In recent years, farming practice has changed to include methods such as genetic modification and the use of technology to improve crops. Some people believe these developments are necessary, while others regard them as dangerous and advocate a return to traditional farming methods. Discuss both points of view and give your own opinion.

In recent years, farming practice has changed to include methods such as
genetic modification and the use of technology to improve crops. Some
people believe these developments are necessary, while others regard them
as dangerous and advocate a return to traditional farming methods.
Discuss both points of view and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, using technology in farming and genetic modification become more popular in farming practice. Some people believe these change is really neccessary for farmers, while other people consider these as dangerous and farmers have to use traditional farming methods. In my opinion, I think farmers should apply technology to farming to help their crops developed

In the one hand, some people want to use technology to improve their crops. Firstly, using technology is very convenient for farmers, they can manage the time for each crops easily, they develop more and more kinds of flowers,vegetables, etc. Secondly, the management process will be bette, farmers can control the quality of input and output products.Moreover, each steps technology will be automatic after using technology,, farmers do not love employees to option the cost
In the other hand, other people argue that using traditional farming methods are better

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Errors and Improvements:

1. "Nowadays, using technology in farming and genetic modification become more popular in farming practice." -> "Currently, the utilization of technology in farming and genetic modification is gaining popularity in agricultural practice."
   Explanation: "Nowadays" is colloquial and informal for academic writing. "Become" should be in the present participle form "becoming" to match the tense of the sentence. "Farming practice" can be replaced with "agricultural practice" for a more formal tone.

2. "Some people believe these change is really neccessary for farmers…" -> "Some people believe these changes are essential for farmers…"
   Explanation: "Change" should be pluralized to match the plural subject "these." "Neccessary" is misspelled; the correct spelling is "necessary."

3. "while other people consider these as dangerous and farmers have to use traditional farming methods." -> "while others consider them to be dangerous, advocating for the use of traditional farming methods."
   Explanation: "As" is unnecessary and can be omitted for clarity. "Consider" should be followed by an object, so "these" is added. "Have to" can be replaced with "advocating for," which is more formal and precise.

4. "In my opinion, I think farmers should apply technology to farming to help their crops developed" -> "In my opinion, farmers should incorporate technology into farming practices to facilitate the development of their crops."
   Explanation: "Apply" can be replaced with "incorporate" for a more formal tone. "To help their crops developed" should be changed to "to facilitate the development of their crops" for grammatical correctness and clarity.

5. "In the one hand, some people want to use technology to improve their crops." -> "On one hand, some people advocate for using technology to enhance crop yields."
   Explanation: The phrase "in the one hand" is incorrect; it should be "on one hand" to follow the idiomatic expression. "Want to use" can be replaced with "advocate for using" for a more formal tone.

6. "Firstly, using technology is very convenient for farmers, they can manage the time for each crops easily, they develop more and more kinds of flowers,vegetables, etc." -> "Firstly, technology offers significant convenience for farmers, enabling efficient time management for each crop and facilitating the development of diverse varieties of flowers, vegetables, etc."
   Explanation: The sentence structure needs improvement for clarity and coherence. "Firstly" is a more formal transition word. "Manage the time for each crops" should be "manage the timing for each crop." "They develop more and more kinds" can be improved to "facilitating the development of diverse varieties."

7. "Secondly, the management process will be bette, farmers can control the quality of input and output products." -> "Secondly, the management process will be enhanced, allowing farmers to control the quality of input and output products."
   Explanation: "Bette" is misspelled; it should be "better." "Better" can be replaced with "enhanced" for a more formal and precise term.

8. "Moreover, each steps technology will be automatic after using technology, farmers do not love employees to option the cost" -> "Moreover, with technology, each step of the process will become automated, reducing the need for additional labor costs."
   Explanation: The sentence structure is unclear and lacks coherence. "Each steps technology" should be "each step of the process." "Farmers do not love employees to option the cost" is unclear; it can be revised to "Farmers will no longer need to allocate funds for additional labor."

