some people think that it is a good thing for senior managers to have much higher salaries than the other workers in a company. To what extend do you agree or disagre

The salary disparity between senior managers and other employees has been a debated subject. While some people argue that this disparity is justified, others contend that it is unfair and unjustifiable. In this essay, I would agree that I firmly agree with the notion that senior managers should receive higher remuneration than other staffs based on their responsibilities, working requirements, and positive impacts on the organization.
The first reason why I strongly agree is that senior managers bear a significant burden of responsibilities, compared to other employees in the subordinate roles, encompassing strategic planning, resources management, and their subordinates' actions. In the event of operational errors and failures due to their teams' actions, it is often the managers who are held accountable and face disciplinary punishments by the company's leadership. For example, Samsung which is technology company suffered from products recall due to its smartphones' flaw and managers who were responsible for mobile phones' design had to take charge of addressing the problem, compensating for the decreased revenue and implementing corrective measures. Given the magnitude of their responsibilities, it is highly fair for them to receive higher salaries.
The second reason is that the role of managerial positions often demands a diverse set of skills and years of experience that can not be typically found in other junior roles. One typical example is that managers must possess excellent communication skills for effective interaction with their customers, teams and executive chiefs while having expertise on the development and implementation of strategies aligning with their organizations' objectives. Another example is that they must possess incredible management skills to efficiently address conflicts, disagreements and arguments arised among staff, fostering a positive working environment and motivating their teams to achieve their potential. Because of the complexity and vital role of these skills in the managerial positions, it is significantly reasonable for them to receive commensurate compensation to knowledge their specialized skills and expertise.
In conclusion, I strongly argree that senior leaders should be paid high saaries in comparison with other employees in the junior positions, based on their responsibilities, specialized set of skills and positive influence on the organizations.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"debated subject" -> "subject of debate"
Explanation: "Subject of debate" is a more formal and precise way to describe an issue that is being discussed or argued about, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"I would agree that I firmly agree" -> "I firmly assert"
Explanation: The original phrase is repetitive and informal. "I firmly assert" simplifies and strengthens the statement, making it more assertive and suitable for academic writing.
"other staffs" -> "other employees"
Explanation: "Staff" is a collective noun and does not need to be pluralized with an "s" when referring to multiple employees. Using "other employees" is grammatically correct and maintains formal tone.
"bear a significant burden of responsibilities" -> "shoulder a significant array of responsibilities"
Explanation: "Shoulder a significant array of responsibilities" is a more formal and vivid expression, enhancing the description of the senior managers’ roles and responsibilities.
"subordinate roles" -> "subordinate positions"
Explanation: "Positions" is a more precise and formal term than "roles" when referring to employment status, aligning better with academic style.
"disciplinary punishments" -> "disciplinary actions"
Explanation: "Disciplinary actions" is a more formal and appropriate term in a professional or academic context, referring to measures taken to address misconduct or errors.
"Samsung which is technology company" -> "Samsung, a technology company,"
Explanation: Inserting commas and rephrasing for clarity and grammatical correctness improves readability and maintains formal tone.
"had to take charge of addressing" -> "were tasked with addressing"
Explanation: "Were tasked with" is a more formal and precise way of indicating responsibility, improving the sentence’s academic quality.
"it is highly fair" -> "it is entirely justifiable"
Explanation: "Entirely justifiable" is more formal and precise than "highly fair," making the argument stronger and more appropriate for an academic essay.
"can not" -> "cannot"
Explanation: "Cannot" is the correct spelling of the word, making the text more professional and suitable for formal writing.
"arised" -> "arisen"
Explanation: Correcting the past participle of "arise" from "arised" to "arisen" corrects a grammatical error, enhancing the formal quality of the text.
"knowledge their specialized skills" -> "acknowledge their specialized skills"
Explanation: "Acknowledge" is the correct verb to use in this context, meaning to recognize or admit. This correction eliminates a vocabulary error, improving the sentence’s clarity and formality.
"strongly argree" -> "strongly agree"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling of "agree" from "argree" addresses a typographical error, enhancing the professionalism of the text.
"high saaries" -> "higher salaries"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling of "salaries" from "saaries" and using "higher" instead of "high" for comparison clarity are necessary for accuracy and to maintain a formal tone.
"in comparison with" -> "compared to"
Explanation: "Compared to" is a more concise and preferred phrase in academic writing for making comparisons, improving the sentence’s flow and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the question by presenting a clear stance on the issue of salary disparity between senior managers and other employees. It acknowledges both sides of the argument but firmly agrees that senior managers should receive higher salaries.
