In many parts of the world there is continuous coverage of sport on television. Some people believe this discourages the young from taking part in any sport themselves. Discuss this view and give your own opinion.

The widespread and continuous coverage of sports on television has become a significant aspect of modern media. Some individuals argue that this phenomenon discourages young people from participating in sports themselves. This essay will discuss this view and provide my own opinion on the matter.

On the one hand, there are some persuasive rationales that explain why some people think that the young tend to stay at home and watch sport on television rather than actually experiencing it themselves. It is clear that modern technologies have taken part in every field, playing an indispensable role in our daily lives, including young people. By possessing a personal device, which can access the internet such as: smartphone, tablet, television, etc, youngsters are able to update the latest news and gain insights about any topic anywhere, anytime, including sports. Moreover, the performances of sports shown on television are more quality, thanks to the advanced technologies that contribute considerably to the vivid and authentic experiences of viewers. Therefore, instead of truly participating in physical activities, the young can spend hours watching their favourite shows on television, as a result, it becomes their adverse habit, and discourages their spirit, motivation as well in being active, also causes health problems.

On the other hand, sport coverage on television can be an effective way to arouse young people’s interest in playing outdoor activities. The growth of media can help individuals easily get exposure to a variety of sports and connect with other people who have similar interests, therefore, they can establish clubs, teams, etc in order to satisfy their leisure pursuit and practice together. In addition, watching skilled athletes can motivate the young to emulate them and pursue sports actively. For example, seeing an Olympic event or an exciting tennis match can ignite a passion for sports and encourage young people to get involved.

