Some people think the range of technology currently available is increasing the gap between rich people and poor people. Others think it is causing the opposite side effect. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays, high innovation devices are believed to be one of the main reasons of increasing gap between the poor and the rich. Meanwhile some people reckon that there are other side effect. In this essay I will discuss both views and point out my opinion.
only one hand base on the development of the world people tend to take technology as a measurement of prosperity and look down on individuals who do not have condition to own technological advancements. This mean the more smart device you play the more you will be considerated as wealthy people and respect received. therefore the gap between the poor and the rich one continuously remain. On the other hand due to the easy access of Technology everyone can approach the same amount of information on the internet so that the knowledge everyone know is fair. At the same time, we can establish our own business online which gain the ratio of being millionaire ultimately there are no racist in our societies since we are equal.
In conclusion despite the gap between the poor and the rich because of AI I believe that technology is a way to eliminate the barrier of people.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Nowadays" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "Nowadays."
"high innovation devices" -> "advanced technological devices"
Explanation: "Advanced technological devices" is a more specific and academically appropriate term than the vague and informal "high innovation devices."
"the main reasons of increasing gap" -> "a primary cause of the widening gap"
Explanation: "A primary cause of the widening gap" is more precise and formal, improving the academic tone by specifying the nature of the gap and its progression.
"some people reckon" -> "some individuals contend"
Explanation: "Contend" is a more formal and precise verb than "reckon," which is colloquial and less suitable for academic writing.
"other side effect" -> "other effects"
Explanation: "Effects" should be plural to match the plural subject "other," and "side effect" is typically used to describe an adverse reaction to a treatment or product, not a broader impact.
"In this essay I will discuss" -> "This essay will discuss"
Explanation: Removing the first-person pronoun "I" aligns with the impersonal and formal tone expected in academic writing.
"only one hand" -> "from one perspective"
Explanation: "From one perspective" is a more formal and clear way to introduce a point of view in academic writing.
"take technology as a measurement of prosperity" -> "view technology as a measure of prosperity"
Explanation: "View" is more formal than "take," and "measure" should be used instead of "measurement" for grammatical correctness.
"do not have condition to own" -> "cannot afford"
Explanation: "Cannot afford" is a more direct and formal way to express financial inability, replacing the awkward and unclear "do not have condition to own."
"the more smart device you play the more you will be considerated as wealthy people" -> "the more advanced devices you use, the more you are considered wealthy"
Explanation: "Advanced devices" is more precise than "smart device," and "considered" should be used instead of "considerated" for grammatical correctness. Also, "you are considered wealthy" is more formal and correct than "you will be considerated as wealthy people."
"respect received" -> "respect is received"
Explanation: "Respect is received" corrects the grammatical structure and clarifies the meaning.
"the gap between the poor and the rich one" -> "the gap between the poor and the wealthy"
Explanation: "The wealthy" is a more formal and appropriate term than "the rich one," which is colloquial and awkward.
"due to the easy access of Technology" -> "due to the ease of access to technology"
Explanation: "Ease of access to technology" is grammatically correct and more formal than "easy access of Technology."
"everyone can approach the same amount of information on the internet" -> "everyone has equal access to the same information on the internet"
Explanation: "Has equal access to the same information" is more precise and formal, improving clarity and accuracy.
"we can establish our own business online which gain the ratio of being millionaire" -> "we can establish our own online businesses, which can lead to becoming millionaires"
Explanation: "Establish our own online businesses, which can lead to becoming millionaires" corrects grammatical errors and enhances clarity and formality.
"there are no racist in our societies" -> "there is no racism in our societies"
Explanation: "No racism" is the correct form, as "racist" refers to a person, not the phenomenon of racism.
"despite the gap between the poor and the rich because of AI" -> "despite the gap between the poor and the wealthy, which is exacerbated by AI"
Explanation: "Which is exacerbated by AI" provides a clearer and more formal explanation of the cause of the gap.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both views regarding the impact of technology on the wealth gap. However, it lacks a comprehensive exploration of each perspective. The first viewpoint is mentioned but is not sufficiently developed, while the second viewpoint is introduced but lacks depth and clarity. The phrase "there are other side effect" is vague and does not specify what these effects are. Additionally, the conclusion does not clearly summarize the discussion or reinforce the points made in the body paragraphs.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should explicitly outline the two perspectives on technology’s impact on wealth disparity. Each viewpoint should be supported with specific examples or evidence. For instance, discussing how technology can create opportunities for the poor (e.g., online education or e-commerce) alongside the argument that it can widen the gap (e.g., access to technology being limited by socioeconomic status) would provide a more balanced discussion.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position in the conclusion, stating that technology can eliminate barriers, but this stance is not consistently supported throughout the essay. The initial paragraphs seem to suggest that technology increases the gap, which creates confusion about the author’s true opinion. Phrases like "I will discuss both views and point out my opinion" indicate a lack of commitment to a clear position.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, the author should state their opinion more definitively in the introduction and consistently support it throughout the essay. For example, if the author believes technology reduces the wealth gap, they should emphasize this perspective in both body paragraphs and use transitional phrases to guide the reader through their argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are underdeveloped and lack sufficient support. For example, the claim that "the more smart device you play the more you will be considered as wealthy" is an assertion that requires further explanation and examples. The mention of online business opportunities is a good start, but it is not elaborated upon, leaving the reader wanting more detail on how technology can empower individuals.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the author should aim to elaborate on each point made. This could include providing statistics, real-world examples, or anecdotes that illustrate how technology impacts wealth distribution. Each paragraph should ideally focus on one main idea, which is then expanded with supporting details.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay does attempt to stay on topic, but there are moments where the focus wavers. For instance, the statement "there are no racist in our societies since we are equal" is somewhat off-topic and does not directly relate to the discussion of technology and wealth disparity. This distracts from the main argument and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that every sentence contributes directly to the discussion of technology’s impact on the wealth gap. It may be helpful to outline the main points before writing to ensure that all content is relevant. Additionally, avoiding tangential statements will help keep the essay cohesive and on topic.

