maintain coherence within and between paragraphs. However, there’s room for improvement in the diversity and precision of these devices. Some transitions could be more nuanced and specific to improve the flow between ideas.
- How to improve: Expand the range of cohesive devices by incorporating a wider array of transition words and phrases. Utilize more precise connectors that explicitly link ideas and enhance the logical progression of arguments. For example, employing transitions like ‘despite this’, ‘moreover’, ‘conversely’, or ‘on the contrary’ can bring sharper clarity to contrasting viewpoints.

Improving the essay’s coherence and cohesion involves refining the internal structure of paragraphs, ensuring clear separation of ideas, and enhancing the use of varied and precise cohesive devices to create a more seamless flow of arguments. These adjustments will significantly bolster the essay’s overall effectiveness in addressing the prompt and presenting a well-organized discussion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

BandBand ScoreBand Score forBand Score for LexBand Score for LexicalBand Score for Lexical ResourceBand Score for Lexical Resource:Band Score for Lexical Resource: Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

–Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

**Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary: