Modern forms of communication such as email and messaging have reduced the amount of time people spend seeing their friends. This has had a negative effect on their social lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Modern forms of communication such as email and messaging have reduced the amount of time people spend seeing their friends. This has had a negative effect on their social lives.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, people have more creations on the Internet through community apps such as email and messaging. It has changed the amount of time people spend seeing their friends. But it is likely a part of the negative effect on social lives.
In the past, people communicated with face to face in real life. People used to spend a lot of time talking with friends whenever. Meeting friends can understand your friends's feelings more easily. Instead of a meeting, they usually chat on the Internet to reduce a lot of time now. They feel it is valuable and convenient. It is an indirect way to share everything anytime.
People hate to see their friends so much. Because part of current technology, we rely them on. So everybody wants to exchange information from work to relationships in social networks. Besides, people are always busy with their jobs and don't have much time to see friends. Modern forms of communication haven't been changing it, helping people have more time to care about their relationships.
However, a group of people abuse it to make it damage user's eyes. They want not to meet everyone in real life, so we should not blame modern forms of communication for everything. Moreover, new communication helps people contact people who live far away and cannot meet in person.
In conclusion, I believe it has both benefits and harms. In my opinion, I also use it every day to not influence me. On the other hand, we need to ensure we use modern communication properly.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "more creations on the Internet" -> "greater connectivity on the Internet"
    Explanation: "Creations" is an awkward term here. "Connectivity" better conveys the idea of increased interaction and access facilitated by the internet.

  2. "amount of time people spend seeing their friends" -> "time people spend interacting with their friends"
    Explanation: "Seeing" is too casual in this context. "Interacting" is a more formal and accurate term for engaging with friends, whether online or offline.

  3. "likely a part of the negative effect" -> "likely contributing to negative effects"
    Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly structured. "Contributing to negative effects" is more precise and formal.

  4. "communicated with face to face in real life" -> "communicated face-to-face in person"
    Explanation: This revision removes redundancy and improves clarity. "Face-to-face" is a hyphenated adjectival phrase.

  5. "talking with friends whenever" -> "spending time with friends spontaneously"
    Explanation: "Whenever" is too informal and vague. "Spontaneously" conveys the idea of informal and unplanned social interactions more effectively.

  6. "Meeting friends can understand your friends’s feelings more easily" -> "Meeting friends enables better understanding of their feelings"
    Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and awkwardly structured. The revised version is clearer and more concise.

  7. "Instead of a meeting" -> "Rather than meeting in person"
    Explanation: This change provides a smoother transition and avoids the informal tone of "Instead of."

  8. "reduce a lot of time now" -> "save considerable time"
    Explanation: "Reduce a lot of time" is unclear and awkward. "Save considerable time" is more concise and formal.

  9. "hate to see their friends so much" -> "avoid meeting their friends"
    Explanation: "Hate to see their friends so much" is too informal and lacks precision. "Avoid meeting their friends" is a more formal and accurate expression.

  10. "we rely them on" -> "we rely on them"
    Explanation: The correct preposition after "rely" is "on." "We rely on them" is grammatically correct and more formal.

  11. "Modern forms of communication haven’t been changing it" -> "Modern forms of communication have not altered this trend"
    Explanation: The original phrase is unclear and awkward. "Altered this trend" is more precise and formal.

  12. "helping people have more time to care about their relationships" -> "allowing people to allocate more time to nurturing their relationships"
    Explanation: The original phrase lacks clarity and precision. "Allocate more time to nurturing their relationships" is more formal and accurately conveys the idea.

  13. "a group of people abuse it to make it damage user’s eyes" -> "some individuals misuse it, causing harm to users’ eyes"
    Explanation: The original sentence lacks clarity and contains grammatical errors. "Misuse" is a more appropriate term than "abuse," and the possessive form "users’" is used correctly.

  14. "we should not blame modern forms of communication for everything" -> "modern forms of communication should not be held solely responsible for all negative outcomes"
    Explanation: The original phrase lacks nuance and is overly simplistic. The revised version provides a more balanced and formal statement.

  15. "In my opinion, I also use it every day to not influence me" -> "Personally, I use it daily without allowing it to unduly influence me"
    Explanation: The original sentence is unclear and awkwardly phrased. "Without allowing it to unduly influence me" clarifies the speaker’s stance more effectively.