9. "In the other hand, other people argue that using traditional farming methods are better" -> "On the other hand, some argue that traditional farming methods are superior."
   Explanation: "In the other hand" should be "On the other hand" for correctness. "Are better" should be replaced with "are superior" for a more formal tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to discuss both points of view regarding the use of technology and genetic modification in farming. It acknowledges that some people see these developments as necessary while others view them as dangerous, but the discussion lacks depth and clarity. The essay fails to provide a thorough analysis of each perspective and does not clearly articulate the writer’s own opinion.
  • How to improve: To enhance task response, ensure that all aspects of the prompt are addressed comprehensively. Develop each viewpoint with specific examples and supporting details. Additionally, clearly state and support your own opinion on the matter.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay lacks a clear and consistent position throughout. While it briefly mentions the writer’s opinion favoring the use of technology in farming, this viewpoint is not adequately developed or maintained. The essay does not effectively demonstrate a strong stance or provide sufficient reasoning to support it.
  • How to improve: Maintain a clear and consistent position throughout the essay by clearly stating your viewpoint in the introduction and reinforcing it with relevant arguments and evidence in the body paragraphs. Avoid ambiguity or wavering in your position.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas regarding the benefits of using technology in farming, such as convenience for farmers and improved crop management. However, these ideas lack elaboration and evidence to support them effectively. Additionally, the essay abruptly transitions without fully exploring the opposing viewpoint or providing counterarguments.
  • How to improve: Extend and support ideas by providing specific examples, statistics, or expert opinions to strengthen your arguments. Ensure a smooth transition between ideas and address counterarguments to demonstrate a well-rounded understanding of the topic.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay attempts to discuss the topic of farming methods and the use of technology, it lacks coherence and focus. The discussion is disjointed, and some points are left undeveloped or incomplete. The essay fails to stay consistently focused on the prompt, leading to a lack of clarity and coherence.
  • How to improve: To stay on topic, carefully plan your essay structure to ensure each paragraph contributes to the central theme. Use topic sentences to guide the reader and maintain a logical flow of ideas throughout the essay. Avoid irrelevant information or tangential discussions that distract from the main argument.

Overall, to improve the essay and achieve a higher band score, focus on addressing each aspect of the prompt in detail, maintaining a clear and consistent position, supporting ideas with evidence, and ensuring coherence and relevance throughout the essay. Additionally, strive for a more balanced discussion of both viewpoints and provide a well-reasoned argument to support your own opinion.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 4

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits some coherence and logical organization, albeit with room for improvement. The introduction presents the two opposing viewpoints but lacks clarity due to grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. The body paragraph begins to discuss the advantages of using technology in farming, but it abruptly ends without a transition to the opposing view. There is a lack of development and coherence in presenting arguments and counterarguments.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, start by clearly stating the thesis in the introduction and providing a roadmap for the essay. Develop each argument and counterargument in separate paragraphs with smooth transitions between them. Use topic sentences to guide the reader through each paragraph’s main point.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs, but they lack structure and coherence. The body paragraph lacks a clear topic sentence and ends abruptly, impacting the overall flow of ideas. Additionally, there is no clear distinction between different ideas within the paragraph.
  • How to improve: Improve paragraph structure by starting each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on one main point and provides supporting details or examples to strengthen the argument. Use transition words or phrases to connect ideas between paragraphs for a smoother flow of information.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay lacks diversity in cohesive devices, resulting in a lack of cohesion between sentences and ideas. While some cohesive devices are used sporadically (e.g., "firstly," "secondly"), they are not utilized effectively to connect ideas or create coherence.
  • How to improve: Incorporate a variety of cohesive devices such as transitional words (e.g., however, therefore, consequently), pronouns (e.g., this, that, these), and conjunctions (e.g., although, while, because) to improve the flow of the essay. Use these devices consistently throughout the essay to establish logical relationships between ideas and ensure coherence.

