Nowadays, an increasing number of people with health problems are using alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their normal doctors. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Nowadays, an increasing number of people with health problems are using alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their normal doctors.

Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

At present, a growing number of individuals have switched to alternative medicines and treatments rather than seeking help from medical professionals. In my opinion, although alternative remedies potentially pose hidden dangers, the adoption of these treatments can be significantly less costly and reduce pressure on the healthcare industry, which make this modern propensity unequivocally positive.

Those who oppose the use of alternative medicines argue their alleged ineffectiveness. Individuals seeking treatment without the help of licensed healthcare providers may obtain and consume drugs with little to no efficacy, leaving their conditions potentially untreated. This can be potentially dangerous as certain diseases can cause serious complications if they remain untreated for extended periods. For instance, the only available option for those suffering from a well-researched condition such as diabetes to date is receiving regular insulin injections to prevent the onset of life-threatening complications.

However, proponents of alternative medicines justifiably point to the lower costs. Less well-off individuals can still gain access to effective medical treatments without having to incur the overwhelming medical bills associated with hospitals. A pertinent example of this reality is in the US’s healthcare system, where many patients are burdened with severe medical debts ranging from prescription drugs to diagnosis. Alternative treatments not only serve as financially viable options for unwell individuals from less privileged backgrounds, but also as a way to reduce the strain placed on hospital capacity and available resources. This tangible benefit was best illustrated during the Covid-19 pandemic as infected individuals were often able to research and provide treatments at home, lowering the risks of hospitals being pushed past optimal capacity.

In conclusion, despite being ineffective in certain cases, the shift to alternative remedies far outweighs the perceived drawbacks due to the positive ramifications concomitant within the context of the healthcare system. Governments should enforce strict regulations to ensure the efficacy and safety of these alternative options.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

1. "At present" -> "Currently"
   Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise term that enhances the academic tone of the introduction.

2. "switched to" -> "transitioned to"
   Explanation: "Transitioned to" is more formal and better conveys the idea of changing from one practice to another in an academic context.

3. "rather than seeking help from" -> "instead of consulting"
   Explanation: "Instead of consulting" is more formal and precise, improving the academic tone by avoiding the conversational phrase "seeking help from."

4. "which make this modern propensity unequivocally positive" -> "which renders this contemporary trend decidedly positive"
   Explanation: "Renders this contemporary trend decidedly positive" uses more sophisticated vocabulary ("renders," "contemporary," "decidedly") to maintain an academic tone.

5. "alleged ineffectiveness" -> "purported ineffectiveness"
   Explanation: "Purported" is more formal than "alleged" and is commonly used in academic writing to suggest that something is claimed to be the case, often without proof.

6. "obtain and consume drugs" -> "acquire and utilize medications"
   Explanation: "Acquire and utilize medications" is more formal and precise, avoiding the colloquial connotation of "drugs" and "consume."

7. "potentially dangerous" -> "inherently hazardous"
   Explanation: "Inherently hazardous" is more formal and provides a stronger, more academic expression of risk.

8. "Less well-off individuals" -> "Individuals of lower socioeconomic status"
   Explanation: "Individuals of lower socioeconomic status" is a more precise and formal way to describe people with less financial means, aligning better with academic standards.

9. "overwhelming medical bills" -> "prohibitive medical expenses"
   Explanation: "Prohibitive medical expenses" is a more formal and specific term that better captures the idea of costs that deter individuals from seeking medical care.

10. "severe medical debts" -> "substantial medical indebtedness"
    Explanation: "Substantial medical indebtedness" elevates the formality and specificity, improving the academic tone.

11. "tangible benefit" -> "concrete advantage"
    Explanation: "Concrete advantage" is a more formal expression, suitable for academic writing, to describe a clear and definite benefit.

12. "infected individuals were often able to research and provide treatments at home" -> "individuals infected could frequently conduct research and administer treatments at home"
    Explanation: "Individuals infected could frequently conduct research and administer treatments at home" is more formal and avoids the casual tone of "infected individuals were often able to."

13. "due to the positive ramifications concomitant within the context of" -> "owing to the beneficial consequences inherent in"
    Explanation: "Owing to the beneficial consequences inherent in" is more formal and academically precise, improving the flow and clarity of the conclusion.

14. "Governments should enforce strict regulations" -> "It is imperative for governments to implement stringent regulations"
    Explanation: "It is imperative for governments to implement stringent regulations" adds formality and a sense of urgency, making the recommendation stronger and more appropriate for an academic essay.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all parts of the prompt. It acknowledges the increasing trend of using alternative medicines and treatments instead of traditional medical approaches. Additionally, it presents a clear opinion on whether this trend is positive or negative, stating that it is unequivocally positive due to reasons related to cost reduction and alleviating pressure on the healthcare system.
  • How to improve: To enhance this aspect further, the essay could delve deeper into potential drawbacks or negative implications of relying solely on alternative medicines. Providing a balanced view by discussing potential drawbacks alongside benefits would strengthen the argument.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance throughout, arguing that the shift towards alternative remedies is positive. This position is evident in the introduction, where the writer explicitly states their opinion, and it remains consistent throughout the essay.
  • How to improve: To further bolster clarity, the essay could reinforce its position by explicitly addressing potential counterarguments and refuting them or integrating them into the discussion to demonstrate a nuanced understanding of the topic.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports its ideas. It provides examples and reasoning to support the argument that alternative medicines can be financially beneficial and alleviate strain on the healthcare system.
  • How to improve: To improve this aspect, the essay could incorporate additional examples or case studies to further illustrate the benefits of alternative medicines and treatments. Additionally, strengthening the logical flow between ideas could enhance the coherence and persuasiveness of the argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by discussing the trend of using alternative medicines and treatments in response to health problems. However, there are instances where the discussion slightly veers off topic, such as when mentioning the Covid-19 pandemic. While the example is relevant to the argument, it could be more tightly connected to the main discussion.
  • How to improve: To maintain a stronger focus on the topic, the essay could ensure that all examples and discussions directly relate to the use of alternative medicines and their implications. Providing more specific examples related to alternative treatments would help reinforce relevance to the prompt.

