Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

One school of thought hold that it is unlikely effective in solve poverty if wealthy nations keep donating money to less-afluent countries. Instead, developed countries should help the least developed contries by other types of help rather than financial aid. While i agree that proving other kind of helpbcould reap enormous benefits, poor countries should also be supported by financial aid to tackle several immediate challenges.

On the one hand, it is understandable that giving financial support to underprivileged nations would have several advantages. Primarily, by receiving financial aid, less-afluent countries could solve numerous imperative society issues. Indeed, all the countries who are facing various problems such as war, starvation or illiteracy could be supported effectively by the donation of money from rich countries. Secondly, it is undeniable that it is totally hard for a poor country to develop without any fund. For example, a poor nation want to improve their economic status by building more tourist attractions, however, they do not have enough money for this plan, therefore, it leads to the failure right in the first step.

On the other hand, there is a comeplling reason as to why i am convinced that the wealthy nations should help poor countries by other ways. One rationale is that supporting without financial aids could help the least developed nations stand on their own feet in the future. For instance, it would be better if other rich countries provide several education institutions. By this way, poor children from those contries would have opportunities to study, approaching closer to a brighter future with the fullness of education. Another justification is that poor nations could be helped by the economic stimulation from other countries. To be more specific, developed countries could support those nations by increasing in purchase their goods, helping them export product to worldwide. As a result, poor contries able to maintain their development consistently without any financial support from others in the years to come.

In conclusion, although i agree that giving money to poorer nations could bring several benefits for those countries, rich nations should support by other ways without financial aid to help them stand on their feet.

