It can not be denied that further education bring us many positive points, it helps students find a good position in society. Other people think that it wastes much money. Further education is necessary for university students. Do you agree or disagree?

In modern life, it is thought by some people that further education brings us many positive points, it helps students find a good position in society. From my point of view, I agree strongly with this option and I would in here explain a few of the most important ones.
The major reason why I am in agreement with this is that it helps students has deep and specialized knowledge about their subject. That is to say they have to spend more time learning about that subject so they have more chance to practice with many experts, study more necessary skills to devlop themselves. Another key reason to consider is that they have good opportunity to apply for a well-paid job. That is because when they finish higher education they will have a degree which contributes to finish their CV that they can use them apply for a job in the famous company. Last but not least , it helps them learn more important skills. For instance, they can learn advance skills such as teamwork skills, leadership skills, presentation skills, decision-making skills and so on that makes them feel mature, confident, attractive to other people. Last Therefore, they These are principal explanations for my choice.

In conclusion, from what has been discussed above, I agree completely with that idea. From my own experience, the most important things is comfortable or not whether it depends on their lifestyle that people have.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"it is thought by some people that" -> "Some argue that"
Explanation: "It is thought by some people that" is overly wordy and lacks precision. "Some argue that" is a more concise and academically appropriate expression, fitting better within formal writing conventions.
"From my point of view" -> "In my opinion"
Explanation: "From my point of view" is colloquial and informal. "In my opinion" is a more formal and standard phrase commonly used in academic writing.
"I agree strongly with this option" -> "I strongly support this notion"
Explanation: "I agree strongly with this option" is somewhat repetitive and lacks variety in expression. "I strongly support this notion" maintains the strength of agreement while using a more varied and formal vocabulary.
"I would in here explain" -> "I will elaborate"
Explanation: "I would in here explain" is awkward and grammatically incorrect. "I will elaborate" is a clearer and more concise expression of the intention to provide further explanation.
"The major reason why I am in agreement with this is that" -> "A primary rationale for my agreement is that"
Explanation: The original phrase is verbose and lacks precision. "A primary rationale for my agreement is that" maintains formality while expressing the same idea more concisely.
"they have to spend more time learning about that subject so they have more chance to practice with many experts" -> "they invest more time in studying their subject, providing ample opportunity to engage with experts"
Explanation: The original phrase is wordy and lacks clarity. "They invest more time in studying their subject, providing ample opportunity to engage with experts" is clearer and more concise, maintaining academic tone.
"study more necessary skills to devlop themselves" -> "acquire essential skills for self-development"
Explanation: "Study more necessary skills to develop themselves" is awkward and lacks precision. "Acquire essential skills for self-development" is clearer and more formal.
"they have good opportunity to apply for a well-paid job" -> "they have a significant opportunity to pursue well-compensated employment"
Explanation: "Good opportunity to apply for a well-paid job" is too simplistic. "Significant opportunity to pursue well-compensated employment" is more precise and formal.
"they will have a degree which contributes to finish their CV that they can use them apply for a job in the famous company" -> "their degree enhances their CV, augmenting their prospects for employment with prestigious companies"
Explanation: The original phrase is convoluted and lacks clarity. "Their degree enhances their CV, augmenting their prospects for employment with prestigious companies" is clearer and more formal.
"Last but not least" -> "Lastly"
Explanation: "Last but not least" is a cliché expression. "Lastly" is a more direct and formal alternative.
"it helps them learn more important skills" -> "it facilitates the acquisition of crucial skills"
Explanation: "Learn more important skills" is vague. "Facilitates the acquisition of crucial skills" is more precise and formal.
"For instance" -> "For example"
Explanation: "For instance" is slightly less formal than "For example" in academic writing.
"makes them feel mature, confident, attractive to other people" -> "fosters maturity, confidence, and appeal to others"
Explanation: "Makes them feel mature, confident, attractive to other people" is overly simplistic and lacks academic tone. "Fosters maturity, confidence, and appeal to others" is more formal and precise.
"Therefore, they" -> "Thus, these"
Explanation: "Therefore, they" is redundant. "Thus, these" maintains coherence and avoids unnecessary repetition.
"These are principal explanations for my choice." -> "These constitute the primary justifications for my stance."
Explanation: "Principal explanations for my choice" is somewhat informal. "Primary justifications for my stance" is a more formal and precise expression.
