The table details the international tourist arrivals in millions in 8 countries in 2009 and 2010 and the changes (in percentages)

The table compares the number of international tourists who travelled in 8 countries France,USA,Spain,UK,Italy,Turkey,China and Germany and the charge of them in two years 2009 and 2010.
Overall,France was the country had the most foreign tourists in 8 countries,while the opposite was true for Germany.However, Germany had the highest change between 2009 and 2010.
In 2009,France had 76 millions international tourist arrivals that was not change in 2010.The number of foreign traveller in USA,Spain and Italy was 66,55 and 44 millions respectively in 2009,after that their figures was more 1 millions tourists.In 2009, tourists in Spain was as the same as in UK,however,in 2010 the number of international tourists in UK was 1 million more than in Spain.
Conversely,all countries,except for Turkey,China and Germany,there were not had significant changed in their figures between 2009 and 2010. Germany was the country had the highest change in 8 countries,at 109%, their figures in 2010 was 12 millions tourists more than in 2009.The percentage of change in Turkey and China was 33 and 55 precent between 2009 and 2010.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The table compares the number of international tourists who travelled" -> "The table compares the number of international tourists who traveled"
Explanation: "travelled" should be "traveled" to maintain consistency in verb tense throughout the text, as "travelled" is the past participle form used in this context.
"the charge of them" -> "the cost of them"
Explanation: "charge" is incorrectly used here; "cost" is the correct term to refer to the expense or price of something.
"the country had the most foreign tourists" -> "the country with the most foreign tourists"
Explanation: Adding "with" clarifies the prepositional phrase, enhancing grammatical correctness and readability.
"the opposite was true for Germany" -> "the opposite was true in Germany"
Explanation: "in" is more appropriate here to indicate the location where the statement applies.
"the highest change" -> "the greatest change"
Explanation: "greatest" is more formal and academically precise than "highest" in this context, referring to the degree of change.
"not change" -> "remained unchanged"
Explanation: "remained unchanged" is more precise and formal, avoiding the awkward construction "not change."
"foreign traveller" -> "foreign travelers"
Explanation: Consistency in plural form is necessary for clarity and professionalism in academic writing.
"after that their figures was more 1 millions tourists" -> "after which their numbers increased by one million tourists"
Explanation: "after which" is more formal and precise than "after that," and "increased by one million tourists" corrects the grammatical error and improves clarity.
"tourists in Spain was as the same as in UK" -> "the number of tourists in Spain was the same as in the UK"
Explanation: Corrects grammatical errors and adds specificity by specifying "the number of tourists."
"in 2010 the number of international tourists in UK was 1 million more than in Spain" -> "in 2010, the number of international tourists in the UK was one million more than in Spain"
Explanation: Adds a comma for clarity and corrects the numerical value to "one million" for consistency.
"all countries,except for Turkey,China and Germany,there were not had significant changed" -> "all countries except Turkey, China, and Germany,where there were no significant changes"
Explanation: Corrects grammatical errors and rephrases for clarity and formality.
"there were not had significant changed" -> "there were no significant changes"
Explanation: Corrects the awkward and incorrect construction to a clear and grammatically correct form.
"the country had the highest change" -> "the country experienced the greatest change"
Explanation: "experienced" is more precise and formal than "had," and "greatest" is preferred over "highest" for describing changes.
"their figures in 2010 was 12 millions tourists more than in 2009" -> "their figures in 2010 were 12 million tourists more than in 2009"
Explanation: Corrects the verb agreement and uses "million" instead of "millions" for consistency.
"percentage of change in Turkey and China was 33 and 55 precent" -> "percentage of change in Turkey and China was 33% and 55%"
Explanation: Adds percent signs for clarity and correctness in expressing percentages.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4

Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task but does not cover all key features/bullet points. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the main trends in the data. The essay also confuses key features/bullet points with detail. For example, the essay states that "France was the country had the most foreign tourists in 8 countries" but does not provide any data to support this claim. The essay also states that "Germany was the country had the highest change in 8 countries" but does not provide any data to support this claim.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clear overview of the main trends in the data. The essay could also be improved by providing more data to support the claims made. For example, the essay could state that "France had the highest number of international tourist arrivals in 2009 and 2010" and then provide the data to support this claim. The essay could also state that "Germany had the highest percentage change in international tourist arrivals between 2009 and 2010" and then provide the data to support this claim.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to compare the tourist arrivals in different countries, the flow of information is disrupted by awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. Cohesive devices are used, but often inaccurately or repetitively, leading to confusion. The paragraphing is present but not always logical, as some ideas are not clearly separated or developed within their respective paragraphs.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on improving the logical flow of ideas by using clearer topic sentences and ensuring that each paragraph develops a single idea thoroughly. Additionally, practicing the correct use of cohesive devices and varying their application would help avoid repetition. Finally, refining grammatical accuracy and clarity in sentence structure would contribute to a more coherent overall presentation.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it conveys the main ideas regarding tourist arrivals, the vocabulary used is often repetitive and lacks variety. There are noticeable errors in word choice (e.g., "the charge of them" instead of "the change in their numbers") and spelling (e.g., "precent" instead of "percent"), which may cause some difficulty for the reader. The use of basic vocabulary and phrases limits the precision and clarity of the information presented.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including less common lexical items, to convey their ideas more precisely. They should also focus on improving their spelling and ensuring correct word forms are used throughout the essay. Practicing synonyms and varying sentence structures can help reduce repetition and enhance the overall fluency of the writing. Additionally, careful proofreading can help catch and correct errors before submission.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, with several attempts at complex sentences that are often inaccurate. There are frequent grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ("Germany was the country had the highest change"), incorrect prepositions ("there were not had significant changed"), and punctuation errors that can cause some difficulty for the reader. While the main ideas are communicated, the errors detract from the overall clarity and coherence of the writing.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on improving grammatical accuracy by reviewing subject-verb agreement and proper sentence structure. Additionally, practicing the use of a wider variety of sentence forms, including more complex structures, would enhance the grammatical range. Proofreading for punctuation and clarity can also help in reducing errors and improving overall communication.

Bài sửa mẫu

The table compares the number of international tourists who traveled to eight countries—France, the USA, Spain, the UK, Italy, Turkey, China, and Germany—and the changes in these figures over the two years, 2009 and 2010.

Overall, France was the country with the most foreign tourists among the eight countries, while Germany had the fewest. However, Germany experienced the highest percentage change between 2009 and 2010.

In 2009, France had 76 million international tourist arrivals, which did not change in 2010. The number of foreign travelers in the USA, Spain, and Italy was 66, 55, and 44 million respectively in 2009, after which their figures increased by more than 1 million tourists. In 2009, the number of tourists in Spain was the same as in the UK; however, in 2010, the number of international tourists in the UK was 1 million more than in Spain.

Conversely, all countries, except for Turkey, China, and Germany, did not have significant changes in their figures between 2009 and 2010. Germany had the highest change among the eight countries, at 109%, with its figures in 2010 showing 12 million tourists more than in 2009. The percentage of change in Turkey and China was 33% and 55% respectively between 2009 and 2010.