- How to improve: While the essay effectively addresses the prompt, it could strengthen its argument by providing more detailed examples or data to support its claims. This would enhance the depth of analysis and further solidify the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position throughout, firmly advocating for the higher salaries of senior managers. The stance is evident from the introduction to the conclusion, with each paragraph reinforcing the central argument.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, the essay could explicitly outline its stance in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion for emphasis. Additionally, reinforcing the position with stronger language and providing a succinct thesis statement would bolster clarity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports its ideas regarding the responsibilities and specialized skills of senior managers warranting higher salaries. Examples from companies such as Samsung are used to illustrate the points, enhancing the depth of analysis.
- How to improve: To further strengthen the essay, it could incorporate additional examples or case studies to diversify the supporting evidence. Additionally, expanding on the positive impacts of higher salaries for senior managers on organizational performance would enrich the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by discussing the justification for higher salaries for senior managers in comparison to other employees. However, there are instances where the discussion slightly deviates into general statements about managerial roles.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the essay should ensure that all points made directly contribute to the argument for higher salaries for senior managers. Any tangential discussions should be either omitted or rephrased to strengthen their relevance to the main topic.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong grasp of the topic and effectively argues for the higher salaries of senior managers. By incorporating additional supporting evidence, reinforcing clarity, and maintaining strict relevance to the topic, the essay could further enhance its persuasiveness and coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. It starts with an introduction that presents the topic and the writer’s stance clearly. Each paragraph thereafter presents a distinct reason supporting the argument, progressing logically from discussing the burden of responsibilities to the specialized skills required for managerial positions. However, the conclusion could have been stronger by summarizing the main points more explicitly.
- How to improve: To further enhance the logical flow, consider reinforcing the connection between paragraphs by using transitional phrases or sentences. Additionally, ensure that the conclusion effectively recaps the main arguments presented in the body paragraphs to provide a more cohesive closure to the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to organize different aspects of the argument. Each paragraph focuses on a specific point and provides relevant examples to support it. However, the third paragraph appears lengthy and could benefit from further subdivision to improve readability and clarity of ideas.
- How to improve: Break down the third paragraph into smaller paragraphs, each addressing a distinct aspect of the specialized skills required for managerial positions. This will help readers to digest the information more easily and follow the argumentation more clearly.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas within and between sentences, such as transitional phrases ("The first reason why I strongly agree is that…"; "The second reason is that…"; "In conclusion…") and pronouns ("they", "their"). These cohesive devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay by guiding the reader through the writer’s arguments.
- How to improve: While the essay already utilizes cohesive devices effectively, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases (e.g., "furthermore", "in addition", "conversely") to add more depth and sophistication to the essay’s coherence. Additionally, ensure consistency in the use of pronouns to avoid ambiguity and maintain clarity throughout the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion principles, but there are opportunities for improvement in refining the logical organization, paragraph structure, and diversification of cohesive devices to enhance the overall effectiveness of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably wide range of vocabulary throughout. It effectively employs terms such as "disparity," "remuneration," "subordinate," "magnitude," "commensurate," and "specialized," among others. These lexical choices contribute to the depth of the argument presented.
- How to improve: To further enhance the lexical resource, consider integrating more nuanced vocabulary choices where applicable. While the essay effectively utilizes terminology related to the topic, incorporating more sophisticated synonyms or exploring varied expressions could elevate the lexical richness. For instance, instead of "significant burden of responsibilities," you could consider alternatives like "weighty mantle of duties" to add variety and depth to your language.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with precision, accurately conveying intended meanings. For instance, terms like "responsibilities," "strategic planning," "communication skills," and "management skills" are used appropriately to articulate specific concepts related to the discussion.
- How to improve: While the vocabulary usage is generally precise, there are a few instances where further precision could enhance clarity. For example, in the sentence, "managers who were responsible for mobile phones’ design had to take charge of addressing the problem," the term "take charge" could be specified to provide a clearer picture of the managerial action, such as "assume responsibility for rectifying the issue." This level of precision ensures that the intended message is conveyed with utmost clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy. Most words are spelled correctly, contributing to the overall readability of the essay. However, there are some minor spelling errors, such as "argued" instead of "arose" and "saaries" instead of "salaries."
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider incorporating proofreading techniques such as spell checkers and manual review. Additionally, focusing on commonly misspelled words and practicing their correct spelling can further enhance accuracy. Proofreading the essay thoroughly before submission can help catch and rectify any spelling errors, ensuring a polished final draft.

