The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. Do you agree or disagree?

The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing.
Do you agree or disagree?

It is a common belief that one day, with the rise of e-commerce, every store in towns and cities will close. I don't completely agree with this argument as both brick-and-mortar shops and online shopping have their own benefits.

To start off, in regard to the positive aspects, shops in towns and cities bring the physical shopping experience to their customers. This could be explained by the fact that many buyers still prefer to touch, feel, and try products before purchasing, especially for things like clothes, furniture, and foods. For instance, almost stores in the shopping malls allow customers to try on clothing to ensure the fit before making a purchase. Furthermore, physical stores allow customers to get their products immediately without waiting for shipping. As a result, shoppers can ensure about the items and they can buy anytime they want. Therefore, the traditional shopping method is highly essential.

On the other hand, due to the advancement of technology, e-commerce has brought convenience and accessibility to our lives. To further explain, online shopping allows buyers to purchase from the relaxation and comfort of their house at any time. Moreover, there are a variety of products that can be accessed online and customers have more choices than before. For example, Viet Nam Shoppee offers several items with detailed reviews and recommendations, allowing buyers to shop from any location at all times. In addition, there are a lot of discount tickets given to users in the app, making e-commerce more and more common at the moment.

In conclusion, although online shopping has many advantages such as convenience and accessibility, it can not replace the traditional shopping method. However, individuals can combine together to have a better result.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "It is a common belief" -> "It is widely believed"
   Explanation: "It is widely believed" is a more formal and precise expression, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.

2. "every store in towns and cities will close" -> "all retail establishments in urban areas will cease to operate"
   Explanation: "Retail establishments" is a more specific term than "stores," and "urban areas" is a more formal term than "towns and cities," which sounds more natural in academic writing.

3. "I don’t completely agree" -> "I do not fully concur"
   Explanation: "Do not fully concur" is a more formal way of expressing disagreement, suitable for academic writing.

4. "shops in towns and cities bring the physical shopping experience" -> "brick-and-mortar establishments in urban centers provide a tangible shopping experience"
   Explanation: "Brick-and-mortar establishments" is a more precise term than "shops," and "urban centers" is more formal than "towns and cities." "Tangible" is also more academically appropriate than "physical" in this context.

5. "This could be explained by the fact that" -> "This can be attributed to the fact that"
   Explanation: "Can be attributed to" is a more formal and precise way of linking a cause to an effect in academic writing.

6. "almost stores" -> "most retail establishments"
   Explanation: "Most retail establishments" is more precise and formal than "almost stores," which is vague and informal.

7. "ensure about the items" -> "ensure the quality of the products"
   Explanation: "Ensure the quality of the products" is a clearer and more formal way to express the intended meaning.

8. "they can buy anytime they want" -> "they can purchase at any time"
   Explanation: "Purchase at any time" is more formal and precise than "buy anytime they want," which is too casual for academic writing.

9. "due to the advancement of technology" -> "owing to technological advancements"
   Explanation: "Owing to technological advancements" is a more formal and precise phrase, suitable for academic contexts.

10. "there are a variety of products that can be accessed online" -> "a wide range of products is accessible online"
    Explanation: "A wide range of products is accessible online" is more concise and formal, improving the flow and precision of the sentence.

11. "there are a lot of discount tickets given to users" -> "numerous discounts are offered to users"
    Explanation: "Numerous discounts are offered" is more formal and precise than "there are a lot of discount tickets given," which is informal and vague.

12. "it can not replace" -> "it cannot replace"
    Explanation: "Cannot" is the correct form in formal writing, whereas "can not" is a contraction that should be avoided in academic texts.