  16. "we need to ensure we use modern communication properly" -> "it is imperative to use modern communication methods judiciously"
    Explanation: The original phrase is somewhat vague and lacks emphasis. "Judiciously" emphasizes the need for careful and thoughtful use of modern communication methods.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay partially addresses all parts of the prompt. It acknowledges the impact of modern communication on the amount of time spent with friends, though the analysis lacks depth. It acknowledges both positive and negative effects but doesn’t thoroughly explore them.
    • How to improve: To improve, ensure a comprehensive analysis of the prompt by delving deeper into the implications of modern communication on social interaction. Discuss the extent of the negative impact and provide more nuanced examples to support the argument.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat clear position by acknowledging both positive and negative effects of modern communication. However, the stance could be clearer and more consistent throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: To enhance clarity and consistency, establish a strong thesis statement in the introduction outlining your position on the issue. Throughout the essay, reinforce this stance by consistently aligning arguments and examples with your position.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks coherence and depth. It briefly mentions the impact of modern communication on social interaction without extending or supporting these ideas adequately.
    • How to improve: To enhance the presentation of ideas, ensure a clear and logical structure with well-developed paragraphs. Provide specific examples and evidence to support each point, elaborating on the implications of modern communication on social lives.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but occasionally deviates, particularly in the discussion of eye damage and contacting distant individuals. These tangents distract from the central theme of the impact of modern communication on social lives.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, stick closely to the prompt’s main theme throughout the essay. Avoid introducing tangential points that detract from the central argument, ensuring all content directly contributes to addressing the prompt.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates some understanding of the prompt and presents relevant points, it lacks depth, coherence, and focus. To improve, aim for a more thorough analysis, clearer position, coherent development of ideas, and strict adherence to the topic. Additionally, strive for a more organized structure with well-supported arguments and examples.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some attempt at organizing information logically, but it lacks coherence in its structure. The introduction introduces the topic but lacks clarity in presenting the writer’s stance. The body paragraphs appear somewhat disjointed, with ideas being introduced abruptly and not sufficiently developed. There is an attempt to present arguments both for and against the impact of modern communication on social lives, but the progression of ideas is not always clear. Additionally, the conclusion does not effectively summarize the main points discussed in the essay.
    • How to improve: To enhance the logical flow and structure of the essay, it is essential to have a clear and coherent introduction that outlines the writer’s position on the issue. Each body paragraph should focus on a specific aspect of the argument and follow a clear organizational pattern, such as presenting supporting evidence followed by analysis. Transition sentences between paragraphs can help to connect ideas and improve coherence. Finally, the conclusion should succinctly recap the main arguments and restate the writer’s position.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs but does so inconsistently. There are some paragraph breaks, but the structure within paragraphs lacks coherence. Sentences are often disconnected from each other, leading to a fragmented presentation of ideas. This lack of effective paragraphing hinders the reader’s understanding and makes the essay appear disorganized.
    • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, the writer should ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea or argument. Begin each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main point, followed by supporting sentences that provide evidence or elaboration. Additionally, maintain coherence within paragraphs by using transitional words and phrases to guide the reader from one idea to the next.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay makes some use of cohesive devices to connect ideas, but this usage is limited and lacks variety. There is a reliance on basic cohesive devices such as pronouns ("it," "they") and conjunctions ("but," "however"), but more sophisticated devices such as referencing and parallelism are underutilized. As a result, the essay lacks smooth transitions between sentences and paragraphs, affecting its overall coherence.
    • How to improve: To enhance coherence, the writer should incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices throughout the essay. This could include referencing previous points, using parallel structure to present ideas consistently, and employing cohesive markers like "moreover," "furthermore," and "in addition." By diversifying the use of cohesive devices, the essay will become more cohesive and easier to follow for the reader.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some attempts to vary word choice. For instance, phrases like "creations on the Internet," "exchange information," and "abuse it" showcase an attempt to employ diverse vocabulary. However, there are instances of repetitive phrasing, such as "modern forms of communication," which could be substituted with synonyms to enrich lexical variety.
    • How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, consider incorporating a wider array of synonyms and idiomatic expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "modern forms of communication," consider alternatives like "digital communication channels," "online messaging platforms," or "electronic correspondence." Additionally, integrating more specialized vocabulary related to the topic, such as terms associated with social interaction and technology, could elevate the essay’s lexical richness.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some imprecise vocabulary usage that detracts from clarity and precision. For instance, the phrase "a lot of creations on the Internet" lacks specificity and could be clarified to provide a clearer understanding of the author’s intended meaning. Similarly, the phrase "people hate to see their friends so much" could be more precisely articulated to convey the concept of preferring digital communication over face-to-face interaction.
    • How to improve: To improve precision in vocabulary usage, strive for clarity and specificity in expression. Instead of using vague terms like "a lot," specify the exact nature of the creations on the Internet. Additionally, refine expressions to accurately convey intended meanings; for example, instead of "hate to see their friends," consider phrases like "prefer digital communication over in-person interaction" for clearer communication of ideas.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits several instances of spelling errors, which impact readability and detract from the overall quality of the writing. For example, "creations" appears to be a misspelling of "communications," and "haven’t been changing it" lacks proper subject-verb agreement.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider employing proofreading techniques such as spell-checking tools and reviewing written work systematically. Additionally, familiarize yourself with common spelling patterns and frequently misspelled words to avoid recurring errors. Engaging in regular writing practice and seeking feedback from peers or educators can also aid in identifying and rectifying spelling mistakes effectively.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the sentence structures further. Many sentences follow a similar pattern, leading to repetitive structures and a lack of variety. For instance, there is a tendency to use simple subject-verb-object constructions without incorporating more complex sentence structures such as conditional sentences, passive voice, or participial phrases. This limits the richness and sophistication of the writing.
    • How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating a wider range of sentence types and constructions. Introduce complex sentences to add depth and complexity to your ideas. Experiment with different sentence beginnings and lengths to create a more engaging and varied rhythm. For example, instead of solely relying on straightforward statements, try using conditional clauses to express hypothetical situations or participial phrases to provide additional descriptive details. This will elevate the overall quality of your writing and make it more compelling to read.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of grammatical accuracy, but there are several instances of grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes throughout the text. For example, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("People hate to see their friends so much"), tense consistency ("It has changed the amount of time people spend seeing their friends. But it is likely a part of the negative effect on social lives."), and punctuation errors (e.g., missing commas after introductory phrases). These errors occasionally hinder the clarity and coherence of the writing.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills, consider reviewing and practicing key grammar rules and punctuation conventions. Focus on areas where errors commonly occur, such as subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and proper comma usage. Proofread your writing carefully to identify and correct any errors before finalizing your essay. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from peers or instructors to gain insights into areas for improvement and to reinforce your understanding of grammar and punctuation rules. By honing your grammatical skills and paying attention to punctuation details, you can enhance the overall clarity and effectiveness of your writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s digital age, there is a notable surge in online platforms like email and messaging, fostering greater connectivity on the Internet. This shift has indeed altered the dynamics of social interaction, impacting the time individuals allocate to spending with their friends. While it is undeniable that this trend may contribute to certain negative consequences in our social lives, it is essential to acknowledge the multifaceted nature of this issue.

