Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think it is better to work for different organisations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think it is better to work for different organisations.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

While many people believe that humans should work for the same company in their working life, others suggest that working people should regularly change jobs. This essay will discuss both sides of this argument, and then I will give my own perspective.
At first glance, there are several reasons why work in the same organization is beneficial. Firstly, it promotes a sense of continuity and stability in one's career path. For example, employees can build on their experience within the company, leading to more opportunities for salary increases and promotions at the company after many years of dedication. Secondly, it fosters strong professional relationships and networks. For instance, working together with colleagues for a long time makes people more trusting and cooperative, which can lead to more effective teamwork and problem solving.
Not forgetting to mention that, although work in the same company can be advantageous for people, frequent job changes should be taken into consideration as well. The reason for this is that it can offer unique benefits, such as diverse experiences and a broader skill set. For example, switching jobs frequently will expose employers to different work environments, management styles, and industry practices. This diversity can make people adaptable and flexible in all situations. Furthermore, moving to a new position can sometimes lead to faster salary increases and better benefits, as companies often make attractive offers to attract new talent.
In conclusion, although there are considerable advantages to both arguments, I believe that switching jobs regularly is much more beneficial to people, especially young workers.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "many people believe" -> "many individuals contend"
   Explanation: Replacing "believe" with "contend" elevates the formality and specificity of the statement, aligning better with academic language by implying a more informed and reasoned opinion.

2. "working people" -> "employees"
   Explanation: "Working people" is vague and informal. "Employees" is more precise and appropriate for formal academic writing, clearly referring to individuals in a professional capacity.

3. "will discuss both sides of this argument" -> "will examine both perspectives"
   Explanation: "Examine" is more academically precise than "discuss," suggesting a more thorough and analytical approach to the topic.

4. "At first glance" -> "Initially"
   Explanation: "At first glance" is somewhat informal and colloquial. "Initially" is more formal and suitable for academic writing, indicating the beginning of a discussion without the colloquial tone.

5. "work in the same organization" -> "remain with the same organization"
   Explanation: "Work in the same organization" is a bit informal and imprecise. "Remain with the same organization" is more formal and accurately conveys the idea of continuity.

6. "it promotes a sense of continuity and stability" -> "it fosters continuity and stability"
   Explanation: "Fosters" is a more precise verb than "promotes" in this context, suggesting a more active and intentional creation of these conditions.

7. "For example, employees can build on their experience" -> "For instance, employees can leverage their experience"
   Explanation: "Leverage" is a more precise term in this context, implying strategic use of experience to gain advantages, which is more suitable for formal academic writing.

8. "leading to more opportunities for salary increases and promotions" -> "resulting in enhanced opportunities for salary increases and promotions"
   Explanation: "Resulting in" is more formal and precise than "leading to," and "enhanced" adds a level of sophistication to the description of the opportunities.

9. "Not forgetting to mention that" -> "It is also important to note that"
   Explanation: "Not forgetting to mention that" is informal and conversational. "It is also important to note that" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.

10. "frequent job changes" -> "frequent job transitions"
    Explanation: "Transitions" is a more formal and precise term than "changes," which is more commonly used in academic contexts to describe shifts in employment.

11. "can offer unique benefits" -> "can provide unique benefits"
    Explanation: "Provide" is a more formal synonym for "offer," aligning better with the academic style.

12. "diverse experiences and a broader skill set" -> "diverse experiences and a more comprehensive skill set"
    Explanation: "Comprehensive" is more precise and formal than "broader," enhancing the academic tone of the description.

13. "as companies often make attractive offers" -> "as companies frequently extend attractive offers"
    Explanation: "Frequently extend" is more formal and precise than "often make," and "attractive offers" is a more formal phrase than "attractive offers," fitting better in an academic context.

