Today parents spend little free time with their children. Why is it the case? Who are more affected: parents or children?

The scientist has been proved that the connection between parents and children is the most necessary periods which contributes sort of roles in shaping their growth, character and temperament nearly future. Unfortunately, these days, the tradition is losing its values because of their busy schedule and career development. This essay will explore why this phenomenon is an attempt and explain the effects of the problem.

To begin, this can be attributed to numerous culprits. The teenagers who lack parental attention were adversely attacked. One of the primary reasons is a busy life. Nowadays, folks spend a huge part of their life earning money and career-improvement. As well as after long-time of work, parents seem to have less energy to share with their kids and tend to wind down in bed as soon as they can. Although they stay at home, they sit on computer and work all day which can cause the profoundly distance of two generations of all family members. The dinning time is supposed to be the ideal time to strengthen family’s bond but they all spend their time to surf the internet instead of sharing what they experienced in day.

On the other hand, the little family quality time has more significant impact on children rather than mother and father. Kids rely on their parents for emotional support, guidance, role-modeling, and parents play a crucial role in developing children’s self-esteem and sense of belonging. When parents are absent, they may experience guilt, stress, and disconnection, but as adults they are more equipped to handle these emotions. Lacking close conversations and funny activities with parents can cause a frenzy of emotional issues in youngsters. Consequently, a child who does not talk to his mom and dad at home and does not get their opinion in various areas will be strongly influenced by the environment. They do not know whether it is right or wrong before they act. As a result, they may face various bad consequences, including various criminal cases or unknowingly joining bad people and street thugs. In fact, fathers and mothers are responsible for their children. They should always check what their child is busy with and should be aware of what they are doing and spend more hours with them.