Overall, the essay demonstrates an understanding of the prompt but requires significant development in terms of clarity, depth, and coherence to achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents two contrasting views regarding technology’s impact on the wealth gap, but the organization lacks clarity and logical progression. For instance, the first paragraph introduces the idea that technology increases the wealth gap but does not clearly delineate this argument from the counterargument presented in the second paragraph. The transition between discussing the negative effects of technology and the positive effects is abrupt, leading to confusion about the overall structure and argument flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the essay should clearly separate the two viewpoints into distinct paragraphs. Start with a paragraph that fully develops the argument that technology increases the wealth gap, followed by a paragraph that discusses the opposing view. Additionally, a clear thesis statement at the end of the introduction would help guide the reader through the essay’s arguments.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs, but they are not effectively structured. The first paragraph mixes ideas about the negative impact of technology without a clear topic sentence, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. The second paragraph introduces the positive perspective but does so without a clear transition or connection to the previous ideas, resulting in a disjointed reading experience.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence that states the main idea. For example, the first paragraph could start with "Many believe that technology exacerbates the wealth gap by creating a societal divide based on access to advanced devices." This would provide a clear focus for the paragraph. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph contains supporting sentences that elaborate on the topic sentence, maintaining coherence throughout.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as "on the other hand," but they are limited and often misused. Phrases like "therefore" and "this mean" are incorrectly applied, leading to confusion. The lack of varied cohesive devices results in a repetitive and simplistic flow, which does not effectively guide the reader through the arguments.
- How to improve: To improve the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "however," "in contrast," and "consequently." These can help clarify relationships between ideas and enhance the overall flow of the essay. Additionally, ensuring that each cohesive device is used correctly in context will improve clarity. For instance, "this means" should be corrected to "this means that" to maintain grammatical accuracy.

