the charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019. Summerise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The left chart describes how the percentage of households use modern appliances changed from 1920 to 2019, and the right one illutrates the change in number of hours per household spent on housework, which include washing clothes, preparing meals and cleaning, every week during the same period of time.
Generally, the change between two charts almost complete opposite. Since the percentage of household with electrical appliances started at a really low stage then increased significantly, the number of hours of housework per week, per household began with a high grade but fell immediatly.
At the year 1920, households use washing machine accounted for two-fifths, vacuum cleaner for almost a third and no one knows what a refridgerator is. But after 20 years, the percentage of households using refridegerator made a big step and crossed the vacuum cleaner's percentage at almost 50%, while washing machine's percentage still take the first place at 90%. Refridgerator's percentage continued increase in the next 20 years decade and passed over the washing machine's precentage, won the first place at the max percent. It only meet the second place at the last decade, which overcame washing machine's percentage in 1960 at almost 50%. Even washing machine's percentage were at the lowerst percent, it still accounted an impression percent at almost 80%.
Due to the increase of family using modern appliances, hours people spend on housework fall. Start at a very high stage at 50 hours per week in 1920, which means more than two days a week used for houseworks, it decreased to just 10 hours a week at the year 2019. It fastly fell in the first two decades, from 50 hours to more than 30 hours per week, than slowly decreased. It went on slightly in the forth decade, but continue fall after that.

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Errors and Improvements:

"the left chart describes" -> "the left chart depicts"
Explanation: "Describes" is a common verb, but "depicts" adds a more formal and precise tone, fitting for an academic essay.
"illutrates" -> "illustrates"
Explanation: "Illutrates" is misspelled. "Illustrates" is the correct spelling of the word meaning to provide a visual representation of something.
"almost complete opposite" -> "almost completely opposite"
Explanation: "Complete" should be changed to "completely" to properly modify the adverb "opposite."
"started at a really low stage" -> "commenced at a markedly low level"
Explanation: "Started" can be replaced with "commenced" for a more formal tone. "Stage" can be substituted with "level" for clarity and precision.
"the number of hours of housework per week, per household" -> "the weekly household hours devoted to housework"
Explanation: Restructuring the phrase simplifies it and improves readability without changing the meaning.
"began with a high grade" -> "initiated at a substantial level"
Explanation: "Grade" is not suitable here. "Substantial level" is a more precise term to describe a high starting point.
"fell immediatly" -> "declined immediately"
Explanation: "Immediatly" is misspelled. "Declined" is a more formal and appropriate term for decreasing.
"accounted for two-fifths" -> "comprised two-fifths"
Explanation: "Accounted for" can be replaced with "comprised" for a more formal expression.
"and no one knows what a refridgerator is" -> "with refrigerators being unknown"
Explanation: Rewording this phrase improves clarity and removes colloquial language.
"made a big step" -> "took a significant leap"
Explanation: "Made a big step" is informal. "Took a significant leap" conveys the idea more precisely and formally.
"crossed the vacuum cleaner’s percentage" -> "surpassed the percentage of households with vacuum cleaners"
Explanation: This phrasing is clearer and more formal.
"still take the first place" -> "still held the highest position"
Explanation: "Take the first place" is colloquial. "Held the highest position" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.
"Refridgerator’s percentage continued increase" -> "The percentage of households with refrigerators continued to increase"
Explanation: Rewording for clarity and proper grammar.
"won the first place" -> "claimed the top spot"
Explanation: "Won the first place" is informal. "Claimed the top spot" is more formal.
"only meet the second place" -> "only attained the second position"
Explanation: "Meet the second place" is incorrect. "Attained the second position" is more appropriate.
"at the last decade" -> "in the last decade"
Explanation: Use "in" instead of "at" for indicating a time period.
"overcame" -> "exceeded"
Explanation: "Overcame" can imply overcoming an obstacle, while "exceeded" is more suitable for surpassing in quantity or quality.
"were at the lowerst percent" -> "were at the lowest percentage"
Explanation: "Lowest percent" should be changed to "lowest percentage" for grammatical correctness.
"it still accounted an impression percent" -> "it still constituted a significant percentage"
Explanation: "Accounted an impression percent" is unclear. "Constituted a significant percentage" provides a clearer meaning.
"fastly fell" -> "rapidly declined"
Explanation: "Fastly" is not a word. "Rapidly" is a suitable adverb for describing a quick decline.
"went on slightly" -> "remained relatively steady"
Explanation: "Went on slightly" is vague. "Remained relatively steady" provides a clearer description.
"but continue fall after that" -> "but continued to decline thereafter"
Explanation: "Continue fall" is incorrect. "Continued to decline" is the appropriate verb phrase.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

