Nowadays, the traditions and customs relating to the food we eat and the way we eat are changing. Why is this happening? Do you think this kind of change is positive or negative?

In the contemporary era, cuisine is a matter of debate, with some arguing that conventional food and dietary habits are modified. In my opinion, this issue, which stems from multiple factors, has profound negative outcomes.

First of all, the massive influence of social media is a key factor factor that alters our daily meals significantly. To be specific, technological breakthroughs have facilitated the widespread dissemination of various culinary techniques. For instance, sushi, originally from Japan, has garnered popularity in other nations through social media, thereby captivating non-japanese people and enticing them to experience its outstanding ingredients and smell. Thus, this problem has implications, encompassing both advantages and disadvantages for all nations.

On the one hand, this issue can be complementary to our lives. To be specific, culinary globalization has offered everyone vast choices of food. Because of the availability of recipes on the internet, people can access details relating to dishes from every corner in the world. A notable instance is that Europeans can easily make an Asian dish from instructions on Google. This advancement may satisfy our demands and needs for food, facilitating living conditions substantially.

On the other hand, this phenomenon can pose a threat to the preservation of some traditional food. In particular, as individuals tend to indulge in exotic dishes, several distinctive characteristics of one nation can be detrimentally diminished. For example, in Vietnam, the increasing enthusiasm among the younger generation for foreign cuisines such as Korean and Japanese food leads to its culinary heritage, exemplified by dishes like Banh Gio is expected to fade, taking a toll on the country's unique identity. As a result, younger generations may not have an opportunity to witness and try their gastronomic delights, which potentially has an adverse influence on a nation as a whole.

In conclusion, technology is the primary cause of the alteration of traditional food and eating habits. Consequently, while this transformation leads to some advantages, its drawbacks are far more such as the diminishing of authentic flavors of traditional dishes, resulting in the loss of conventional identity.

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Errors and Improvements:

"cuisine is a matter of debate" -> "culinary practices are a subject of debate"
Explanation: Replacing "cuisine is a matter of debate" with "culinary practices are a subject of debate" enhances formality by using a more precise term ("culinary practices") and avoids the informal tone associated with "matter of debate."
"conventional food and dietary habits are modified" -> "traditional cuisine and dietary practices undergo modification"
Explanation: Substituting "conventional food and dietary habits are modified" with "traditional cuisine and dietary practices undergo modification" maintains formality and introduces a more precise term ("traditional cuisine") to convey the idea more elegantly.
"First of all, the massive influence of social media is a key factor factor" -> "Firstly, the substantial impact of social media is a pivotal element"
Explanation: Replacing "First of all, the massive influence of social media is a key factor factor" with "Firstly, the substantial impact of social media is a pivotal element" enhances the formal tone by using "Firstly" and avoids repetition with a more precise term ("pivotal element").
"technological breakthroughs have facilitated the widespread dissemination" -> "technological advancements have facilitated the widespread diffusion"
Explanation: Substituting "technological breakthroughs have facilitated the widespread dissemination" with "technological advancements have facilitated the widespread diffusion" introduces a more formal term ("technological advancements") and maintains the academic tone.
"captivating non-japanese people and enticing them to experience its outstanding ingredients and smell" -> "captivating individuals from non-Japanese backgrounds and enticing them to savor its exceptional ingredients and aroma"
Explanation: Replacing "captivating non-Japanese people and enticing them to experience its outstanding ingredients and smell" with "captivating individuals from non-Japanese backgrounds and enticing them to savor its exceptional ingredients and aroma" improves formality and introduces more precise language.
"this problem has implications, encompassing both advantages and disadvantages for all nations" -> "this issue has ramifications, encompassing both advantages and disadvantages on a global scale"
Explanation: Substituting "this problem has implications, encompassing both advantages and disadvantages for all nations" with "this issue has ramifications, encompassing both advantages and disadvantages on a global scale" maintains formality and provides a more refined expression.
"culinary globalization has offered everyone vast choices of food" -> "culinary globalization has provided a plethora of culinary choices for individuals worldwide"
Explanation: Replacing "culinary globalization has offered everyone vast choices of food" with "culinary globalization has provided a plethora of culinary choices for individuals worldwide" enhances the formality of the statement and introduces a more advanced term ("plethora").
"people can access details relating to dishes from every corner in the world" -> "individuals can access information pertaining to dishes from every corner of the world"
Explanation: Substituting "people can access details relating to dishes from every corner in the world" with "individuals can access information pertaining to dishes from every corner of the world" maintains formality and introduces a more precise term ("information").
"exotic dishes, several distinctive characteristics of one nation" -> "exotic dishes, leading to the erosion of several distinctive characteristics of a nation"
Explanation: Replacing "exotic dishes, several distinctive characteristics of one nation" with "exotic dishes, leading to the erosion of several distinctive characteristics of a nation" introduces a more formal term ("erosion") and improves the flow of the sentence.
"its drawbacks are far more such as the diminishing of authentic flavors" -> "its drawbacks are more pronounced, including the diminishment of authentic flavors"
Explanation: Substituting "its drawbacks are far more such as the diminishing of authentic flavors" with "its drawbacks are more pronounced, including the diminishment of authentic flavors" maintains formality and introduces a more advanced term ("pronounced").

