The pie charts show the first place Germans and Nigerians go to in order to access the news in a typical week.

The pie charts compare the first source that Germans and urbanites in Nigerians approach in order to access news among five different media, on a weekly basis.

Overall, distinct trends are recorded in two given geographical locations, with Germans using more diverse media to access news, while Nigerians living in cities mainly rely on television for news updates.

Whereas 63% of Nigerian city dwellers obtain their first updates on news on television, the proportion for Germans is only one third of the population. By contrast, newspapers are the most popular means of accessing news in Germany, with 45% of Germans getting their first updates on newspapers, compared to only 13% of urban Nigerians choosing this media.

Opposite trends continue to be seen in terms of radio news and online news, despite the total for these media is fairly identical, at around 20%. Germans utilize radio and the internet for news equally, whereas radio news is much preferred in Nigeria. Regarding the less prevalent sources, a mere 4% of Germans opt for other sources as their first access to news, and a modest 1% of Nigerians reported getting their news through friends and family.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"approach" -> "utilize"
Explanation: Replacing "approach" with "utilize" in the context of accessing news provides a more precise and formal term to describe how individuals interact with different media sources.
"distinct" -> "clear"
Explanation: "Clear" is a more specific and appropriate term to describe the trends observed in the given geographical locations, enhancing the clarity and accuracy of the statement.
"proportion" -> "percentage"
Explanation: Using "percentage" instead of "proportion" provides a more specific and commonly used term when referring to the distribution of data, making the sentence more concise and precise.
"most popular" -> "predominant"
Explanation: "Predominant" is a more sophisticated and precise term to describe the primary means of accessing news in Germany, adding a higher level of formality to the sentence.
"fairly identical" -> "relatively similar"
Explanation: "Relatively similar" is a more precise and formal term to describe the similarity between the total percentages of radio news and online news, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"utilize" -> "utilize both"
Explanation: Adding "both" after "utilize" clarifies that Germans use both radio and the internet equally for news, providing a more detailed description of their media consumption habits.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing a clear overview of the main trends in news consumption among Germans and urbanians. The key features of the pie charts are presented and highlighted, showing the differences in media preferences between the two groups. The information is appropriately selected and organized to compare the data effectively.

How to improve: To improve the essay and potentially reach a higher band score, consider extending the analysis of the data by providing more detailed insights into the implications of the trends observed. Additionally, ensure that all information presented is accurate and relevant to the comparison being made.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with a clear progression throughout. The writer uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately, although there could be some slight under- or over-use. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, contributing to the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.
How to improve: To improve, the writer could ensure a more consistent use of cohesive devices throughout the essay to enhance the flow of ideas. Additionally, paying attention to paragraphing and ensuring logical transitions between paragraphs could further strengthen the coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow for flexibility and precision in conveying the information presented in the pie charts. The writer uses less common lexical items such as "proportion," "opt," and "modest," showing some awareness of style and collocation. The essay effectively describes the trends in news consumption in Germany and Nigeria, utilizing a variety of vocabulary to convey the differences between the two populations.

How to improve:
To improve the Lexical Resource score, the writer could incorporate more sophisticated vocabulary and expressions to further enhance the precision and sophistication of the language used. Additionally, paying attention to word choice and collocation can help reduce occasional errors and inaccuracies in vocabulary usage. Overall, expanding the range of vocabulary while maintaining accuracy and precision will help elevate the Lexical Resource score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of complex structures, such as using subordinate clauses and comparing different media sources. The majority of sentences are error-free, and the essay shows good control of grammar and punctuation. There are only a few minor errors present, which do not significantly impact the overall communication of ideas.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy further, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures and ensuring consistency in punctuation usage. Additionally, paying attention to subject-verb agreement and verb tense consistency can help elevate the essay to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided pie charts illustrate the primary sources utilized by Germans and urban Nigerians to access news on a weekly basis.

In general, noticeable disparities are observed between the two demographics, with Germans exhibiting a more varied media consumption pattern for news, while urban Nigerians predominantly rely on television for their news updates.

Specifically, 63% of urban Nigerians turn to television as their initial source of news, in stark contrast to Germans, where only one third of the population does the same. On the other hand, newspapers emerge as the preferred medium for news consumption in Germany, with 45% of Germans selecting newspapers as their primary news source, compared to a mere 13% of urban Nigerians.

Diverging trends are also evident in the utilization of radio news and online news, despite both media sources having a similar overall usage rate of approximately 20%. Germans exhibit an equal preference for radio and online news, while radio news is significantly more favored in Nigeria. As for less common sources, a mere 4% of Germans opt for alternative sources as their primary news access point, while only 1% of urban Nigerians report relying on friends and family for news updates.