The charts below show the number of working hours per week, in the industrial sector, in four European countries in 2002.

The graph demonstrates the variation in working hours of France, Denmark, Sweden and the UK in the industrial fields.
From an overall view, the highest rate of working hours in France and the UK was limited at around 50% while that of Sweden and Denmark was over 70%. Alongside, the rate of workers in four countries working for 31 – 40 hours per week was the highest.
When it comes to France, the only country that had the highest rate of workers working for 31 – 33 hours, followed by that of laborers working for 34 – 40 hours and 46 – 50 hours in that order. The lowest rate at 10% was seen by the worker working for under 14 hours and over 50 hours per week, which was the similarity as the others. Another country that had 50% of workers working for 34 – 40 hours in 2002 was the UK. That country had a noticeable feature that the more working hours there were, the more the percentage of workers there was, with the highest point at 20% of workers working for over 50 hours per week.
Regarding Denmark and Sweden, 80% of Sweden workers worked for 34 – 40 hours, alongside, 40% of those who worked for 31 – 33 hours. Denmark had the same trend with 70% of workers working for 34 -40 hours and 25% working for 31 – 33 hours. Despite two notable points of Denmark, the other features had no huge difference from the others. In contrast to Denmark, Sweden's bar graph had the shape of a mountain with the peak at 80%.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"From an overall view" -> "From a general perspective"
Explanation: "From an overall view" is somewhat informal and vague. "From a general perspective" is more precise and commonly used in academic writing.
"the highest rate of working hours" -> "the highest proportion of working hours"
Explanation: "Rate" can be ambiguous in this context; "proportion" is more specific and appropriate for discussing percentages.
"Alongside, the rate of workers" -> "Furthermore, the proportion of workers"
Explanation: "Alongside" is informal and less precise. "Furthermore" is a more formal transitional phrase that improves the flow of the text.
"the only country that had the highest rate" -> "the only country with the highest proportion"
Explanation: Similar to the previous point, "rate" is replaced with "proportion" for clarity and formality.
"laborers working for 34 – 40 hours" -> "workers in the 34-40 hour range"
Explanation: "Laborers" is less formal and can be replaced with "workers" for consistency and formality. The phrase "in the 34-40 hour range" is more precise.
"the lowest rate at 10% was seen by the worker working for under 14 hours and over 50 hours per week" -> "the lowest proportion, at 10%, was observed among workers in both under 14 hours and over 50 hours per week"
Explanation: The original sentence is awkwardly phrased and unclear. The revision clarifies the meaning and maintains formal tone.
"Another country that had 50% of workers working for 34 – 40 hours in 2002 was the UK" -> "The UK was another country where 50% of workers worked in the 34-40 hour range in 2002"
Explanation: The original sentence is awkwardly structured. The revision streamlines the sentence and improves readability.
"the more working hours there were, the more the percentage of workers there was" -> "the longer the working hours, the higher the proportion of workers"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and unclear. The revision clarifies the relationship between working hours and worker percentages.
"Regarding Denmark and Sweden, 80% of Sweden workers worked for 34 – 40 hours, alongside, 40% of those who worked for 31 – 33 hours" -> "In Denmark and Sweden, 80% of Swedish workers worked in the 34-40 hour range, while 40% worked in the 31-33 hour range"
Explanation: The original sentence is confusing due to the awkward use of "alongside." The revision clarifies the information and corrects the grammatical structure.
"Despite two notable points of Denmark, the other features had no huge difference from the others" -> "Despite these notable features in Denmark, the other data showed little variation"
Explanation: The original sentence is unclear and informal. The revision clarifies the meaning and maintains a formal tone.
"In contrast to Denmark, Sweden’s bar graph had the shape of a mountain with the peak at 80%" -> "In contrast to Denmark, Sweden’s graph exhibited a peak of 80%"
Explanation: "Had the shape of a mountain" is metaphorical and informal. "Exhibited a peak" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task and presents an overview of the information in the charts. The essay highlights some key features, such as the highest rate of working hours in France and the UK, and the highest percentage of workers working 31-40 hours per week. However, the essay does not provide a clear overview of all the main trends in the charts. For example, the essay does not mention the fact that the UK has the highest percentage of workers working over 50 hours per week.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in the charts. The essay could also be improved by providing more specific details about the key features. For example, the essay could mention the exact percentage of workers in each country who work over 50 hours per week.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation:
The essay presents information on working hours in the industrial sector across four European countries but lacks coherence and cohesion required for higher band scores. The progression of ideas is unclear due to inconsistent paragraphing and disjointed sentences. There are attempts at cohesion with some linking words, but they are often inaccurate or repetitive ("the highest rate," "that country," "alongside"). Paragraphing is inadequate, with unclear breaks and shifts in topic within paragraphs. There is a mix of vague and specific details that don’t consistently support the main points.

How to improve:

Organization: Ensure a clear introduction, body, and conclusion structure. Each paragraph should focus on a specific aspect (e.g., each country’s working hours) and maintain a logical flow.
Cohesive Devices: Use a wider range of cohesive devices accurately (e.g., pronouns, conjunctions) to create smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs.
Paragraphing: Ensure each paragraph contains a clear central topic and logically groups related information. Avoid mixing different topics within the same paragraph.
Clarity and Accuracy: Improve clarity by avoiding repetitive phrases and ensuring all information supports the main points effectively.

By addressing these points, the essay can achieve better coherence and cohesion, aiming for a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a basic level of vocabulary usage with some repetition and inaccuracies. There is an attempt to describe the data, but the vocabulary is limited and sometimes inappropriate for the task. There are noticeable errors in word formation and spelling that can make comprehension difficult in places. For example, phrases like "the rate of workers in four countries working for 31 – 40 hours per week was the highest" could be more precisely phrased for clarity and accuracy.

How to improve:

Expand Vocabulary: Try to use a wider range of vocabulary related to describing trends and statistics, such as "percentage," "proportion," "distribution," etc.
Accuracy in Expression: Ensure accuracy in expressing data and trends. For instance, use precise terms like "percentage of workers" instead of "rate of workers."
Proofreading: Pay closer attention to word formation and spelling to avoid errors that can hinder reader understanding.

Improving these aspects will help enhance lexical resource and clarity in conveying information effectively.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an attempt at using a variety of sentence structures, including simple

Bài sửa mẫu

The charts present the number of working hours per week in the industrial sector of France, Denmark, Sweden, and the UK in 2002.

Overall, the data shows significant variation in working hours among the four countries. In France and the UK, approximately half of the workforce worked for 31-40 hours per week. In contrast, Sweden and Denmark had over 70% of their workforce in this range.

Specifically, in France, the highest proportion of workers, at around 50%, worked for 31-33 hours per week, followed by those working for 34-40 hours and 46-50 hours. The lowest percentage, about 10%, comprised workers who worked less than 14 hours or more than 50 hours weekly. Similarly, the UK had 50% of its workers logging 34-40 hours per week, with a notable 20% working over 50 hours.

Turning to Denmark and Sweden, 80% of Sweden’s workforce put in 34-40 hours per week, with an additional 40% working 31-33 hours. Denmark exhibited a similar pattern, with 70% working 34-40 hours and 25% working 31-33 hours. Both countries showed relatively minor deviations from these trends.

In summary, while France and the UK saw a concentration around the 31-40 hour range, Sweden and Denmark displayed a broader distribution, with Sweden notably peaking at 80% for 34-40 hours.