In summary, to achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion, the essay should focus on improving the logical organization of ideas, structuring paragraphs more effectively, and using a wider range of cohesive devices accurately.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with terms such as "innovation devices," "prosperity," and "technological advancements." However, the vocabulary choices are somewhat limited and repetitive. For instance, the phrase "the gap between the poor and the rich" is used multiple times without variation, which can detract from the overall quality of the writing. Additionally, phrases like "easy access of Technology" could be expressed more fluently as "easy access to technology."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider incorporating synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "gap," alternatives like "disparity" or "divide" could be employed. Expanding the use of adjectives and adverbs can also add depth to the writing. Practice using a thesaurus to find synonyms that fit the context better.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage in the essay. For example, the phrase "one of the main reasons of increasing gap" should be "one of the main reasons for the increasing gap." Additionally, "considerated" is not a correct form; the proper term is "considered." The phrase "there are other side effect" should be pluralized to "side effects," indicating a lack of grammatical precision.
- How to improve: Focus on understanding the correct collocations and grammatical structures associated with vocabulary. Reading more academic texts can help in recognizing how words are used in context. Additionally, practicing writing sentences with new vocabulary can reinforce correct usage.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "considerated," "mean," and "there are no racist." These errors can hinder comprehension and detract from the overall professionalism of the writing. The misspelling of "mean" in the context should be "means," indicating a lack of attention to detail.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, it is advisable to engage in regular spelling practice, such as using flashcards or spelling apps. Additionally, proofreading the essay after writing can help catch errors. Reading extensively can also aid in reinforcing correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of lexical resource, there are significant areas for improvement. By expanding vocabulary range, ensuring precise usage, and enhancing spelling accuracy, the overall quality of the writing can be significantly improved.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, lacking the complexity that can enhance clarity and engagement. For instance, phrases like "high innovation devices are believed to be one of the main reasons" and "there are other side effect" are straightforward but do not showcase varied grammatical forms. Additionally, the use of phrases such as "the gap between the poor and the rich" is repetitive, indicating a lack of syntactic variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences, such as using subordinate clauses (e.g., "Although technology can widen the gap between the rich and the poor, it also provides opportunities for everyone to access information"). Additionally, varying sentence openings and using different grammatical forms (e.g., passive voice, conditional sentences) can make the writing more dynamic and engaging.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, "only one hand base on the development of the world" is unclear and grammatically incorrect; it should be "On one hand, based on the development of the world." The phrase "This mean the more smart device you play" contains subject-verb agreement errors and awkward phrasing, which should be "This means that the more smart devices you use." Furthermore, punctuation is inconsistent, such as missing commas after introductory phrases and before conjunctions in compound sentences, which affects the flow of the text.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and proper use of articles. Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on sentence construction can be beneficial. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly for compound and complex sentences, will help in creating clearer and more polished writing. Reading well-structured essays can also provide insights into effective punctuation and grammatical usage.

By addressing these areas, the writer can significantly enhance the overall quality of their essay, leading to a higher band score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria.

Bài sửa mẫu

Nowadays, advanced technological devices are believed to be one of the primary causes of the increasing gap between the poor and the rich. Meanwhile, some people reckon that there are other effects. In this essay, I will discuss both views and present my opinion.

On one hand, based on the development of the world, people tend to view technology as a measure of prosperity and look down on individuals who do not have the means to own technological advancements. This means that the more smart devices you use, the more you are considered wealthy, and respect is received. Therefore, the gap between the poor and the wealthy continues to remain.

On the other hand, due to the ease of access to technology, everyone can access the same amount of information on the internet, so the knowledge that everyone possesses is fair. At the same time, we can establish our own online businesses, which can lead to becoming millionaires. Ultimately, there is no racism in our societies since we are all equal.

In conclusion, despite the gap between the poor and the wealthy, which is exacerbated by AI, I believe that technology is a way to eliminate the barriers between people.