Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

It is said that people should directly face up to situations which are definitely uncomfortable or even miserable. However, others said it is encougared to come up with solutions as well as practical ways to conquer such difficulties.

First of all, the former seems to be commom in conditions where people can do nothing but to think carefully about it, and find the best excuses for those unfortunations. This could be seen as a effective way to prevent them from repeating the second time but at the same time, no significant methods could be given to solve those problems. In terms of emotions, people are able to express such negative feelings like worrying, scarying, angrying, and so on, therefore, they can be more relaxing an

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "It is said that" -> "It is argued that"
   Explanation: "It is argued that" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase, enhancing the tone of the introduction by indicating a scholarly discussion rather than a casual assertion.

2. "face up to" -> "confront"
   Explanation: "Confront" is a more precise and formal term that is commonly used in academic writing to describe the act of dealing directly with difficult situations, making it more suitable for an academic context.

3. "definitely uncomfortable or even miserable" -> "undeniably uncomfortable or even distressing"
   Explanation: "Undeniably" and "distressing" provide a more precise and formal tone, enhancing the academic quality of the language by avoiding the colloquial tone of "definitely" and "miserable."

4. "others said it is encougared" -> "others argue that it is advisable"
   Explanation: "Argue" is the correct verb form, and "advisable" is a more precise and formal adjective than "encougared," which is a typographical error and not a standard word.

5. "come up with solutions as well as practical ways to conquer" -> "develop solutions and practical strategies to overcome"
   Explanation: "Develop" and "strategies" are more precise and formal terms, and "overcome" is a more academically appropriate verb than "conquer," which can imply a more aggressive or forceful approach.

6. "the former seems to be commom" -> "the former appears to be common"
   Explanation: "Appears" is the correct verb form, and "common" is the correct spelling, correcting a typographical error.

7. "do nothing but to think carefully about it, and find the best excuses for those unfortunations" -> "do nothing but to carefully consider the situation and seek the best excuses for these unfortunate circumstances"
   Explanation: "Carefully consider" and "seek" are more precise and formal, and "these unfortunate circumstances" is a clearer and more formal way to refer to the situations.

8. "no significant methods could be given to solve those problems" -> "no effective solutions can be devised to address these issues"
   Explanation: "Effective solutions" and "can be devised" are more precise and formal, and "address these issues" is a clearer and more academic way to express the idea.

9. "express such negative feelings like worrying, scarying, angrying, and so on" -> "express such negative emotions as worry, fear, anger, and others"
   Explanation: "Emotions" is more appropriate than "feelings," and "as" is the correct conjunction for listing examples. "Worry, fear, anger, and others" is more formal and precise than the colloquial "worrying, scarying, angrying, and so on."

10. "can be more relaxing an" -> "may be more relaxing"
    Explanation: "May be" is grammatically correct and more formal than "can be," and the phrase is incomplete without a verb, which is corrected by adding "more relaxing."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both sides of the argument but does so in a very limited and unclear manner. It briefly mentions accepting a bad situation and trying to improve it but fails to develop these points coherently. For instance, the discussion on accepting a bad situation lacks depth and relevant examples.
  • How to improve: To improve, the essay should clearly outline both viewpoints (accepting vs. improving bad situations) and provide specific examples or scenarios to illustrate each perspective. This could involve discussing real-life examples or hypothetical situations where these approaches are relevant.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay’s stance is somewhat ambiguous. It attempts to discuss both viewpoints but does not clearly indicate a strong personal opinion or perspective. The lack of a clear position weakens the overall argumentative strength of the essay.
  • How to improve: It would be beneficial to clearly state and maintain a consistent position throughout the essay. This can be achieved by explicitly stating which approach (acceptance or improvement) the writer believes is more effective and providing strong arguments and examples to support this viewpoint.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay lacks coherence and development of ideas. Ideas are presented in a fragmented manner, and there is little extension or elaboration on either viewpoint. For instance, while it mentions reasons for both accepting and improving situations, these are not explored in depth.
  • How to improve: To enhance the essay, each idea should be clearly introduced, extended with supporting details or examples, and linked logically to the overall argument. This would involve expanding on each viewpoint with more specific examples, reasons, or consequences of adopting each approach.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay struggles to maintain focus on the given topic throughout. There are instances where the discussion veers off into unrelated or unclear points, such as mentioning emotions without a clear link to the main topic of accepting vs. improving bad situations.
  • How to improve: To improve coherence and relevance, the essay should consistently relate every point back to the main topic. This can be achieved by ensuring that each paragraph and example directly supports the argument about whether it’s better to accept or improve bad situations.

