Some people say that too much time and resources are spent on the protection of wild animals and birds. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is said that spending on the protections of wild animals and birds is lost large of time and resources. Personally, I agree with this sittuation because of positive retionales that have lead to such protection of animal and orthe endangerous species before conclusion with implication of this development.
When protection of wild animals and birds, spending a large of money could be handling the foods and erea to contruction the place where the wild animal can survival. For instance, there are thousand kilograms of meats which have feed to the carnivore such as tigers, lions, and so on. Specially, the fee used to buy of this is criminal expensive. Addition, protecting the wildlife of animals and birds need a nightmare level of using money to buy the food or using the large of area to construct the zoo, the natural of forest.
Besides that, there is a little of wild animals which are hardly to give birth. Because of the main reason that relative the habitian of environment such a temporature, type of food. The elephants have pregnanted for 1 years, due to the large of time

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"sittuation" -> "situation"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling of "sittuation" to "situation" maintains clarity and adheres to standard English spelling conventions.
"positive retionales" -> "positive rationales"
Explanation: Replacing "retionales" with "rationales" corrects the spelling error and uses a more appropriate term for expressing reasons or justifications.
"orthe endangerous" -> "other endangered"
Explanation: Correcting "orthe endangerous" to "other endangered" improves clarity and grammar by using the correct adjective form "endangered" to describe species.
"before conclusion with implication of this development" -> "before concluding with the implications of this development"
Explanation: Restructuring the phrase for clarity and coherence by changing "before conclusion with implication of this development" to "before concluding with the implications of this development."
"When protection of wild animals and birds" -> "Regarding the protection of wild animals and birds"
Explanation: Beginning the sentence with "Regarding" enhances coherence and formality, while also clarifying the subject of discussion.
"spending a large of money could be handling the foods and erea" -> "significant expenditure involves providing food and habitat"
Explanation: Revising "spending a large of money could be handling the foods and erea" to "significant expenditure involves providing food and habitat" improves clarity and removes redundancy.
"to contruction the place where the wild animal can survival" -> "to construct habitats where wild animals can survive"
Explanation: Correcting the phrase "to contruction the place where the wild animal can survival" to "to construct habitats where wild animals can survive" improves grammar and clarity.
"For instance, there are thousand kilograms of meats which have feed to the carnivore such as tigers, lions, and so on" -> "For instance, large quantities of meat are provided to carnivores such as tigers and lions"
Explanation: Simplifying and clarifying the sentence by revising "there are thousand kilograms of meats which have feed to the carnivore such as tigers, lions, and so on" to "large quantities of meat are provided to carnivores such as tigers and lions."
"Specially, the fee used to buy of this is criminal expensive" -> "Specifically, the cost of purchasing this food is exorbitant"
Explanation: Improving the clarity and formality by revising "Specially, the fee used to buy of this is criminal expensive" to "Specifically, the cost of purchasing this food is exorbitant."
"Addition, protecting the wildlife of animals and birds need a nightmare level of using money to buy the food or using the large of area to construct the zoo, the natural of forest" -> "Additionally, protecting wildlife requires significant financial resources for acquiring food and establishing habitats such as zoos or natural reserves"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and coherence by revising "Addition, protecting the wildlife of animals and birds need a nightmare level of using money to buy the food or using the large of area to construct the zoo, the natural of forest" to "Additionally, protecting wildlife requires significant financial resources for acquiring food and establishing habitats such as zoos or natural reserves."
"there is a little of wild animals which are hardly to give birth" -> "Some wild animals have low reproductive rates"
Explanation: Clarifying and improving grammar by revising "there is a little of wild animals which are hardly to give birth" to "Some wild animals have low reproductive rates."
"Because of the main reason that relative the habitian of environment such a temporature, type of food" -> "Due to factors such as habitat conditions, temperature, and food availability"
Explanation: Enhancing clarity and grammar by revising "Because of the main reason that relative the habitian of environment such a temporature, type of food" to "Due to factors such as habitat conditions, temperature, and food availability."
"The elephants have pregnanted for 1 years, due to the large of time" -> "Elephants have a gestation period of approximately one year, which contributes to their extended reproductive cycle"
Explanation: Correcting grammar and improving clarity by revising "The elephants have pregnanted for 1 years, due to the large of time" to "Elephants have a gestation period of approximately one year, which contributes to their extended reproductive cycle."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by expressing agreement with the statement that too much time and resources are spent on protecting wild animals and birds. However, the response lacks clarity and coherence in addressing all parts of the question. While it acknowledges the perspective, it does not sufficiently delve into the extent of agreement or disagreement.
- How to improve: To improve, ensure that all parts of the prompt are thoroughly addressed. Provide a balanced discussion by exploring both perspectives (agreeing and disagreeing) and supporting them with relevant examples or arguments.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay struggles to maintain a clear position throughout. While it leans towards agreeing with the statement, the expression of this stance is muddled by unclear language and inadequate development of arguments. There is a lack of consistency in presenting and maintaining the position.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, clearly state the position in the introduction and consistently reinforce it throughout the essay. Use precise language and provide well-developed arguments to support the chosen stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay makes an effort to present ideas but lacks coherence and depth. Ideas are introduced haphazardly, and there is minimal extension or elaboration on them. Moreover, the support for these ideas is weak, with limited examples and explanations provided.
- How to improve: Focus on organizing ideas logically, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Extend ideas by providing detailed explanations, examples, and relevant evidence to bolster arguments.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay struggles to stay on topic, deviating from the discussion of whether too much time and resources are spent on protecting wild animals and birds. Instead, it digresses into discussions about the cost of maintaining wildlife and the challenges of animal reproduction.
- How to improve: Maintain focus on the main topic throughout the essay. Avoid tangential discussions and ensure that all points made directly relate to the prompt. Use topic sentences to guide each paragraph’s relevance to the central theme.

