Some people think zoos are cruel and all zoos should be closed. However, others think that zoos are useful to protect rare animals. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

The problems surrounding zoos always are always hotly debated among zoologists and animal right activists. While some individuals think that keeping animals in cages is cruel, so it’s necessary to close down all the zoos, critics argue that facilities like that still demonstrate its usefulness in preserving animals. Personally, I firmly believe that the zoos shouldn’t be disbanded due to the necessity of these establishments in conserving animals.
Firstly, it’s reasonable that the captivity of animals is cruel and unnecessary. Zoos can only contain a limited number of animals due to the limit in space, so they can’t protect the majority of animals. Furthermore, many actual surveys claim that the death of animals in zoos still happens because of the lack of food and medical care in many zoos, while others show that being locked up can reduce breeding process of some animals, which can only work in natural habitat. In addition, critics also disagree that animals should serve recreational and financial activities, but they should be lived in natural environment, so it’s necessary for government to stop damaging the environment and also restore and conserve places where was demolished before.
However, while above statements can be true in some aspects of zoos, I confirmed that those aren’t enough to close down these establishments. First, while some zoos can be commented to inhibit animal fertility, these places are where zoologists study and improve how endangered animals breed, which prevent the extinction of them. Moroever, while areas in these facilities are small for huge animal detention programs, it’s enough to buy time for authorities repairing natural places which is unsuitable for any creatures living there. Beside, physical activities in zoos can raise awareness amongst the public. Many people would recommend virtual activities at home through electrical devices, but it’s obvious that the effect of physical activities are more effective compared to that of virtual one.
In conclusion, while reasonable evidences are shown to close down, I think it’s unnessary to disband all of them since their benefits are undeniable in conservation endangered species.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"always are always hotly debated" -> "are consistently hotly debated"
Explanation: Removing the redundant "always" improves the sentence’s clarity and conciseness, aligning it with formal academic style by avoiding unnecessary repetition.
"so it’s necessary to close down all the zoos" -> "it is thus necessary to close all zoos"
Explanation: Replacing "so" with "thus" and removing the contraction "it’s" enhances the formality and precision of the statement, making it more suitable for academic writing.
"critics argue that facilities like that still demonstrate its usefulness" -> "critics argue that such facilities still demonstrate their usefulness"
Explanation: Changing "facilities like that" to "such facilities" and "its" to "their" corrects the possessive pronoun error and enhances the formality of the sentence.
"the zoos shouldn’t be disbanded" -> "zoos should not be disbanded"
Explanation: Changing "shouldn’t" to "should not" corrects the contraction to a more formal, academic standard.
"it’s reasonable that the captivity of animals is cruel and unnecessary" -> "it is reasonable to consider the captivity of animals as cruel and unnecessary"
Explanation: Adding "to consider" clarifies the conditional nature of the statement, making it more precise and appropriate for academic discourse.
"can only contain a limited number of animals due to the limit in space" -> "can accommodate only a limited number of animals due to space constraints"
Explanation: Replacing "due to the limit in space" with "due to space constraints" refines the phrase to be more precise and formal, avoiding redundancy.
"many actual surveys claim" -> "numerous studies indicate"
Explanation: Replacing "many actual surveys claim" with "numerous studies indicate" uses more precise and formal language suitable for academic writing.
"the death of animals in zoos still happens" -> "animal mortality in zoos still occurs"
Explanation: Changing "the death of animals" to "animal mortality" and "happens" to "occurs" uses more formal vocabulary and improves the sentence structure.
"being locked up can reduce breeding process" -> "captivity can impede breeding"
Explanation: Replacing "being locked up" with "captivity" and "reduce breeding process" with "impede breeding" uses more precise and formal language appropriate for academic writing.
"it’s necessary for government to stop damaging the environment" -> "it is imperative for governments to cease environmental degradation"
Explanation: Replacing "it’s necessary" with "it is imperative" and "stop damaging the environment" with "cease environmental degradation" enhances the formality and specificity of the statement.
"while above statements can be true in some aspects of zoos" -> "although these points may be valid in certain aspects of zoos"
Explanation: Changing "while above statements" to "although these points" and "can be true" to "may be valid" refines the language to be more formal and precise.
"I confirmed that those aren’t enough to close down these establishments" -> "I maintain that these reasons do not justify the closure of these facilities"
Explanation: Replacing "I confirmed" with "I maintain" and "aren’t enough to close down" with "do not justify the closure of" uses more formal and assertive language appropriate for academic arguments.
"Beside, physical activities in zoos can raise awareness amongst the public" -> "Furthermore, physical activities in zoos can raise public awareness"
Explanation: Changing "Beside" to "Furthermore" corrects the adverbial conjunction, and "amongst the public" to "public awareness" streamlines the phrase for clarity and formality.
"the effect of physical activities are more effective" -> "the effectiveness of physical activities is greater"
Explanation: Changing "the effect of physical activities are" to "the effectiveness of physical activities is" corrects the grammatical error and uses a more formal term, enhancing the academic tone.
"it’s unnessary to disband all of them" -> "it is unnecessary to disband all of them"
Explanation: Correcting "unnessary" to "unnecessary" fixes a spelling error, ensuring the text adheres to formal writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding the utility and cruelty of zoos. The first paragraph outlines the perspective that zoos are cruel and should be closed, while the second paragraph presents the counterargument that zoos play a crucial role in animal conservation. However, the essay could benefit from a more balanced exploration of both sides, as the first view is somewhat underdeveloped compared to the second. For instance, while the essay mentions the cruelty of captivity, it does not provide specific examples or statistics to strengthen this argument.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and evidence for both perspectives. This could include specific cases of animal welfare issues in zoos as well as successful conservation stories that highlight the positive impact of zoos.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer clearly states their position in favor of zoos in the introduction and conclusion. However, the transition between discussing the opposing view and the writer’s own opinion could be smoother. The phrase "I confirmed that those aren’t enough to close down these establishments" is somewhat vague and could be more assertive in reinforcing the writer’s stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should use stronger transitional phrases that explicitly connect the arguments back to their viewpoint. For example, after presenting the opposing view, the writer could say, "Despite these concerns, I believe that the benefits of zoos in conservation far outweigh the ethical dilemmas."