In conclusion, seniors should adjust the amount of time at work and take full advantage of their free hours to spend with their generation in order to provoke family solidarity as well as for the sake of their children's development.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The scientist has been proved" -> "It has been scientifically proven"
Explanation: "It has been scientifically proven" is a more precise and formal expression, aligning better with academic style by specifying the method of proof and avoiding the passive voice.
"the most necessary periods" -> "the most crucial periods"
Explanation: "Crucial" is more precise and academically appropriate than "necessary" in this context, emphasizing the importance of the periods in question.
"which contributes sort of roles" -> "which plays a significant role"
Explanation: "Plays a significant role" is more direct and clear, avoiding the awkward and vague phrase "contributes sort of roles."
"nearly future" -> "in the future"
Explanation: "In the future" is the correct phrase, providing a clearer and more natural expression.
"the tradition is losing its values" -> "the tradition is losing its value"
Explanation: "Value" should be singular here, as "tradition" is being discussed as a single entity.
"because of their busy schedule and career development" -> "due to their busy schedules and career pursuits"
Explanation: "Due to" is more formal than "because of," and "career pursuits" is a more precise term than "career development."
"adversely attacked" -> "negatively affected"
Explanation: "Negatively affected" is a clearer and more appropriate term in academic writing, avoiding the colloquial and unclear "adversely attacked."
"a huge part of their life" -> "a significant portion of their lives"
Explanation: "A significant portion of their lives" is more formal and precise, avoiding the colloquial "huge part."
"long-time of work" -> "long hours of work"
Explanation: "Long hours of work" is the correct phrase, providing clarity and accuracy.
"wind down in bed" -> "retire to bed"
Explanation: "Retire to bed" is a more formal and precise expression than "wind down in bed."
"sit on computer" -> "sit at their computers"
Explanation: "Sit at their computers" is grammatically correct and more specific, avoiding the awkward "sit on computer."
"profoundly distance" -> "profound distance"
Explanation: "Profound distance" is grammatically correct, and "profound" is used correctly to describe the depth of the issue.
"dinning time" -> "dinner time"
Explanation: "Dinner time" is the correct term, not "dinning time."
"surf the internet" -> "browse the internet"
Explanation: "Browse the internet" is a more formal and precise term than "surf the internet."
"little family quality time" -> "limited family quality time"
Explanation: "Limited" is more precise and formal than "little," which is vague and informal.
"more significant impact" -> "greater impact"
Explanation: "Greater impact" is a more formal and succinct way to express the idea.
"frenzy of emotional issues" -> "array of emotional issues"
Explanation: "Array" is a more formal and appropriate term than "frenzy," which is overly dramatic and informal.
"strongly influenced by the environment" -> "strongly influenced by their environment"
Explanation: Adding "their" clarifies the possessive and maintains the formal tone.
"unknowingly joining bad people" -> "unknowingly associating with undesirable individuals"
Explanation: "Associating with undesirable individuals" is more specific and formal than "joining bad people."
"seniors" -> "parents"
Explanation: "Parents" is more specific and appropriate in this context than "seniors," which could imply age rather than familial relationship.
"take full advantage of their free hours" -> "make the most of their free time"
Explanation: "Make the most of their free time" is a more idiomatic and formal expression than "take full advantage of their free hours."
"provoke family solidarity" -> "foster family unity"
Explanation: "Foster family unity" is a more precise and formal term than "provoke family solidarity," which is awkward and unclear.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the reasons why parents spend little time with their children and the impact of this situation on both parents and children. The first part of the essay effectively outlines the busy lifestyles of parents as a primary reason for this phenomenon. However, the explanation of who is more affected is somewhat imbalanced, as it focuses more on the children’s experiences without fully exploring the implications for parents.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay should provide a more balanced discussion of the effects on both parents and children. This could involve elaborating on how parents feel about their limited time with their children, perhaps discussing feelings of guilt or stress, which would create a more comprehensive answer to the prompt.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that the lack of time spent together negatively affects children more than parents. This stance is maintained throughout the essay, with consistent references to the consequences for children. However, the initial statement could be clearer in establishing the author’s position on the overall issue.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the introduction could explicitly state the author’s position regarding both parts of the question. Additionally, using transitional phrases to reinforce the connection between ideas would help maintain a clear and logical flow throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the reasons for parents’ lack of time and the effects on children. However, some points lack sufficient development or supporting evidence. For instance, the claim that children may face "various bad consequences" due to lack of parental guidance could be strengthened with specific examples or statistics to illustrate the potential outcomes.
- How to improve: To better support ideas, the author should aim to provide more detailed examples or case studies that illustrate the points made. This could involve discussing specific emotional or behavioral issues that arise from a lack of parental involvement, thereby enriching the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the reasons for parents’ limited time with their children and the effects of this on both parties. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, particularly when discussing the responsibilities of parents without directly linking back to the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the prompt. This can be achieved by consistently referring back to the question in each paragraph and ensuring that all examples and arguments are relevant to the discussion of parental involvement and its effects.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and presents a clear argument, there are areas for improvement in balance, clarity, support, and focus. By addressing these aspects, the essay could achieve a higher band score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the points to be discussed. The body paragraphs are organized to first address the reasons for parents spending less time with their children and then to discuss the impacts of this phenomenon. However, some ideas within paragraphs could be better sequenced to enhance clarity. For example, the transition from discussing parents’ busy lives to the effects on children could be smoother, as the connection between these ideas is not always explicitly stated.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that clearly state the main idea. Additionally, ensure that each point builds on the previous one by using transitional phrases that link ideas together. For instance, after discussing parents’ busy schedules, explicitly state how this leads to a lack of emotional support for children.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. However, the body paragraphs could be more distinctly defined. The first body paragraph mixes several ideas about parental responsibilities and the consequences of their absence, which can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea. For instance, the first body paragraph could be split into two: one focusing on the reasons for parents’ busy schedules and another on the consequences of this lack of time. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point and improve overall clarity.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "on the other hand" and "as well as," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences and ideas could be clearer. For example, the phrase "the dinning time is supposed to be the ideal time" could be better linked to the preceding discussion about busy schedules.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in contrast," "for instance," and "consequently." This will help to clarify relationships between ideas and enhance the overall flow of the essay. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately and contributes to the clarity of the argument being presented.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices could elevate the score for coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "connection," "character," "temperament," and "emotional support." However, there are instances where the vocabulary is somewhat limited or repetitive, such as the repeated use of "parents" and "children" without variation. Phrases like "busy schedule" and "career development" are appropriate but could be expanded with synonyms or related terms to enhance variety.
- How to improve: To improve lexical range, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "parents," they could use "guardians," "caregivers," or "adults." Additionally, varying expressions for "busy" (e.g., "hectic," "demanding") and "children" (e.g., "youth," "offspring") would enrich the vocabulary and avoid redundancy.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are some instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "the tradition is losing its values" is vague; it would be clearer to specify which tradition is being referred to. Additionally, "adversely attacked" is an awkward choice of words; it would be more appropriate to say "adversely affected." The phrase "the profoundly distance of two generations" is also unclear and should be rephrased for better understanding.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. For example, replacing "adversely attacked" with "adversely affected" and clarifying "the tradition" by specifying "the tradition of family time" would improve clarity. Encouraging the use of contextually appropriate phrases will also help in conveying ideas more effectively.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "dinning" instead of "dining," "long-time" which should be "long time," and "frenzy of emotional issues" where "frenzy" may not be the best choice. These errors can distract the reader and affect the overall impression of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, ideally reading it aloud to catch errors. Utilizing spell-check tools or writing practice that focuses on commonly misspelled words can also be beneficial. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with the correct forms of frequently used terms will help reduce spelling mistakes.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple sentences ("Kids rely on their parents for emotional support") and compound sentences ("Although they stay at home, they sit on computer and work all day"). However, the range is limited, and many sentences are either overly simplistic or awkwardly constructed. For instance, phrases like "the connection between parents and children is the most necessary periods" and "the tradition is losing its values" lack clarity and sophistication. Additionally, the use of complex structures is minimal, which restricts the overall effectiveness of the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include dependent clauses and varied conjunctions. For example, instead of saying "As well as after long-time of work," the writer could say, "After a long day at work, parents often find themselves too exhausted to engage with their children." Practicing the use of relative clauses and conditional sentences can also add depth to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, "the scientist has been proved" should be "it has been proven" for correct passive voice usage. Additionally, "the profoundly distance of two generations" is grammatically incorrect; it should be "the profound distance between two generations." Punctuation errors, such as missing commas and incorrect conjunction usage, also detract from the overall readability. For instance, "the dinning time is supposed to be the ideal time to strengthen family’s bond but they all spend their time to surf the internet" lacks a comma before "but," which creates a run-on sentence.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, proper tense usage, and correct article usage. Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on sentence construction can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation errors and ensuring that commas are used appropriately can greatly enhance clarity. Reading more complex texts can also help the writer internalize correct grammatical structures and punctuation use.