14. "I believe" -> "I contend"
    Explanation: "Contend" is a more formal and assertive verb than "believe," which is suitable for academic arguments where evidence and reasoning are presented.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both perspectives (working for the same organization versus changing jobs) as well as provides the writer’s own opinion. It discusses the benefits of long-term employment in terms of career stability and professional relationships, and also acknowledges the advantages of job changes for gaining diverse experiences and skills.
  • How to improve: To enhance comprehensiveness, ensure that each viewpoint is explored with equal depth and supported by specific examples or evidence. Additionally, clearly differentiate between the viewpoints and the writer’s opinion to avoid ambiguity.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The writer maintains a clear stance favoring job changes, which is evident throughout the essay. The position is articulated in the conclusion and supported by arguments presented earlier.
  • How to improve: While the position is clear, ensure that all supporting arguments directly align with this stance. This will strengthen the coherence and consistency of the essay’s argumentation.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: Ideas are presented adequately, with arguments supporting both perspectives provided. Examples such as career advancement and skill diversification are effectively used to substantiate these arguments.
  • How to improve: To enhance idea development, consider providing more nuanced examples or specific case studies that illustrate the benefits and challenges associated with both long-term employment and job changes. This will enrich the depth of analysis and strengthen the essay’s persuasiveness.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by discussing the advantages of both staying in one organization and changing jobs, in relation to the prompt’s question. There are no major deviations from the main theme.
  • How to improve: Maintain a tight focus on directly addressing each aspect of the prompt. Avoid tangential discussions that do not directly contribute to the argumentative structure of the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and effectively presents arguments supporting both perspectives while clearly expressing a personal opinion. To improve, continue refining the balance of arguments, ensuring that each viewpoint is thoroughly explored and supported with specific examples. Additionally, strive for greater clarity in distinguishing between presented arguments and the writer’s personal stance throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear organizational structure with a standard introduction, body paragraphs discussing each viewpoint in turn, and a concluding statement summarizing the author’s opinion. Each paragraph is focused and contributes to the overall argument.

  • The introduction sets up the discussion by outlining the two contrasting views and clearly states the author’s position.

  • Body paragraphs are logically ordered, first discussing the benefits of staying with one organization and then presenting the advantages of changing jobs frequently.

  • The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer’s stance.

  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider integrating smoother transitions between paragraphs and sentences to better connect ideas. For instance, use linking phrases such as "Moreover," "Furthermore," or "On the other hand" to signal shifts between viewpoints more explicitly.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs adequate paragraphing, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. There is a clear separation between introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

  • Paragraphs are adequately developed with coherent topic sentences and supporting details.

  • Each paragraph stays focused on its central idea, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay.

  • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph maintains a consistent focus and develops its main point fully. Consider varying sentence structure within paragraphs to add variety and maintain reader engagement. For example, mix simple, compound, and complex sentences to avoid monotony and enhance readability.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes basic cohesive devices effectively to connect ideas within and between sentences. Examples include pronouns ("it," "this," "these"), conjunctions ("although," "while," "but"), and transitional phrases ("firstly," "secondly," "in conclusion").

  • These devices help to establish logical relationships between ideas and improve the overall coherence of the essay.

  • How to improve: To further improve, consider incorporating a wider variety of cohesive devices such as synonyms, parallel structures, and more sophisticated linking words (e.g., "therefore," "conversely," "nevertheless"). This can add nuance and depth to the argumentation, enhancing both coherence and cohesion.