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas supporting the usefulness of zoos, such as breeding programs and public awareness initiatives. However, some points lack sufficient elaboration. For instance, the claim that zoos help prevent extinction could be supported by mentioning specific programs or species that have benefited from zoo interventions. Additionally, the argument about physical activities could be more clearly linked to the overall theme of conservation.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to elaborate on key points with specific examples or data. For instance, they could mention a particular endangered species that has been successfully bred in captivity and later reintroduced into the wild, thereby illustrating the positive impact of zoos more concretely.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the debate about zoos and their role in conservation. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, such as the mention of "virtual activities at home," which feels somewhat tangential to the main argument about zoos. This could distract the reader from the central discussion.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points made directly relate back to the main argument about the role of zoos in conservation versus their ethical implications. It may be beneficial to remove or rephrase points that do not directly support the central thesis.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear opinion, it would benefit from more balanced exploration of both sides, stronger transitions, deeper elaboration of key points, and tighter focus on the main argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from the first argument against zoos to the counterargument is somewhat abrupt. The introduction sets the stage well, but the subsequent paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. The use of phrases like "firstly" and "however" helps guide the reader, but the connections between ideas could be more explicit.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that summarize the main point of each paragraph. Additionally, ensure that each point logically follows from the previous one. For example, after discussing the cruelty of zoos, explicitly state how this leads to the argument for their closure before transitioning to the counterargument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, which helps with readability. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument. However, some paragraphs are overly long and could be split to enhance clarity. For instance, the paragraph discussing the cruelty of zoos contains multiple ideas that could be more effectively communicated if divided into two distinct paragraphs: one focusing on the cruelty aspect and the other on the limitations of zoos in conservation.
- How to improve: Aim to keep paragraphs focused on a single main idea. If a paragraph contains multiple ideas, consider breaking it into two or more paragraphs. This will not only improve clarity but also help the reader follow your argument more easily. Each paragraph should ideally start with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "however," "firstly," and "in addition," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some transitions feel mechanical. For example, the use of "beside" instead of "besides" is a minor error that detracts from the overall fluency. Additionally, there are instances where the connections between sentences could be strengthened to enhance the flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "on the other hand," and "consequently." Additionally, ensure that the devices used are contextually appropriate. For example, replacing "beside" with "besides" would improve grammatical accuracy. Consider using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, which can help create smoother transitions between sentences.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, focusing on enhancing logical organization, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "cruel," "conserving," "extinction," and "awareness." However, there are instances of repetitive language and limited variety in word choice, such as the repeated use of "animals" and "zoos." This repetition can detract from the overall quality of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "animals," terms like "wildlife," "creatures," or "species" could be utilized. Additionally, using phrases like "animal welfare" or "conservation efforts" could enrich the vocabulary related to the topic.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: Some vocabulary choices are imprecise or awkward, such as "the captivity of animals is cruel and unnecessary," which could be more effectively expressed as "keeping animals in captivity is often viewed as cruel." The phrase "the limit in space" is also vague; a more precise term like "spatial constraints" would improve clarity.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. For example, instead of "the majority of animals," specifying "most species" could provide clarity. Additionally, ensuring that phrases are grammatically correct and contextually appropriate will enhance precision. Revisiting and revising sentences for clarity can help achieve this.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "unnessary" (should be "unnecessary") and "Moroever" (should be "Moreover"). These errors can distract the reader and detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing commonly misspelled words and maintaining a list of challenging vocabulary can help reinforce correct spelling. Regular writing practice, along with feedback, can also aid in reducing spelling errors over time.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of lexical resource, focusing on expanding vocabulary range, improving precision in word choice, and enhancing spelling accuracy will be crucial for achieving a higher band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of "While some individuals think that keeping animals in cages is cruel, so it’s necessary to close down all the zoos, critics argue that facilities like that still demonstrate its usefulness in preserving animals" showcases a complex structure that effectively contrasts two viewpoints. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and redundancy, such as "The problems surrounding zoos always are always hotly debated," which detracts from the overall fluency and coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer could incorporate more varied sentence openings and use a mix of dependent and independent clauses to create more complex sentences. For instance, instead of starting multiple sentences with "While," the writer could begin with adverbial phrases or use inversion for emphasis. Additionally, reducing redundancy and ensuring clarity in sentence construction will improve overall readability.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, "the captivity of animals is cruel and unnecessary" is clear, but phrases like "the limit in space" could be more accurately expressed as "limited space." There are also punctuation errors, such as missing commas in compound sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences. The phrase "while others show that being locked up can reduce breeding process of some animals" lacks an article before "breeding process," making it grammatically incorrect.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. Regular practice with grammar exercises, especially those focusing on common errors, can help. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation errors, particularly in complex sentences, will enhance clarity. Reading the essay aloud may help identify awkward phrasing and grammatical inconsistencies.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a commendable grasp of grammatical range and accuracy, addressing the highlighted weaknesses will facilitate a stronger performance in future writing tasks.