Overall, the essay demonstrates potential but requires significant improvements in organizing ideas, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices to achieve a higher coherence and cohesion score. Focus on clarity, coherence, and smooth transitions between arguments to enhance the overall effectiveness of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is some variety in terms used, such as "genetic modification," "technology," "traditional farming methods," "convenient," "manage," "develop," "quality," "automatic," and "employees." However, there are instances of repetition ("technology" is frequently repeated), and the vocabulary could be more varied and sophisticated to enhance lexical resource.
  • How to improve: To improve the range of vocabulary, the writer can incorporate synonyms and varied expressions to avoid repetition. For example, instead of repeatedly using "technology," they could use terms like "innovations in agriculture," "modern techniques," or "technological advancements." Additionally, introducing more advanced vocabulary related to farming, technology, and their impacts can enrich the essay’s lexical resource.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The vocabulary usage in the essay is generally clear, but there are instances where precision could be improved. For example, the phrase "develop more and more kinds of flowers, vegetables, etc." lacks specificity. Additionally, there are minor grammatical errors that affect precision, such as "the management process will be bette" (better).
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should aim for clarity and specificity in their vocabulary choices. Instead of using vague phrases like "more and more kinds," they could specify the types of crops or provide examples. Moreover, proofreading for grammatical errors will ensure that the intended meaning is conveyed accurately.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of accurate and inaccurate spelling. For instance, "neccessary" should be spelled as "necessary," and "bette" should be "better." While some words are spelled correctly, consistent errors detract from overall spelling accuracy.
  • How to improve: Improving spelling accuracy requires attention to detail and practice. Utilizing spelling and grammar checkers can help identify and correct errors. Additionally, reviewing commonly misspelled words and practicing spelling through writing exercises can enhance spelling proficiency.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic range of sentence structures, including simple and compound sentences. However, there is a lack of complexity and variety in sentence structures, leading to a repetitive and monotonous flow. For instance, most sentences follow a subject-verb-object pattern without much variation in sentence length or structure.
  • How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and variety of structures, consider incorporating complex sentences, compound-complex sentences, and varied sentence beginnings. Introduce clauses, phrases, and transitions to add depth and sophistication to your writing. Additionally, vary sentence lengths to create a more engaging rhythm and flow.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits several grammatical errors and punctuation inaccuracies that impact clarity and coherence. For instance, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("become" should be "has become"), incorrect word choice ("neccessary" should be "necessary"), and punctuation errors (missing commas and periods).
  • How to improve: Pay close attention to grammar rules and ensure consistency in verb tenses, singular/plural agreement, and pronoun usage. Use punctuation marks appropriately to signal pauses, separate ideas, and clarify meaning. Proofread your work carefully to identify and correct errors before submitting your essay. Consider seeking feedback from peers or instructors to improve your grammatical accuracy further.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent years, the utilization of technology in farming and genetic modification has become increasingly popular in agricultural practice. Some individuals believe these changes are crucial for farmers, while others perceive them as risky and advocate a return to traditional farming methods. In my view, farmers should embrace technology in farming to aid in the development of their crops.

On one hand, there is a faction that advocates for the use of technology to enhance crop yields. Firstly, technology offers significant convenience for farmers, enabling efficient time management for each crop and facilitating the cultivation of diverse varieties of flowers, vegetables, and other produce. Secondly, the management process can be improved, allowing farmers to maintain control over the quality of input and output products. Moreover, with the integration of technology, each step of the farming process can become automated, thereby reducing the need for additional labor costs.

On the other hand, some argue in favor of traditional farming methods. They believe that these methods are superior for various reasons. However, it’s essential to consider that while traditional methods have their merits, they may not always be as efficient or sustainable as modern technological solutions.

In conclusion, while there are differing opinions on the matter, I believe that the incorporation of technology into farming practices can greatly benefit farmers and contribute to the overall development of agriculture. By leveraging technology, farmers can improve efficiency, increase yields, and ensure the sustainability of their operations in the long run.