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all aspects of the prompt, discussing the reasons behind the changing food traditions and customs, and expressing a clear opinion on whether this change is positive or negative. Relevant sections such as the impact of social media and culinary globalization are cited to support the analysis.
- How to improve: To enhance comprehensiveness, consider providing more specific examples or elaborating further on how social media influences food habits and why the changes are perceived as negative.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent stance throughout, expressing a belief that the changes in food traditions have profound negative outcomes. This position is evident in the thesis statement and is consistently supported in subsequent paragraphs.
- How to improve: To further strengthen the clarity of the position, consider explicitly stating your viewpoint in the introduction and conclusion, ensuring a clear thread of the argument is maintained from start to finish.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents ideas on the influence of social media and culinary globalization, supporting them with specific examples such as the popularity of sushi and the impact on traditional Vietnamese dishes. The ideas are extended and developed logically.
- How to improve: To enhance the depth of the essay, consider providing additional examples or elaborating further on the consequences of these changes, providing a more nuanced exploration of both positive and negative aspects.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the changing traditions and customs related to food. However, there is a slight deviation when discussing the advantages of culinary globalization, which could be seen as a minor digression.
- How to improve: To maintain a tighter focus, ensure that every point directly relates to the prompt. If discussing potential advantages, connect them explicitly to the question of why these changes are happening and whether they are positive or negative.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt, presents a well-structured argument, and effectively supports its position with relevant examples. To improve, consider providing more specific examples, explicitly stating your position in the introduction and conclusion, and maintaining a laser focus on the prompt throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a logical organization by introducing the topic in the introduction, presenting supporting arguments in separate body paragraphs, and summarizing the main points in the conclusion. The flow of ideas is generally clear, with a sequential progression from the influence of social media to the advantages and disadvantages of culinary globalization.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, consider refining the transition between paragraphs for smoother connectivity. For instance, ensure a clear connection between the discussion of social media’s influence and the subsequent exploration of the advantages and disadvantages of culinary globalization.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively, each focusing on a specific aspect of the topic. However, there is room for improvement in the structure of individual paragraphs. For instance, the first body paragraph could be more coherent by providing a clear topic sentence and supporting details to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: Enhance paragraph structure by starting each paragraph with a topic sentence that succinctly outlines the main point. Ensure that supporting details and examples are seamlessly integrated to provide a more cohesive and persuasive argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes a range of cohesive devices, including transitional phrases (e.g., "First of all," "On the one hand," "On the other hand," "In conclusion"). These devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay, guiding the reader through the different sections.
- How to improve: While cohesive devices are present, consider incorporating a wider variety to enhance overall cohesion. This could involve using more diverse linking words and phrases within sentences to create a smoother flow of ideas. For example, integrating words like "moreover," "furthermore," and "consequently" can strengthen the connections between sentences.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a generally logical organization with effective paragraph usage and a satisfactory range of cohesive devices. To improve, focus on refining transitions between paragraphs, strengthening individual paragraph structures, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices for a more polished and cohesive essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably wide range of vocabulary, incorporating words such as "culinary," "dissemination," "distinctive," and "enthusiasm." However, there’s room for improvement in diversifying the vocabulary further. Some repetition of words, such as "culinary" and "dishes," could be replaced with synonyms for a more varied expression.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider using synonyms and exploring alternative expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "culinary," explore terms like "gastronomic" or "culinary arts" to add variety. Additionally, replace repetitive words with more specific or nuanced alternatives.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary effectively, but there are instances where imprecise language or word choice could be refined. For example, the phrase "culinary techniques" could be specified with more precision, and the use of the term "technology" in the conclusion could be further elaborated.
- How to improve: Focus on precision by avoiding vague terms. Instead of "culinary techniques," specify the exact techniques being referred to, such as "cooking methods" or "culinary practices." In the conclusion, expand on the concept of "technology" to provide a more nuanced understanding of how technology influences food traditions.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally correct level of spelling, with only a few minor errors such as "factor factor" (repetition) and "Banh Gio" (it should be "Bánh Giò"). However, these errors do not significantly impact comprehension.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, proofread the essay carefully, paying attention to repeated words. Additionally, ensure accurate spelling of cultural terms and names to maintain credibility. Using tools like spell checkers can be beneficial in catching minor spelling errors.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a competent use of vocabulary and spelling. To elevate the Lexical Resource score, focus on expanding vocabulary further, refining precision in language use, and maintaining consistent spelling accuracy.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair variety of sentence structures. Simple, compound, and complex sentences are employed, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. There is an attempt to use some advanced structures, such as the use of a conditional sentence ("if Europeans can easily make an Asian dish from instructions on Google"). However, more complex sentence structures, like inverted sentences or parallelism, could be incorporated to enhance the richness of expression.
- How to improve: To further diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating inverted sentences, parallelism, or varying sentence lengths. For instance, in complex arguments, try using parallel structures to highlight key points and create a more sophisticated flow.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, but there are a few instances of minor errors and awkward phrasing. For example, "the massive influence of social media is a key factor factor" – the repetition of "factor" is redundant. Additionally, in the sentence "Consequently, while this transformation leads to some advantages, its drawbacks are far more such as the diminishing of authentic flavors of traditional dishes," the phrase "are far more such as" is awkward. It could be revised for better clarity and coherence.
- How to improve: Review and revise sentences for conciseness and clarity. Proofread carefully to catch redundant words and awkward phrasing. Consider using more precise language to convey ideas, and pay attention to parallel structure for improved readability.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a commendable grasp of grammatical structures and punctuation. To elevate the score to a higher band, focus on incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures and refining grammar for increased precision and clarity.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary era, culinary practices are a subject of debate, with arguments revolving around the modification of traditional food and dietary habits. In my view, this issue, influenced by various factors, has significant negative consequences.