In summary, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and maintains a coherent structure, there is room for improvement in enhancing the transitions between ideas, refining paragraph structure for clarity, and diversifying the range of cohesive devices used. These adjustments will help strengthen the essay’s coherence and cohesion, potentially elevating the band score in future assessments.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably wide range of vocabulary, though it tends to rely on basic vocabulary in several instances. For example, phrases like "beneficial for people," "advantages to both arguments," and "considerable advantages" are used repetitively and lack variety. However, there are instances where more sophisticated vocabulary is used effectively, such as "foster" and "diverse experiences."
  • How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, aim for more varied and nuanced vocabulary throughout the essay. Instead of repeating phrases like "considerable advantages," explore synonyms or more precise expressions. For instance, replace "beneficial for people" with "advantageous for individuals," and vary terms like "advantages" with "benefits," "merits," or "pros." Review and integrate specialized vocabulary related to employment and career progression to enrich your vocabulary toolkit.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are instances where imprecise terms or overused phrases are employed. For instance, "considerable advantages" is a broad phrase that could be more specific, and "advantages to both arguments" is somewhat ambiguous.
  • How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that precisely conveys your intended meaning. Instead of generic terms like "advantages," specify the exact benefits or merits being discussed. For example, instead of "considerable advantages," specify what those advantages are—e.g., "significant benefits," "substantial advantages," or "remarkable gains." Be mindful of the context in which you use terms to ensure they align closely with the ideas you wish to express.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally maintained throughout the essay. However, there are a few minor errors, such as "employers" instead of "employees" in one instance. Overall, the level of spelling accuracy is adequate but could benefit from more thorough proofreading.
  • How to improve: To further improve spelling accuracy, consider proofreading your work carefully, paying particular attention to common problem areas such as homophones (e.g., their/there/they’re) and words with irregular spellings. Using spell-check tools can also assist in identifying and correcting spelling errors efficiently.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary and spelling, further diversifying and refining your vocabulary choices, using terms more precisely, and ensuring meticulous spelling accuracy will elevate your lexical resource score. Keep practicing and incorporating feedback to continually enhance your writing skills.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of sentence structures, including simple and complex sentences. It effectively uses examples and connectors to illustrate points, enhancing coherence.
  • The essay employs a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. For example, it utilizes straightforward constructions like "While many people believe…" alongside more intricate ones such as "Not forgetting to mention that, although…" This variety helps in maintaining reader interest and clarity of expression.
  • How to improve: To further enhance variety, consider incorporating compound-complex sentences and varying sentence lengths for added sophistication and fluency. For instance, using conditional sentences (e.g., "If one remains in the same job for too long, they may stagnate professionally.") or passive constructions can enrich the essay’s structure.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay exhibits a strong command of grammar and punctuation, with minor errors that do not impede understanding. There is proficient use of verb tense consistency and subject-verb agreement throughout.
  • Grammatical accuracy is generally high, with only occasional errors such as "although work in the same company can be advantageous for people" where a plural subject ("works") might be more appropriate. Punctuation marks are used effectively to clarify meaning and structure sentences appropriately.
  • How to improve: To further improve accuracy, pay attention to subject-verb agreement in complex sentences and ensure consistency in verb tenses, particularly when discussing hypothetical scenarios. Proofreading for minor errors such as missing articles or incorrect preposition usage can refine overall clarity and precision.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a commendable grasp of grammatical structures and punctuation conventions, continuing to diversify sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy will elevate the clarity and sophistication of future writing endeavors.

Bài sửa mẫu

While many individuals contend that employees should remain with the same organization throughout their working life, others argue that changing jobs regularly can bring significant benefits. This essay will examine both perspectives and provide my own opinion.

Initially, remaining with the same organization fosters continuity and stability in one’s career path. For instance, employees can leverage their experience within the company, resulting in enhanced opportunities for salary increases and promotions. It is also important to note that it fosters strong professional relationships and networks, as working alongside colleagues for an extended period promotes trust and effective teamwork.

However, it is also important to note that frequent job transitions can provide unique benefits. For example, they expose individuals to diverse experiences and a more comprehensive skill set by introducing them to different work environments, management styles, and industry practices. Moreover, moving between jobs can lead to faster salary increases and better benefits, as companies frequently extend attractive offers to attract new talent.

In conclusion, while there are merits to both staying with one company and changing jobs, I contend that regularly switching jobs offers more benefits, particularly for young workers seeking to broaden their skill sets and maximize their career potential.