Some employees reward members of staff for their exceptional contribution to the company by giving them extra money. This practice can act as an incentive for some but my also gave negative impact on others To what extent is this style of management effective? Are there better ways of encouraging employees to work hard?

Some employees reward members of staff for their exceptional contribution to the company by giving them extra money. This practice can act as an incentive for some but my also gave negative impact on others
To what extent is this style of management effective?
Are there better ways of encouraging employees to work hard?

The deficiency of a workforce is a considerable issue for numerous companies in the modern world; thus, employees need to do very little to encourage their staff to work hard, but when job openings are scarce, they have to find effective ways of rewarding their employees to stop them from going elsewhere.

There are several ways to encourage their employees to work hard and keep them satisfied, but most companies have decided to give a fair salary policy and an incentive scheme that is consistent with their workers contributions. Achieving a work-life balance is a dream for most adults around the world; thus, beyond a fair income at work, receiving extra money for their dedication also helps employees ensure their financial security, allowing them to pursue their passions outside of work and maintain a work-life balance. Moreover, accepting tips offered by the company helps them feel recognized and enhances their job satisfaction rates. For instance, sales managers would receive tips or extra money for their dedication after one or three months, which directly influenced their task-finishing speed.
Nevertheless, some people consider that offering a bonus is not suitable for the work environment. Instead of using extra money to reward employees’s contributions, the company is able to hold some outdoor activities, such as extended holidays, team bonding, or giving shopping vouchers, tickets, and certificates, which are quite restricted terms. This effective way also boosts the mental health of employees and relieves stress and anxiety after numerous busy work- days. Moreover, it also combines the relationship between co-workers and enhances their enthusiasm for working. For example, most of companies in Vietnam always held party or abroad vacation for their employees in each holiday which attributed to the increase of efficiency.
In conclusion, while offering a bonus is an effective way of rewarding the workforce, there are some alternative approaches that are appropriate for the workplace. They might motivate and inspire employees in an organization to work smarter and harder.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

1. "do very little to encourage" -> "exert minimal effort to motivate"
   Explanation: The phrase "do very little to encourage" is somewhat informal and vague. "Exert minimal effort to motivate" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style better.

2. "job openings are scarce" -> "vacancies become limited"
   Explanation: "Job openings are scarce" is a bit simplistic for an academic context. "Vacancies become limited" is more formal and fits the context better.

3. "rewarding their employees to stop them from going elsewhere" -> "incentivizing their employees to retain them"
   Explanation: The original phrase is informal and slightly awkward. "Incentivizing their employees to retain them" is more formal and clearly conveys the intention of keeping employees within the company.

4. "give a fair salary policy" -> "implement a equitable salary policy"
   Explanation: "Give" is too informal for this context, and "fair" can be subjective. "Implement an equitable salary policy" is more formal and suggests a systematic approach to fairness.

5. "consistent with their workers contributions" -> "commensurate with their employees’ contributions"
   Explanation: "Consistent with" is less precise than "commensurate with," which directly relates to proportionality and fairness. Also, "employees’" is more formal than "workers," and the possessive form was missing.

6. "receiving extra money for their dedication" -> "receiving additional compensation for their commitment"
   Explanation: "Extra money" is informal and vague, while "additional compensation" is more specific and formal. "Commitment" is also a more formal term than "dedication."

7. "helps them feel recognized" -> "facilitates a sense of recognition among them"
   Explanation: "Helps them feel recognized" is conversational. "Facilitates a sense of recognition among them" is more formal and fits the academic tone.

8. "sales managers would receive tips or extra money" -> "sales managers could receive gratuities or additional remuneration"
   Explanation: "Tips or extra money" is informal and imprecise. "Gratuities or additional remuneration" is more formal and specific to the context.

9. "offering a bonus is not suitable" -> "providing bonuses is deemed inappropriate"
   Explanation: "Not suitable" is too vague and informal. "Deemed inappropriate" is more formal and conveys a stronger sense of evaluation.

10. "hold some outdoor activities" -> "organize outdoor activities"
    Explanation: "Hold" is too informal for this context. "Organize" is more formal and appropriate for describing the arrangement of events.

11. "quite restricted terms" -> "relatively limited options"
    Explanation: "Quite restricted terms" is awkward and unclear. "Relatively limited options" is clearer and more formal.