Overall, while the essay attempts to address the prompt, it suffers from several weaknesses in clarity, coherence, and relevance. To improve, focus on addressing all parts of the question, maintaining a clear and consistent position, presenting and supporting ideas effectively, and staying on topic throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 4

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay struggles with logical organization, making it challenging for readers to follow the argument coherently. Ideas are presented in a somewhat scattered manner, with abrupt shifts between points. For instance, the introduction presents the author’s agreement with the statement, but the subsequent paragraphs fail to develop this stance in a coherent manner. Additionally, the conclusion is abrupt, lacking a clear summary or closure.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, the essay should start with a clear thesis statement that outlines the author’s position on the issue. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, supported by relevant examples or explanations. Transition sentences can help guide the reader through the essay, ensuring smooth progression from one point to the next.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks effective paragraphing, resulting in a lack of clarity and coherence. Sentences are grouped together without clear division, making it difficult for readers to distinguish between different ideas or arguments. This lack of paragraph structure contributes to the overall disjointedness of the essay.
- How to improve: Incorporating clear paragraph breaks between distinct ideas or arguments would greatly enhance the readability of the essay. Each paragraph should focus on a single main point, with topic sentences at the beginning to signal the topic or argument of the paragraph.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: Cohesive devices are inadequately used throughout the essay, resulting in poor coherence and cohesion. While there are some attempts to connect ideas using words like "besides that" and "for instance," these transitions are often awkward and do not effectively guide the reader through the text. As a result, the essay lacks flow and cohesion.
- How to improve: To improve coherence, the author should incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices such as conjunctions (e.g., "however," "therefore"), transitional phrases (e.g., "in addition," "on the other hand"), and pronouns (e.g., "this," "these"). These devices help establish logical connections between ideas and create a smoother progression of thought throughout the essay. Additionally, using parallel structure and repetition can reinforce key points and enhance overall coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 4

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 4

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, with frequent repetition of words and phrases such as "protection," "wild animals," "birds," "spending," and "money." There is also an absence of varied vocabulary to convey ideas effectively, resulting in repetitive and simplistic language.
- How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, consider incorporating a broader range of vocabulary related to the topic. For example, instead of repeatedly using "protection," one could use synonyms like conservation, preservation, safeguarding, etc. Additionally, employing diverse vocabulary to describe the expenditure of resources and the challenges faced by wildlife could enrich the essay’s language and sophistication.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay struggles with precision in vocabulary usage, leading to ambiguity and lack of clarity in conveying ideas. For instance, phrases like "positive retionales," "before conclusion with implication of this development," and "spending a large of money could be handling the foods" are imprecise and hinder comprehension.
- How to improve: To improve precision in vocabulary usage, focus on selecting words and phrases that accurately convey intended meanings. Avoid vague or convoluted expressions by opting for clear and concise language. Additionally, proofreading the essay for coherence and coherence can help identify areas where precise vocabulary is needed for clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits numerous spelling errors throughout, such as "sittuation," "retionales," "ereas," "contruction," "endangerous," "carnivore," "specailly," "habitian," "temporature," and "pregnanted." These errors detract from the overall readability and professionalism of the essay.
- How to improve: Improving spelling accuracy requires regular practice and attention to detail. Utilize spell-checking tools and proofread carefully to identify and correct spelling mistakes. Additionally, familiarize yourself with commonly misspelled words and make a conscious effort to learn their correct spellings. Reading widely can also help reinforce correct spelling patterns and enhance overall writing proficiency.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 4

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures, primarily consisting of simple sentences with occasional errors in sentence construction. Complex structures are infrequent, such as in the sentence "Besides that, there is a little of wild animals which are hardly to give birth." There’s a lack of variety in sentence types and lengths, hindering the essay’s overall coherence and sophistication.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader range of sentence types, including compound and complex sentences. Transition words and phrases can be used to connect ideas more effectively, aiding in the flow and coherence of the essay. Furthermore, practicing sentence construction and reviewing complex grammar structures will improve the writer’s ability to express ideas with clarity and complexity.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains numerous grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes that impact clarity and coherence. Examples include errors in subject-verb agreement ("spending on the protections," "there is a little of wild animals which are hardly to give birth") and incorrect word usage ("lost large of time," "positive retionales"). Punctuation errors, such as missing commas and periods, further contribute to the lack of clarity.
- How to improve: Improving grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills is essential for enhancing the overall quality of the essay. The writer should focus on mastering basic grammar rules, particularly those related to subject-verb agreement and sentence structure. Proofreading the essay carefully before submission can help identify and correct punctuation errors. Additionally, seeking feedback from peers or instructors on specific grammatical issues can provide valuable insights for improvement. Practicing writing exercises and utilizing grammar resources can also aid in strengthening grammatical skills over time.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is often argued that too much time and resources are dedicated to the protection of wild animals and birds. From my perspective, I concur with this viewpoint due to the positive rationales that have led to such endeavors for safeguarding endangered species. Regarding the protection of wild animals and birds, significant expenditure involves providing food and habitat. For instance, large quantities of meat are provided to carnivores such as tigers and lions. Specifically, the cost of purchasing this food is exorbitant. Additionally, protecting wildlife requires significant financial resources for acquiring food and establishing habitats such as zoos or natural reserves.

Some wild animals have low reproductive rates, influenced by factors such as habitat conditions, temperature, and food availability. Elephants, for example, have a gestation period of approximately one year, which contributes to their extended reproductive cycle. Therefore, it is evident that considerable time and resources are indeed expended in the protection of wild animals and birds.