In summary, while the essay attempts to address the prompt, it falls short in several key areas including clarity of position, coherence of ideas, and relevance to the topic. By focusing on providing a clearer stance, developing ideas with specific examples, and ensuring every point supports the main argument, the essay could significantly improve its effectiveness in addressing the prompt and achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both sides of the argument but struggles with coherent organization. It begins with a brief introduction of the two viewpoints but lacks a clear thesis statement that previews the main points. The body paragraphs lack clear separation of ideas, often blending arguments together without clear transitions. For instance, the discussion on accepting a bad situation and trying to improve it could be more distinctly separated into different paragraphs to enhance clarity.
  • How to improve: To improve logical organization, ensure each paragraph focuses on one main idea and use topic sentences to introduce these ideas clearly. Consider structuring the essay with an introduction that includes a clear thesis statement outlining the main points of discussion (e.g., one paragraph on acceptance, another on improvement), followed by body paragraphs that develop these points in a structured manner.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs but they are uneven and lack clear structure. Paragraph breaks often occur inconsistently, leading to a confusing flow of ideas. For example, the transition between discussing acceptance and proposing improvement is abrupt and could benefit from more deliberate paragraphing to better organize the flow of ideas.
  • How to improve: Improve paragraph structure by ensuring each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. Separate distinct arguments into separate paragraphs to enhance clarity and coherence. For instance, dedicate one paragraph to discussing why some people advocate acceptance and another paragraph to discussing why others argue for improvement.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay lacks sufficient cohesive devices to link ideas coherently. While some simple cohesive devices (like ‘however’ and ‘first of all’) are attempted, they are used inconsistently and do not effectively guide the reader through the arguments. For instance, transitions between ideas are often abrupt, making it challenging to follow the logical progression of the essay.
  • How to improve: Increase the variety and consistency of cohesive devices such as linking words (‘furthermore’, ‘conversely’, ‘in conclusion’), pronouns (‘these’, ‘those’), and synonyms (‘similarly’, ‘likewise’). This will help to create a smoother flow between ideas and improve overall coherence. Practice using these devices in a way that clearly signals relationships between sentences and paragraphs.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates an attempt to address the prompt and presents some ideas, it would benefit significantly from clearer organization, improved paragraph structure, and more effective use of cohesive devices to enhance coherence and cohesion. Focus on these areas in future writing practice to achieve a higher band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a range of vocabulary, though often imprecisely or awkwardly. For instance, phrases like "directly face up to situations," "unfortunations," and "scarying" are examples where vocabulary choice lacks precision or fluency. While some vocabulary attempts are made (e.g., "uncomfortable" and "miserable"), they are not consistently accurate or effective.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, focus on learning and applying more precise synonyms and idiomatic expressions. For example, instead of "directly face up to situations," use "confront challenging circumstances," or replace "unfortunations" with "adversities" or "difficulties." Practice using these terms in context to ensure fluency and appropriateness.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay struggles with precision in vocabulary usage. Instances such as "scarying" instead of "scaring" and "angrying" instead of "anger" indicate imprecise word choice. While attempting to express ideas, the lack of precision diminishes clarity and impacts coherence.
  • How to improve: Aim for accuracy and specificity in word choice. Consider the nuances between similar terms (e.g., "angry" versus "irritated" versus "frustrated") and select the most appropriate one for each context. Review and edit essays to ensure each word contributes precisely to the intended meaning, enhancing both clarity and coherence.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "scarying" instead of "scaring" and "encougared" instead of "encouraged." These errors affect readability and indicate a need for improvement in spelling accuracy.
  • How to improve: Employ tools like spell checkers and dictionaries to verify spelling accuracy before finalizing essays. Additionally, practice spelling challenging words and review common spelling mistakes regularly. Developing a habit of proofreading and editing can significantly enhance spelling proficiency over time.

By focusing on these areas—expanding vocabulary range with precise usage and improving spelling accuracy—the essay can achieve a higher band score for Lexical Resource. Continual practice and attention to detail will be key in refining these language skills.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic variety of sentence structures, including simple and compound sentences. However, there is a lack of complex sentences or more sophisticated structures such as conditional sentences, passive voice, or varied clause structures. This impacts the depth and complexity of the ideas presented.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, incorporate complex sentences that include subordinate clauses, conditional statements (e.g., "If…, then…" structures), and passive voice where appropriate. This will not only diversify the essay but also allow for more nuanced expression of ideas and arguments.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: There are numerous grammatical errors throughout the essay that hinder clarity and coherence. For example, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("it is encougared"), incorrect verb forms ("angrying"), and incomplete sentences ("people are able to express such negative feelings like worrying, scarying, angrying, and so on, therefore, they can be more relaxing an").
  • How to improve: Focus on reviewing basic grammar rules, particularly related to verb forms, sentence structure (e.g., avoiding sentence fragments), and subject-verb agreement. Utilize punctuation correctly to separate ideas clearly, and ensure coherence between sentences and paragraphs. Practicing sentence structure exercises and proofreading carefully can help in identifying and correcting these errors.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear attempt to address the prompt, improvements in both sentence structure variety and grammatical accuracy are essential to achieve a higher band score. Integrating these suggestions will not only enhance clarity and coherence but also demonstrate a stronger command of language, leading to more effective communication of ideas.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is argued that individuals should confront situations that are undeniably uncomfortable or distressing. Others argue that it is advisable to develop solutions and practical strategies to overcome such challenges.

The former appears to be common in circumstances where individuals feel they can do nothing but carefully consider the situation and seek the best excuses for these unfortunate circumstances. This approach may prevent them from recurring, but it may not provide effective solutions to address these issues. Emotionally, individuals may express negative emotions such as worry, fear, anger, and others, which may be more relaxing and conducive to finding solutions.

In conclusion, while accepting a bad situation may offer temporary relief, actively seeking solutions and strategies can lead to long-term improvements. Personally, I believe that it is crucial to balance acceptance with proactive efforts to improve challenging situations for better outcomes in the future.