13. "individuals can combine together" -> "individuals can combine their efforts"
    Explanation: "Combine their efforts" is a more specific and formal expression than "combine together," which is vague and informal.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a balanced view on the impact of online shopping on traditional retail. It acknowledges the potential for online shopping to influence physical stores but argues against the idea that all shops will close. The introduction clearly states the writer’s partial disagreement, and the body paragraphs explore both sides of the argument. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the potential consequences of online shopping on traditional stores, which would enhance the depth of the response.
  • How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the writer should explicitly discuss the implications of the growth of online shopping on the future of physical stores. This could include exploring factors such as changing consumer behavior, the adaptability of traditional shops, or the potential for hybrid shopping experiences.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that while online shopping has advantages, it will not completely replace traditional shopping. This position is evident in the introduction and conclusion, as well as throughout the body paragraphs. However, the phrase "I don’t completely agree" could be more assertively framed to strengthen the position. Additionally, the conclusion introduces a somewhat vague notion of combining both shopping methods, which could dilute the clarity of the stance.
  • How to improve: To enhance clarity and consistency, the writer should use more definitive language when stating their position. Instead of "I don’t completely agree," a stronger phrase like "I firmly believe that traditional shops will continue to coexist alongside online shopping" would convey a more assertive stance. Furthermore, the conclusion should succinctly restate the main argument without introducing new ideas that could confuse the reader.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the benefits of both online and traditional shopping. For instance, it effectively discusses the tactile experience of shopping in physical stores and the convenience of online shopping. However, some points lack depth and could be further developed. For example, while the essay mentions that physical stores allow immediate product access, it could elaborate on how this immediacy impacts consumer satisfaction or decision-making.
  • How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with more specific examples and explanations. For instance, discussing how the tactile experience influences purchasing decisions or providing statistics on consumer preferences could strengthen the argument. Additionally, integrating counterarguments or addressing potential weaknesses in the points made would provide a more nuanced discussion.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay stays on topic, focusing on the debate between online shopping and traditional retail. However, the conclusion introduces the idea of combining both methods without sufficient context or explanation, which could lead to confusion about the main argument. Additionally, the phrase "individuals can combine together to have a better result" is vague and does not clearly relate to the prompt.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that all parts of the essay directly relate to the prompt. The conclusion should summarize the main points made in the essay without introducing new or unclear concepts. A more precise statement about how both shopping methods can coexist or complement each other would reinforce the topic’s relevance and clarity.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument against the idea that online shopping will lead to the closure of all physical stores. The introduction effectively outlines the writer’s stance, and the body paragraphs are organized to discuss the benefits of both shopping methods. However, the transition between the discussion of physical stores and online shopping could be smoother. For instance, the phrase "On the other hand" is used to introduce the second body paragraph, but a more explicit connection to the previous paragraph could enhance the logical flow.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the advantages of physical stores, you could add a sentence that acknowledges the growing relevance of online shopping before transitioning to that topic. This would help the reader understand the relationship between the two shopping methods more clearly.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first paragraph discusses the benefits of physical stores, while the second addresses the advantages of online shopping. However, the conclusion feels somewhat abrupt and does not effectively summarize the main points discussed in the body paragraphs. Additionally, the final sentence is vague and does not clearly convey the writer’s overall stance.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that the conclusion succinctly summarizes the key points made in the essay. You could restate the main advantages of both shopping methods and reinforce your position. Additionally, consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller ones if they contain multiple ideas, which can help maintain clarity and focus.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "To start off," "On the other hand," and "In conclusion." These devices help to structure the essay and guide the reader through the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "As a result" is used to link ideas, but it could be more effectively supported by additional context or explanation.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "In addition," "Conversely," or "Despite this." Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used in a way that clearly connects ideas and enhances the reader’s understanding. For instance, when discussing the benefits of online shopping, you could use phrases like "In contrast to physical stores" to clearly delineate the differences between the two shopping methods.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument. By focusing on enhancing logical organization, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices, the writer can further improve the clarity and effectiveness of their writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "e-commerce," "brick-and-mortar," and "accessibility" effectively used. However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases such as "physical shopping experience" and "traditional shopping method," which could be varied to enhance the essay’s lexical richness. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "shopping," synonyms like "retail experience" or "consumer experience" could be employed.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should explore synonyms and related terms. Incorporating a wider variety of expressions, such as "in-store shopping," "retail outlets," or "online platforms," would make the essay more engaging and demonstrate a broader lexical resource.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "almost stores" which should be "almost all stores" or "most stores." Additionally, the phrase "ensure about the items" is awkward; it would be more precise to say "ensure the quality of the items." Such inaccuracies can lead to confusion and detract from the overall clarity of the argument.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning. Practicing the use of collocations and common phrases in English can help. For example, instead of "ensure about," the writer could use "ensure the quality of" or "confirm the suitability of."

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, but there are a few errors that could impact clarity. For example, "Viet Nam Shoppee" should be "Vietnam Shopee," and "can not" is more commonly written as "cannot." These minor spelling issues can detract from the professionalism of the essay.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully, perhaps reading it aloud or using spelling and grammar checking tools. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words and practicing them can help reduce errors in future essays.

In summary, while the essay achieves a Band Score of 6 for Lexical Resource, there is room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By diversifying vocabulary, ensuring precise word choices, and focusing on spelling, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing in future IELTS tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the opening sentence effectively uses a complex structure: "It is a common belief that one day, with the rise of e-commerce, every store in towns and cities will close." This showcases the ability to embed clauses and convey nuanced ideas. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied. For example, phrases like "To start off" and "On the other hand" are somewhat formulaic and could be replaced with more diverse transitional phrases to enhance the flow of ideas.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that use relative clauses or conditional phrases. For example, instead of saying "this could be explained by the fact that," you might say, "This is evident in the fact that." Additionally, varying the length of sentences can create a more engaging rhythm. Experiment with starting sentences in different ways, such as using adverbial phrases or questions to draw the reader in.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from the overall clarity. For instance, the phrase "almost stores in the shopping malls" should be corrected to "almost all stores in the shopping malls." Additionally, the sentence "shoppers can ensure about the items" is awkward; it should be "shoppers can be sure about the items." Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "especially for things like clothes, furniture, and foods."
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. Review common phrases and their correct forms, such as "be sure of" instead of "ensure about." Regular practice with grammar exercises can help solidify these concepts. Additionally, when editing, read the essay aloud to catch awkward phrasing and punctuation errors that may not be immediately obvious when reading silently. Consider using tools like grammar checkers for additional support in identifying mistakes.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is a common belief that one day, with the rise of e-commerce, every store in towns and cities will close. I do not fully concur with this argument, as both brick-and-mortar shops and online shopping have their own benefits.

To start off, in regard to the positive aspects, shops in towns and cities provide a tangible shopping experience to their customers. This can be attributed to the fact that many buyers still prefer to touch, feel, and try products before purchasing, especially for items like clothes, furniture, and food. For instance, most stores in shopping malls allow customers to try on clothing to ensure the fit before making a purchase. Furthermore, physical stores allow customers to get their products immediately without waiting for shipping. As a result, shoppers can be sure about the items, and they can buy at any time they want. Therefore, the traditional shopping method is highly essential.

On the other hand, owing to technological advancements, e-commerce has brought convenience and accessibility to our lives. To further explain, online shopping allows buyers to purchase from the comfort of their homes at any time. Moreover, a wide range of products is accessible online, and customers have more choices than before. For example, Vietnam’s Shopee offers several items with detailed reviews and recommendations, allowing buyers to shop from any location at all times. In addition, numerous discounts are offered to users in the app, making e-commerce more and more common at the moment.

In conclusion, although online shopping has many advantages such as convenience and accessibility, it cannot replace the traditional shopping method. However, individuals can combine their efforts to achieve a better result.