Firstly, the substantial impact of social media is a pivotal element that significantly alters our daily meals. Technological advancements have facilitated the widespread diffusion of various culinary techniques. For example, dishes like sushi, originally from Japan, have gained popularity in other nations through social media, captivating individuals from non-Japanese backgrounds and enticing them to savor its exceptional ingredients and aroma. Consequently, this issue has ramifications, encompassing both advantages and disadvantages on a global scale.

On the positive side, culinary globalization has provided a plethora of culinary choices for individuals worldwide. Thanks to the availability of recipes on the internet, people can access information pertaining to dishes from every corner of the world. A notable instance is that Europeans can easily make an Asian dish using instructions found online. This advancement may satisfy our demands and needs for food, substantially facilitating living conditions.

On the flip side, this phenomenon can pose a threat to the preservation of some traditional foods. As individuals indulge in exotic dishes, several distinctive characteristics of a nation can be detrimentally diminished. For example, in Vietnam, the increasing enthusiasm among the younger generation for foreign cuisines such as Korean and Japanese food leads to the erosion of its culinary heritage, exemplified by dishes like Banh Gio, which is expected to fade, taking a toll on the country’s unique identity. Consequently, younger generations may not have an opportunity to witness and try their gastronomic delights, potentially having an adverse influence on the nation as a whole.

In conclusion, technology is the primary cause of the alteration of traditional food and eating habits. While this transformation leads to some advantages, its drawbacks are more pronounced, including the diminishment of authentic flavors of traditional dishes, resulting in the loss of conventional identity.