Traditionally, interpersonal communication primarily occurred through face-to-face interactions, allowing individuals to engage with their friends spontaneously and gain a deeper understanding of their emotions and thoughts. However, with the advent of modern communication tools, such as email and messaging, there has been a noticeable shift towards virtual exchanges. Rather than meeting in person, many people now opt for online chats, believing it to be a valuable and convenient alternative, which saves considerable time.

The inclination towards virtual communication can be attributed to various factors, including the increased reliance on technology in our daily lives. Many individuals find themselves immersed in online platforms, using them as a means to exchange information and maintain social connections amidst busy schedules. Despite the prevalence of modern communication methods, it is important to note that they have not completely altered the essence of human relationships. Instead, they have facilitated communication across distances, allowing people to stay connected with friends who may be geographically distant.

Nevertheless, it is crucial to recognize that excessive reliance on modern communication tools can lead to negative consequences. Some individuals may misuse these platforms, resulting in adverse effects such as eye strain. However, it would be unfair to attribute all negative outcomes solely to modern forms of communication. Personally, I utilize these tools daily without allowing them to unduly influence me. Hence, it is imperative to use modern communication methods judiciously, ensuring that they complement rather than replace face-to-face interactions.

In conclusion, while modern forms of communication have undoubtedly reshaped the way we interact with our friends, they have both benefits and drawbacks. While they offer convenience and facilitate long-distance connections, they also pose challenges such as overreliance and potential health issues. Therefore, it is essential to strike a balance and employ these tools responsibly to maintain healthy and fulfilling social lives.

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