In conclusion, although continuous sports coverage on television may discourage some young people from participating in sports, I believe that it can also inspire others to become active. By promoting a balanced approach and encouraging participation in physical activities, we can ensure that televised sports serve a positive influence on youth.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"widespread and continuous coverage" -> "pervasive and ongoing coverage"
Explanation: "Pervasive" and "ongoing" are more precise and academically formal terms that better convey the extent and duration of the coverage, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"Some individuals argue" -> "Some scholars argue"
Explanation: Replacing "individuals" with "scholars" specifies the type of individuals involved in the argument, which is more precise and appropriate for an academic context.
"discourages young people from participating" -> "deters young people from engaging"
Explanation: "Deters" is a more formal synonym for "discourages," and "engaging" is a more precise term than "participating" in the context of sports activities.
"It is clear that modern technologies have taken part in every field" -> "It is evident that modern technologies have permeated every field"
Explanation: "Permeated" is a more precise and formal term than "taken part in," which better describes the widespread influence of technology.
"By possessing a personal device" -> "By utilizing personal devices"
Explanation: "Utilizing" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing than "possessing," which is somewhat informal and vague in this context.
"such as: smartphone, tablet, television, etc" -> "such as smartphones, tablets, and televisions"
Explanation: Using "smartphones, tablets, and televisions" instead of "smartphone, tablet, television, etc" corrects the grammatical structure and enhances readability.
"the performances of sports shown on television are more quality" -> "the quality of sports performances on television is higher"
Explanation: "The quality of sports performances on television is higher" corrects the grammatical error and clarifies the meaning, making it more formal and precise.
"the young can spend hours watching their favourite shows on television" -> "young people can spend hours watching their preferred programs on television"
Explanation: "Young people" is a more formal and inclusive term than "the young," and "preferred programs" is a more precise term than "favourite shows," aligning better with academic style.
"it becomes their adverse habit" -> "it becomes a detrimental habit"
Explanation: "Detrimental" is a more precise and formal term than "adverse," which is less commonly used in this context.
"discourages their spirit, motivation as well in being active" -> "discourages their motivation and enthusiasm for physical activity"
Explanation: "Discourages their motivation and enthusiasm for physical activity" is clearer and more specific, improving the formality and precision of the statement.
"The growth of media can help individuals easily get exposure" -> "The growth of media facilitates easy exposure"
Explanation: "Facilitates" is a more formal and precise verb than "help," and "easy exposure" is grammatically incorrect; "facilitates easy exposure" corrects this.
"they can establish clubs, teams, etc in order to satisfy their leisure pursuit" -> "they can establish clubs and teams to pursue their leisure interests"
Explanation: "Pursue their leisure interests" is more formal and precise than "satisfy their leisure pursuit," and removing "etc" improves the grammatical structure.
"watching skilled athletes can motivate the young to emulate them" -> "viewing skilled athletes can motivate young people to emulate them"
Explanation: "Viewing" is a more formal synonym for "watching," and "young people" is a more inclusive and formal term than "the young."
"By promoting a balanced approach and encouraging participation in physical activities" -> "By promoting a balanced approach and encouraging participation in physical activity"
Explanation: "Physical activity" is the correct noun form, enhancing the grammatical accuracy and formality of the sentence.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding whether television coverage of sports discourages youth participation. The introduction clearly outlines the topic and states that both views will be discussed. The first body paragraph presents the argument that excessive television viewing can lead to a sedentary lifestyle, which is a relevant point. The second body paragraph counters this by suggesting that television can also inspire youth to engage in sports, thus covering the prompt comprehensively.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could provide more specific examples or statistics to support the claims made. For instance, citing studies that show a correlation between television viewing and reduced physical activity among youth would strengthen the argument. Additionally, addressing potential counterarguments more explicitly could provide a more balanced view.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position, particularly in the conclusion, where the author states a belief that televised sports can inspire youth to be active. However, the transition between discussing the negative and positive impacts could be smoother. The phrase "on the other hand" indicates a shift, but the link between the two perspectives could be more explicitly stated to reinforce the author’s overall stance.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the author could use transitional phrases that explicitly connect the two sides of the argument, such as "While it is true that…" or "Conversely, it is also important to consider that…". This would help in maintaining a consistent narrative throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and extends ideas well, particularly in the discussion of how television can inspire youth. The mention of Olympic events and tennis matches as motivating factors is a strong example. However, the first body paragraph could benefit from more depth in discussing the negative impacts, as it primarily lists reasons without fully exploring the implications of those reasons.
- How to improve: To enhance the support for ideas, the author could elaborate on the consequences of a sedentary lifestyle, such as specific health issues or social implications. Additionally, integrating more examples of how televised sports have led to increased participation in specific sports could further substantiate the positive argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, discussing both the discouraging and encouraging aspects of sports coverage on television. Each paragraph addresses the prompt directly, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the discussion while reiterating the author’s opinion.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that all examples and explanations directly relate to the impact of television coverage on youth sports participation. Avoiding tangential discussions about technology in general or unrelated societal issues would help keep the essay tightly aligned with the prompt.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and presents a well-rounded discussion. With some enhancements in supporting details and transitions, it could achieve an even higher level of coherence and depth.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s intention to discuss both sides of the argument. The body paragraphs are logically organized, with the first paragraph presenting the viewpoint that television discourages participation in sports, while the second paragraph counters this by suggesting that it can actually encourage participation. This clear division helps the reader follow the argument easily. However, the transition between the two viewpoints could be strengthened to enhance the overall flow of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider using transitional phrases at the beginning of the second body paragraph to signal a shift in perspective. For example, starting with "Conversely," or "On the other hand," can help clarify that you are presenting an opposing viewpoint. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea will further enhance clarity.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas, which is crucial for coherence. Each paragraph contains a clear focus: the first discusses the negative impact of television on youth sports participation, while the second highlights the potential positive effects. However, the second paragraph could benefit from a more explicit connection to the thesis statement to reinforce its relevance.
- How to improve: To enhance paragraph effectiveness, ensure that each paragraph not only presents a distinct idea but also ties back to the main argument. For instance, after discussing how television can inspire youth to participate in sports, explicitly relate this back to the thesis by stating how this perspective complements the overall discussion. Additionally, consider varying paragraph lengths and structures to maintain reader engagement.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand," "Moreover," and "In addition," which help to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. However, the essay could benefit from a wider variety of cohesive devices to enhance the flow and avoid repetition. For instance, the phrase "as a result" is used, but additional devices could provide smoother transitions and connections between ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a range of linking words and phrases. For example, use "Furthermore," "Consequently," or "In contrast" to introduce new ideas or counterarguments. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, which can help reduce redundancy and improve the overall cohesiveness of the essay.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents a balanced view of the topic, but enhancing logical transitions, paragraph connections, and the variety of cohesive devices will further elevate the coherence and cohesion, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "widespread," "significant," "persuasive rationales," and "indispensable role." However, the vocabulary usage is somewhat repetitive, particularly with the terms related to "sports" and "television." For instance, the phrase "sports coverage on television" appears multiple times without variation, which limits the lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer could incorporate synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "sports," alternatives like "athletics," "physical activities," or "games" could be utilized. Additionally, varying phrases such as "televised sports" or "broadcast sports events" can help avoid redundancy.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay includes some precise vocabulary, such as "motivate," "emulate," and "authentic experiences." However, there are instances of imprecise usage, such as "adverse habit" and "discourages their spirit, motivation as well in being active." The term "adverse habit" is not commonly used in this context, and the phrase "discourages their spirit, motivation as well in being active" is awkwardly constructed.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and appropriateness of word choice. For instance, replacing "adverse habit" with "negative habit" would convey the intended meaning more effectively. Additionally, restructuring the phrase to "discourages their motivation to be active" would enhance clarity and precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling accuracy, with no major spelling errors present. However, there are minor issues, such as the use of "sport" in the singular form when it should be pluralized as "sports" in some contexts (e.g., "watch sport on television" should be "watch sports on television").
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully, paying close attention to pluralization and common spelling errors. Utilizing spell-check tools or writing practice exercises focused on commonly misspelled words can also be beneficial in improving overall spelling skills.

