In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people.

Why might this be the case?

Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

It is indeed true that people around the world prefer possessing a house over leasing one. There are a number of reasons for this trend, and some negative impacts it has on both family and on the community as a whole can be identified. This essay will explore some causes for this trend and discuss its potential consequences.
There are two main reasons why owning a home has grown in popularity around the world. To begin with, buying a house is more economically beneficial in the long term. For instance, monthly renting fee can take up a huge sum of families’ income and be a financially burden. Additionally, in the long run, the total amout of payment allocated to housing can potentially surpass the initial money that could have been spent on fully purchasing an accomodation. Another reason for this trend is that there are a lot of people who consider this to be an investment. This is explained by the fact that as the city become overpopulated, the pricing of the land and residence will significantly increase. Through house ownership, they can resell the property and gain huge profits.
However, this tendency could have negative consequences on both family and
society. An important concern of this trend is that it can take a toll on those who come from lower class. Those who come from this walk of life, normally, only earn enough to fulfill daily needs, which is why they normally opt for renting option as they are not financially abundent. And when the society priritizes home ownership, they can feel pressured to buy one even when they are not ready. Another drawback of this trend is that land in city can become scarce. As more and more people want to buy empty land to build a house, there will be little to none vacant places to dedicate to public amenities such as schools, hospitals, and markets. Consequently, while the city can be jammed with residents, the living standard is hard to be guaranteed.
In conclusion, there are a number of reasons why the growing trend of obtaining a house as a property is gaining favors in various countries, including long-term financial benefit and a great investment. However, as a result, there could be negative influences on low to middle class families and the society in general.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

1. "prefer possessing a house over leasing one" -> "prefer homeownership to leasing"
   Explanation: The term "homeownership" is more precise and academically appropriate than "possessing a house," and "to leasing" simplifies the language for a more formal tone.

2. "economically beneficial" -> "financially advantageous"
   Explanation: "Financially advantageous" is a more formal and precise term that enhances the academic tone of the essay.

3. "monthly renting fee can take up a huge sum of families’ income and be a financially burden" -> "monthly rental fees can constitute a significant portion of a family’s income, thereby becoming a financial burden"
   Explanation: This revision corrects grammatical errors and uses more formal language to describe the financial impact of renting on families.

4. "the total amout of payment" -> "the total amount of payments"
   Explanation: Corrects a typographical error ("amout" to "amount") and clarifies the phrase for better understanding.

5. "fully purchasing an accomodation" -> "purchasing a property outright"
   Explanation: "Purchasing a property outright" is a clearer and more formal way of expressing the idea of buying a home without the need for financing.

6. "a lot of people" -> "many individuals"
   Explanation: "Many individuals" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing than "a lot of people."

7. "the city become overpopulated" -> "urban areas become overpopulated"
   Explanation: "Urban areas" is a more precise term than "the city," and it avoids the informal contraction to maintain a formal tone.

8. "gain huge profits" -> "realize substantial profits"
   Explanation: "Realize substantial profits" is a more formal and precise way of expressing the idea of earning a significant financial return.

9. "take a toll on those who come from lower class" -> "exert a financial strain on individuals from lower socioeconomic backgrounds"
   Explanation: The revised phrase is more formal, precise, and sensitive in describing the financial impact on people from less affluent backgrounds.

10. "financially abundent" -> "financially capable"
    Explanation: "Financially capable" is a more accurate and formal expression for describing individuals who have the financial means.

11. "society priritizes home ownership" -> "societal emphasis on homeownership"
    Explanation: "Societal emphasis on homeownership" is a more formal and precise way of describing the societal value placed on owning a home.

12. "land in city can become scarce" -> "urban land can become scarce"
    Explanation: Similar to a previous correction, "urban land" is a more precise and formal term than "land in city."

13. "living standard is hard to be guaranteed" -> "it becomes challenging to ensure a standard of living"
    Explanation: The revised phrase is more formally structured and clearly conveys the difficulty in maintaining a quality of life.

14. "obtaining a house as a property" -> "acquiring property"
    Explanation: "Acquiring property" simplifies and formalizes the language, making it more suitable for academic writing.

