The best way for a country to prepare for the future is to invest resources in its young people.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

One school of thought holds that allocating greater national budgets to young demographics is the optimal choice for nations to thrive in the future. While acknowledging the reasons behind this line of thinking, I contend that it is not a nonpareil way to prepare for the future.
Admittedly, investing more resources in the young may bring a lot of positive impacts on society as a whole. This premise is based on the assumption that this trend will make a positive contribution to fostering human capital resources. In particular, by receiving adequate and high-quality education and training programmes, youngsters are likely to be impactful contributors to society. In the long term, the intellectual workforce may pave the way for technological advances, creating cutting-edge devices and improving living standards for people in general. Another viable explanation is that in comparison to the elderly, the young are better at acquiring knowledge more adaptable to changes in the rapidly ever-evolving world. However, it is imprudent to underestimate and neglect the immediate serious issues nowadays to make investment in young people a top priority as such problems can pose severe threats to the society,which decelerates itself before the aforementioned disbursement is realized.
I strongly believe that there are other holistic and comprehensive approaches for the countries to run smoothly in the future. Firstly, it is necessary to dedicate governmental resources to addressing the ongoing issues such as, racism, housing shortage and inequality. If these problems are not tackled properly and immediately, they are likely to exert far-reaching consequences, thereby gradually destabilizing nations and resulting in a lack of resources needed for both short-term and long term goals. In other words, this circumstance will impede the countries to their prosperity and penetrate into global markets. Besides, investing in caring for all demographics also shares an equal amount of importance. To demonstrate, middle-aged people and seniors still play an indispensable role in society as mentors, skilled expertises guiding youngsters to become more well-rounded individuals. Therefore, they deserve the same care and attention regarding numerous fields including healthcare and employment.
In conclusion, opinion is divided on whether allocating greater sources to youngsters is the best way for preparedness in this day and age. I am of the opinion that while this strategy is beneficial to a certain extent, it is of paramount importance to strike a balance between investment in the young and other demographics.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the question. It discusses the idea of investing in young people as a way to prepare for the future, acknowledges the potential benefits of this approach, but also presents counterarguments and suggests alternative strategies. The introduction sets up the discussion by mentioning the belief in investing in the young while the conclusion provides a balanced perspective.
- How to improve: While the essay covers all aspects of the prompt, there could be a stronger emphasis on directly addressing each part of the question throughout the essay. Ensure that every paragraph ties back explicitly to the idea of investing in young people and its implications for the future.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, albeit with some nuances. The author initially presents a counterargument against investing solely in young people, suggesting it’s not the only solution. However, by the conclusion, the author leans towards a balanced view, acknowledging the benefits of investing in the young while also advocating for a holistic approach.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, the author could establish a firmer stance early on and maintain it consistently throughout the essay. Clearer signposting of shifts in perspective, especially in the body paragraphs, would help readers follow the argument more effectively.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas. It provides examples and reasoning to support the contention that investing in young people is not the sole solution for preparing for the future. Additionally, it offers alternative strategies and elaborates on their potential effectiveness.
- How to improve: To further strengthen the essay, ensure that each idea is fully developed and supported with evidence. Additionally, consider expanding upon the alternative strategies proposed to offer more depth and insight into their feasibility and potential outcomes.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but briefly veers off course when discussing ongoing societal issues like racism, housing shortages, and inequality. While these topics are relevant to societal challenges, they only tangentially relate to the central theme of investing in young people for future preparedness.
- How to improve: Maintain a tighter focus on the main topic throughout the essay. When discussing related issues, ensure they are directly tied back to the argument about investing in young people and their role in shaping the future.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and effectively engages with the topic. To improve, the author should strive for greater clarity, consistency in positioning, and tighter focus on the central theme while developing and supporting ideas more comprehensively.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information, with clear introductory and concluding paragraphs framing the discussion. Each paragraph addresses a distinct aspect of the argument, presenting reasons and counterarguments coherently. However, within paragraphs, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother, such as transitions between points and examples.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, focus on improving transitions within paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Additionally, consider using topic sentences to clearly introduce the main point of each paragraph, aiding readers in following the progression of your argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively utilizes paragraphs to structure the argument, with each paragraph addressing a specific aspect of the topic. However, there are instances where the paragraphs could be more tightly focused on a single idea, reducing instances of tangential discussion within paragraphs.
- How to improve: Work on ensuring that each paragraph is focused on a single main idea, avoiding the inclusion of multiple unrelated points within the same paragraph. This will help maintain clarity and coherence throughout the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a range of cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases (e.g., "while," "however," "in conclusion") to connect ideas and guide the reader through the argument. However, there is room for improvement in the diversity and precision of cohesive devices used. Additionally, some transitions could be more effectively integrated to improve overall coherence.
- How to improve: Expand your repertoire of cohesive devices beyond basic transitions to include a variety of cohesive devices such as pronouns, conjunctions, and parallel structures. Ensure that transitions are seamlessly integrated into the flow of the essay to enhance coherence and cohesion. Furthermore, pay attention to the precision of cohesive devices used, selecting those that best convey the intended relationships between ideas.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of coherence and cohesion, there are opportunities for improvement in refining the logical organization, paragraph structure, and the effective use of cohesive devices. By focusing on these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, contributing to a more polished and persuasive argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with varied lexical choices contributing to a nuanced discussion. For instance, terms like "nonpareil," "intellectual workforce," "decelerates," and "indispensable" showcase the writer’s ability to employ diverse vocabulary to express ideas effectively. Moreover, phrases such as "holistic and comprehensive approaches" and "imprudent to underestimate" exhibit sophistication in expression.
- How to improve: To further enhance lexical resource, consider incorporating domain-specific vocabulary related to societal issues addressed in the essay, such as specific terms related to racism, inequality, and societal stability. Additionally, integrating more idiomatic expressions or phrasal verbs can add flair to the writing without compromising clarity.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates precise vocabulary usage, with terms accurately conveying the intended meanings. For instance, phrases like "intellectual workforce" precisely capture the idea of a skilled labor force driven by education and training. However, occasional instances of ambiguity or overgeneralization are observed, such as the use of "ongoing issues" without specifying them explicitly.
- How to improve: Aim for greater specificity and clarity in vocabulary usage by providing concrete examples or elaborating on abstract concepts. Instead of referring to "ongoing issues" in a general sense, specify the exact societal challenges being discussed, such as racism, housing shortage, or inequality, to enhance precision and coherence.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits a high level of spelling accuracy, with few notable errors detracting from overall coherence. Instances of correct spelling are predominant throughout the essay, contributing to clarity and readability.
- How to improve: To maintain consistent spelling accuracy, consider employing proofreading techniques such as spell-checking tools or reading the essay aloud to identify any potential spelling errors. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with common spelling pitfalls or irregularities can aid in minimizing mistakes and ensuring a polished final product.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, compound sentences, and conditional structures. For instance, the essay employs complex sentences like "This premise is based on the assumption that this trend will make a positive contribution to fostering human capital resources" and compound sentences such as "If these problems are not tackled properly and immediately, they are likely to exert far-reaching consequences, thereby gradually destabilizing nations and resulting in a lack of resources needed for both short-term and long-term goals." Furthermore, the essay effectively utilizes conditional structures, as seen in "In particular, by receiving adequate and high-quality education and training programmes, youngsters are likely to be impactful contributors to society."
- How to improve: While the essay displays a good range of sentence structures, enhancing the use of more intricate constructions such as inversion, passive voice, and reduced adjective clauses could elevate the sophistication of the writing. Additionally, incorporating rhetorical devices like parallelism and varied sentence beginnings could further enhance the essay’s cohesiveness and reader engagement.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and punctuation. Most sentences are grammatically correct, and punctuation is used effectively to convey meaning and aid readability. For instance, phrases like "Admittedly" and "In conclusion" are appropriately punctuated to introduce key points. However, there are a few instances where minor grammatical errors occur, such as the sentence "this circumstance will impede the countries to their prosperity," where the preposition "to" should be omitted or replaced with "in achieving."
- How to improve: To further enhance grammatical accuracy, it is advisable to carefully review subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and article usage. Additionally, paying attention to parallelism in sentence structures can help maintain clarity and coherence. Moreover, revising punctuation marks such as commas and semicolons for their appropriate usage can refine the essay’s flow and readability.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a strong grasp of grammatical range and accuracy, refining sentence structures and addressing minor grammatical errors can contribute to further improving the clarity and sophistication of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