12. "boosts the mental health of employees" -> "enhances the psychological well-being of employees"
    Explanation: "Boosts" is too informal, and "mental health" can be broad. "Enhances the psychological well-being" is more precise and formal.

13. "held party or abroad vacation" -> "organized parties or international vacations"
    Explanation: "Held party or abroad vacation" is grammatically incorrect and too informal. "Organized parties or international vacations" corrects the grammar and elevates the formality.

14. "attributed to the increase of efficiency" -> "contributed to enhanced efficiency"
    Explanation: "Attributed to the increase of efficiency" is awkwardly phrased. "Contributed to enhanced efficiency" is clearer and more academically appropriate.

15. "most of companies" -> "many companies"
    Explanation: "Most of companies" is grammatically incorrect. "Many companies" corrects this error and is more precise.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the question. It discusses the effectiveness of rewarding employees with extra money, considers potential negative impacts, and explores alternative methods of encouraging employees to work hard.
  • How to improve: While the essay does address all parts of the question, a more thorough analysis of the potential negative impacts of rewarding employees with extra money could enhance the depth of the response. Additionally, providing specific examples to support the discussion of alternative methods would strengthen the argument.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position throughout, advocating for both rewarding employees with extra money and exploring alternative approaches such as outdoor activities and team bonding.
  • How to improve: To further enhance clarity, it would be beneficial to explicitly state the writer’s stance on which method they believe to be more effective and why.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas adequately and supports them with examples, such as the mention of achieving work-life balance and boosting mental health through alternative rewards like extended holidays and team bonding activities.
  • How to improve: To extend ideas further, providing more detailed examples and perhaps discussing potential drawbacks or limitations of each method would enrich the argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, discussing methods of rewarding employees and alternative approaches to encourage hard work.
  • How to improve: To improve focus, ensuring that all examples and discussions directly relate to the effectiveness of different management styles in motivating employees would strengthen the coherence of the essay.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents coherent arguments, it could benefit from deeper analysis, clearer articulation of the writer’s stance, more extensive support for ideas, and tighter focus on the topic throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally logical organization, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs presenting different viewpoints, and a conclusion summarizing the discussion. However, there are instances where the flow could be smoother. For example, the transition between discussing monetary rewards and alternative approaches could be more seamless.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Use transition phrases to connect ideas and maintain coherence throughout the essay. Consider restructuring sentences or paragraphs to create a more seamless progression of thoughts.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to present distinct ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic, such as the importance of fair compensation or alternative methods of employee motivation. However, some paragraphs could benefit from further development and coherence.
  • How to improve: Strengthen paragraph structure by ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supporting details that relate directly to the main idea. Aim for consistency in paragraph length and coherence to maintain reader engagement and clarity of thought.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases (e.g., "thus," "moreover," "nevertheless," "in conclusion"), pronouns for referencing ("they," "it"), and repetition of key terms ("extra money," "employees"). These cohesive devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay.
  • How to improve: Continue using cohesive devices effectively to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. Consider incorporating a wider range of cohesive devices, such as parallel structure, synonyms, and transitional expressions, to further enhance coherence and cohesion in the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a strong grasp of coherence and cohesion, there is room for improvement in terms of refining the logical organization, strengthening paragraph structure, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices. By implementing these suggestions, the essay can achieve even greater clarity and effectiveness in conveying its arguments.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary throughout. Various terms such as "deficiency of a workforce," "work-life balance," "job satisfaction rates," "mental health," "relieves stress," "alternative approaches," etc., contribute to lexical diversity. For instance, the use of "incentive scheme," "task-finishing speed," "extended holidays," "team bonding," and "efficiency" showcases a broad lexical repertoire.
  • How to improve: To further enhance lexical resource, consider incorporating more precise vocabulary within specific contexts. For example, instead of using "effective ways" repeatedly, opt for synonyms like "efficient strategies," "productive methods," or "successful approaches" to add nuance to the expression.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with precision, enhancing clarity and effectiveness of communication. However, there are instances where vocabulary usage could be refined for greater precision. For instance, the phrase "job openings are scarce" could be more precisely stated as "job opportunities are limited." Similarly, replacing "dedication" with "performance" or "commitment" could enhance precision in certain contexts.
  • How to improve: To further improve precision, carefully consider the context in which vocabulary is used and select terms that precisely convey intended meanings. Utilize synonyms and closely related terms to express nuanced ideas more accurately. Additionally, incorporating subject-specific terminology where appropriate can elevate the sophistication of expression.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally satisfactory throughout the essay, with minimal errors observed. However, there are a few instances where spelling could be improved for greater consistency and professionalism. For example, "might" is misspelled as "migh." Additionally, "employees’s" should be corrected to "employees’" for grammatical accuracy.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spelling and grammar checking tools to identify and correct errors systematically. Proofreading the essay carefully before submission can help catch any spelling mistakes or typographical errors. Additionally, developing a habit of reviewing written work for spelling accuracy can contribute to ongoing improvement in this area.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a decent variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences (e.g., "Achieving a work-life balance is a dream for most adults around the world; thus, beyond a fair income at work, receiving extra money for their dedication also helps employees ensure their financial security…") and compound sentences (e.g., "Moreover, accepting tips offered by the company helps them feel recognized and enhances their job satisfaction rates."). However, there is room for improvement in the diversity of sentence types, particularly in incorporating more compound-complex sentences and varied introductory phrases.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, consider incorporating compound-complex sentences to provide more depth and complexity to your arguments. Additionally, vary the introductory phrases to avoid repetition and add sophistication to your writing. For instance, instead of consistently beginning sentences with "Moreover" or "Nevertheless," experiment with phrases like "Additionally," "Furthermore," or "On the other hand."