Bài sửa mẫu

The problems surrounding zoos are consistently hotly debated among zoologists and animal rights activists. While some individuals think that keeping animals in cages is cruel and that it is thus necessary to close down all the zoos, critics argue that facilities like these still demonstrate their usefulness in preserving animals. Personally, I firmly believe that zoos should not be disbanded due to the necessity of these establishments in conserving animals.

Firstly, it is reasonable to consider the captivity of animals as cruel and unnecessary. Zoos can accommodate only a limited number of animals due to space constraints, so they cannot protect the majority of animals. Furthermore, numerous studies indicate that animal mortality in zoos still occurs because of the lack of food and medical care in many zoos, while others show that being locked up can impede the breeding process of some animals, which can only occur in their natural habitat. In addition, critics also argue that animals should not serve recreational and financial activities, but should live in their natural environment, so it is imperative for governments to cease environmental degradation and also restore and conserve places that have been demolished before.

However, while the above statements may be valid in certain aspects of zoos, I maintain that these reasons do not justify the closure of these facilities. First, while some zoos can be criticized for inhibiting animal fertility, these places are where zoologists study and improve how endangered animals breed, which prevents their extinction. Moreover, while areas in these facilities may be small for large animal detention programs, they are enough to buy time for authorities to repair natural habitats that are unsuitable for any creatures living there. Furthermore, physical activities in zoos can raise public awareness. Many people would recommend virtual activities at home through electronic devices, but it is obvious that the effectiveness of physical activities is greater compared to that of virtual ones.

In conclusion, while reasonable evidence is presented to support closing down zoos, I think it is unnecessary to disband all of them since their benefits in conserving endangered species are undeniable.