The table presents information about university-level academic staff in one country. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table presents information about university-level academic staff in one country.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Contained in the chart are the data related to academic professionals at university in two periods and the ratio of teachers to students in 2013 in a nation.

Overall, the Medicine area had the greatest number of academicians, while Agriculture accounted for the lowest. Additionally, the amount of students educated by a teacher was highest in the Arts field.

On the one hand, most lecturers undertook Medicine, at 30664 educators in 2005, followed by 23128 members in the Business group. Moreover, the disparity between the Medicine and the Business areas expanded to 8099 in 2013 despite the higher rise rate of the latter. Besides, in 2013, there were only four learners per teacher in the Medicine field, whereas an Arts lecturer undertook twelve students.

For the remaining categories, most of them saw growth with the exception of Agriculture and Education. For those who educated Agriculture, there were precisely 1680 of them in 2005, then declined by 2.8% to just 1633 in 2013. In addition, the most significant drop was found in the Education group by 3.5%. Conversely, the number of Architecture staff increased most across all groups, from 2380 to 3204.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Contained in the chart" -> "Illustrated in the chart"
Explanation: "Illustrated" is more precise and academically appropriate than "contained," which is somewhat vague and less commonly used in this context.
"academic professionals at university" -> "academic staff at the university"
Explanation: "Academic staff" is the more specific and formal term used to describe the individuals employed by an educational institution, enhancing the academic tone.
"the ratio of teachers to students" -> "the teacher-to-student ratio"
Explanation: "Teacher-to-student ratio" is a more standard and concise academic term, improving clarity and formality.
"the Medicine area" -> "the Medicine field"
Explanation: "Field" is more commonly used in academic contexts to refer to a specific area of study or profession, aligning better with formal language.
"academicians" -> "academics"
Explanation: "Academics" is a more commonly used and accepted term in academic writing to refer to scholars or professionals in a field of study.
"the amount of students educated by a teacher" -> "the number of students per teacher"
Explanation: "Number of students per teacher" is more precise and commonly used in academic discussions about student-teacher ratios.
"most lecturers undertook Medicine" -> "the majority of lecturers were in Medicine"
Explanation: "Were in Medicine" is more accurate and clearer, as "undertook" is not typically used to describe the profession of lecturers.
"the disparity between the Medicine and the Business areas expanded" -> "the disparity between the Medicine and Business fields increased"
Explanation: "Fields" is more appropriate than "areas" in this context, and "increased" is more precise than "expanded" in describing changes in numbers.
"despite the higher rise rate of the latter" -> "despite the higher growth rate of the latter"
Explanation: "Growth rate" is a more specific and commonly used term in academic discussions about changes in numbers.
"an Arts lecturer undertook twelve students" -> "an Arts lecturer taught twelve students"
Explanation: "Taught" is the correct verb for describing the action of lecturing, whereas "undertook" is incorrect in this context.
"most of them saw growth" -> "most groups experienced growth"
Explanation: "Groups" is more specific and appropriate than "them," which is vague and imprecise in this context.
"For those who educated Agriculture" -> "In the Agriculture field"
Explanation: "In the Agriculture field" is clearer and more direct than the awkward and incorrect "For those who educated Agriculture."
"declined by 2.8% to just 1633" -> "decreased by 2.8% to 1633"
Explanation: "Decreased" is a more formal and precise term than "declined," and "to" is unnecessary before "1633."
"the most significant drop was found in the Education group" -> "the Education group experienced the largest decline"
Explanation: "Experienced the largest decline" is more formal and precise than "found in the Education group."
"the number of Architecture staff increased most" -> "the number of Architecture staff showed the greatest increase"
Explanation: "Showed the greatest increase" is a more formal and academically appropriate way to describe the extent of change.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the main features of the data. The essay also makes some comparisons, but these are not always relevant or accurate. For example, the essay states that the disparity between the Medicine and the Business areas expanded to 8099 in 2013, but this is not a relevant comparison as the essay does not provide information about the number of students in each area.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more relevant comparisons and by focusing on the key features of the data. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language and by avoiding unnecessary repetition. For example, the essay could be improved by stating that the number of academic staff in Medicine increased by 6204 between 2005 and 2013, rather than saying that the disparity between the Medicine and the Business areas expanded to 8099 in 2013.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay presents information in a coherent manner, with a clear overall progression. It effectively uses cohesive devices, although there are instances where cohesion between sentences could be improved, leading to a somewhat mechanical flow. Paragraphing is present but not always logical, as some ideas could be better grouped together for clarity. The central topics within paragraphs are generally clear, but the organization could be enhanced to provide a smoother reading experience.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the essay could benefit from more varied and sophisticated cohesive devices to enhance the flow of ideas. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and logically leads to the next would improve overall coherence. More explicit referencing and substitution could help reduce repetition and clarify relationships between ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary that allows for some flexibility and precision in conveying the main features of the data. The writer uses less common lexical items, such as "disparity," "declined," and "educators," showing an awareness of style and collocation. However, there are occasional errors in word choice and phrasing, such as "the amount of students educated by a teacher," which could be more naturally expressed as "the number of students per teacher." Additionally, there are minor inaccuracies in spelling and word formation, such as "lecturers undertook Medicine," which could be better phrased as "lecturers in Medicine." Overall, while the vocabulary is adequate and varied, it lacks the sophistication and precision required for a higher band score.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of sophisticated vocabulary with greater precision. This includes avoiding awkward phrasing and ensuring that word choices are contextually appropriate. Practicing the use of synonyms and less common expressions can also help improve lexical variety. Furthermore, proofreading for spelling and grammatical accuracy will help eliminate minor errors that detract from the overall quality of the essay. Engaging with academic texts can also provide exposure to more advanced vocabulary and collocations.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, effectively communicating the main features of the data presented. However, there are some grammatical errors and punctuation issues that occasionally hinder clarity. For instance, phrases like "the amount of students educated by a teacher was highest in the Arts field" could be more accurately stated as "the number of students per teacher was highest in the Arts field." While the overall meaning is conveyed, these errors show a lack of full control over grammar and punctuation.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following:

Increase Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex structures while ensuring they are grammatically correct.
Proofreading for Errors: Carefully review the essay for grammatical and punctuation errors before submission.
Practice with Academic Language: Use more precise academic vocabulary and structures to convey comparisons and data more effectively.
Clarify Ambiguous Phrases: Ensure that phrases are clear and unambiguous, which can be achieved by revising sentences for clarity and correctness.

Bài sửa mẫu

Contained in the chart is data related to academic professionals at universities in two periods, as well as the ratio of teachers to students in 2013 in a particular nation.

Overall, the Medicine area had the greatest number of academicians, while Agriculture accounted for the lowest. Additionally, the number of students educated by a teacher was highest in the Arts field.

On the one hand, most lecturers were in the Medicine field, with 30,664 educators in 2005, followed by 23,128 members in the Business group. Moreover, the disparity between the Medicine and Business areas expanded to 8,099 in 2013, despite the higher growth rate of the latter. Furthermore, in 2013, there were only four learners per teacher in the Medicine field, whereas an Arts lecturer had twelve students.

For the remaining categories, most experienced growth, with the exception of Agriculture and Education. In the Agriculture field, there were precisely 1,680 educators in 2005, which declined by 2.8% to just 1,633 in 2013. Additionally, the most significant drop was observed in the Education group, which decreased by 3.5%. Conversely, the number of Architecture staff increased the most across all groups, rising from 2,380 to 3,204.