If old people are no longer physically, mentally, or financially able to look after themselves, younger family members should be legally responsible for supporting them. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that when senior individuals fail to take care of their physical, mental health, and even financial aspects, young family members should initiate looking after them. I agree with this statement to a certain extent since I think that there are several challenges that young people may face when being responsible for old people.
On the one hand, many claim that the young ought to be in charge of old individuals who do not have the ability to tackle various problems namely physical, mental health and finance. Firstly, this is a moral obligation for younger members. Owing to the fact that seniors took responsibility for looking after and raising their young individuals in the past. In most of the cases in society, parents previously took an enormous amount of time and effort to nurture their children. this process impacts indirectly on their finance and deteriorated health in the future. Thereby, young family members who are responsible for older members of their family should be required to pay back the debt by taking care of aged members.
On the other hand, young people may face a variety of difficulties once they are responsible for older people. Firstly, aged individuals are known for degrading well-being as a result they require not only exorbitant medical treatment but also a person spending time to take care of them. However, several young individuals do not have enough time to be in charge of aged members who can suffer illness in their family. Moreover, many young people are unable to pay for expensive medical fees. Therefore, invoking young people to take responsibility for aged family members is inappropriate.
In conclusion, while some recon that young individuals should be legally responsible for aged people who fail to look after their mental, and physical well-being, and financial capabilities, I am firmly convinced that young family members may meet several struggles when being in charge of older ones.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some people believe" -> "Some individuals contend"
Explanation: "Contend" is a more formal and precise term than "believe," which is often too casual for academic writing. It also implies a more active engagement with the idea, which is more suitable for an academic context.
"initiate looking after" -> "assume responsibility for the care of"
Explanation: "Assume responsibility for the care of" is more formal and specific, clearly indicating the action and scope of responsibility, which is more appropriate for an academic essay.
"I think" -> "I maintain"
Explanation: "Maintain" is a more formal expression that enhances the academic tone, replacing the more conversational "I think."
"young people may face" -> "young individuals may encounter"
Explanation: "Encounter" is a more formal synonym for "face," and "individuals" is preferred over "people" in formal academic writing for its neutrality and specificity.
"the ability to tackle various problems namely physical, mental health and finance" -> "the capacity to address various challenges including physical, mental, and financial health"
Explanation: "Capacity to address" is more precise and formal than "ability to tackle," and "including" is preferred over "namely" for listing items in formal writing.
"Owing to the fact that" -> "Given that"
Explanation: "Given that" is a more concise and formal way to introduce a reason or explanation in academic writing.
"this process impacts indirectly on their finance" -> "this process indirectly affects their financial well-being"
Explanation: "Affects their financial well-being" is more specific and formal than "impacts indirectly on their finance," which is awkwardly phrased and vague.
"this process impacts indirectly on their finance" -> "this process indirectly affects their financial well-being"
Explanation: This change corrects the awkward phrasing and clarifies the impact on financial well-being.
"the debt by taking care of aged members" -> "the debt by caring for their elderly relatives"
Explanation: "Caring for their elderly relatives" is more specific and respectful than "taking care of aged members," which is less formal and less precise.
"young people may face a variety of difficulties" -> "young individuals may encounter numerous challenges"
Explanation: "Encounter numerous challenges" is more formal and precise than "face a variety of difficulties," aligning better with academic style.
"degrading well-being" -> "declining health"
Explanation: "Declining health" is a more specific and medically appropriate term than "degrading well-being," which is vague and less formal.
"a person spending time to take care of them" -> "a person devoting time to their care"
Explanation: "Devoting time to their care" is more formal and precise, avoiding the awkward construction of "a person spending time to take care of them."
"young individuals do not have enough time" -> "young individuals lack sufficient time"
Explanation: "Lack sufficient time" is a more formal expression than "do not have enough time," which is somewhat colloquial.
"inappropriate" -> "unwise"
Explanation: "Unwise" is a more formal and academically appropriate term than "inappropriate," which can imply moral judgment.
"some recon" -> "some argue"
Explanation: "Argue" is the correct term, replacing the incorrect "recon," which is not a standard English word.
"I am firmly convinced" -> "I am firmly convinced"
Explanation: This is a redundant statement, and removing the second "firmly" corrects the redundancy, maintaining the formal tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both sides of the argument but focuses more on the challenges and limitations of young family members supporting older ones rather than fully exploring whether they should be legally obligated to do so. For instance, it discusses the moral obligation of younger family members due to past care received from elders but does not sufficiently delve into the extent to which legal responsibility should apply.
- How to improve: To enhance the task response, the essay should balance its discussion by not only addressing the challenges faced by young family members but also exploring whether legal obligations are appropriate or feasible. Providing specific examples and expanding on the implications of legal responsibilities would strengthen the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a clear position agreeing with the statement that younger family members should support older ones to some extent. However, the clarity could be improved by directly stating and consistently reinforcing this stance throughout the essay. At times, the argument seems more focused on the challenges faced by young people rather than advocating for legal responsibility.
- How to improve: To achieve greater clarity, the essay should explicitly state its position early on and consistently reinforce it throughout each paragraph. This can be achieved by clearly articulating why and to what extent younger family members should be legally responsible for older ones.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas but lacks sufficient development and support. For instance, it mentions the moral obligation of younger family members and provides examples of challenges they might face but does not elaborate on these points with depth or evidence. Further, the examples provided are somewhat vague and could benefit from more specific illustrations.
- How to improve: To enhance this criterion, the essay should develop its ideas more fully by providing specific examples, statistics, or hypothetical scenarios to illustrate both the moral obligation and the practical challenges faced by younger family members. This would strengthen the argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the issue.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by discussing the responsibilities of younger family members towards older ones. However, it occasionally veers into discussions of healthcare costs and time constraints without tying these directly back to the central question of legal responsibility.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the essay should ensure that every point made directly relates to whether younger family members should be legally responsible for older ones who are unable to care for themselves. Avoiding tangential discussions and consistently tying arguments back to the central theme will help maintain clarity and relevance.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic and makes several pertinent points, improving clarity, depth of analysis, and focus on the central question would elevate the task response to a higher band score. By providing more developed arguments, specific examples, and a clearer stance throughout, the essay could effectively strengthen its position on the issue of legal responsibility for elderly family members.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization with a clear introduction, body paragraphs presenting opposing viewpoints, and a conclusion summarizing the author’s stance. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the argument, such as moral obligation and practical challenges faced by younger family members.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical flow, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. Consider using linking words more consistently to strengthen the coherence between ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into distinct paragraphs, each addressing a specific aspect of the argument. However, paragraph structure could be more refined. For instance, the second paragraph could be split into two to separate points about moral obligation and historical caregiving.
- How to improve: Improve paragraph structure by ensuring each paragraph focuses on one main idea. This will enhance clarity and coherence. Additionally, vary sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices such as transition words ("on the one hand," "on the other hand," "in conclusion") to connect ideas within paragraphs and across the essay. These devices help guide the reader through the argument.
- How to improve: Expand the variety of cohesive devices used (e.g., furthermore, nevertheless, consequently) to strengthen the coherence and cohesion further. This will assist in clearly signposting the progression of ideas and enhancing overall readability.