In summary, while the essay presents relevant ideas, the limited range of sentence structures and frequent grammatical inaccuracies contribute to a Band Score of 5. By diversifying sentence types and improving grammatical precision, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The scientists have proven that the connection between parents and children is one of the most crucial periods which plays a significant role in shaping their growth, character, and temperament in the future. Unfortunately, these days, the tradition is losing its value due to parents’ busy schedules and career pursuits. This essay will explore why this phenomenon is occurring and explain the effects of the problem.

To begin, this can be attributed to numerous culprits. Teenagers who lack parental attention are negatively affected. One of the primary reasons is a busy life. Nowadays, folks spend a huge portion of their lives earning money and improving their careers. After long hours of work, parents seem to have less energy to share with their kids and tend to retire to bed as soon as they can. Although they stay at home, they sit at their computers and work all day, which can cause a profound distance between the two generations of family members. Dinner time is supposed to be the ideal time to strengthen the family bond, but they all spend their time browsing the internet instead of sharing what they experienced during the day.

On the other hand, the limited family quality time has a greater impact on children rather than on mothers and fathers. Kids rely on their parents for emotional support, guidance, and role modeling, and parents play a crucial role in developing children’s self-esteem and sense of belonging. When parents are absent, children may experience guilt, stress, and disconnection, but as adults, they are more equipped to handle these emotions. Lacking close conversations and fun activities with parents can cause an array of emotional issues in youngsters. Consequently, a child who does not talk to his mom and dad at home and does not get their opinions in various areas will be strongly influenced by their environment. They do not know whether it is right or wrong before they act. As a result, they may face various negative consequences, including criminal cases or unknowingly associating with undesirable individuals and street thugs. In fact, parents are responsible for their children. They should always check what their child is busy with and should be aware of what they are doing, spending more hours with them.

In conclusion, parents should adjust the amount of time they spend at work and take full advantage of their free hours to spend with their children in order to foster family unity as well as for the sake of their children’s development.