The maps show the urbanization that took place in the town of Eastminster between the years 1999 and 2009.

The two pictures illustrate how a town named Eastminster changed from 1999 to 2009.
Overall, Eastminster underwent several changes with the construction of a school in the North, the replacement of some streets of houses by some apartment blocks and the erection of some factories and warehouses.
Most noticeably in the North, the woodland was cut down at the expense of a adventure park. Additionally, the houses and the park were redeveloped as a bidder one while the large house with gardens were replaced by a hotel with golf course.
The South saw a number of changes which are some streets off houses were knocked down at the expense of some apartment blocks, the hospital was reconstructed into a more modern one and the South school was demolished in order to build a new shopping complex. Besides, the public garden was reconstructed into some houses while some factories and warehouses were erected by the railway station and the shops remained unchanged.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"a town named Eastminster" -> "the town of Eastminster"
Explanation: Using the definite article "the" before "town" adds specificity and formalizes the description.
"underwent several changes" -> "underwent significant transformations"
Explanation: "Transformations" conveys a more impactful and substantial evolution compared to "changes," enhancing the descriptive quality of the sentence.
"the construction of a school in the North" -> "the establishment of a school in the northern part"
Explanation: "Establishment" is a more formal and precise term for the creation of a facility. Using "northern part" instead of just "North" adds clarity and specificity.
"some streets of houses" -> "residential streets"
Explanation: "Streets of houses" is redundant. "Residential streets" succinctly conveys the same meaning.
"redevelopment as a bidder one" -> "redevelopment into a commercial area"
Explanation: "Bidder one" is unclear and potentially incorrect usage. "Commercial area" specifies the nature of the redevelopment more accurately.
"the large house with gardens were replaced" -> "the large houses with gardens were replaced"
Explanation: Correcting subject-verb agreement; "houses" should be plural to match the plural subject "large houses."
"knocked down" -> "demolished"
Explanation: "Demolished" is a more precise and formal term for the destruction of buildings.
"reconstructed into some houses" -> "transformed into residential properties"
Explanation: "Transformed into residential properties" provides a clearer description of the change from a public garden to houses.
"erected by the railway station" -> "erected near the railway station"
Explanation: "Near the railway station" clarifies the location of the factories and warehouses more precisely than "by the railway station."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay adequately addresses the task by providing an overview of the changes in Eastminster from 1999 to 2009. It mentions the construction of a school in the North, the replacement of houses with apartment blocks, and the erection of factories and warehouses. However, some details are inaccurate or unclear, such as referring to a "bidder one" instead of a "bigger one" and mentioning a "hospital" without specifying its location, which may cause confusion.

How to improve: Provide more specific and accurate details, such as the exact locations of the changes mentioned and ensure clarity in the descriptions. Additionally, focus on presenting information relevant to the changes in urbanization rather than minor details like the size of houses.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay presents information with some organization, describing changes in Eastminster from 1999 to 2009. However, there is a lack of overall progression as the essay jumps between different areas of the town without clear transitions. Some cohesive devices are used, but there are instances of inaccurate usage and repetition, such as the phrase "at the expense of" being repeatedly used. Additionally, the paragraphing is inadequate, with some ideas clustered together in a way that hinders clarity and logical progression.

How to improve:

Organization: Ensure a clear and logical flow of information throughout the essay. Consider arranging the descriptions chronologically or spatially to aid coherence.
Cohesive Devices: Use cohesive devices more effectively and accurately. Avoid repetitive phrases and strive for variety in linking ideas.
Paragraphing: Structure paragraphs logically, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the urbanization process. Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to enhance coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task. It effectively describes the changes in the town of Eastminster over the specified time period, utilizing vocabulary related to urbanization and construction. There is an attempt to use less common vocabulary, such as "redeveloped" and "erected," but with some inaccuracy in word choice and word formation. Additionally, there are some errors in spelling and word formation, such as "a bidder one" instead of "a bigger one" and "off houses" instead of "of houses," but these errors do not impede communication significantly.

How to improve: To improve, focus on using more precise and accurate vocabulary. Double-check spellings and word formations to ensure clarity and coherence. Consider expanding vocabulary to include more varied and sophisticated terms related to urban development and transformation. Additionally, strive for more accurate and appropriate word choices and collocations to enhance overall lexical resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of sentence structures, but the range is limited, primarily consisting of simple sentences with some attempts at complex structures. There are instances of grammatical errors throughout the essay, such as subject-verb agreement issues ("the woodland was cut down at the expense of a adventure park"), incorrect word choices ("redeveloped as a bidder one"), and missing articles ("reconstructed into some houses"). Punctuation errors, such as missing commas and inconsistent capitalization, also occur. These errors occasionally disrupt the clarity of the message, making some parts of the essay difficult to understand.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on using a wider variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences with subordinate clauses. Practice subject-verb agreement and ensure consistency in verb tense usage. Work on selecting appropriate vocabulary and phrasing to convey ideas clearly and accurately. Additionally, pay close attention to punctuation rules, including commas, periods, and capitalization, to enhance readability and coherence. Regular practice and feedback can help refine these skills.

Bài sửa mẫu

Certainly! Here is an improved version of the IELTS Task 1 report, focusing on grammar, structure, and vocabulary enhancements while maintaining the original data points:

The two maps illustrate the urban development of Eastminster between 1999 and 2009.

Overall, Eastminster underwent significant transformations during this decade. In the North, a school was constructed, and there was a notable change from woodland to an adventure park. Furthermore, the residential area and park were redeveloped, with the large houses and gardens being replaced by a hotel with a golf course.

In the South, several changes occurred: some residential streets were replaced by apartment blocks, the hospital was reconstructed into a modern facility, and the South school was demolished to make way for a new shopping complex. Additionally, the public garden was converted into residential houses, and factories and warehouses were erected near the railway station. Notably, the shops in the area remained unchanged.

This revision maintains the original structure and data points while improving the clarity, coherence, and grammatical accuracy of the essay. If you have any further questions or need additional assistance, feel free to ask!