Write an essay about some possible causes of stress.

Stress leads many negative effects on people. many people get depressed while others commit suicide because of having too much stress. Some possible causes of stress include work or school, relationships, and financial problems. one of the three cause can lead to stress is work or school. Adult have a work pressure at company, children or feenagers have a stucly st pressure sure at school, but both of them have in common is their have a burden on shoulder. These pressure is becoming more and more and they cannot release, Which can Lead to stress and it has many negative effects on their.
Another cause of stress is relationships. When a man fall in love with a woman, he finds in every way to make her love back to him. he bought all things that her want, pay all the bills when their have a meal, but she does not want to continue this relationship. He dissapointed and it leads to strees and finally, he choose the way is suicide to the end his life.
Finally, financial problems is the biggest cause of stress. Mang studies show that 18

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Errors and Improvements:

"Stress leads many negative effects on people." -> "Stress induces numerous adverse effects on individuals."
Explanation: The original phrase lacks precision and uses informal language. "Leads many negative effects" can be replaced with "induces numerous adverse effects," which is more formal and academically appropriate.
"many people get depressed while others commit suicide because of having too much stress." -> "Many individuals experience depression, while others resort to suicide due to excessive stress."
Explanation: The phrase "get depressed" is informal; "experience depression" is a more formal alternative. Additionally, "because of having too much stress" can be replaced with "due to excessive stress," maintaining clarity while enhancing formality.
"Some possible causes of stress include work or school, relationships, and financial problems." -> "Common stressors encompass work or academic obligations, interpersonal relationships, and financial constraints."
Explanation: "Possible causes of stress" can be rephrased as "common stressors" for conciseness and formality. Additionally, "include" can be replaced with "encompass" for a more sophisticated tone.
"one of the three cause can lead to stress is work or school." -> "One of the primary contributors to stress is employment or educational demands."
Explanation: The original sentence lacks clarity and precision. "Cause" should be pluralized to "causes," and "is" should be changed to "are" to match the plural subject. "Work or school" can be expanded to "employment or educational demands" for specificity and formality.
"Adult have a work pressure at company, children or feenagers have a stucly st pressure sure at school, but both of them have in common is their have a burden on shoulder." -> "Adults face workplace pressures, while children and teenagers encounter academic stress in school; however, a shared characteristic among them is the burden they carry."
Explanation: The original sentence contains multiple grammatical errors and lacks precision. "Adult have" should be "Adults face," "feenagers" should be "teenagers," "stucly st pressure sure" should be "study-related pressure," and "is their have a burden on shoulder" should be "is the burden they carry." The revised sentence maintains clarity and formal language.
"These pressure is becoming more and more and they cannot release, Which can Lead to stress and it has many negative effects on their." -> "These pressures are escalating, and individuals struggle to alleviate them, which can lead to stress and numerous negative repercussions."
Explanation: "These pressure is becoming more and more" should be "These pressures are escalating." "They cannot release" should be "individuals struggle to alleviate them," which is clearer and more formal. "Which can Lead to stress and it has many negative effects on their" should be "which can lead to stress and numerous negative repercussions" for improved clarity and formality.
"Another cause of stress is relationships." -> "Another significant stressor is interpersonal relationships."
Explanation: "Cause of stress" is replaced with "significant stressor" for specificity and formality. Additionally, "relationships" is replaced with "interpersonal relationships" for clarity and precision.
"When a man fall in love with a woman, he finds in every way to make her love back to him." -> "When a man falls in love with a woman, he endeavors in every possible way to reciprocate her affection."
Explanation: "Fall in love" should be "falls in love," and "finds in every way to make her love back to him" should be "endeavors in every possible way to reciprocate her affection" for clarity and formality.
"he bought all things that her want, pay all the bills when their have a meal," -> "He purchases everything she desires and covers all expenses during their meals."
Explanation: "Bought all things that her want" should be "purchases everything she desires," and "pay all the bills when their have a meal" should be "covers all expenses during their meals" for clarity and formality.
"but she does not want to continue this relationship. He dissapointed and it leads to strees and finally, he choose the way is suicide to the end his life." -> "However, if she chooses not to continue the relationship, he becomes disappointed, leading to stress and ultimately choosing to end his life through suicide."
Explanation: "But she does not want to continue this relationship" is rephrased as "if she chooses not to continue the relationship" for clarity and formality. "He dissapointed" should be "he becomes disappointed," and "he choose the way is suicide to the end his life" should be "ultimately choosing to end his life through suicide" for improved grammar and clarity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 3