"In conclusion, from what has been discussed above, I agree completely with that idea." -> "In conclusion, based on the foregoing discussion, I fully endorse this concept."
Explanation: The original phrase lacks precision and formality. "Based on the foregoing discussion, I fully endorse this concept" is clearer and more formal.
"From my own experience, the most important things is comfortable or not whether it depends on their lifestyle that people have." -> "From my own experience, the most crucial factor is the comfort and suitability of one’s lifestyle."
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "From my own experience, the most crucial factor is the comfort and suitability of one’s lifestyle" is clearer and more formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay partially addresses all parts of the question. It acknowledges the importance of further education in finding a good position in society, but it lacks a thorough examination of the argument regarding whether further education is necessary for university students. The essay primarily focuses on the benefits of further education without fully engaging with the counterargument about the financial aspect.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should delve deeper into the perspective of those who believe further education wastes money, providing a more balanced analysis. It could discuss potential drawbacks of further education, such as financial burdens or alternative paths to success. Additionally, explicitly addressing the prompt by stating whether the writer agrees or disagrees with the necessity of further education for university students would strengthen the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a somewhat clear position in support of further education, although the clarity is weakened by some ambiguous language and lack of precision. While the writer agrees with the importance of further education, there are instances where the argument seems vague or repetitive.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity and consistency, the writer should refine the language to express their stance more explicitly and succinctly. Avoiding redundant phrases and ensuring each point directly contributes to the main argument would strengthen the coherence of the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks depth and development. While it mentions benefits of further education, such as specialized knowledge and important skills, these points are not elaborated upon sufficiently. Additionally, the essay could benefit from providing examples or evidence to support its claims.
- How to improve: To improve idea presentation and development, the writer should expand on each point with specific examples, anecdotes, or statistics. Providing concrete evidence to support arguments and illustrating how further education leads to tangible benefits would strengthen the overall persuasiveness of the essay.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by discussing the advantages of further education, although there are minor deviations and instances of repetition that slightly detract from focus. Additionally, the conclusion veers off track by mentioning personal comfort without directly relating it to the topic.
- How to improve: To maintain focus on the topic, the writer should avoid repetition and ensure each paragraph contributes directly to the argument about further education. Additionally, the conclusion should reiterate the main points made in the essay and provide a concise summary of the writer’s position, refraining from introducing new ideas unrelated to the prompt.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the importance of further education, it would benefit from deeper analysis, clearer expression of ideas, more thorough development, and tighter focus on the topic. Incorporating these improvements would strengthen the essay and potentially elevate its band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally organizes information logically, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there are some areas where the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition between the second and third body paragraphs could be smoother. Additionally, the repetition of the phrase "Last but not least" and the abrupt transition to "Last" in the third body paragraph disrupt the coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transition words or phrases to smoothly connect ideas between paragraphs. Avoid repetitive phrases and ensure each paragraph flows naturally into the next. In this essay, revising the transition from the second to the third body paragraph and eliminating repetitive phrases would improve coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, but there are issues with paragraph structure and effectiveness. Each paragraph should ideally focus on a single main idea, but some paragraphs in this essay contain multiple ideas, leading to confusion. For example, the second body paragraph discusses both specialized knowledge and job opportunities without clear separation.
- How to improve: Focus on creating clear topic sentences for each paragraph to indicate the main idea. Ensure that each paragraph discusses only one main point and provides adequate support and explanation. In this essay, restructuring paragraphs to address one idea per paragraph would improve clarity and coherence.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as transition words like "firstly," "secondly," and "in conclusion." However, the variety and effectiveness of cohesive devices could be improved. Additionally, there are instances where cohesive devices are not used effectively, such as the repetition of "last but not least" and "last" within the same paragraph.
