The line graph below shows changes in the amount and type of fast food consumed by Australian teenagers from 1975 to 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. » Write at least 150 words. The chart below shows information about the journey to school by children aged 11 to 16 in the UK in a year

The line graph below shows changes in the amount and type of fast food consumed by Australian teenagers from 1975 to 2000.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

» Write at least 150 words.

The chart below shows information about the journey to school by children aged 11 to 16 in the UK in a year

Presented for consideration is a bar chart highlighting about the means of transport utilized to go to school by the children aged range from 11 to 16 in the Britain in a specific year.
Overall, it can be seen that teenagers intend to go on foot for a 0–1 mile journey, whereas children in the UK prefer cycling to others when they have the journey to school far from home, 1-2 miles. Additionally, the bus was chosen as the best option when travelling over 5 miles. Citizens aged 11 to 16 hate going on foot or bicycle for 5-mile journey.
On the one hand, walking for 0–1 mile was chosen the most by 90% of children, while minors drove a car for journey. The percentage of children in the cohort from 11 to 16 who used to cycle and go by bus was equal to half of 100%. About 69% of teenagers went by bus, compared to less than half of children travelled to school by car.
Turning to the remaining chart, the proportions of dwellers aged 11 to 16 who drove and went by bus were at 20% and 10%, respectively. A significantly smaller number of children walked than cycled. Regarding the 2-mile journey, a moderate minority of approximately 25% went on foot, whereas a thin majority of 50% moved by bus.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

1. "highlighting about the means of transport utilized" -> "highlighting the means of transport utilized"
   Explanation: Removing "about" makes the sentence more concise and eliminates redundancy.
2. "aged range from 11 to 16" -> "aged between 11 and 16"
   Explanation: "Range from" is less precise than "between" when specifying an age group.
3. "teenagers intend to go on foot" -> "teenagers prefer walking"
   Explanation: "Prefer walking" is a more concise and natural way to express the idea.
4. "children in the UK prefer cycling to others" -> "children in the UK prefer cycling over other modes"
   Explanation: "Over" is more precise than "to" in indicating preference between choices.
5. "when they have the journey to school far from home" -> "for longer journeys to school"
   Explanation: Clarifies the context of the journey without unnecessary words.
6. "hate going on foot or bicycle" -> "dislike walking or cycling"
   Explanation: "Dislike" is a more formal and appropriate term than "hate" in this context.
7. "chosen the most" -> "the most preferred"
   Explanation: "The most preferred" is a more formal and precise phrase.
8. "minors drove a car for journey" -> "minors traveled by car"
   Explanation: "Traveled by car" is a more natural way to express the idea.
9. "half of 100%" -> "half of the total"
   Explanation: "Half of 100%" is redundant; "half of the total" is clearer and more concise.
10. "proportions of dwellers aged 11 to 16" -> "proportions of individuals aged 11 to 16"
    Explanation: "Individuals" is a more appropriate term than "dwellers" in this context.
11. "thin majority" -> "slight majority"
    Explanation: "Slight majority" is a more precise and formal term.
12. "moved by bus" -> "traveled by bus"
    Explanation: "Traveled by bus" is a more appropriate and formal phrase.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 3

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Band Score: 3.0
Explanation: The essay fails to adequately address the task requirements. It provides a summary of data from a different source (a bar chart about means of transport to school in the UK) rather than the provided line graph about changes in fast food consumption by Australian teenagers. The content is largely irrelevant and does not fulfill the task requirements.
How to improve: Focus on summarizing the provided data accurately. Ensure that the essay directly addresses the information presented in the line graph about fast food consumption by Australian teenagers from 1975 to 2000. Avoid introducing data from unrelated sources. Use clear and concise language to report the main features and make relevant comparisons based on the given prompt.]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, such as delineating different means of transport for various distances to school. There is a vague attempt at summarizing the data, but the essay lacks clarity in its presentation. It fails to provide a cohesive and coherent analysis of the data trends, resulting in confusion for the reader.

How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on organizing the information in a more structured manner. Start with an introduction that clearly states the purpose of the analysis. Then, systematically discuss each mode of transportation in relation to the distance traveled, ensuring a logical flow of ideas. Use cohesive devices such as transition words and phrases to connect sentences and paragraphs more effectively. Additionally, pay attention to sentence structure and clarity to avoid ambiguity and ensure the reader can easily follow the analysis.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task. It employs some less common lexical items and attempts to convey precise meanings. There are instances of inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "Citizens aged 11 to 16 hate going on foot or bicycle for 5-mile journey," which could be phrased more accurately. Additionally, there are errors in word formation and spelling, like "minors drove a car for journey" should be "minors drove cars for their journey."

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, focus on using vocabulary with more precision and accuracy. Avoid awkward phrasing or unclear expressions. Proofreading for spelling and word formation errors would also be beneficial to improve clarity and coherence. Additionally, strive to vary sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range of language use.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay attempts to use a variety of sentence structures, including simple and complex forms. There is an effort to vary the sentence structure, although some sentences are overly complex, leading to occasional grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. There is an attempt to use a range of vocabulary, although it could be more varied and precise. Some sentences lack clarity, and there are instances of inaccurate word choice, such as "hate" instead of "avoid" or "dislike". Additionally, there are several grammatical errors and instances of faulty punctuation throughout the essay, which can impede comprehension.

How to improve: Focus on clarity and precision in language use. Use a wider range of vocabulary to convey meaning more accurately and effectively. Pay closer attention to grammar and punctuation to minimize errors. Simplify complex sentences to improve readability and coherence.

Bài sửa mẫu

Certainly, here is an improved version of the provided IELTS Task 1 report while maintaining the original structures and data:

The bar chart illustrates the modes of transportation used by children aged 11 to 16 for their journey to school in the UK during a specific year.

Overall, it is evident that the preferred mode of transport varies depending on the distance to school. Walking is the most favored option for journeys up to 1 mile, while cycling becomes more popular for distances between 1 to 2 miles. Beyond 5 miles, taking the bus emerges as the primary choice.

Starting with short distances, 90% of children opt for walking for journeys spanning 0 to 1 mile, while car usage is minimal in this range. The percentage of children cycling and using the bus is evenly split at 50%. In contrast, for longer distances of 1 to 2 miles, cycling becomes the preferred mode at 50%, with a significant decrease in walking to 25%.

For journeys exceeding 5 miles, the bus becomes the dominant choice, selected by 69% of teenagers. Car usage remains low, accounting for less than half of children’s travels to school.

Looking at the specific percentages, 20% of children drove themselves to school, while 10% relied on buses for journeys within the 2-mile range. Walking remains a minority choice for longer distances, with only about 25% opting for it compared to the 50% choosing the bus.

In summary, the data reflects a clear preference among UK children aged 11 to 16 for walking, cycling, or using the bus based on the distance of their journey to school.