15. "gaining favors in various countries" -> "gaining popularity across various nations"
    Explanation: "Gaining popularity across various nations" is a more formal and precise way of expressing the widespread acceptance of the trend.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both parts of the question. It discusses reasons why owning a home is important and explores both positive and negative aspects of this situation.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, consider providing a deeper analysis of each reason and its implications. Also, ensure that the discussion of the negative situation is more balanced and comprehensive.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance on the importance of owning a home throughout. It consistently presents arguments supporting this position.
  • How to improve: While clarity is maintained, providing a nuanced perspective by acknowledging potential counterarguments could strengthen the essay’s depth.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: Ideas are presented adequately, but there’s room for improvement in extending and supporting them further. For instance, while economic benefits and investment potential are mentioned, they could be elaborated with concrete examples or statistical evidence.
  • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, provide more specific examples, data, or real-life scenarios to support the presented ideas and arguments. This will add depth and credibility to the essay.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic, discussing reasons for the preference of owning a home and its consequences. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, such as the brief discussion on the scarcity of land in cities.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that all points made directly relate to the topic. Avoid tangential discussions that do not directly contribute to answering the prompt.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and maintains a clear position, there is room for improvement in extending and supporting ideas with more depth and specificity. Additionally, maintaining a tighter focus on the main topic throughout the essay will further enhance its coherence and relevance.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization by presenting reasons supporting the preference for owning a home and discussing its potential negative impacts. Each paragraph focuses on a different aspect of the topic, starting with reasons for the trend and then moving on to its drawbacks. However, the transition between paragraphs could be smoother to enhance coherence. For instance, a clearer transition from discussing the benefits to addressing the drawbacks would improve the flow of ideas.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases or sentences between paragraphs to guide the reader through the progression of ideas. For example, phrases like "On the other hand," or "However," can signal a shift in focus from the advantages to the disadvantages of owning a home.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph addresses a distinct aspect of the topic, such as reasons for preferring home ownership and potential negative consequences. However, the structure within paragraphs could be improved for better clarity and coherence. Some paragraphs contain multiple ideas without clear delineation, leading to confusion.
  • How to improve: Focus on maintaining a clear topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph to introduce the main idea. Then, use supporting details and examples to elaborate on that idea within the paragraph. Ensure that each paragraph maintains a cohesive focus on its central theme, avoiding the introduction of unrelated concepts.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes some cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases (e.g., "To begin with," "Another reason," "In conclusion"). These devices help to connect ideas and improve coherence to some extent. However, the range and variety of cohesive devices could be expanded for more effective cohesion. Additionally, some transitions feel abrupt, hindering the overall flow of the essay.
  • How to improve: Incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices, including pronouns (e.g., "this," "these"), conjunctions (e.g., "however," "therefore"), and synonyms to avoid repetition. Ensure that transitions between sentences and paragraphs are smooth and logical, providing a clear progression of ideas throughout the essay. Practice using cohesive devices effectively to maintain coherence and cohesion in writing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a coherent structure and organization, there is room for improvement in paragraph structure and the use of cohesive devices to enhance clarity and coherence further. By implementing these suggestions, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, contributing to a more cohesive and logically structured response.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable attempt at utilizing a variety of vocabulary. There is evidence of some less common words and phrases, such as "overpopulated," "financially abundant," and "jammed." However, the range could be further enriched to enhance the depth and sophistication of expression. For instance, more nuanced synonyms or alternative phrases could be employed to convey ideas more precisely.
  • How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, consider incorporating a broader range of vocabulary, including synonyms, idiomatic expressions, and domain-specific terminology where appropriate. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "trend," "phenomenon" or "pattern" could be utilized. Additionally, exploring the use of collocations and phrasal verbs can enrich the language further.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally precise use of vocabulary, but there are instances where the meaning could be clearer or more specific. For example, in the phrase "financially burden," the term "burden" is somewhat imprecise; it could be substituted with "strain," "hardship," or "encumbrance" for greater clarity. Similarly, phrases such as "daily needs" could be expanded to specify the necessities in question.
  • How to improve: Aim for greater precision by selecting vocabulary that precisely conveys the intended meaning. Consult a thesaurus to explore alternative words with slightly different shades of meaning, and consider the context in which each word is used to ensure accuracy and clarity. Additionally, provide more detail or specificity where necessary to avoid ambiguity.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy, with only minor errors observed. Words such as "accommodation" and "abundant" are misspelled ("accomodation," "abundent"), but these errors do not significantly impede comprehension. Overall, the spelling is mostly correct, contributing to the overall clarity of the essay.
  • How to improve: To further enhance spelling accuracy, consider employing spelling and grammar checkers as part of the writing process. Proofreading carefully after completing the essay can help catch any remaining errors. Additionally, practice spelling commonly misspelled words to reinforce correct usage and improve overall accuracy.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a decent variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences ("For instance, monthly renting fee can take up a huge sum of families’ income and be a financially burden.") and compound sentences ("However, this tendency could have negative consequences on both family and society."). The use of introductory phrases and clauses is also evident, aiding in establishing the context for the reader. However, the effectiveness of these structures is sometimes compromised by awkward phrasing and minor errors, which detract from the overall clarity and sophistication of the essay. For instance, "the total amount of payment allocated to housing can potentially surpass the initial money that could have been spent on fully purchasing an accommodation" could be more concisely expressed.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further and enhance their effectiveness, the writer could practice incorporating more complex and compound-complex sentences, ensuring the clauses are clearly related and the meaning is concise. Additionally, experimenting with inversion and conditional structures could add variety and sophistication to the writing. Seeking feedback on sentence clarity and working on reducing verbosity will also benefit the writer’s ability to communicate ideas effectively.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay shows a fair level of grammatical control, with several sentences accurately constructed and punctuated. However, there are noticeable grammatical errors and inconsistencies that affect the essay’s quality. Issues such as subject-verb agreement ("monthly renting fee can take up a huge sum of families’ income and be a financially burden"), article use ("an accommodation", "the society"), and preposition use ("on both family and on the community") are recurrent. These errors indicate a lack of thorough grammatical precision, impacting the essay’s overall readability and professionalism.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills, the writer should focus on reviewing and practicing specific areas of grammar that are frequently problematic, such as subject-verb agreement, the correct use of articles, and preposition usage. Utilizing grammar checking tools and seeking feedback from more proficient English users can provide valuable insights. Moreover, dedicating time to reading well-written texts and analyzing their sentence structures and grammar can offer practical examples for improvement.