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Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both aspects of the prompt, discussing the effectiveness of financial aid and advocating for alternative forms of assistance. It acknowledges the benefits of financial aid while also arguing for the importance of other types of support.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, ensure a clearer articulation of how financial aid alone may not solve poverty entirely, and provide more nuanced examples to illustrate the need for a multifaceted approach to assistance.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent position advocating for diversifying the types of aid given to poorer nations. However, there are some instances of ambiguity, such as stating "One school of thought hold" without clearly attributing this viewpoint to the essay’s stance.
- How to improve: Strengthen the clarity of the essay’s stance by explicitly stating the author’s position at the outset and ensuring that each paragraph reinforces this viewpoint without ambiguity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas with moderate clarity, providing examples to support arguments. However, some points lack depth, and the development of ideas could be more thorough.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, delve deeper into each argument by providing more detailed examples and expanding on the implications of alternative forms of assistance. Additionally, ensure a smoother transition between ideas to improve coherence.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by addressing the central question of whether financial aid is the most effective means of assisting poorer countries. However, there are minor instances where the focus could be sharper, such as the brief digression into the potential failure of a tourism project.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, avoid tangential discussions and ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the central argument. Additionally, provide more concise and relevant examples to support key points, avoiding unnecessary details.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a coherent argument, there is room for improvement in clarity, depth of analysis, and focus. By refining these aspects, the essay could achieve a higher band score for Task Response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. It begins with an introduction presenting the two opposing views, followed by body paragraphs discussing the advantages and disadvantages of providing financial aid to poorer countries. The conclusion neatly summarizes the argument. However, there are some instances of unclear or repetitive phrasing that may slightly disrupt the logical flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and transitions smoothly to the next. Also, revise sentences for clarity and coherence, avoiding redundancy and improving the overall coherence of the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different aspects of the argument. Each paragraph addresses a specific point, such as the advantages of financial aid or alternative forms of assistance. However, there are a few instances where paragraph transitions could be smoother, and some paragraphs contain multiple ideas, which could be separated for clarity.
- How to improve: Consider breaking down paragraphs into smaller ones to focus on single ideas. Use transition words or phrases to connect paragraphs more seamlessly, guiding the reader through the essay’s progression of thought.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, including pronouns ("it," "they"), conjunctions ("while," "although"), and transitional phrases ("on the one hand," "on the other hand"). These devices help to link ideas and create coherence within and between sentences.
- How to improve: Continue to diversify cohesive devices to maintain reader engagement and clarity. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently and appropriately throughout the essay, avoiding overuse or misuse that may hinder comprehension. Further incorporating cohesive devices will enhance the overall cohesion of the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion principles. To improve further, focus on refining sentence structures, enhancing paragraph transitions, and diversifying cohesive devices for a smoother and more coherent presentation of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fairly wide range of vocabulary, with varied word choices such as "less affluent," "imperative," "rationale," and "economic stimulation." However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more diverse and precise. For example, repetitive phrases like "poor countries" and "wealthy nations" could be replaced with synonyms or alternative expressions to enhance lexical variety.
- How to improve: To further enrich the vocabulary range, consider utilizing synonyms and more sophisticated terminology throughout the essay. Instead of repeating phrases like "poor countries" and "wealthy nations," interchange with alternatives like "underprivileged nations" or "developed economies" to avoid redundancy and elevate the lexical diversity.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays instances of both precise and imprecise vocabulary usage. For instance, phrases like "imperative society issues" and "economic stimulation" demonstrate precise vocabulary choice. However, there are imprecise expressions such as "one school of thought hold" (should be "holds") and "compelling reason as to why I am convinced" (could be streamlined for clarity).
- How to improve: Aim for consistency in precise vocabulary usage throughout the essay. Avoid grammatical errors like subject-verb agreement ("hold" should be "holds") and streamline expressions for clarity and coherence. For instance, "a compelling reason why I am convinced" could be simplified to "a compelling reason for my belief," enhancing precision and readability.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally satisfactory, with minor errors such as "comeplling" (compelling) and "contries" (countries). These errors do not significantly detract from overall comprehension but indicate a need for careful proofreading.
- How to improve: Enhance spelling accuracy through thorough proofreading and spell-checking tools. Review each word meticulously to identify and correct errors before finalizing the essay. Additionally, consider practicing spelling exercises to reinforce accurate spelling habits and improve overall proficiency.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates competence in lexical resource, refining vocabulary diversity, precision, and spelling accuracy can enhance the overall quality and coherence of the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. It employs a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. However, there is room for improvement in the variety and complexity of structures. For example, the essay tends to rely heavily on simple sentences, which can detract from the overall sophistication of the writing. There is also a lack of use of advanced grammatical structures such as conditional sentences, relative clauses, or passive voice constructions.
- How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and complexity of the essay, consider incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures. Introduce complex sentences to add depth and sophistication to your arguments. Utilize conditional sentences to express hypothetical situations or possibilities. Additionally, explore the use of relative clauses to provide additional information about nouns in your sentences. Varying sentence structures will improve the flow of the essay and engage the reader more effectively.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates fairly accurate grammar and punctuation usage. However, there are instances of grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes throughout the text. For example, there are errors in subject-verb agreement ("One school of thought hold", "poor nations could be helped"), tense consistency ("supporting without financial aids could help"), and article usage ("the wealthy nations should help poor countries by other ways"). Additionally, there are punctuation errors such as missing commas before introductory phrases ("For example"), and inconsistent capitalization ("developed countries" vs. "Poor countries").
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to review and revise your writing carefully. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement to ensure consistency throughout your essay. Practice using correct verb tenses to maintain clarity and coherence. Review the rules of article usage to ensure proper application in your sentences. Additionally, focus on punctuation, including the correct placement of commas, periods, and capitalization. Proofreading your work multiple times and seeking feedback from others can help you identify and correct errors more effectively. Consider utilizing grammar checkers or seeking guidance from language resources to reinforce your understanding of grammar and punctuation rules.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates proficiency in grammar and punctuation usage, there is room for improvement in both the range of sentence structures and the accuracy of grammar and punctuation. By incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures and refining grammar and punctuation skills, you can enhance the overall quality and effectiveness of your writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

One school of thought holds that continuously providing financial assistance from wealthy nations to less affluent countries may not effectively alleviate poverty. Instead, developed countries should explore alternative forms of aid for poorer nations. While I agree that offering diverse forms of assistance could yield significant benefits, it’s essential to recognize the importance of financial aid in addressing immediate challenges faced by poor countries.

On one hand, it is understandable that extending financial support to underprivileged nations could address numerous pressing societal issues. Indeed, countries grappling with problems such as conflict, famine, or illiteracy could benefit significantly from monetary donations from wealthier nations. Additionally, it is undeniable that economic progress for poor countries is hindered without adequate funds. For example, a struggling nation aspiring to boost its economy through tourism development may falter due to insufficient financial resources, thus impeding progress from the outset.

On the other hand, there are compelling reasons why I advocate for wealthy nations to assist poor countries through means other than financial aid. One rationale is that non-monetary support can empower less developed nations to become self-sufficient in the long term. For instance, the establishment of educational institutions by affluent countries can provide impoverished children with access to education, paving the way for a brighter future. Another justification is that economic assistance from developed nations can stimulate growth in poor countries. By increasing their purchase of goods and facilitating exports to global markets, developed countries can bolster the economic prospects of struggling nations, enabling sustained development without continual reliance on financial aid.

In conclusion, while I acknowledge the benefits that financial assistance can bring to poorer nations, it is imperative for wealthy countries to explore alternative avenues of support to help these nations achieve self-sufficiency.