Band Score for Task Response: 3 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address some causes of stress but falls short in fully exploring the topic. It briefly mentions work/school pressure, relationships, and financial problems but lacks depth and detail in each aspect.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should delve deeper into each cause of stress, providing specific examples and discussing their impact in more detail. This would demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the prompt.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks a clear and consistent stance throughout. While it mentions causes of stress, it doesn’t maintain a focused position or argument related to these causes.
- How to improve: Focus on developing a clear thesis statement at the beginning of the essay and ensure that each paragraph supports and extends this main idea. This will help maintain clarity and coherence in the essay’s argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay provides some ideas about stress causes but lacks sufficient elaboration and support. For example, it mentions work/school pressure but doesn’t explain how this leads to stress or provide any supporting evidence.
- How to improve: To improve, provide specific examples, statistics, or personal experiences to support each cause of stress discussed. This will make the essay more compelling and persuasive.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally strays from the topic, such as when discussing relationships and suicide without a clear link to stress causes.
- How to improve: Focus on maintaining a direct connection between the causes of stress discussed and their impact on individuals’ mental health. Avoid tangential discussions that detract from the main theme of stress causes.

Overall, while the essay touches on some causes of stress, it lacks depth, coherence, and specificity. To improve, the writer should focus on expanding each cause with supporting details, maintaining a clear and consistent argument, and staying closely aligned with the essay prompt throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 4

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the causes of stress but lacks a clear and consistent organizational structure. Ideas are presented somewhat haphazardly, making it challenging for the reader to follow a logical progression. For instance, the essay begins by mentioning work or school as a cause of stress, then abruptly shifts to relationships without a smooth transition. Additionally, the essay’s conclusion is abrupt and does not effectively summarize the main points presented.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the essay should adopt a coherent structure with clear topic sentences for each paragraph. Start with an introduction that outlines the main causes of stress to provide a roadmap for the reader. Then, dedicate separate paragraphs to each cause, providing examples and explanations to support each point. Finally, conclude the essay by summarizing the main causes discussed and their implications.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs but struggles with coherence and cohesion within and between paragraphs. While some effort is made to separate ideas into paragraphs, they lack clear topic sentences and transitions, resulting in disjointedness. For instance, the paragraph discussing work or school mixes adult and adolescent experiences without clear differentiation, leading to confusion.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should focus on one main idea related to the causes of stress and should begin with a topic sentence that clearly introduces the topic of the paragraph. Ensure that each paragraph follows a logical progression of ideas, with supporting evidence and examples provided to strengthen the argument. Additionally, use transition words and phrases to guide the reader smoothly from one paragraph to the next, creating a cohesive flow of ideas.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use cohesive devices, such as pronouns ("he," "her") and conjunctions ("but"), but they are used inconsistently and sometimes incorrectly. This inconsistency hinders the clarity and coherence of the essay. Additionally, there is a lack of variety in cohesive devices, with repetition of certain phrases and a limited range of linking words.
- How to improve: Increase the variety and consistency of cohesive devices used throughout the essay to create smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "however," "furthermore," and "therefore," to connect sentences and paragraphs logically. Additionally, ensure that pronouns are used consistently and refer clearly to their antecedents to avoid confusion. Finally, consider using cohesive devices such as parallel structure and repetition for emphasis where appropriate.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay has some variation in vocabulary, with terms like "relationships," "financial problems," and "stress." However, the range is somewhat limited, and there are several instances of repetitive language or simple vocabulary. For example, "stress" is used multiple times without synonyms or varied expressions. Other terms like "work" and "school" are common, and their use is straightforward without additional description or depth.
- How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, try to use synonyms or more varied expressions. Instead of repeating "stress," consider using words like "anxiety," "tension," or "pressure." Similarly, for "work" and "school," consider alternatives like "employment," "occupation," or "education." Using varied terminology adds depth and makes the essay more engaging.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage in the essay. For example, "Adult have a work pressure at company" could be more accurately phrased as "Adults face pressure at work." Similarly, "children or feenagers have a stucly st pressure sure at school" contains several errors and does not clearly communicate the intended meaning. This imprecise use of language makes it difficult to understand the argument in some parts of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve precision, focus on clear and accurate wording. Instead of "one of the three cause can lead to stress is work or school," use a clearer structure like "One of the causes of stress is pressure from work or school." Proofreading and careful attention to sentence structure can help ensure precision in language use.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "dissapointed" (correctly spelled as "disappointed"), "strees" ("stress"), "fenagers" ("teenagers"), and "stucly" ("study"). These errors disrupt the readability of the essay and indicate a lack of careful proofreading.
- How to improve: To improve spelling, consider using spell-check tools and thorough proofreading before finalizing the essay. Additionally, regular practice with spelling exercises can help enhance spelling accuracy over time. Be mindful of commonly misspelled words and focus on getting those right in future writing tasks.