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammar and punctuation. However, there are instances of grammatical errors and punctuation inconsistencies that slightly hinder clarity. For example, there are some subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., "most companies have decided to give a fair salary policy"), misuse of articles (e.g., "receiving extra money for their dedication also helps employees ensure their financial security"), and punctuation errors (e.g., missing commas in compound sentences).
  • How to improve: Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement to ensure consistency throughout the essay. Review the usage of articles (a, an, the) to ensure they are used correctly according to context. Additionally, carefully review punctuation, particularly commas in compound sentences, to ensure clarity and coherence in your writing. Utilizing proofreading techniques such as reading the essay aloud or using grammar-checking tools can help identify and correct these errors effectively.

Bài sửa mẫu

Your essay on the effectiveness of financial incentives versus alternative rewards for employees offers a comprehensive exploration of this subject. Here are some gentle refinements to enhance clarity and grammatical accuracy while maintaining your original ideas and structure:

—

The lack of a workforce is a considerable issue for many companies in today’s world; thus, employers need to exert minimal effort to motivate their staff to work hard. However, when vacancies become limited, they have to find effective ways of incentivizing their employees to retain them.

There are several ways to encourage employees to work hard and keep them satisfied. Most companies have decided to implement an equitable salary policy and an incentive scheme commensurate with their employees’ contributions. Achieving a work-life balance is a dream for most adults around the world; thus, beyond fair income at work, receiving additional compensation for their commitment also helps employees ensure their financial security. This enables them to pursue their passions outside of work and maintain a work-life balance. Moreover, accepting gratuities offered by the company facilitates a sense of recognition among them and enhances their job satisfaction rates. For instance, sales managers could receive gratuities or additional remuneration for their dedication after one or three months, which directly contributes to enhanced efficiency.

Nevertheless, some people consider that providing bonuses is deemed inappropriate for the work environment. Instead of using extra money to reward employees’ contributions, the company could organize outdoor activities, such as extended holidays, team bonding, or giving shopping vouchers, tickets, and certificates, which offer relatively limited options. This approach not only enhances the psychological well-being of employees, relieving stress and anxiety after numerous busy workdays, but it also strengthens the relationship between co-workers and enhances their enthusiasm for working. For example, many companies in Vietnam always organize parties or international vacations for their employees during each holiday, which contributes to enhanced efficiency.

In conclusion, while offering a bonus is an effective way of rewarding the workforce, there are alternative approaches that are suitable for the workplace. These might motivate and inspire employees in an organization to work smarter and harder.

—

This refined version preserves your original vocabulary and structure, focusing on making minimal changes for grammatical accuracy and clarity.