Overall, while the essay effectively presents a coherent argument in favor of using alternative medicines and treatments, addressing the aforementioned areas for improvement would further strengthen the response and potentially elevate its score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. It begins with an introduction that introduces the topic and the writer’s stance. Following this, the essay presents arguments both for and against the use of alternative medicines, providing clear examples to support each point. The conclusion neatly summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s opinion.
  • How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, consider ensuring a smoother transition between paragraphs. Each paragraph should logically follow from the previous one, building upon the argument presented. Additionally, providing a more explicit roadmap of the essay’s structure in the introduction could help guide the reader through the discussion.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas and arguments. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic, such as the potential dangers of alternative medicines or their cost-effectiveness. Additionally, topic sentences are generally clear, providing a concise preview of the paragraph’s content.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph maintains unity and coherence. This involves ensuring that every sentence within a paragraph relates directly to the main idea expressed in the topic sentence. Additionally, consider varying the length and structure of paragraphs to maintain reader engagement.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas and create coherence. For example, cohesive devices such as "however" and "in conclusion" are used to signal shifts in argumentation and structure. Additionally, pronouns and demonstrative adjectives are used effectively to reference previously mentioned concepts.
  • How to improve: To further enhance cohesion, consider incorporating a wider range of cohesive devices such as conjunctions, transitional phrases, and synonyms. This can help to create smoother transitions between ideas and improve overall readability. Additionally, ensure consistent use of cohesive devices throughout the essay to maintain coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary. There’s a variety of terms used to discuss the topic, such as "alternative medicines," "treatments," "healthcare professionals," "ineffectiveness," "efficacy," "unwell individuals," "privileged backgrounds," and "strict regulations." These terms are appropriately utilized to convey the writer’s ideas effectively.
  • How to improve: To further enhance the lexical resource, consider incorporating more specific vocabulary related to healthcare and alternative medicine. Additionally, varying sentence structures and introducing nuanced vocabulary related to health and wellness could enrich the essay’s lexical range.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The vocabulary usage in the essay is generally precise. For instance, terms like "ineffectiveness," "efficacy," and "burdened with severe medical debts" are used accurately to convey specific meanings. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For example, instead of using "unwell individuals," specifying the conditions they suffer from would add precision.
  • How to improve: Aim for greater precision by using more specific terminology. Rather than general terms like "unwell individuals," specify the ailments or health conditions they are experiencing. Additionally, ensure that each word used aligns precisely with the intended meaning to avoid ambiguity.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy in the essay is generally high. There are no evident spelling errors that detract from the overall clarity of the writing. The author demonstrates a good command of spelling conventions.
  • How to improve: Maintain the current level of spelling accuracy by proofreading carefully and utilizing spell-checking tools. Additionally, continue to expand your vocabulary to reinforce spelling skills and ensure accuracy in future writings.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. There’s a mix of complex and compound sentences, along with some simple structures. For example, the essay employs complex sentences like, "Although alternative remedies potentially pose hidden dangers, the adoption of these treatments can be significantly less costly and reduce pressure on the healthcare industry," showcasing the ability to handle complex grammatical structures effectively.
  • How to improve: To further enhance the diversity of sentence structures, consider incorporating more transitional phrases or clauses to connect ideas seamlessly. Additionally, experimenting with rhetorical devices such as parallelism or inversion can add sophistication to the essay’s structure.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a high level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are a few instances where minor grammatical errors are present, such as missing articles or awkward phrasing. For instance, "Individuals seeking treatment without the help of licensed healthcare providers may obtain and consume drugs with little to no efficacy," could be revised for smoother flow.
  • How to improve: Paying closer attention to article usage and sentence structure can help refine the grammatical accuracy further. Additionally, proofreading the essay thoroughly to identify and correct any punctuation errors or awkward phrasing will enhance clarity and precision.

Bài sửa mẫu

Currently, an increasing number of individuals have transitioned to alternative medicines and treatments instead of consulting traditional healthcare providers. In my view, while there are potential risks associated with alternative remedies, the adoption of these treatments can offer substantial benefits such as reduced costs and alleviated pressure on the healthcare industry, rendering this contemporary trend decidedly positive.

Critics of alternative medicines often highlight their purported ineffectiveness. Those opting for alternative treatments may acquire and utilize medications that lack proven efficacy, leaving their conditions untreated and potentially hazardous. This poses a risk as certain illnesses can lead to severe complications if not promptly addressed. For instance, individuals with well-researched conditions like diabetes typically require regular insulin injections to prevent life-threatening complications.

However, supporters of alternative medicines rightly emphasize their cost-effectiveness. Individuals of lower socioeconomic status can access effective treatments without facing prohibitive medical expenses associated with traditional healthcare facilities. This is particularly evident in the US healthcare system, where many patients struggle with substantial medical indebtedness. Alternative treatments not only provide financially viable options for disadvantaged individuals but also help ease the strain on hospital resources. This was notably observed during the Covid-19 pandemic, where infected individuals could frequently conduct research and administer treatments at home, thereby reducing the burden on hospitals.

In conclusion, despite concerns about their effectiveness, the adoption of alternative remedies offers concrete advantages, particularly in terms of cost reduction and healthcare system resilience. It is imperative for governments to implement stringent regulations to ensure the safety and efficacy of these alternative options.