Overall, while the essay addresses the topic and provides examples of causes of stress, the limited vocabulary range, imprecise language, and frequent spelling errors result in a band score of 5 for Lexical Resource. To improve, focus on expanding vocabulary, using precise wording, and ensuring correct spelling through careful proofreading and practice.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate variety of sentence structures. While some simple structures are prevalent, such as subject-verb-object patterns, there are instances of complex sentences with subordinate clauses (e.g., "Adults have work pressure at the company, children or teenagers have study pressure at school"), adding depth to the discussion. However, the essay could benefit from more diverse sentence structures, including compound and compound-complex sentences, to enhance coherence and engagement.
- How to improve: To enhance the essay’s sophistication and readability, incorporate a wider array of sentence structures. Integrate compound sentences by combining related ideas, and introduce compound-complex sentences to provide nuanced explanations. Varying sentence lengths and structures will maintain reader interest and improve overall coherence.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some grammatical inaccuracies and punctuation errors that occasionally hinder comprehension. For instance, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("Adult have a work pressure," "children or feenagers have a stucly st pressure sure at school") and inconsistent article usage ("a burden on shoulder"). Moreover, punctuation errors, such as missing commas and periods, disrupt the flow of ideas.
- How to improve: Enhance grammatical accuracy by reviewing subject-verb agreement rules and consistently applying articles where necessary. Additionally, pay attention to punctuation marks to ensure clarity and coherence in sentences. Proofreading the essay meticulously before submission can help identify and rectify such errors, thereby improving the overall quality of writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Stress induces numerous adverse effects on individuals. Many individuals experience depression, while others resort to suicide due to excessive stress. Common stressors encompass work or academic obligations, interpersonal relationships, and financial constraints. One of the primary contributors to stress is employment or educational demands. Adults face workplace pressures, while children and teenagers encounter academic stress in school; however, a shared characteristic among them is the burden they carry. These pressures are escalating, and individuals struggle to alleviate them, which can lead to stress and numerous negative repercussions. Another significant stressor is interpersonal relationships. When a man falls in love with a woman, he endeavors in every possible way to reciprocate her affection. He purchases everything she desires and covers all expenses during their meals. However, if she chooses not to continue the relationship, he becomes disappointed, leading to stress and ultimately choosing to end his life through suicide.