- How to improve: Incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices, such as pronouns, conjunctions, and transitional phrases, to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately and do not cause repetition or confusion. In this essay, diversifying the use of cohesive devices and avoiding repetitive phrases would enhance coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a decent range of vocabulary, although some phrases are repeated, like "that is to say" and "last but not least". There’s an attempt to use varied vocabulary with phrases like "principal explanations" and "well-paid job", but it lacks consistency.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, consider incorporating synonyms and alternate phrases. Instead of repeatedly using "that is to say", explore alternatives like "in other words" or "to clarify". Additionally, strive to introduce more sophisticated vocabulary to convey ideas more precisely and eloquently.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs vocabulary effectively in conveying ideas, but there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "the most important things is comfortable or not whether it depends on their lifestyle that people have" is convoluted and lacks precision.
- How to improve: Focus on clarity and precision in vocabulary usage. Avoid convoluted expressions and strive for straightforward communication of ideas. Use precise terms that accurately convey the intended meaning. For instance, instead of "the most important things is comfortable or not whether it depends on their lifestyle that people have", consider "personal comfort and lifestyle preferences significantly influence individuals’ choices".
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally acceptable, but there are a few errors throughout the essay. For instance, "devlop" should be "develop", "advace" should be "advance", and "principal" should be "principle".
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spell-check tools or proofreading techniques to catch and correct errors. Additionally, practice spelling commonly misspelled words to reinforce correct usage. Developing a habit of reviewing written work carefully before submission can also help in identifying and rectifying spelling mistakes.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some attempt at using varied sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. However, there is a notable repetition of sentence structures throughout the essay, which limits the overall range. For instance, there is a frequent use of simple sentences, such as "That is because when they finish higher education they will have a degree which contributes to finish their CV that they can use them apply for a job in the famous company." This sentence could benefit from being broken down into smaller, more concise parts or restructured to enhance clarity and variety.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should aim to incorporate a mix of simple, compound, complex, and compound-complex sentences. Varying sentence length and structure can improve the flow of the essay and engage the reader more effectively. Additionally, the writer should pay attention to coherence and cohesion when using complex sentences to ensure clarity and coherence.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally accurate grammar usage with occasional errors. For instance, there are instances of subject-verb agreement errors ("it helps students has deep and specialized knowledge") and incorrect word choice ("Last Therefore, they These are principal explanations for my choice."). Punctuation errors are also present, such as missing commas before introductory phrases ("In modern life, it is thought by some people…") and inconsistent capitalization ("Last but not least , it helps them learn more important skills.").
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should review basic grammar rules, paying particular attention to subject-verb agreement and sentence structure. Proofreading the essay carefully can help identify and correct punctuation errors, ensuring consistency and clarity. Additionally, using a variety of sentence structures can mitigate grammatical errors and enhance overall readability.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary society, there is a debate regarding the merits of further education, with some advocating its numerous benefits in securing a favorable position in society. Conversely, others argue that it entails significant financial expenditure. Personally, I am firmly in favor of the former viewpoint, and I will elaborate on a few pivotal reasons to support my stance.

A primary rationale for my agreement is that it enables students to acquire deep and specialized knowledge in their chosen field. They invest more time in studying their subject, providing ample opportunity to engage with experts and acquire essential skills for self-development. Moreover, they have a significant opportunity to pursue well-compensated employment upon completing their education. Their degree enhances their CV, augmenting their prospects for employment with prestigious companies.

Lastly, further education facilitates the acquisition of crucial skills. For example, students can develop advanced abilities such as teamwork, leadership, presentation, and decision-making skills. This fosters maturity, confidence, and appeal to others. Thus, these constitute the primary justifications for my stance.

In conclusion, based on the foregoing discussion, I fully endorse this concept. From my own experience, the most crucial factor is the comfort and suitability of one’s lifestyle.