The band score of 6 indicates that the writer is competent but has room for improvement, especially in terms of sentence variety and grammatical accuracy. Addressing these areas with targeted practice and feedback will help the writer progress towards more advanced proficiency levels.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is indeed true that people around the world prefer homeownership to leasing. There are several reasons for this preference, and some negative impacts on both families and communities can be identified. This essay will explore some causes for this trend and discuss its potential consequences.

There are two main reasons why owning a home has become more popular worldwide. Firstly, financially, it is advantageous in the long term. For example, monthly rental fees can constitute a significant portion of a family’s income, thereby becoming a financial burden. Additionally, over time, the total amount of payments for renting can potentially exceed the initial cost of purchasing a property outright. Another reason for this trend is the investment aspect. As urban areas become overpopulated, the demand for land and residences increases, leading to higher prices. Through homeownership, individuals can realize substantial profits by reselling the property.

However, this trend could have negative consequences for both families and society. One concern is the financial strain it may exert on individuals from lower socioeconomic backgrounds. Those with limited financial means may feel pressured to buy a home, even when they are not financially capable. This can lead to additional stress and financial hardship. Another drawback is the scarcity of urban land. As more people seek to acquire property, urban land can become scarce, making it challenging to ensure a standard of living. Public amenities such as schools, hospitals, and markets may suffer as a result.

In conclusion, there are several reasons why homeownership is gaining popularity across various nations, including its long-term financial benefits and investment potential. However, this trend may have negative impacts on low to middle-class families and society as a whole.