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the prompt with a clear argumentative structure and adequate use of cohesive devices. To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on refining paragraph structure and enhancing the use of diverse cohesive devices. These adjustments will elevate the essay’s organization and clarity, potentially leading to a higher band score in future assessments.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary with attempts at varied expressions and phrases. For example, phrases like "moral obligation," "degrading well-being," and "exorbitant medical treatment" showcase an attempt to use diverse vocabulary.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety and appropriateness of vocabulary, consider integrating more precise academic or formal terms where possible. For instance, instead of "degrading well-being," using "declining health" or "deteriorating health" could strengthen clarity and impact.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances where vocabulary usage is somewhat imprecise, such as "fail to look after their mental, and physical well-being." While generally understandable, this phrase lacks precision and could be clearer.
- How to improve: Aim for greater precision by using vocabulary that accurately conveys your intended meaning. For example, replacing "fail to look after" with "neglect" or "overlook" could sharpen the argument and provide a clearer stance.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a reasonable level of spelling accuracy. However, there are noticeable errors, such as "recon" instead of "reckon" and "individulas" instead of "individuals," which affect readability.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spell-check tools or practicing careful proofreading. Focusing on common problem areas, such as homophones ("their" vs. "there") and frequently misspelled words, can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a sufficient vocabulary range and generally acceptable spelling accuracy, there is room for improvement in vocabulary precision and spelling consistency. By focusing on using more precise and contextually appropriate vocabulary, as well as refining spelling through diligent proofreading, the essay could achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 4

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. Simple and compound sentences dominate, with occasional complex structures attempted (e.g., "On the one hand," "Moreover," "In conclusion"). However, these complex structures are inconsistently used and often lack cohesion or clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance variety and effectiveness, incorporate more complex sentence structures consistently throughout the essay. This can include subordinate clauses, relative clauses, and more varied sentence lengths. Ensure that these structures contribute to coherence and clarity rather than complicating the readability.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits noticeable issues with grammatical accuracy and punctuation. There are instances of subject-verb agreement errors (e.g., "several young individuals do not have enough time"), awkward phrasing (e.g., "Several young individuals do not have enough time to be in charge of aged members who can suffer illness in their family"), and misuse of articles (e.g., "a person spending time"). Punctuation errors include inconsistent comma usage and incorrect capitalization.
- How to improve: Focus on improving grammatical accuracy by reviewing common error patterns such as subject-verb agreement and article usage. Use commas effectively to clarify meaning and aid readability. Proofread carefully to correct punctuation errors and ensure consistent capitalization. Practice sentence structure variation to aid clarity and coherence.

Overall, while the essay addresses the prompt adequately, improvements in sentence structure diversity, grammatical accuracy, and punctuation would significantly enhance clarity and coherence.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals contend that when senior citizens are no longer able to assume responsibility for the care of their physical, mental, and financial health, younger family members should step in to support them. I maintain that this viewpoint has its merits, although it overlooks the challenges that young individuals may encounter when tasked with caring for the elderly.

On one hand, it is argued that the younger generation should take responsibility for elderly relatives who are unable to address various challenges including physical, mental, and financial health. This obligation stems from the historical role reversal where seniors previously invested considerable time and effort in raising their children, thereby indirectly impacting their financial well-being and future health. Given that this process indirectly affects their financial well-being, younger family members should reciprocate by caring for their elderly relatives.

On the other hand, young individuals may encounter numerous challenges when assuming responsibility for elderly family members. Declining health in older adults often necessitates costly medical treatments and demands a significant amount of time from caregivers. However, many young individuals lack sufficient time due to work or other commitments, and they may also find it unwise to bear the financial burden of expensive medical care.

In conclusion, while some argue that young individuals should legally be responsible for the care of elderly relatives who are unable to manage their physical, mental, and financial well-being, I am firmly convinced that this responsibility can pose significant challenges for young caregivers. Balancing these duties with personal and financial commitments can be daunting, suggesting that a nuanced approach to caregiving responsibilities is needed.