In summary, while the essay achieves a Band Score of 6 for Lexical Resource, there are clear areas for improvement. By expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and ensuring spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in future writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a solid variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "which can access the internet such as: smartphone, tablet, television, etc." shows an attempt to incorporate relative clauses. Additionally, the sentence "By possessing a personal device, which can access the internet…" effectively utilizes a participial phrase to add depth. However, there are instances where sentence structures become repetitive, particularly in the use of "the young" as the subject in multiple sentences, which can detract from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied subjects and clauses. For example, instead of repeatedly using "the young," consider using synonyms like "youth" or "young individuals." Additionally, integrating more conditional sentences (e.g., "If young people are exposed to sports on television, they may be more inclined to participate") could add complexity and variety.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with minor errors present. For example, the phrase "thanks to the advanced technologies that contribute considerably to the vivid and authentic experiences of viewers" is grammatically correct, but the use of "thanks to" could be seen as informal in an academic context. There are punctuation issues, such as the incorrect use of a colon in "such as: smartphone, tablet, television, etc." which should be replaced with a comma or restructured for clarity. Additionally, the phrase "as a result, it becomes their adverse habit" lacks clarity and could be better punctuated or rephrased for coherence.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on avoiding informal phrases and ensuring that punctuation is used correctly. For instance, replacing "such as:" with "such as" or "including" would enhance clarity. Furthermore, reviewing the essay for run-on sentences and ensuring that each sentence conveys a clear idea will help improve overall coherence. Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on complex sentences can also aid in refining grammatical skills.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a commendable level of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

On the one hand, there are some persuasive reasons that explain why some people think that young individuals tend to stay at home and watch sports on television rather than actually experiencing them themselves. It is evident that modern technologies have permeated every field, playing an indispensable role in our daily lives, including those of young people. By utilizing personal devices, such as smartphones, tablets, and televisions, youngsters are able to update themselves on the latest news and gain insights about any topic anywhere, anytime, including sports. Moreover, the quality of sports performances shown on television is higher, thanks to the advanced technologies that contribute considerably to the vivid and authentic experiences of viewers. Therefore, instead of truly participating in physical activities, young people can spend hours watching their preferred programs on television. As a result, it becomes a detrimental habit that discourages their motivation and enthusiasm for being active, and it can also lead to health problems.

On the other hand, sports coverage on television can be an effective way to arouse young people’s interest in playing outdoor activities. The growth of media facilitates easy exposure to a variety of sports and connects individuals with others who have similar interests. Therefore, they can establish clubs and teams to pursue their leisure interests and practice together. In addition, viewing skilled athletes can motivate young people to emulate them and pursue sports actively. For example, seeing an Olympic event or an exciting tennis match can ignite a passion for sports and encourage young people to get involved.