One perspective suggests that investing more national resources in young people is the key to a prosperous future for nations. While I acknowledge the reasoning behind this viewpoint, I argue that it is not the sole solution for future preparedness.

Certainly, directing additional resources towards the youth can yield numerous societal benefits. This is based on the assumption that such investments will enhance human capital development. Specifically, with access to quality education and training programs, young individuals are likely to become valuable contributors to society. Over time, this intellectual workforce may drive technological advancements, leading to improved living standards. Moreover, young people are often more adaptable to the rapidly changing world, making them well-suited for future challenges. However, it would be unwise to disregard pressing issues that require immediate attention. Prioritizing investment in young people over addressing current societal challenges could pose significant threats to stability.

I firmly believe that there are alternative, holistic approaches to ensure future prosperity. Firstly, governments must allocate resources to tackle pressing issues such as racism, housing shortages, and inequality. Failure to address these issues promptly could lead to long-term consequences, hindering both short-term and long-term goals. Additionally, investing in the well-being of all demographics is crucial. Middle-aged and elderly individuals continue to play essential roles in society as mentors and experts. Therefore, they also deserve attention and support in areas such as healthcare and employment.

In conclusion, while investing in young people has its merits, it is not the sole solution for future preparedness. It is essential to strike a balance between investing in youth and addressing the needs of other demographics to ensure comprehensive societal development.