Overall, while the essay showcases a commendable use of vocabulary and maintains a generally precise tone, attention to further diversifying vocabulary choices, refining precision, and ensuring meticulous spelling accuracy can contribute to elevating the lexical resource to an even higher level.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable effort in employing a variety of sentence structures. There is evidence of complex sentences, compound sentences, and some attempts at using subordinate clauses to add depth to the arguments presented. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the structures further. For instance, the essay predominantly employs simple and compound sentences, with fewer instances of complex or compound-complex structures. Greater variation in sentence length and complexity could enhance the overall fluency and sophistication of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance the richness and coherence of the essay, consider incorporating a wider array of sentence structures. Introduce more complex sentences with subordinate clauses to provide nuanced explanations and arguments. Varying the lengths of sentences can also contribute to a smoother flow of ideas. Additionally, strive for parallelism in sentence structures to ensure clarity and cohesion.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammar and punctuation. However, there are instances of grammatical errors and punctuation inaccuracies throughout the essay. For instance, there are several instances of subject-verb agreement errors (e.g., "senior managers… bear a significant burden… encompassing…," should be "senior managers… bears a significant burden… encompasses…"). Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas before introductory phrases (e.g., "For example, Samsung which is technology company…"). While these errors do not significantly impede comprehension, they detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy and punctuation precision, it is essential to review and revise the essay thoroughly. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, ensuring that verbs agree with their subjects in number and person. Additionally, carefully integrate commas where needed, particularly before introductory phrases, to improve readability and coherence. Consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-checking tools to identify and rectify any remaining errors. Engaging in consistent practice and revision can further refine your grammatical and punctuation skills, ultimately strengthening the quality of your writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The topic of salary differences between senior managers and other employees has sparked much debate. While some argue that this gap is justified, others believe it to be unfair and unwarranted. In this essay, I firmly assert my agreement with the notion that senior managers should receive higher salaries than other staff members based on their responsibilities, job requirements, and positive impacts on the organization.

One primary reason for my stance is the significant array of responsibilities that senior managers shoulder compared to other employees in subordinate positions. These responsibilities include strategic planning, resource management, and accountability for the actions of their subordinates. For instance, in the case of Samsung, a technology company, when the company faced product recalls due to flaws in its smartphones, the managers responsible for the design of these phones were tasked with addressing the issue, compensating for lost revenue, and implementing corrective measures. Given the weight of their responsibilities, it is entirely justifiable for them to receive higher salaries.

Another compelling reason is that managerial positions often require a diverse set of skills and years of experience that cannot typically be found in junior roles. Managers must possess excellent communication skills to interact effectively with customers, teams, and executives, as well as expertise in developing and implementing strategies aligned with organizational objectives. Additionally, they must have exceptional management skills to address conflicts and foster a positive working environment, motivating their teams to reach their full potential. Because of the complexity and importance of these skills in managerial positions, it is entirely reasonable for managers to receive higher compensation to acknowledge their specialized skills and expertise.

In conclusion, I strongly agree that senior managers should be paid higher salaries compared to other employees in junior positions, based on their responsibilities, specialized skill sets, and positive influence on the organization.