[
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task by summarizing the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and the time spent doing housework in households between 1920 and 2019. However, there are several areas where the information could be clearer and more organized.
How to improve: Focus on providing a clearer overview of the main trends and comparisons without including unnecessary details or opinions. Structure the essay with clearer transitions between ideas and ensure accuracy in presenting data.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation: The essay presents some information about the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and time spent on housework, but it lacks coherence and cohesion. The progression of ideas is unclear, and there are issues with paragraphing and use of cohesive devices. The essay also contains inaccuracies and lacks clear referencing and substitution.

How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on organizing the information logically. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that there is a clear overall progression of ideas throughout the essay. Use cohesive devices effectively to connect ideas and improve the flow of the essay. Also, work on improving paragraphing to ensure that it is logical and helps to structure the essay effectively. Finally, check for accuracy in information and make sure to reference and substitute appropriately to avoid repetition.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, though often with imprecise word choices and awkward phrasing. There is an attempt to convey information using varied vocabulary, but errors in word choice and collocation are noticeable. Additionally, there are frequent spelling and word formation errors throughout the essay, which can hinder understanding.

How to improve: To improve lexical resource, focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with more accuracy. Pay attention to word choice and collocation to convey ideas more precisely. Proofread carefully to eliminate spelling and word formation errors, ensuring clarity and coherence in communication. Additionally, aim for more sophisticated sentence structures to enhance overall clarity and coherence.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of structures, including both simple and complex sentences. However, there are frequent grammatical errors throughout the essay, such as subject-verb agreement issues ("the change between two charts almost complete opposite"), tense inconsistencies ("since the percentage of household with electrical appliances started at a really low stage then increased significantly"), and unclear phrasing ("and no one knows what a refridgerator is"). These errors, along with faulty punctuation and awkward sentence constructions, hinder the clarity and coherence of the essay.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on improving sentence structures and ensuring grammatical correctness. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and clarity of expression. Additionally, review punctuation rules to ensure proper usage throughout the essay. Practicing writing tasks under timed conditions and seeking feedback on grammar and sentence structure can also be beneficial.

Bài sửa mẫu

The left chart illustrates the percentage of households using modern electrical appliances between 1920 and 2019, while the right chart shows the change in the number of hours per household spent on housework during the same period, including washing clothes, preparing meals, and cleaning.

Overall, the trends in the two charts are nearly opposite. As the percentage of households with electrical appliances rose significantly from a low base, the number of hours spent on housework per week per household decreased markedly from a high level.

In 1920, about 40% of households used a washing machine, nearly 30% used a vacuum cleaner, and none had a refrigerator. By 1940, the refrigerator had surpassed the vacuum cleaner, with around 50% of households using one, while the washing machine remained the most common appliance, with usage at 90%. In the following 20 years, refrigerator use continued to grow and overtook the washing machine’s percentage by 1960, becoming the most popular appliance. By the final decade in 2019, refrigerator usage stabilized at close to 100%, while the washing machine dropped to around 80%.

The decrease in the time spent on housework is in line with the growing use of electrical appliances. In 1920, households spent about 50 hours per week on housework, equivalent to over two full days. This dropped sharply to slightly over 30 hours by 1940, then gradually decreased over the following decades, reaching just 10 hours per week by 2019. Although the rate of decrease varied, the general trend was a consistent decline in the time spent on housework.